Waking Sasuke

That had to be Sai's penis. Even half asleep and fighting a lingering fever, Sasuke recognized the familiar feeling of erect, spooning Sai nudging against his pajama-ed bottom. The experience had become familiar enough that Sasuke now slept through the ex-ROOT member entering through the window, removing his clothing, and slipping into bed with him.

Not even the feeling of hard cock could tease Sasuke's mind fully awake, although his body knew enough to push backwards until Sai's hard length pressed flat between their bodies. He let his mind stay half asleep, subconsciously encouraging his thoughts to remain powered down.

He noted that his pajama pants tented impressively in response to Sai's rhythmic rubbing. Another part, deeper inside of himself, stirred in response to the fingers threading tenderly through the back of his hair, trailing down to trace the muscles of his neck, then across his shoulders and down his arm.

Dangerous. Too dangerous.

He sank deeper into a semi-asleep state as Sai squirmed closer, pressing against him with heightened urgency and twining the fingers of their left hands together. Sasuke instinctively curled his fingers over Sai's, pressing the fingertips gently against his palm as Sai left a trail of soft kisses just behind Sasuke's left ear.

Sleep... Just slip into sleep.

These borrowed moments with Sai were painfully numbered. Missions waited for Sasuke's recovery, Yamato returned from Suna the following day, as well as other concerns that crowded the edges of Sasuke's consciousness. The real world would dissipate Sasuke's false happiness as brutally as an alarm clock's grating buzz would rip a sleeper from the best dream of his life, leaving him only able to remember the feeling of deep loss over having woken up.

Sasuke mingled enough weariness into his moan to convince both Sai and himself that he wasn't quite awake. He wasn't actually responsible for pulling Sai's fingers to his own lips to softly kiss each one. If he were awake he would never do anything as sentimental as guiding Sai's fingers to stroke down his cheek, then slightly turn his face to press one more kiss against those fingers before releasing them, knowing the sensation Sai craved. When he heard the unmistakable sound of Sai sucking on the first two fingers of his left hand, a deepening state of arousal layered over almost-painful feelings of affection.

Sleep... He needed more sleep. So easy to slip back into never-remembered dreams...

His pajama bottoms slid down and off. Hard cock bumped and nudged against bare ass, hands stroked, soft lips kissed, and still Sasuke slept.

He kept his eyes closed as he shifted and eased his way to reclining on his back. He maintained his air of not quite awake... still slightly feverish... not really himself. In this hazy limbo of arousal, no thoughts were allowed. Kakashi, Iruka, Yamato, missions, the Uchiha name, sadness, death, guilt... None of those things existed.

All that existed was hard, throbbing cock and soft, velvet tongue... Hands on thighs, balls sliding into warm-hot-wet, sliding back out... Pointed tongue trailing up shaft, ending with flat tongue on ridge... Nothing else. The pleasure eclipsed all knowledge of Kakashi sulking around Konoha, Iruka staying at Kotetsu's with Izumo for some inexplicable reason, and the knowledge and memory of another's arrogant claims of Sai ownership. The very existence of Yamato faded into the black void of nothingness created by Sai's hands, tongue, and mouth.

Tomorrow. Yamato returns tomorrow. Kotetsu's already returned, which means Iruka will go back to Kakashi...

Sasuke gave his head a slight shake in an attempt to clear it, opening his eyes to see the perfection of Sai lovingly tasting, licking, sucking, and teasing him like no other man could.

He closed his eyes again. For just these handful of borrowed moments his world would be Sai.

Moaning in protest, he remained lethargically still as he felt himself slide heavily from Sai's mouth. He didn't move when the bed on either side of him indented from the other man's weight as he straddle-crawled his way close enough to whisper, "Please, Sasuke. Let me."

Sasuke's body processed the request first. He legs were spread with his hips eagerly lifted from the mattress before his mind had formed the thought, "Sai wants to fuck me." Surprised, he opened his eyes.

Too much.

Looking into Sai's eyes provoked too intense of a reaction. Sasuke relaxed his body and closed his eyes again, keeping silent. He was tired, feverish... Still half asleep, really. Too tired to think, speak, move, feel... To do anything.

Sasuke felt the other man's perfect, silken length slide invitingly against his own as Sai remained propped over him. Sasuke could feel the gaze staring down at him as tangibly as a heated, physical touch... Studying him... Adoring him.

Too much.

Sasuke's face creased into a frown which smoothed away when soft lips pressed down on his forehead lines, trailing gentle kisses down to the tip of his nose before jumping down to softly kiss his lips.

Sliding cocks, pressing lips opening to invite the twining of tongues... Yes. These things were permissible. This dream state of sex was allowed.

He felt Sai shift his body in order to raise Sasuke's hips and stuff a pillow under them with an awkwardness that flooded Sasuke with another intense surge of affection that had to be blocked. Controlled.

Just another fuck. Add it to the list.

He lay heavy and motionless, eyes shut, as he heard his bedside table drawer sliding along its tracks followed by the rustled sounds of search.

As though listening from an underwater depth he heard the sound of a cap opening and lube being dispensed, and then... Too cold!

His lips curved into an affectionate smile even as his hips reflexively jerked away from the jarringly cool, seemingly inexperienced touch of the other man's finger. What was this trembling nervousness of Sai's?

Warmer this time, the finger returned and pressed in with a little more courage. Sasuke felt its hesitation at the reflexive resistance of muscle, then felt the finger accept the relaxing muscle's invitation... Sliding inside, easing back, pushing back in with a subtle twist and a slight crook...

"Yesss... Just like that, Sai." Sasuke's hips lifted as the words slipped from his mouth.

He kept his arms resting passively by his side, letting his heavy cock jut out and twitch with neglected need while Sai pushed one, then two fingers inside of him for several teasing minutes.

Finally the fingers withdrew and Sasuke felt the fumbling attempts of velvet-soft cock head lining up with relaxed, prepared entrance.

After several long moments of waiting for Sai to push inside of him, Sasuke opened his eyes.

Sai was trembling.

Sasuke quickly sat up. He pulled a blanket from the floor, draping it around Sai's shoulders before scooting forward enough to press their erections against each other. He wrapped his legs around Sai, smiling when Sai shakily did the same.

Sasuke tugged and arranged the blanket until it enveloped them both, then gently cupped Sai's face in both hands. Unused to Sai looking shyly down, he looked directly into other man's eyes until he almost forget what he had intended to ask.

"What is it, Sai? Are you cold?"

Sai swallowed nervously and kept his eyes downcast as he remained silent and shivering.

"Are you nervous over being on top for the first time?"

Sai shook his head. "I'm excited and happy about that."

Sasuke smiled and nuzzled Sai's cheek gently with the tip of his nose, pulling back again to ask, "Then what is it? What's wrong?"

Sai bent his head down even further. "I've only had sex and been fucked. I've never made love before."

Sasuke froze. He fixed his cold stare on a random point of intersection between two of his walls until even the peripheral vision of Sai became too unbearable. He pressed his eyes closed.

Unidentified heated-wet pooled behind his eyelids. Must have been from illness and exhaustion. Tears fell when people died, or when battles were tragically lost. They fell from weak people's eyes. From other people's eyes.

Motionless and silent, Sasuke chloroformed Sai's statement and pinned it to his mind as securely as a hapless butterfly secured by its wings to a scientist's board. The words were abstracted until they lost meaning, separated into a collection of nonsensical syllables until Sasuke's heartbeat slowed and that undefinable wetness behind his eyes retreated.

He should have told Sai to leave. He should have told him to leave the very first time he heard a whisper of sound at the window. If not then, then the next several times... And if not then, then certainly he should have insisted Sai leave each of the times he had visited this past week.

He needed to tell him now. He needed to tell Sai to go, to stop tracing his lips with trembling fingers and pressing kisses across his cursed seal.

Leave, Sai. Go back to Yamato. Don't touch me there, or there. Definitely no touching there like that. Go, Sai... Let me sleep.

His mouth refused to speak the words, and somehow he had ended up on his back again, blanketed by Sai's body, fingers twined in the silk of his hair. He struggled to remember how the kiss they were engaged in had started... This kiss that made his heart pound with a ferocity that threatened to break his ribs as surely as any other attack he was improperly prepared to defend against.

And he was unable to defend against the kisses, and soft caresses that urged him to lift his hips and pull his legs back until he felt the push... hesitation.... push of Sai entering his body for the first time. Moaning and calling Sai's name, he gently rocked upwards to encourage his lover to push... a little more... a little further, until their bodies were flush.

No way would Sasuke open his eyes. Not for anything.

The damp drop that very slowly tracked down his left cheek remained undefined by his mind, as did the answering feel of damp on Sai's face when he paused to lean down and press his right cheek to Sasuke's face, murmuring, "I know... I feel it, too.."

Soft kisses turned more insistent then disappeared altogether as Sai adjusted his position in order to prop Sasuke's legs back, thrusting and angling until Sasuke gripped the sheets, calling out Sai's name and shamelessly begging for more, harder, faster.

Sasuke's emotional dam burst, mingling guilt, longing, anger, pain, love, and affection in the swelling tide of need, arousal, and pleasure. He opened his eyes in time to see Sai's beautifully flushed face, eyes closed and mouth slightly open, transform into an expression of primal ecstasy as he gave a cry that preceded his pulsing orgasm by seconds.

After a few more moments of push, fill, thrust, both men remained as still as their trembling bodies would allow as Sai propped his body over Sasuke's, riding out the final waves of his pleasure.

Hearing Sai's exhalation of completion, Sasuke looked up at the exact moment Sai rested his satiated gaze on him. Sasuke immediately felt a familiar-but-somehow-heightened heat coiling through his body until it surged, pulsing its release from his fully engorged, untouched cock. He was as incapable of keeping himself from calling out Sai's name as he was incapable of stemming the overpowering orgasm. He experienced a liberating sense of abandon that lasted for about seven seconds.

Then he landed back in his room, in his bed with sticky sheets, underneath someone else's lover, feeling new feelings that left him... not frightened. Nothing frightened him. He felt emotions that somehow unsettled him.

The borrowed moments were over. He arranged his face into another frown and kept his gaze steady.

"Sai, you need to go."

Sai slowly slid out, smiling lazily down at Sasuke. "What I need to do is tell Yamato that I'm done with overly possessive, half-my-clothes-on, fucking." He sprang forward to surprise Sasuke with a silly-sounding smack on the cheek that thawed Sasuke's icy scowl and made both of them laugh softly.

Straddle-crawling backwards a bit, Sai traced his tongue over the cooling stickiness on Sasuke's stomach for half a minute before sleepily nudging, squirming, and arranging until his body was curled perfectly in the sidelying curve of Sasuke's body.

Sasuke wanted to repeat himself and insist that Sai leave, but a string of words played at the edge of his mind, begging to be decoded. Something along the lines of tell Yamato I'm done...

He reached back to grab a thick quilt from the other side of the bed, then carefully pulled it over their bodies as he curled even more snugly against Sai's backside. He reached to gently trace his thumb along Sai's jawline.

"What did you mean by 'done'"?

Sai nestled into the blankets, yawning loudly. He spoke through the tail end of the yawn, explaining, "Yamato doesn't love the person that is me, and I don't love him. You do love me, and I love you." He paused to yawn again, then finished, "You're free to do whatever you want, but I need to be free to be with you."

Sasuke remained silent, listening until the other man's breathing evened into deep sleep. He kept his eyes open, stroking the back of Sai's hair and watching the gentle rise and fall of his lover's body for hours.

For the first time in a long while, Sasuke was awake.
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A/N: Happy holidays, yaoi_is_my_antidrug!! ^______^ Thank you for all of the gift art on y!gal and the SasuSai oneshot A New Feeling, and for everything else.

Thanks to everyone who reads, rates, and/or reviews. I really appreciate you taking the time.