Kakashi, If You Were Gay

A/N: This was written for a songfic contest on LJ, but I pulled
it out of that.  I wanted to get it posted and they were having trouble
making a decision.  I still wish everyone else the best of luck. 
(This is my first songfic.  I had no idea how hard they were!) 



Thanks to FairyNiamh for betaing after I pulled it from the contest (look, I
fixed it, no more Itcha Itcha!  hahaha!)  Thanks to alisteal on LJ for
betaing it before I entered it in the contest.



---------------------------------



"Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, 'Icha Icha Yaoi Rules'.  No
'roommate' to bother me.  How could it get any better than this?" 
Kakashi sighed.  Naruto had been living with him for a month now, while the
younger man's apartment building underwent some massive repairs.  He was
beginning to drive Kakashi nuts, in a lot of ways.



The door opened and a travel pack hit the floor.  Kakashi groaned and slid
the book into his back pocket, pulling a copy of the hetero version from under a
couch cushion.  He would have to pretend the words 'she' and 'hers and such
were really 'he' and 'his' again.  He really wasn't ready to 'come out' in
front of his former student.



"Oh, hi K'ashi!"  Naruto said with the annoyingly cheerful smile.



"Hi Naruto."



"Hey K'ashi, you'll never guess what happened to me on the road this
morning.  This guy was smiling at me and talking to me..."



"That's very interesting."  Like Kakashi cared?  He ignored the fact
that he'd just re-read the same sentence twice.



"He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me.  I think
he might've thought I was gay!"  Naruto said as he landed, travel dust and
all, next to Kakashi on the couch.



"Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?  Why should I care?  I
don't care."  Kakashi was very aware of their close proximity.  He
tried to change the subject.  "What did you have for lunch today?"



"Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it, K'ashi..."  Naruto
smiled in that disarming way and all the warning bells went off in Kakashi's
head.



"I'm NOT getting defensive!  What do I care about some gay guy you met,
okay?"  He hit the page he was reading with the back of his hand for
emphasis and said.  "I'm trying to read."



"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Kakashi.  I just think it's something we
should be able to talk about." 



Kakashi paled a little under his mask.  He really didn't want to talk about
this with Naruto.  "I don't want to talk about it, Naruto! This
conversation is over!!!"  Kakashi stood up and started for the door of his
bedroom.



"Yeah, but..."  Naruto persisted, pouting a little at his older friend's
gruff tone.



"OVER!!!"  Kakashi said as he shut his bedroom door firmly and fell face
first onto his bed.  The kid was gonna be the death of him.  Naruto
wouldn't let this go, Kakashi knew it, he just knew it.



"Well, okay, but just so you know. If you were gay....That'd be okay." 
The voice was as golden and cheery as the mussed hair on the eighteen year old
boy's head.  "I mean 'cause, Hey, I'd like you anyway."  Kakashi tried
to smother himself with a pillow, just to get that voice out of his head. 
It didn't work, his ears were straining to every golden syllable.  "Because
you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay."  Naruto
spoke softly as he made his way to the room Kakashi was letting him use while he
stayed here.



BUT you're NOT GAY. Kakashi thought with
sad choked sob.  He had to admit it now.  He was in love with the
annoying blond ball of warm fuzzy feelings. 



-------------------



Two days later:



"Naruto, please!  I am trying to read...."  The damn kid kept taking
the book out of his hands, obviously trying to talk to him.  Kakashi didn't
want to talk.  "What?!"  He finally asked in exasperation.



"If you were queer." 



"Ah, Naruto!"  Kakashi rolled his eyes.  Not this
again.



"I'd still be here,"



Kakashi interrupted him again.  "Naruto, I'm trying to read this book."



"Year after year."  The boy looked so sweet and sincere.



"Naruto!"



"Because you're dear to me,"  The love, platonic
love, in the blue eyes was too much to be borne. 



Kakashi got up, without his book.  "Argh!"  He stormed off toward the
training grounds, desperately in need of something to destroy.



-------------------

That evening:



Naruto started in the moment he got back.  Kakashi started doing busy work,
just to keep the kid from smothering him.



"And I know that you...."



Kakashi had been ignoring him, but the pause in the almost constant babble drew
his attention from the kunai he was sharpening.  "What?"



"Would accept me too,"  The boys voice was soft, almost a whisper.



"I would?"  What the hell else was he supposed to say...?



"If I told you today, 'HEY! GUESS WHAT, I'M GAY!'



I'd jump your bones....BUT you're NOT GAY.



Naruto stood up slowly, now that he had Kakashi's attention, he
wasn't going to lose it.  "I'm happy just being with you."  He began
to take off the orange and black jacket.  All he had on underneath was a
black mesh shirt.



Kakashi tried to derail his thoughts.  High Button
Shoes, Pal Joey...



"So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with guys?"  There was a
hint of sadness in the voice and Kakashi couldn't figure it out.



"Naruto, that's perverse!"  Whatever, lying closet
perv....  He berated himself.



"No it's not!"  Naruto insisted vehemently.  "If you were gay I'd
shout HOORAY!"  Naruto threw his hands up for emphasis and Kakashi was
starting to figure this out. 



He wasn't ready to deal with the implications.  I
am not listening! He told himself even as his ears
perked up like a puppies.



"and here I'd stay,"  Naruto said softly as he slid to his knees in
front of the older man.  His blue eyes soft and pleading.



Kakashi tried to ignore the image and the words. 
La la la la la!



"But I wouldn't get in your way."  The blond head dropped, just before a
tear was clearly visible on a golden cheek.



"Aaaah!"  Kakashi growled.  Now he'd made the boy cry.  He tried
to say something, anything, nothing came out.



Naruto continued to speak where he was.  "You can count on me...to always be
beside you every day, to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way," 
That last bit sounded like the younger man was trying to console himself. 
It could be so difficult when you first realize that you didn't fit the hetero
mold everyone expected.  "and, as they say, it's in your DNA, YOU'RE GAY!"



"But you're NOT GAY!"  Kakashi felt like a moron for blurting out the fact
that he had repeated to himself for the past year about the younger man. 



"If I were gay?"  Naruto responded his voice barely a whisper, as his
golden hands came up to rest on Kakashi's firm thighs, caressing them gently.



"Argh!"  Kakashi pulled the boy up to him and whispered fiercely. 
"Then I'd kiss you like this!"



They weren't able to talk for sometime and then it was to decide that Naruto
really didn't need that little apartment of his.  Kakashi had more than
enough room in his for both of them.



-----End----



If You Were Gay (song lyrics) from the Avenue Q musical, written by Robert Lopez
and Jeff Marx



ROD

Aah, an afternoon alone with

My favorite book, "Broadway

Musicals of the 1940s."

No roommate to bother me.

How could it get any better than this?



NICKY

Oh,hi Rod!



ROD

Hi Nicky.



NICKY

Hey Rod, you'll never

Guess what happened to

Me on the subway this morning.

This guy was smiling at me and talking to me



ROD

That's very interesting.



NICKY

He was being real friendly,

And I think he was coming on to me.

I think he might've thought I was gay!



ROD

Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?

Why should I care?

I don't care.

What did you have for lunch today?



NICKY

Oh, you don't have to get

All defensive about it, Rod...



ROD

I'm NOT getting defensive!

What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?

I'm trying to read.



NICKY

Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.

I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.



ROD

I don't want to talk about it,

Nicky! This conversation is over!!!



NICKY

Yeah, but...



ROD

OVER!!!



NICKY

Well, okay, but just so you know ”

IF YOU WERE GAY

THAT'D BE OKAY.

I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,

I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.

BECAUSE YOU SEE,

IF IT WERE ME,

I WOULD FEEL FREE

TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY

(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)



ROD

Nicky, please!

I am trying to read....

What?!



NICKY

IF YOU WERE QUEER



ROD

Ah, Nicky!



NICKY

I'D STILL BE HERE,



ROD

Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.



NICKY

YEAR AFTER YEAR



ROD

Nicky!



NICKY

BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR

TO ME,



ROD

Argh!



NICKY

AND I KNOW THAT YOU



ROD

What?



NICKY

WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,



ROD

I would?



NICKY

IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,

"HEY! GUESS WHAT,

I'M GAY!"

(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

I'M HAPPY

JUST BEING WITH YOU.



ROD

High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...



NICKY

SO WHAT SHOULD IT

MATTER TO ME

WHAT YOU DO IN BED

WITH GUYS?



ROD

Nicky, that's GROSS!



NICKY

No it's not!

IF YOU WERE GAY

I'D SHOUT HOORAY!



ROD

I am not listening!



NICKY

AND HERE I'D STAY,



ROD

La la la la la!



NICKY

BUT I WOULDN'T GET

IN YOUR WAY.



ROD

Aaaah!



NICKY

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME

TO ALWAYS BE

BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,

TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,

YOU WERE JUST BORN

THAT WAY,

AND, AS THEY SAY,

IT'S IN YOUR DNA,

YOU'RE GAY!



ROD

BUT I'M NOT GAY!



NICKY

If you were gay.



ROD

Argh!