Pain of the Past

Blah, this is just a super long drabble-y thing. I got bored writing my other stories, and I thought of this while in the shower last night (do NOT ask what I was doing in there; you don’t want to know). I’m experimenting with other types of writing, and all two of my stories seem to go on the “sappy-sweet” track, so here’s something a little…darker, featuring Anko and her former sensei, Orochimaru.

Hopefully, the story won’t be too confusing for you guys to understand. The first half is more like a bunch of memories, but there are parts that are in present time. The second half will be better. The memories and the present time will be more distinguishable (hopefully). This is like present-time with flashbacks because everything was pretty much the same. Obviously, some facts may have been changed and/or made up. Enjoy!

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I was sent out on a mission to find you, sensei. Only to find you. I wasn’t to do anything else. I was to slip in, find your location and return, but knowing my habits, I tend to do a lot more than just to find you. I wanted to hurt you. I hated you. You used me and abandoned me and I was branded as yours. I belong to you, but I don’t want to. I, Anko Mitarashi.

The Fifth Hokage sent me on this solo mission. I argued that I never wanted to see your smug face. I knew that the moment I would see you again, the memories of the past would catch up to me; the memories I tried so hard to push into the recesses of my mind. That day we met in the Forest of Death during the Chuunin exams brought them back into my mind; fresh as if it happened yesterday. Tsunade argued back that I had enough hatred for you, and therefore, I could handle it. She knew that you were my sensei. She knew you, Orochimaru. She would never send someone with such personal ties on such mission, but she knew I could handle it. I hated you, after all.

I reminisced as I was speeding to your hideout. I remember when you took me in as a child, around 5. I was orphaned, and you took me in as your own. I believed you to be my saviour back then; my salvation.

You trained me when you believed I was of age. I was 9. Between the span of you taking me in and you beginning to train me, I helped you. I did chores while you were holed away in your laboratory, doing God knows what.

“Anko, never come down to my laboratory.”

“Why, Orochimaru-sensei?”

“You don’t need to know. Just know that you aren’t to come unless I tell you to. I’ll tell you when you’re older. Have patience.”

“Alright, Orochimaru-sensei, I won’t. I promise!”

You told me never to go inside unless you directed me to. I was obedient to your orders, but I was still unruly. I broke things, but I still tidied up after myself. Even with my disruptive behaviour, you looked at me and almost saw me as a daughter. I looked at you and saw you as my father. I had no real family left. You were my family now. How naïve I was back then.

Also, between that time frame, you taught me the basics of being a ninja. You taught me to throw kunai and shuriken.

“Orochimaru-sensei, I can’t do it! It’s so hard!”

‘Have patience, little Anko. If you lose concentration, you lose precision and accuracy on your target. Imagine the kunai flowing through the air and hitting the center of the target. Imagine…’

I did what you told me, to imagine the kunai hitting the target. You held me against you, my back to your front. My clumsy fingers held the kunai the way you wanted me to. You rearranged my stance into the proper form. You held my tiny wrist between your thumb and forefinger. You brought my arm up, and threw it back down. On instinct, I let go. I heard a distinct ‘thunk’. When I opened my eyes, the kunai was sticking out of the very center of the target. I was so elated.

“I did it, Orochimaru-sensei! I did it!”

“Very good, Anko. Continue to train. I will be back.”

You disappeared into your laboratory again, and I was oblivious to what you were doing in there. I was too distracted with my newfound skill and I continued to train as you said. I imagined having you against me again, in the proper stance. I could still feel you holding my wrist. I flicked the kunai out of my hand as you flicked my wrist. I let go and it hit the center, but it was slightly off. I was happy.

When I turned 9, you began to truly train me, teaching me genjutsu and ninjutsu, as well as basic taijutsu. You told me that my genjutsu and ninjutsu skills were excellent, and that my taijutsu skills were satisfactory. I was adamant to please you, and I wanted to be better than ‘satisfactory’ in your mind. You chuckled and told me to ‘have patience’. Once again, I was obedient and I waited.

You taught me a certain ninjutsu technique that would kill me. You told me that I’d have to use this as a last resort. You brought along a bottle with you and you told me to sit down.

“Once you use this, you cannot use it again, for it is a murder-suicide technique. If you use it correctly, your opponent will die, but you will too.”

We sat on our knees on the cold, hard floor.

“Give me your hand, Anko.”

I was reluctant. I didn’t want to give you my hand. I didn’t want to die because of my thirst for knowledge. I wanted to die the valiant way; die by the hands of my opponent for a failed mission.

“Give me your hand, Anko. Trust me.”

I gave you my right hand and you linked it with yours. Your hand was so warm and so large, large enough to crush my petite hand. At that time, I really felt like I belong with you, like we were meant to be student and teacher. We were perfect for each other. A teacher such as yourself deserves a student who was willing to learn everything, and I was that student.

We made some sort of hand sign with both of our hands.

“Study this hand sign,” you told me. “Study it well. You will need this in the future.”

Never have I thought that I would use it against you in the Chuunin exams.

I studied the sign, as you told me to do. I made sure that I knew which fingers intertwined and which didn’t. I looked around it once more to be sure that I had it scorched into my memory. What I also took into notice was the contrast between m hand and yours. Your pale-white hand to my bronze-tanned one. My tan remained after being an orphan and picking pockets all day to buy myself food. I still had it for being outside so much to train.

I looked up at you, wondering what to do next. When you saw that my studying had finished, you motioned for me to relax again.

“Twins Snakes, Mutual Death!”

My small body trembled in fear. My parents died and I didn’t want to know the horrors of death. I was too young. I was too naïve.

A pair of snakes emerged from your sleeve. They wrapped around our adjoined hands before they bit us both in the wrist. My body became rigid. The venom from the snake was circulating around my body. It was in my bloodstream. You didn’t look quite as affected as I did. It was possibly because of our bodies. The venom was circulating around my body quicker because of my small frame. You, however, had a bit of time before it could affect you as much as it did me.

I stopped on a branch of a large tree. I needed to catch my breath. I still remember that experience. I had never been so scared in my life. I began to search for some water to splash my face with.

‘Damn it! Now isn’t the time to be distracted! These stupid memories…’

Did you know, Orochimaru-sensei, that they’d haunt me for the rest of my life?

Our hands came away as I collapsed on the floor, panting. My lungs become constricted and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I could feel my poisoned blood rush through my veins.

The last thing I remember before blackness overcame me was seeing you reach for the bottle you brought with you, pouring the liquid it contained into a cup and putting it to my lips. I remember that it tasted bitter, and then my eyelids became heavy. I heard you pour another cup and slurp it up before I lost myself within my own body.

I wasn’t asleep, but I wasn’t awake either. I felt like I was just floating on the border between consciousness and unconsciousness. It felt…nice. I was at peace.

When I woke up, I was no longer on the cold, hard floor. I was in my bed, resting. You were in a chair, watching over me.

“Orochimaru-sensei, what happened to me?”

“It’s alright, Anko, you’re fine now. Like I said, this technique will kill you and your opponent due to the snakes’ venom, but I gave you a special antidote to fight off the venom. Just rest. You will feel fatigued and dizzy somewhat. If you need to do chores, don’t do anything strenuous.”

“Orochimaru-sensei, how come it didn’t affect you?”

“Easy now, Anko. Just rest. After you’ve fully rested, I’ll tell you everything you want to know.”

I found a small stream on the way to your hideout. I splashed water on my face in an effort to clear these horrific memories I had with you. These weren’t too bad, but what came later was horrible. Drying off my face with my sleeve, I set out to find you again. This mission needed to be completed by the time day breaks, which means I have less than 5 hours to find you.

When I was 12, I washed the dishes, one of my daily chores. I planned my evening to be easy-going: make dinner, wash dishes, perfect a few taijutsu techniques and go to bed. I finished washing and drying the dishes, and I was about to grab the weapons holster you gave me for my 12th birthday when I noticed a small track of blood. It looked like a partial footprint; just the inside part of the foot and a bit of the heel. I didn’t know where it came from, and you probably wanted to be undisturbed in your laboratory. Perhaps you had a small wound and you silently crept upstairs so you wouldn’t disturb me?

I shrugged my shoulders and I grabbed the dishcloth on the counter. I got down on my knees, wincing at the slight pang of pain in my lower stomach. Perhaps I have indigestion? Shaking my head, I set about my task of mopping up the blood. When I stood up to put the dishcloth back, there were more tracks of blood. I went to go get the dishcloth again to mop it up. There were tracks all over! It was like every time I clean it up, there was another track made.

That’s when I looked down, making sure that the floor was spotless, that I saw my foot. It was me. I made them. I sat down on my little rump, wiping the blood away from my foot, and it trailed up my calf, and higher up to my thigh, and higher up still to my ---

‘Oh my God…’

Dropping the cloth on the floor, I ran to you. I still respected your privacy, so instead of bursting in, I banged the door as hard as I could.

“Orochimaru-sensei! Orochimaru-sensei, please help me!”

The door flew open and I fell into your arms, sobbing.

“Anko, what’s wrong?” you calmly asked me.

“I’m dying!” I screamed out. “I’m dying! Please, help me! Give me more antidotes, more medicine. Please!”

I could see it in your eyes. You were worried about me. How stupid of me to think that you worried about me back then.

Through my desperate pleas for help, one sound was all you heard: the sound of a drop of blood hitting the floor.

You pushed me away and scanned me from head to toe. There weren’t any cuts on my face or neck, and there weren’t any on my upper body, for the t-shirt I was wearing was still intact and there weren’t any visible cuts on my arms. What you were looking at were the shorts you gave me, drenched in crimson-red blood at the apex of my thighs.

“Anko, Anko…”

“I don’t want to die, Orochimaru-sensei. There’s so much I want to learn still…I don’t want to die yet!”

“Anko, you’re not dying. This is perfectly natural.”

“How is it natural? Why is this happening to me?”

“Anko, sit down. I’ll tell you everything.”

You gave me what was called “the talk”. I was willing to hear everything you had to say. I learned about where babies came from, how babies were made, and most importantly, why I went through what I did that night. I remember that I didn’t blush or feel embarrassed. Actually, I was quite the opposite. I wanted to know everything, and this was just another thing to add to my knowledge of the human body.

“You see, Anko? It happens to every girl when they come of age. You are at your time now. This will happen every month. I believe stomach pains are part of it, but the effects vary from girl to girl.”

“How come men don’t suffer from it?”

“Men are different from women. Boys will grow to have broad shoulders, possibly larger muscles and a larger penis than they did in their childhood.”

“Orochimaru-sensei, what’s a penis? What does it look like?”

“A penis is the male reproductive organ, and you are too young to see one, little Anko,” you chuckled.

“I’m not a little girl anymore!” I retorted.

“No, you’re not. You are a woman now, but you are still too young to see one. Now go take a bath and change. I will be back in an hour or so.”

You came home with feminine products for me, enough to last for the next few years.

I’ve found your hideout now, scoping out any traps or guards. It seems like there are none.

‘How narcissistic,’ I snort, ‘you believe that you’re so powerful, you don’t need guards or traps.’

I stepped down silently, keeping my guard up. I was looking for you, so I focused my chakra to find your signature. It seemed like you were doing another one of your experiments. I made my way through your maze-like home. It was difficult to be near you and not be bombarded with feelings of sickness. I felt sick because I knew you. I felt sick because I learned everything from you. I felt sick because I loved you like a father.

Although I am a grown woman now, I still felt like a child playing a grown up’s game. I didn’t want to face you. When I look into your eyes, I see the souls of those poor children trapped inside, clawing their way to get out. Those 60 babies you injected the First Hokage’s genes with were crying for their mothers. Only one survived. You never got to see that little boy. You thought your project had failed.

Before those babies, there were the 10 children. I didn’t know until later that you were creating some sort of seal. I didn’t know and I was used as a test subject. I was the only survivor of those children. There are only two of us now: me and that Uchiha boy. I could still hear the cries of those children.

“AHHHHH!!!!!!!!”

My head snapped up from my training. There was a scream inside the house we shared when you took me in. It was coming from the laboratory.

“Orochimaru-sensei?”

You emerged from the door that led to said place with a look of frustration on your face.

“What is it, Anko?”

“It’s…umm…why are there screaming children downstairs?”

“I am…helping them, that’s all. I am modifying their bodies to help them in life.”

Was everything a lie? Was everything a game to you?

‘You sick bastard.’

I searched for you, trying to find you and kill you for what you did. I hate your guts and I want to be swimming in it. I want to kill you. I need to kill you.

I hid in the shadows, masking my chakra. I could feel it. I was getting closer. You were in the next room. I was ready to turn a doorknob, but I hesitated.

‘Do I really need this man to evoke the memories I tried so hard to forget?’

“Good evening, Anko.”

My body stiffens and I let out a gasp. You were supposed to be in that room! I could feel it.

“I believe you’ve seen my latest trick,” you said calmly. “It’s like ventriloquism, except it’s chakra, not voices.”

“Very clever,” I reply curtly. I was ready to reach for my weapons holster, the new one that I’ve had for a few years now. I threw out the old one you gave me when you abandoned me.

I quickly pulled out a few kunais and threw it at you but he dodged it and then he stood before me, sneering down at me. His purple hand pushed me against the door, strangling the air from me. Purple, because the Third Hokage had sealed them away, rendering him unable to use genjutsu or ninjutsu.

“That was good, little Anko,” you spat venomously, “but not good enough.” With one snap of my neck, I was unconscious.

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Hopefully, I can stop being so damn lazy and get the second/last chapter up soon.