Not Quite Revenge

Title: Not Quite Revenge
Author: Reyn
Rating: R for….errr…R words like…Renis and Rasterbating…and other…Scooby Doo spoken things.
Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN! DO NOT WANTS! (Lies! It’s all lies!!)
Warnings: Pranks of the Naruto-logic variety (inspiration from the following in the order it hit me: a goofy comment thread on y-gallery, the TV show Friends, and the yaoi manga Chintsubu by Nase Yamato), slash (of the NaruSasudom…or SasuNarudom. Whichever floats your boat better), and AR (still ninjaverse…just not as versed as the story…erm…maybe)
Author’s Note: I really need to stop indulging myself when delirious…You can totally tell I was high on Nyquil when I started writing this.
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Not Quite Revenge

Naruto knew that Sasuke knew that he was up to something.

Well, to be honest, the whole town knew Naruto was up to something.

It was kind of hard not to tell when the blond was walking around grinning…like that.

Scarier still was the fact that he was grinning…like that while wearing something other than his trademark orange jumpsuit.

Yes, mark it in your calendar, folks, that today – February 5th - within the young jounin’s twenty first year of life, he was donning – for the first time ever – the standard issue uniform for all nins of chounin and jounin level.

What was so nerve-wrecking about something so simple, one may ask?

Besides the obvious fact that Naruto achieved jounin status several plus years back, he was grinning…like that. No, no, my friends, this obviously wasn’t a compulsive urge to conform to the village’s ninja standards in attire. Did you not see…that grin? I cannot stress the anxiety levels caused by…that grin enough. If you still fail to grasp its importance, then you obviously haven’t been living in Konoha for more than a week.

As stated before, the entire town knew that Naruto was up to something.

But Naruto didn’t really give a damn about the villagers knowing. No, all he really cared about was Sasuke knowing…and being suspicious.

And maybe even a little worried as well. (Please feel free to insert a little of Naruto’s evil chuckling here. Do keep in mind, though, that the mental image you conjure for this will need to include a small group of children screaming for their mommies and the second nearest ninja transforming himself into a tree – the nearest one having transported himself out of there in a cloud of smoke, leaving his poor tree-friend behind.)

You see, this was all Sasuke’s fault, really. For no particular reason (completely out of the blue!), he decided that it was high-time Naruto got over his ‘orange’ phase and started wearing more earthy colors; as any normal ninja was expected to.

Naruto had naturally objected, arguing that orange was too an earthy color. After all, foxes were orange! As were orange flowers! And…oranges!

Sasuke’s response to this had been a deadpanned stare along with the unspoken question of, “Are you effing kidding me?”

Naruto had simply glared in return, his challenging eyes clearly stating no, he wasn’t effing kidding and no, the wardrobe wasn’t going to disappear just because some prissy drag queen whose ass housed the stick that inspired the ‘Thousand Years of Pain’ jutsu believed his opinion mattered to the blond on more than an occasional level.

The ensuing staring contest had lasted all of a minute before it finally sunk in that no, Naruto really wasn’t effing kidding, and yes, he truly did believe the Uchiha’s ass did in fact house such a stick.

Finding himself miffed at all this, Sasuke ended the contest with a haughty, “Tch. Fine, have it your way.” before his hands flew into a quick set of seals, closely followed by a long series of ‘poof’s, starting in Naruto’s bedroom and ending at his body. Feeling highly confused (as well as a bit cold), Naruto had looked down and was more than a little shocked to find that he was completely naked save for his boxers.

“What-HEY!” he cried out, making a grab for the bastard as he transported from the premises (and presumably into hiding).

It wasn’t until he stomped to his room for a change of clothes that Naruto horrifyingly discovered the full extent of Sasuke’s little prank. All of his drawers and closet were completely devoid of any publicly acceptable outfits, save for the jounin outfit he was issued after finally passing the test and a playboy bunny suit he was still trying to work the courage up to give to Sakura.

Oh yes, Naruto’s fury could be heard echoing through the streets and alleyways of poor little terrified Konoha.

It wasn’t until several ANBU Black Ops showed up fully prepared to subdue a loose and insane fox demon that Naruto realized he was probably overreacting just a tad and promptly calmed down, making sure to wipe the foam away from his mouth in the process.

Once his uninvited guests left (but only after being force-fed some Uzumaki Special Homemade Ramen-flavored cookies that they were too polite to turn down after the offer of, “What. You don’t trust my cooking?”), the naked ninja took a moment to cool off before plotting his revenge.

After all, revenge is a dish best served cold.

And man oh man, Naruto was currently feeling so cool he was ice cold.

Hence…that grin.

There was a jounin meeting today for those who would be patrolling the country’s northern border in the upcoming month, and while Naruto often loathed such meetings to the point where he seriously contemplated taking a page out of Kakashi-sensei’s book to just show up late with some lame excuse (which the man often did – and he was supposed to be the one to oversee the damn things!), today he had chosen to peacefully don on his outfit of choice and head out to the meeting a little early, taking his own sweet time as he strolled through Konoha’s market district – making doubly sure to be spotted by the Uchiha as he grabbed a late breakfast before heading to the meeting himself.

You see, the source of his perfectly agreeable mood was that Naruto had thought up of the perfect way to get back at Sasuke. It was pretty logical, actually.

Let’s review.

Sasuke had stolen every article of clothing Naruto owned with the exception of his boxers, sandals, jounin outfit, and sexy bunny suit. Therefore, the only logical thing to do was to steal Sasuke’s…

Have you guessed it?

That’s right!! Sasuke stole all of Naruto’s clothes, so Naruto turned around and stole his underwear!! And not only that, but he was wearing it as well! HA! Take that and that, you self-pompous poopy pants!

Naruto was feeling more than just a little smug as he took his seat at the oversized ring of a table, flashing his old teammate a haughty smirk that had the man doubly wondering just what the hell the blond had done to not only restore his confidence, but inflate his ego as well.

Haha! Wonder all you want, you bastard! Naruto silently gloated triumphantly. Just wait until you realize that my penis has been all over where you normally house your penis, rubbing up against the same fabric, feeling the same sensations in all the same plac…es…Oh crap.

The grin faded from Naruto’s face into a look of pained horror as his train of thought led his poor little penis to a place that was quickly putting it in the position of a poor big penis.

Well now, this had been unforeseeable.

Naruto always had the misfortune of having a one-track mind, and trying to derail from this track was proving fruitless against the knowledge that a bit of inadvertent frottage against the same material that touched Sasuke on a constant basis felt damn good – especially now that his dick was large enough to be pressed against the soft inside of the dark blue boxers from his sitting position.

The Hokage showed up at a somewhat reasonable time (for once), allowing for the meeting go underway almost on time, and Naruto noticed none of this; being far too involved in his concentrated subtle shifting about in a way that fed both his now more-than-happy penis and panicked mindset.

Having Naruto be so silent and withdrawn was new to Iruka, the Hokage’s unwanted and unwilling right-hand man and speaker of the meeting. Normally, as a way to stave off boredom he supposed, the blond would be raising his hand every five minutes with an opinion on whatever matter was being discussed or an over-simplified solution to the problem. This new change had completely thrown the ex-teacher to the point where he was hesitating in his words and stuttering in his speech, sending constant, curious glances at his old pupil. And he wasn’t the only one, either.

Everyone else in the room had taken to eyeing Naruto with some curiosity, and Sasuke was flat-out glaring at him, all wondering just what the hell was going on. Little did they realize behind Naruto’s schooled mask that appeared to be boredly paying attention to what was being said was a mind that was going to pieces.

It wasn’t going down! Why wasn’t it going down? This wasn’t part of the plan! Surely he had more control over his libido than this!

Unable to take anymore, Naruto’s hand shot up, causing Iruka to smile as he nearly sighed in relief at the return of the blond’s obnoxious behavior.

“Yes, Naruto?”

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Naruto announced, ignoring the whispers that fluttered about.

“Er…” a questioning glance was sent to the Hokage for approval, “Go ahead.”

Like a panicked cat Naruto shot up from his seat and dashed for the door, leaving behind a room of highly confused comrades as he ran to the nearest restroom and locked himself in the furthest stall from the entrance.

Taking a moment to regain a little composure, Naruto undid his pants and pushed them down to his thighs glaring at the erection straining against the unfamiliar boxers, acting much more wanton than the jounin allowed himself to ever be.

“Really now, this is ridiculous,” Naruto scolded. “When we get home, I’m going to have a firm talk with you and sending you to bed without your nightly massage, go it?”

His penis twitched in response, to which was easily translated to, “Yes, yes, whatever you want, please, just touch me now.”

Grumbling, Naruto obliged, palming it in a way as if to soothe away a bit of the desperation it surely must have been feeling.

“I don’t blame you, I guess,” he allowed himself to admit, his pride forcing him to look stubbornly off to the side. “But the plan was to just wear his boxers until he gave me my clothes back. I can’t have you getting all excited like this every day! It just won’t work!” His hand paused. “It’s alright, we’ll figure something out tonight.”

Seemingly satisfied with this one-sided conversation, Naruto carefully undid the small Uchiha symbol-shaped button and parted the slit on the boxers, unable to suppress the shiver that ran through his body.

“You can come on out now,” he coaxed as he carefully tugged the opening down and around the head of his shaft, drawing in a shaky breath and slowing his movements as the fabric of the boxers brushed against the sides of his cock.

Only pushing enough material out of the way so that he could properly fist his erection, Naruto knew he had to make this one quick since he was still technically in the middle of a meeting. With a few languid strokes that quickened into a steady rhythm, the pearl of liquid forming at his slit indicated that his penis wholeheartedly agreed.

As the small beads of precum formed into a more constant leak that trailed down to run over his fingers, Naruto found himself wondering if Sasuke had ever worn these boxers when he masturbated. If he had ever woken up from a wet dream and felt too frustrated to make it to the bathroom to take care of the problem and had simply pushed these boxers down and made quick work of his erection, one hand forcing himself to completion, the other simply resting against the material on his leg…maybe fisting it as waves of pleasure occasionally spiked through his body…

“Fuck…” Naruto cursed, increasing his pace, his hips making small thrusting motions in an effort to aid his penis in the pleasure it was receiving. His other hand reached down between his legs and began to knead his balls through the fabric, small moans keening from his throat at the sensation.

For some reason, Naruto’s mind chose to focus on that pale hand, fisting the leg of his boxers, his hips twitching as he neared completion, cumming mindlessly as the normally anal man forgot to reach for a tissue at the last moment.

Naruto stopped kneading for a moment and instead palmed his sac a bit roughly, trying to make the boxers rub against them instead as he concentrated on teasing the head a bit.

He wondered how hard Sasuke came when he was like this, if it just dribbled down his hand or if his wet dream had been able to get him excited enough beforehand to cause him to erupt with a bit of force, milky strands glistening through the air and landing on his smooth stomach and boxers, maybe even landing in the same spots Naruto was currently touching-

“Nngh!” Naruto bit his lip as his body tensed, pleasure racing through him and causing his knees to buckle. He came, shooting his load into the porcelain bowl below in waves – twice, four, five, six, seven times before it became too much and he was forced to let go.

Body slumping in relief from the sudden adrenaline rush, Naruto frowned down at his slowly softening member, harsh pants gradually lessening as his normal breathing rate returned.

Wow.

It had been a long while since he last came like that. After such a release, he wanted nothing more than to simply spend the next few hours basking in laziness and enjoy living in a relationship he didn’t quite have… Stupid meeting messing up such perfect plans.

With a sigh, Naruto shook his head and tucked himself back in, but before he could zip his pants back up, a voice echoed against the tiled walls, causing the jounin’s blood to run cold.

“Are you finally done, Naruto, or does your penis need a bit more consoling over the guilt of stealing my underwear?”


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Owari.

And in other news, I have a Naruto contest going on!! With tangible prizes! You can check it out here: http://ahja-reyn.livejournal.com/16925.html