FRAME OF THE HEART

I
Cruel gentle voice

[Sasuke, when I die, are you going to cry for me?

Why the hell would I do that? It’s not like we’re lovers.

Is that so?]

After my old man’s funeral, you asked me that out of the blue. I didn’t get the weather that day, why every time, almost every time that there would be someone dead it would rain, even though we were in the heat of midsummer. That time when I answered, you turned from looking at me to staring at the concrete as if there was some fascination behind it. Wiggling your foot while resting your elbows on the balustrade with a thoughtful look, you were always smiling, even when I knew that everything, if there was anything that left my mouth for you to hear was to hurt you, so that time, when you asked that question out of the blue, under the gray bleak sky, I shrugged off your smile as you’re usual way of saying, ‘I’m sad.’ I never thought I was wrong, because I never bothered to think about it.

+++

“Why!? I’m the one in front of you! I’m the one who loves you!!!”

Sasuke stared with growing annoyance the blonde man currently shoving him flat on the sofa, shaking hands fisting at the white material of his robe with a look of desperation and disorientation reflected in his brilliant blue eyes glossy with tears.

“You’re such a pest, stop coming in here just to bug me. I’m working.” The brunette sneered as his hands worked up to put a hard grip on the blonde’s arms, pushing him away from him and ignoring the way his lithe body was trembling.

“Sasuke… you already have me…” The welled up tears that was threatening to fall down earlier were now descending down his jaw. He continued to plead with hoarse broken sobs for a bit of consideration, even pity from the man now straightening up away from his grasp.

“You knew what the consequences were right?” The brunette’s head whipped towards him with a glare whilst he cringed on the sofa at the intensity of his look, making him not stop Sasuke from going out of the room.

“Really, you’re such a bother.” Sasuke let out an exasperated sigh as he twisted the knob, pulling the door half-way open. “Don’t come here anymore, and stop calling me during work and the next time I see you talk to Sakura, I really will leave you!”

“What are you talking about?! I haven’t even met her before! I’m the one who loves you! I’m the one in front of you! Why can’t you forget her and think of me even for just a damn second!?”

The brunette paused midway from closing the door, putting a period to their fight with a sigh. “Go back.”

“Sasuke, don’t leave! Not when we’re fighting like this-”

The discussion that hadn’t even begun was finished with the slightly loud banging of the door before Sasuke stormed out of the office huffing with an intimidating air around him.

The blonde quietly curled up on the sofa, hugging his legs tightly with his face buried between his knees as he continued to sob.

+++

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Blonde strands continued to sway with the cold air as the night began to take place, from his view on the terrace he could see the evening mist rise up from the ground, the setting sun coloring the sky different hues of red and orange and making his hair resemble the color of amber.

Tick tock tick went the wall clock stuck on the wall as he looked at the phone in his hand for the nth time in what felt like an eternity with uneasiness, impatience and worry all put into a pair of furrowed brows.

All curled up like a prawn he remained in that position in the farthest corner that the bed can reach, hand not thinking of letting go of the phone until the demon of sleep had consumed him.

The slight creaking of the door was what made the blonde flinch, slowly raising his head with an expectant look in his eyes towards the door, he breathed a sigh of relief to see the white robed man currently slipping off his work clothes.

“Sasuke!” The blonde slowly straightened on the bed, grimacing as little skitters of painful electricity shot from his numb legs up to his thighs and hips from sleeping in a tense position earlier. But he still got up, a bright smile on his face as he welcomed the brunette back which the latter answered with a plain ‘hn’.

“Where have you been? It’s way past your shift right? I called the hospital.” The blonde picked up the pieces of clothes that Sasuke had just literally thrown on the floor, walking stark naked across the room towards another door where the bathroom is.

“It’s got nothing do with you.” Was his curt but altogether calm reply, barely even looking at the blonde as he closed the bathroom door, soon the soft rushing of water echoed inside the bathroom. The blonde couldn’t help but stare at the wooden door of the bathroom, eyes narrowed to a certain level of sadness he went towards the same direction Sasuke took and slumped on the wall adjacent to the bathroom door. The brunette’s clothes not leaving the grasp of the blonde’s hands.

“Sasuke?” He got nothing but the continuous sound of rushing water, and the sound of someone getting into the water filled tub. He tried again, this time succeeding but not liking the way Sasuke had replied. His voice was impatient and irritated none the less which made the blonde reconsider talking, they were after all, fighting earlier.

But him being Naruto, he did it anyway.

“I was just wondering… if you could call me if you’re going to be late… I prepared dinner, if you’re hungry-” Naruto was cut off immediately by the brunette, his curt voice echoing inside the bathroom.

“This is my home, I will come and go as I please.”

“Yes, but-”

“Will you shut up already? I’m tired enough as it is, you’re not my wife. I can’t understand why I’m even explaining to you.”

Naruto remained quiet for a while, bringing the soiled clothes near his nose to inhale the scent and his words, muffled and even softer than a whisper, remained unheard. “You never explain anything to me… how can I understand?”

This relationship.

Your feelings.

My place.

Never.

And so I remain clueless.

The blonde then slowly straightened up, throwing the clothes in the hamper reluctantly before going back under the covers, the thick blanket covering him up to the head as he sank heavily on the bed.

Naruto didn’t know how much longer Sasuke had remained inside because out of tiredness from work, sleep went back to him, making him close his eyes reluctantly until his uneven breathing became normal again.

It was the coldness of what felt like a hand sliding up his torso under his shirt that shook his senses to alertness, gasping in shock and panic as he raised the blanket to see a thick mass of black dripping wet hair sliding up, tickling his thigh in the process.

“Sasuke?!” The man remained unfazed of the thick and hazy voice of the blonde, continuing to lick and suck the sensitized areas of the inner side of a tanned thigh and a hand kneading the other.

“At least wake me up!”

“Shut up.” His voice vibrated through his skin, nibbling lightly and slightly pulling the skin with his teeth. The blonde throw his head back to the pillow with a light gasp as two tanned hands went consciously on pale broad shoulders, the warmth coming out of the brunette’s mouth leaving Naruto anticipating as it was nearing his semi-erect cock already twitching in eagerness.

Meanwhile Sasuke’s right hand was working in an erect nipple, twisting it and kneading the surrounding flesh with the rest of his fingers. His hot tongue laved the inner side of Naruto’s thigh up, just an inch away from the hardening manhood and the hands firmly planted on Sasuke’s shoulders went to claw against the sheet on each side, his toes curling and uncurling making audible cracking noises and his hips threatening to lift off the bed if not for the hand fastening it.

Naruto could feel it, the heat creeping up his body from the depths of his belly, turning light gasps into short and fast pants, his mouth either forming a seductive ‘o’ or lips firmly put together in a tight line to suppress a moan.

“Ah gods!”And then there was something soft, wet and hot slowly enveloping the head of his cock, the underside of his erection lovingly getting rubbed by Sasuke’s tongue as he bobbed his head up and down.

Naruto knew what was coming next, amidst the loud moans and groaning his thighs were slowly being pushed up and apart before the heat of Sasuke’s mouth left him panting and drained, but still painfully erect to be replaced by an uncomfortable invading feeling as a long slender finger slowly went inside the tight ring of muscle in between the firm and round posterior. The heat of the brunette’s mouth returned, his tongue gliding up and down the blonde’s erection in time for the slow moderate thrust of his finger.

Everything that Sasuke was doing was making him squirm and writhe on the bed he couldn’t think anymore, the haze of sleep was no more, replaced by the thoughts of Sasuke finally making love to him after a long time.

Sasuke was a silent love maker, you have to really know him for you to actually say that he’s enjoying what he’s doing, or if he’s actually feeling anything at all. But Sasuke wasn’t making love to Naruto, they were just fucking just for the hell of it.

“Ah!” The blonde’s cheek length bangs swayed forward and back as his head rocked in the same moderate way, the sweat glistening his face and neck as he welcomed Sasuke’s cock inside him with no hesitation. His pleasure glazed eyes threatened to close altogether because of the painful pleasure conquering his body, so much that he was beginning to shed tears from the intensity.

“Sasuke…” From his position he could only see the brunette’s lower part thrusting against him even as he strained his neck to see, he wanted to know, to see for himself if he was giving Sasuke the pleasure he wants, or if he’s even living up to the man’s expectations.

His nipples rubbed seductively against the crinkled sheets, giving them enough friction to rouse them. Feeling he couldn’t take it anymore, Naruto braced his elbow in front of him, shifting his balance on one arm to reach down to his erection and stroke it, he gasped through gritted teeth in relief. Repeating the same action, he continued to do so when he noticed how Sasuke’s thrusts were becoming irregular, sometimes fast and strong, long and slow, or a combination of each of the two, either way Naruto knew that Sasuke was nearing his limit, and he knew too that he’d be sorry later on if he would let the man come before him. Because apparently, as selfish as the man was on his decisions, he was too in bed.

And then he felt the entire world freeze for a split second, a wash of electricity cascading into every dimension of his body, with a gasp for air as if he’d been deprived of it for a long time his blue eyes rolled back, head throwing back and fingers threatening to rip the sheets into pieces as white heat wracked his body, spasms after spasms. His limp body continued to rock back and forth, before with one final thrust the orgasm shot through Sasuke’s body. The brunette’s body stiffening a short while before collapsing on top of Naruto panting.

And then there was that unusual tender voice, forming a word, a name, repeatedly like a mantra the brunette shouted it again and again, until it was barely just a whisper.

“Sakura…”

An insurmountable pain stabbed his chest constantly every time the gentleness of Sasuke’s voice would ring in his ears, making his chest tight, making it so hard for him to breath, choking him and making his brilliant blue eyes hot with tears.

The night continued on with its silence after that, like nothing had happened, the brunette pulled out of the blonde and rolled to the other side of the bed, facing the wall and sleeping right after.

A meter of a distance in a queen sized bed felt like a mile for Naruto as he stared on the bare back of his… he didn’t even know what to call him. He refused to treat him his fuck buddy, because a fuck buddy doesn’t have these kinds of feeling to his partner, he couldn’t call him his lover, because they’re not, so what are they?

A tanned hand slowly made its way towards the back of the brunette, halting in midair as something suddenly shot through the blonde’s back, his face displaying a mixture of bitterness and sadness. The blonde rolled to face the other side of the bed, and with a single tear squeezing from his now closed eyes he tried to sleep.

+++

“And then he said-”

“Go to Hyuga’s for a while.” The cheerful curve of Naruto’s eyes turned to something akin to puzzlement, blinking as he followed the stiff order with a “Why?” Naruto had been talking nonstop to fill the uncomfortable silence between them and Sasuke’s first words were to throw him out, again.

“My sister’s coming over.” The blonde quietly dropped his hands on the table, still holding the spoon and fork with a firm grasp, he said in a somewhat annoyed tone.

“Hotels aren’t there for nothing. Sakura can-” Dark eyes shot up from looking on the half consumed stake with cold flames dancing in them.

“You’re forgetting something. Who I want to stay in this house is none of your business. You do know your place here.”

I wish you’d tell me.

“I live here too.”

“Weren’t you just imposing?” The lids of the blonde’s eyes quivered slightly and he lowered his head down to stare on his second helping as Sasuke muttered an audible “So annoying.”

“How… how long is she going to…”

“I don’t know. I’ll call you and don’t come here unless I do that understand?” There was venom in that warning, and Naruto knew that anymore words he wanted to speak out would prove useless to the man’s stubbornness.

“Doing this isn’t going to change things Sasuke…”

“Start packing. Don’t leave anything.” There was a sound of a metal chair scraping against the wood before the fading sound of Sasuke’s footsteps left Naruto in the dining room in silence.

+++

“Hey Neji, I’m here again!” Pallid lilac eyes stared with outright irritation towards the blonde man smiling uncomfortably outside his door but for a different reason.

“He kicked you out, again.” A seasoned voice coolly stated the blonde’s unspoken but expected reason, making him wince from the harsh truth.

“So uh… can I stay?” Equally dark brows comparable to Sasuke’s arched, before they furrowed with worry as a fair complexioned hand went to smooth the right of Naruto’s cheek.

“You’re so pale, you’re thinner too.”

“Neji worries too much. So…”

“You know I can’t just leave you like that right?” Neji sighed softly in resignation, opening the door fully for Naruto to come in. It was a studio type apartment, and not really Naruto’s kind of place, because to be honest, stepping into Neji’s home makes you feel guilty of doing anything that could dirty it. But because it’s Neji, he’s more than comfortable with it, kind of like his second home.

Dropping his duffel bag on the door way he went straight to the kitchen, helping himself with some soda and squatting on the floor, his back to the wall and elbows braced on both bent knees.

“Don’t you ever get tired of doing this?” Neji grumbled under his breath, sitting himself on a stool across Naruto, his cool demeanor a deep contrast to the tension in his voice.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t ‘yeah’ me. How many times had he done this to you? Can you even remember?” The look of fake puzzlement turned into a sad knowing smile, blue eyes fixed on the soda bottle with thoughtfulness in his hand before him.

“I know but… I can’t leave him.” The finality of those infuriating words made Neji want to throttle Naruto back to reality, but he knew that even if he did nothing would change. His former model-slash-first love-slash-now best friend would still scurry back to that bastard with just one ring on the phone.

Neji noticed that he’d been sighing a lot these days, the cause of that squatting opposite him right at this moment. Every time that Sasuke would throw Naruto out, he would go at his place and eventually cry all his miseries out to him. Of course, he pitied him at first, but after all that whining and crying the blonde would still end up going back like nothing had happened, frustrating the long-haired brunette.

Every time the genuine treasured gem would arrive, the substitute would be put away in a box, to be put back after for all the visitors to see and the thieves to steal.

Neji couldn’t help but wish he could shower the bastard with fuel and send him to the fiery pits of hell. The guy was torturing Naruto, and Sasuke was loving it, the asshole.

“One day… you’ll regret this Uchiha.”

“Neji?” Naruto looked over his shoulder, pausing midway from getting on his side of the bed, hearing the famous photographer mutter something under his breath with his face in homicidal intent.

“Nothing. Let’s go to sleep.”

+++

The repeated coughing echoing from some part of the apartment woke Neji up to a mixture of confusion, panic and worry. Scampering his way to the source of the disturbing noise brought him to the bathroom, the light coming from the door left ajar drawing a thin line of light on the floor which he used as his guide to prevent from tripping because of the darkness.

“Naruto?” Naruto’s head directed down the toilet bowl confirmed his worry, quickly going to the blonde’s side, Neji brushed away some of the golden strands blocking his view of the man’s face freezing in the process as he saw the abnormal pallid complexion worse than what he saw earlier and his lips tainted with dark red making a huge contrast against it.

“What happened? B-blood… l-let’s get you to the hospital! The hospital-” Neji’s attempt to get up from kneeling beside him when a shaking hand moved to clutch loosely on the neck line of his shirt, the other one flushing the blood coloring the water on the toilet bowl a distorted pink and red.

“No…” Was his low and guttural order as he was led by Neji towards the bed to rest. Despite the man’s protests Naruto remained steadfast on his decision and only demanded of water to wash off the metallic after taste of the blood.

Neji fought the urge to recoil his hand from the touch of Naruto’s own when he felt the coldness of his skin when they brushed against each other when Neji gave Naruto a glass of water.

“Naruto, the way you’re acting, it’s as if you know what’s going on.” Naruto refused to meet Neji’s demanding eyes and they remained fixed on a certain spot in his blanket covered lap, the half consumed glass of water sinking a little against it.

The bed shook a little when Neji’s weight settled at the foot of the bed opposite the headboard where Naruto’s back was resting.

“I have… a year… well nine months to be exact.”

“What?” The long-haired brunette demanded, some disturbing possibilities at the back of his mind on the meaning behind those words refusing to be accepted. From its lowered state, the blonde’s head moved to raise, facing Neji with resigned calmness, but the bitterness in his face evident.

“A year.”

“Naruto… I don’t understand.” Yes, Neji was more than aware of what those two words were promising, and he wasn’t looking forward to confirming the dreaded suspicion either.

“I was checking out of the hospital when I met Sasuke, Neji.” Naruto started calmly, his fingers feeling the smoothness of the glass beneath his fingers. “That day was when I found out that the operation for the bone marrow transfer had failed.”

“How… how can you smile despite saying that!?” Neji huffed on his trembling voice, he had never in his life felt many kinds of emotion towards a person all at the same time.

Fear at the possibility of losing him. Frustration of not being able to do anything. Regret on many things he should have done before it all came to this kind of situation. So many emotions, all negative and leading to only one basis from where all of it was coming from.

Sadness.

Naruto despite Neji’s unlikely outburst remained uncharacteristically calm as he continued.

“When I saw Sasuke that day, I felt it for the first time. It’s stupid, really…” He chuckled, reminiscing their first meeting. Sasuke thought he was his runaway patient’s brother or something and demanded that he pay for his fees. “He was a guy and… a great head of the surgical department… I actually hit on him right at that moment. That’s why I don’t want to leave him, I want to feel all of it that my heart had never felt… The happiness, the hurt, the emptiness, even the sex… I want to savor all of it Neji. He was… my first in everything.”

The surface of the water inside the glass glistened in his eyes, he moved the glass side ways, back and forth, marveling at how uniquely beautiful it was to watch.

“I want to continue loving him even from a distance… I don’t want to regret anything Neji. That’s why…”

I want to continue to be alive in his memories.

[Sasuke, it’s okay, you’ll find someone to love more than her and will love you just the same. You’re a great guy.

You’re not talking about yourself are you?

Of course I am! So hurry up and fall in love with me back.

Idiot.

Ow! Watch the head! It’s priceless!

What, it’s hollow… it’s got this weird sound…

Ow! Ow! Hey!]

That time I wondered if I should believe you, at the same time I wondered why I was hesitating when I shouldn’t have entertained the thought at all. For me she was my everything… my sister, my friend, an unrequited love, an unfulfilled impure desire. The carefree days that for the first time I experienced I spent with you, the nonsense lines of words we exchanged I couldn’t have imagined myself doing… I became fueled with anger that you stole what was mine, the things from myself that I wanted to give to my most important person so I wanted to steal yours as well…

Your freedom in exchange for the one that I lost, and your heart, in exchange for the one that you stole.