Fruitcake and Irony

“Fruitcake and Irony”
Author: antilogicgirl
Date: 1/09/2008
Series: Naruto

A/N (MUST READ): Forgive me, for I know not what I do. The work of an hour; the product of sleep deprivation. If you like it, leave a comment. Don’t like…you can tell me, but I probably won’t care. Because I like it, and that’s all that really matters. Partial first-person account of Sasuke’s near-death experience when his brother comes to give him a late Christmas gift (he nearly beat him to death with a fruitcake. And Naruto’s reaction. Oh, the melodrama. And a fruitcake. Beware the stream-of-consciousness style. It can kill. I hope it isn’t too difficult to get.

Legal Stuffiness: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters therein. Kishimoto Masashi, sole proprietor.

WARNING: STORY MAY CAUSE EPILEPTIC FITS FROM THE SHEER AMOUNT OF FLUFF (results not typical in lab mice).

--

I know. You’re wondering…how did the famous Uchiha Sasuke end up this way? Half-dead and dying, crawling across his own kitchen floor and trying to get to the telephone…or so it would seem. What I want to know is this: where on God’s green earth did that fruitcake come from?

--

Naruto stood where he had for the last half hour. His feet always hesitated when they reached this part of town, but this was ridiculous. It wasn’t as though he had never barged into his best friend’s house. Hell, it wasn’t as if Sasuke hadn’t made himself at home in Naruto’s apartment, either.

It had been about a month since he’d seen the stone-faced Uchiha, since he’d been on one of many solo missions the elders and their wonderful Hokage had seen fit to give him. Naruto was, currently, stuck in the village. Not quite under house arrest…but one might see it that way if one were confined to a few square kilometers of dirt and forest. Shaking his head of these thoughts, he hefted the little package that rested in his left palm.

It was the eighth of January, but Naruto figured presents were better given late than never. The bastard had not been in town for Christmas, so he’d give it to him now. That is, if his feet could move. The snow hadn’t fallen that thickly, so there was no way his boots were frozen to the ground. His legs weren’t stiff. So, he figured, the problem must be all in his head.

Finally, he picked up his right foot, and brought it back down, beginning to propel himself forward, the hundred meters that remained on his way to Sasuke’s front door. Usually, he made good use of the living room windows, but they’d surely be fastened at this time of night. Naruto refused to contemplate why he’d waited until such a late hour to show up. It probably had something to do with the fact that he generally hesitated when doling out any kind of praise or kindness to his best friend, for fear of being accused of being ‘soft’.

When he reached the front stoop, Naruto raised a fist to knock, but immediately thought better of it. Even though it was almost midnight, and Sasuke had only returned the day before from a mission, there were no lights visible from the deserted street. His best friend was a night owl. Why, then, was the living room light not on? Usually, at this point in the evening, Sasuke was watching some late-night horror-fest movie marathon, or at least practicing his katas in the dojo adjoining the living room.

But there was no noise, no light. Naruto’s eyes narrowed. Something was definitely wrong.

--

Nevermind where the fruitcake came from. Here’s a riddle for you. How does one reach the phone when both of one’s legs are broken? I think that I might have been in worse pain at some point. When, I’m not sure. But really, you’d think that a genius of his level could have found a better weapon. Now, I sort of wonder what my face looks like. My ‘good’ arm bent just enough so that I could poke at my face with my one unbroken finger. The skin on one of my cheeks felt like hamburger, and I don’t want to think about the other one.

I hope I don’t die. That way, I can dry out a fruitcake and return the favor. Wait…I heard something. Don’t tell me…he’s back to finish the job. Maybe this time he’ll go for full irony, and crush my skull with a honey-baked ham? Well, there’s no mistaking it now. That was the front door. Would Itachi use the door? Was that how he got in before? Damn, I don’t care.

God, this is going to hurt…

“Itashi!” Yes, it hurts. My lips can barely cooperate enough to slur his name. “Itashi! I’m in here…right where you lef’ me!” I must be bleeding internally…my eyes don’t see so well. Things are getting hazy. My ears are working just fine, though. His footsteps are coming down the hallway. “Come on, Ita—“ Oh, God…not another fit…

--

Naruto stood in the doorway to Sasuke’s kitchen, eyes wide. His best friend lay in a smeared and spattered pool of his own blood, curled into a crumpled fetal position, coughing helplessly. More of the sticky red substance dripped from the corner of his mouth as he called out wordlessly, eyes wide, unseeing. He had never seen Sasuke this way, and the shock of it sent his stomach into a freefall that Naruto was sure he’d die from.

The small, brightly wrapped gift fell from his fingers, making a little plop as it hit the black and white checkered tile. Suddenly, he felt amazing clarity. Every sense was heightened, and he saw the room as plain as if it were noon on a cloudless day. He heard the wet scrape of Sasuke’s shirt against the floor, just below ragged pants and another garbled cry. And Naruto felt his body move as he called up three clones. One, he sent to Sakura. Another, to the hospital. The third, he sent to the Hokage to report the incident.

Once they’d gone, he fell to his knees next to his friend. There was little he could do, since he had no idea how to use any healing techniques. All he could do was wait for Sakura to get there.

--

You know that place between dream and awake? The place where you can’t really feel your body, but you know it’s there, and you’re comfortable so if someone shakes you awake, you’re gonna be pretty well pissed off? I love that place. It’s got a warm feeling, and no one is trying to bother me.

That is, unless you count that really annoying, insistent voice.

“Sasuke, wake up.” It sounds terrible. Like they’re trying not to cry. “Wake up, Sasuke. It’s been a week.” Scratch that. They are crying. “Come on…”

Okay, so now I’m officially out of that nice, warm, in-between place, and I’ve come to a realization that is not at all shocking: the real world hurts. Hell, I don’t even have to move to know both my legs are broken. One of my shoulders is dislocated, all but one of my fingers are broken. From the pain in my side, I’m pretty sure one of my lungs was punctured.

How long did it take for that fruitcake to harden that much?

--

Naruto wiped away more tears. Why didn’t they stop? Sasuke had come out of his last surgery yesterday, but not once since they’d brought him into the hospital, broken, bleeding, and beaten, had he even showed a hint of waking up. The Hokage said that he would probably wake up in time. Naruto had looked into her eyes and snapped.

“In time?” his voice rose to a near shout, and none of the nurses in the hallway had the nerve to tell him to be quiet, because this was a hospital, damn it! “That’s not good enough!” Tsunade’s mouth opened to explain, to reassure him, but any and all speech was cut off by Naruto burying his fist in the nearest wall.

No, it wasn’t good enough. Sasuke was tougher than this. He was better than this. Naruto knew he would wake up, but only if he didn’t give in. He hadn’t let Sasuke out of his sight. When they operated, Naruto was in the observation deck. When the nurses came in to change the intravenous fluids, and do all manner of things that Sasuke would no doubt find completely humiliating, Naruto was there. They had even let him start helping. Sakura brought him food, but he barely picked at it. Every scrap of his energy was directed at the hand he held, ever so gently, because it wasn’t supposed to feel that frail, that small.

The bruising had gone away, at least, and there was minimal scarring for such an horrific beating. One pink line ran from the middle of Sasuke’s bottom lip to just where his chin began. Another left his right eyebrow slightly patchy, dividing it in half. Other than those, the only other scars were on Sasuke’s back and side, where Tsunade had been forced to operate. There was now no danger that the Uchiha would be a paraplegic, and he’d have full use of his lungs. Naruto felt a pang of guilt. How bad would it have been if he had remained paralyzed in the snow for much longer?

The bigger, more important question was: could he have prevented this?

“Come on,” he repeated, his voice breaking for the hundredth time. “Wake up, you bastard.” There was no response from the comatose young man. He was beginning to stop expecting one. “Sasuke, please. Wake up. Fight with me. Argue. Call me an idiot. Please…” Leaning forward, he closed his eyes, pressing that cool, fragile hand against his cheek. His voice lowered, but became more desperate, “You’ve got to wake up!”

“Why should I?” came the annoyed question.

Automatically, Naruto snapped back, “Because I miss you, asshole!” Suddenly, Naruto felt that familiar freefall in his guts. His eyes opened, wide blue staring at dark gray, and his mouth hung open, for once in his life completely at a loss for words. It wasn’t long before he could feel his face turning red, and he thought it a good idea to gently replace Sasuke’s hand on the bedcovers.

--

Did he just say what I think he just said? No…you’ve been in a coma for a while. Doesn’t that make the hearing a bit fuzzy? But I could have sworn…

I guess there’s only one way to find out. Smirk in place? Check. “You missed me?” Have his eyes ever been that big before? And what is going on with his face? It’s the color of a tomato…Ooooh…so that’s it. “Close your mouth, idiot. You’re going to start catching flies.”

--

Naruto couldn’t help himself. He was in shock, certainly, when Sasuke answered him. Now, he couldn’t keep the absolutely stupid grin from spreading across his face. All of his fears had gone away. He had his friend back. But there remained the tricky task of explaining away his last statement. “Eh…well…”

“Naruto,” Sasuke said quietly, drawing attention to the scar on his lip, which stretched the skin slightly, making the way the Uchiha’s mouth moved quite fascinating. “Answer me.” Even if he spoke quietly, there was the ever-present tone of command in that deep voice that Naruto couldn’t help but be indignant about. He glared at his friend, but it fizzled out at the steady, mild gaze Sasuke gave him. The same hand he’d been holding for close to a week moved stiffly, reaching out to brush at the tips of Naruto’s fingers. This small contact made him jump slightly. “Did you mean that?”

For a long moment, Naruto simply stared. Then, he started sputtering incoherenly. But finally, he simply gave up. “Yes.”

Sasuke’s mouth curled into what Naruto was sure had to be a tiny smile. It hurt his heart to see it. “How much did you miss me?” Blinking in confusion, Naruto was unsure what he meant. When he said as much, Sasuke shifted slightly in the bed, abruptly looking uncomfortable. He paused for a moment, seeming to gather words. “Did you miss me…as much as if it had been…Sakura?” Naruto watched the young man’s face, and how his eyes looked away. He saw the little bit of color that had come into Sasuke’s face. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that was a blush.

--

It’s funny what one too many near-death experiences will do for you. A few seconds ago, I was all set to make fun of Naruto. But…that changed when I saw the truth in his face. All this time, I thought it was just me. That I was alone in this feeling. But there are times when you simply know that something is true. Like the way you know that the sky is blue, that Kakashi will always be late, and other such immovable facts of the universe.

But now that I’m looking at him, I know that it isn’t just me. The only problem is getting him to admit it.

--

There was a lump forming in Naruto’s throat. He…he didn’t mean that. Sasuke did not mean that question. It was not possible. This was that totally unreachable thing, the feeling that was always just beyond his fingertips. There was no way it would happen this easily. But he couldn’t lie. Not now. Not with the way those eyes were looking at him. “More.” Sasuke’s eyes widened at that one word, but he went on. “I missed you more…more than anyone.”

He grasped Sasuke’s hand, still gently, because it was not fully healed, and held it close. “I’ve always missed you.”

--

“I…” Why won’t the words come out? I know I can say it. It’s been itching to come out for at least a year now. Probably longer; what’s the problem?

“Save your strength, Sasuke.” This is so infuriating! He’s looking at me like that…saying it so loudly without needing words, and here I am just as emotionally barricaded as always. Damn it, I can do this!

--

Sasuke shook his head a little before wincing in pain. Naruto nearly ran for a nurse, but the hand tightened on his and held him fast. “No,” the pale young man said, “I need to say this.”

“Okay…” Naruto felt like he needed to move, fidget, something. He settled for gently stroking the back of Sasuke’s hand.

“I…” Sasuke took in a deep breath. “God this is hard.” He steeled himself, visibly making ready for what he was about to say. Naruto wanted to run. He wanted to hide. What if he didn’t say…what if he said he couldn’t say it?

“I love you.”

--

Yes! There it is. I said it. Now…let it sink in. Waiting…and waiting…

Did someone hit him with some kind of sleeping jutsu while I wasn’t looking?

--

Naruto’s eyes widened painfully. Sasuke just admitted, aloud, that he loved him. That was not something he’d expected. He’d wished for it for years, even dreamed about it. But then again, he had given up hope long ago that it would ever be said. He was shocked, but that was wearing off. What replaced it now was a crippling joy. Unable to move, almost incapable of breathing, he just sat there.

“Say something, Naruto.” There was emotion saturating this command, as if with three small words, Sasuke had laid his entire soul bare, and felt very uncomfortable with that fact.

Fighting to recover, Naruto stammered, “I…I l…love you t-too.” His face flamed, and he suddenly felt lightheaded.

“Oh, just kiss him, damn it!”

Naruto’s head jerked up at the sound of a familiar voice, only to find Shizune clamping a hand over the Hokage’s mouth. “Sorry about that,” the dark-haired woman apologized over a long string of muffled curses from Tsunade. Both of the young men watched as she steered the older woman out of the room.

When they were alone again, Sasuke sighed. “Mood killer.”

Naruto nodded in agreement. He stood, leaning down, and brushed a brief kiss over Sasuke’s forehead. “Get some rest. I have to go home and grab a shower now that you’re awake.” Before Sasuke could question him about that, Naruto was out the door.

--

Three days later…

“Damn it, Naruto! I can walk without your help!” Naruto just laughed at him and helped him into the living room. After setting him on the couch, he pulled a blanket out of the ottoman and draped it over Sasuke’s legs. All the while, the other was grumbling something about being babied. Ignoring grumpy comments and idle threats, Naruto lounged nearby. In a few minutes, he was through with his grumpy comments and idle threats. They sat in silence, watching television, until Sasuke stifled a yawn.

This was the routine, it seemed. They would do some physical therapy, mostly light walking and lifting exercises, until Sasuke couldn’t stand it anymore, then it was some bad movies. When the yawning commenced, Naruto would gently lower Sasuke to lay next to him, and they’d fall asleep together on the couch. He couldn’t think of anything that would make it better.

That is…until Sasuke surprised him. Their routine had not, as of yet included Sasuke leaning over and pressing his lips gently against Naruto’s. It was brief, but in the humble opinion of one Uzumaki Naruto, it was perfect. He only had one question, and as Sasuke’s head nestled in his lap, he asked it.

“Why a fruitcake?”

--

The End.

A/N: Oh, yes, I am a complete dork. Comments? Suggestions? Please let me know!