Delusions of Reality

Naruto: Delusions of Reality

Summary:Another 'What If...' Story. What if Uzumaki Naruto had died on the bridge instead of Haku? What if he was refused entry into the after life and forced to find a new body to inhabit? How does Orochimaru fit in all this?

Warnings: Not many beyond what's in the front page, some implied homosexuality

AN: Uhm, like the summary said, this is another one of my 'What If...' fics. Inspired a little by another story I saw on the site that was to my knowledge never completed. Anyway tell me whether you like it or not, if not tell me what you didn't like about it and I might go back through and change it (and yes, for those of you about to be annoyed by it, I did make the sudden scene shifts intentional, I'm just messing around with my writing style is all that's about) So, Good, Bad or 'OMG, My brain is being eaten by rabid drool monkeys!!!11!!' tell me what you think in your review please.

---

=1=

A warm wetness splattered across Haku's face as he braced himself for the killing blow that never came, after a second of pause he opened his eyes to see something he had never expected. Standing before him, shielding him from the lethal strike was his enemy, and he was smiling as he gripped tightly his teacher's arm. Kakashi, Zabuza and Haku all shared a stunned look as the tenacious blond ripped free the hand in his chest before turning around and latching onto Haku, gurgling something into his ear through bloodstained lips as he pulled the older boy to the ground with his weight.::

“You must be a horrible teacher if your own student turns on you so quickly like that Kakashi.” Zabuza laughed as he reached for his massive cleaver. “Looks like he commited suicide rather than be stuck as one of your useless subordinates.”

“Zabuza-san, it's over.” Haku said suddenly, restraining easily her mentor's hand.

“What are you doing Haku?” He demanded, glaring at the effeminate boy.

“He gave his life to stop this madness Zabuza-san, please.” He said, unable to restrain his tears as he felt the blood cooling on his ear. “Respect this boy's wishes.”

“What's gotten into you?” The older man growled.

“I talked with him, less than a week ago when I was collecting herbs to heal you.” He answered, continuing to restrain his master's sword arm. “He recognized me by my voice but said nothing on one condition.”

~*~*~

“Am I dead?” Naruto asked, his voice sounded hollow to his ears as it rang out through the shifting darkness.

“Yes and no brat” A familiar voice answered, making him jump- or at least making him feel like he jumped, it was a little hard to tell. “It seems that you have a little bit of importance in the grand scheme of things, so you're being granted a second chance.”

“Whoa, hold up and wait a minute!” The blond shouted as he turned to face the voice only to find more darkness. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means you weren't supposed to die to save that Haku boy, honestly, how dense can you be brat?” The voice responded with a resounding sigh. “You should feel lucky that I've been forbidden from eating your soul and just getting things over with.”

“Oh, I thought I recognized that voice.” He said, still trying to find the source. “What the hell are you doing here damn fox?”

“Damn fox? That's all I get after saving your life dozens of times?” Came an almost hurt sounding response, at least until the laughter started. “Don't think that I'm here by my own free will brat, my life and soul are bound to yours, at least until this whole ordeal is over with.”

“Right, so obviously we're going to find my body and put ourselves back in.” Naruto said sarcastically. “Oh wait, I forgot, there's a big ass hole in my chest!”

“Eh, that's not the biggest problem actually.” The Kyuubi said as he was suddenly surrounded by an unusually small funeral in Konaha. “This is your funeral, and it happened about a month ago, you're body is worm food.”

“Well, if that's the case, what the hell am I supposed to do for a body!” He shouted, starting to get fed up with the game. “I can't exactly snap my fingers and make you know, and there's no way in hell I'm taking over a scarecrow or a suit of armor or something.”

“That's not a problem, all we need to do if find a body. Perferably young and uninjured.” The fox answered, Naruto swore his eye was twitching in his grave. “It needs to be fresh too, no more than a couple minutes in best.”

“Oh Gods! That's even worse!” Now he knew his eye was twitching. “Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?!”

“Oh shut up, you're going to be taking it over, not rutting the damn thing!” The demon finally shouted back. “Listen, we're just wasting time here, let's find a body and get this over with. The sooner we get done with whatever we're supposed to do, the sooner we can get as far away from each other as possible.”

“Fine, how do we do this.” Naruto sighed, unable to escape he logic.

“It's simple, the easiest way is to find someone who is about to die and just wait.” The fox responded as they suddenly found themselves standing beside a severly malnourished child of maybe nine or ten. “Like this girl, she'll last the night at the longest.”

“She looks cold.” Naruto said, reaching a translucent hand out to touch her only to have it pass through her unhindered.

“Eh, it's maybe five degrees Celsius out.” The fox answered distantly. “She'll die fast.”

“Isn't there something we can do?” He asked, watching her shiver profusely.

“Do? She's already dead boy, her body and mind just haven't quite caught up to that fact yet.” The disembodied demon snorted.

“I know, but can't we at least warm her up a little or something?” Naruto pressed, looking over at the translucent red blur that was the Nine-tailed Demon Fox's spirit.

“If you want to waste your power, just take hold of some part of her and concentrate on warm thoughts.” Kyuubi responded, understanding the look in his eyes. “Just wasting your strength though.”

“Well, it's the least I can do for her.” He said, taking a seat beside her as he draped one arm over her shoulder and slowly he began a gentle humming.

“Where did you learn that?” The fox asked curiously as he continued to hum the lullaby.

“Just something I heard, you know, during one of my late night strolls.” Naruto answered before picking up where he left off, she suddenly began to hum along with him as her eyes closed for the final time.

“Not long now.”

Naruto gave no response as he continued humming, watching curiously as something long and wispy passed from her mouth and nose as she let out her breath.

“She's gone now.” Kyuubi said, removing his arm from the body. “It's time to get to work on reshaping the body to suit our desires.”

“Yeah, so what do we do?” Naruto asked softly as the Kyuubi pulled the empty shell prone.

The fox explained the basics of the reconstruction and integration processes as they started to work on reshaping the body to their mutual liking. Naruto seemed to grasp the procedures quickly enough and was soon working on reshaping the girl's body into what he wanted of it, changing the gender had been the first thing he did as soon as he knew how. He could hardly believe how tiring the transformation process was as the hours passed by as they worked on the body in complete seclusion. His demon partner seemed to be obsessed with finding creative new places to hide weapons forged from toughened bone.::
During the last hour of work the Kyuubi made an interesting discovery that it was quick to share with him, the girl had possessed some kind of bloodline limit- though it had laid dormant inside her up until her death. Naruto found himself disturbed when he saw how suddenly giddy the fox became upon forcing the trait to activate, from what he knew of the demon, it's joy was generally pretty bad for those still living. Before he could even dare to ask what the bloodline was the fox had already started working on it's final touch, a body length golden-red tail coming right off of the tailbone.::

“Oh no, no way in hell I'm walking around with that thing on my ass.” Naruto said suddenly upon seeing the fluffy fox's tail.

“Don't complain, it's fully prehensile, think of it as a third arm.” The Kyuubi said somewhat rationally. “I know you're always complaining about not having enough hands.”

“Yeah, but how the hell am I going to explain a five foot long fox tail?!” He said, looking at the demon like it was an idiot.

“Don't, just hide it when you're in public.” The demon answered with what Naruto guess passed for a shrug among disembodied souls. “I can show you how, and it'll be like having another concealed weapon right on your ass.”

“You fill me with a deep loathing, I hope you know that.” Naruto said blankly, feeling to weak to continue arguing the subject.

“The feeling is mutual brat.” The demon grunted, looking down at the reshaped body. “Well, what are you waiting for, get in.”

“What about you?” The blond asked cautiously.

“I go where you do.” It sighed. “Now quit whining like a little bitch and get in the body.”

Naruto's first breath came in the form of a resounding gasp that filled the cold alley even as the rain continued to pour down, his hand went to his new chest as he tried to slow his breathing to a reasonable pace- that's when he felt them. The twin hearts beating in his chest, keeping his body warmer than he had ever felt it before, it was nice in the bone chilling rain. It was awkward for him as he tried to stand up at first, straining his body's previously underutilized muscles and causing him to stumble around drunkenly as he readjusted to having a corporeal form once again.::
At the demon fox's insistence he pushed a small bit of his chakra to his eyes and the world seemed to unfold before him to some degree, he could see the chakra filling and manipulating the rain and he understood on some basic level what it's purpose was. He pressed himself tight against the wall, out of the rain as his empty stomach growled, he knew it had been probably because his new body hadn't eaten anything in weeks. His hand shot out without warning when he heard a rat squeak next to him, hoping to find something to eat itself, he made the death for it quick and painless with a sharp twist of his arms- it wouldn't be the worst thing he'd ever eaten.

*~*~*

“I can't believe he's gone.” Sakura said as she stared at the small monument dedicated to those heroes killed in action, his name should have been put on it months ago but it still wasn't there. “It doesn't seem right. I keep expecting to wake up from this nightmare to see him smiling at me again.”

“I know it hurts Sakura-chan, but you shouldn't dwell on his death.” Haku said gently, pulling her into a loose hug. “He gave it willingly to save mine, even though I was his enemy, he took Kakashi-sensei's attack for me just like I was prepared to take it for Zabuza-san.”

“Why can't I hate you?” She asked as the tears fell from her eyes. “Why do you have to be so much like him that I can't hate you Haku?”

“It's because you know the truth.” Hakus said gently as she cried into his kimono. “I would trade places with Naruto in a heartbeat if I thought it would bring him back.”

“Hey Forehead, your parents are getting worried.” Ino said as she walked over to the former enemies. “I told them I'd find you and tell you.”

“Go home, Ino-pig.” Sakura said defensively as she wiped her eyes. “I don't want to deal with you today.”

“What? I can't visit a friend?” She asked sarcastically.

“Friend? You hated Naruto!” The pink haired kunoichi scoffed.

“Sakura-chan, I don't think...” Haku started.

“You think so?” Ino snapped, anger flaring in her blue eyes. “Where were you when he needed you? Eh, Forehead?”

“Fuck you!” Sakura screamed as she lunged for the other girl, only to find that both of them had had their feet frozen to the ground by Haku.

“Please, you're friends, you shouldn't fight like this.” The boy said softly.

“I-I didn't mean it Sakura.” The blond girl said after a moment fo awkward silence. “I didn't hate him you know, I was just so scared of what my father would think if I...”

~*~*~

The rain had stopped like it did once every few weeks and Naruto took his chance to flee unseen by the Hidden Rain's godlike ruler, it wasn't hard for him to get out of the city itself at that time- all he had to do was kill a couple guards patrolling the city and take their clothing, and hope that their body's weren't found before he could get away, he had no suicidal desire to face Pein one on one. With a few quick hand seals a thick fog filled the air around him as he ran full bore toward the guard station at the edge of the dystopian city, another simple seal and he suddenly went from just two men to eight.::
The first guard noticed him as he charged to gate with his clones, calling for him to stop but he instead poured more powered to his legs. Another warning to him and the guard fell dead on the spot, a kunai protruding from his throat. Armed shinobi came pouring out of the building when the dead man's switch on their fallen comrade triggered the alarm, Naruto knew he didn't have much time before Pein would arrive on the scene to settle the disturbance that was interrupting his rest. The resurrected ninja readied himself for the jump of his life as every muscle in his body tightened while his clones killed guard after guard without mercy or hesitation, he left the ground just as the first drop of rain hit and cleared the imposing wall before the storm started in full fury again.::
Naruto felt his clones dispel as he fled the city and it's god-kage, their unique eyes told him the story as they died fighting the man called Pein. Those six sets of ringed grey eyes haunted the back of his mind as he ran as hard and fast as his body would allow him to, but the growl of his stomach told him he would need food soon if he was to keep up his pace for long. A chill rand down his spine as he ducked into the woods, it felt like someone had been watching him running. A buck spooked as he charged past and he quickly reversed direction, concentrating chakra to the center of his palm and extending one of his many bone spikes to kill the unfortunate beast for his next meal.::
That night, for the first time in nearly four months, he took the time to build a fire and cook his kill, much to the Kyuubi's loudly voiced displeasure- he preferred the taste of the fresh kill to cooked meat. Naruto ignored the fox's vocalizations as he savored each bite of the meat, he couldn't remember the last time anything had tasted so good to his tongue. After his stomach was full the once blond boy walked toward the sound of a nearby creek to clean himself up, discarding the stolen forehead protector, vest and shirt, the latter two because they were simply to large to fit his lean frame and partially because they were covered in blood. The cold water made him shiver as he scooped it up and scrubbed it against his exposed body, he stared at his reflection in the water for a few minutes after he had gotten most of the blood and dirt off before finally giving into his curiosity and pressing chakra into his eyes.::
His acquired bloodline flared to life in his eyes and he watched as his irises turned a deep crimson as four petals sprouted from around his whitened pupils. He smiled as he thought about how he had been able to make the previous owner of his body comfortable in her last few moments, he liked to think of these eyes as her gift to him much to the Kyuubi's annoyance. After a little longer he decided to go back to his small campsite to check on the meat he had left cooking over the fire and was surprised when he found five people sitting and eating what he had planned to be his next few meals on his journey home.::

“Excuse me, would you mind telling me who you are and why you're eating my food?” Naruto said calmly as he walked into his campsite with his arms crossed over his tightly muscled chest.

“Eh? Finders keepers losers weepers shithead.” The only girl in the group said, taking a large bite of the steak she had claimed without turning around.

“Tayuya-chan, that's not the kind of language a lady should use.” The largest of the group scolded her gently before looking up at Naruto, catching sight of the various bony nubs sticking out of his skin at tactically located points. “Forgive us sir, it's kind of my fault, I smelled this delicious food cooking and I just couldn't help myself.”

“Eh, it's no problem really, I'll just catch something else tomorrow.” Naruto said with a shrug. “Though you can pay me back by telling me who all of you are.”

“I'm Jirobo, the foul-mouthed one if Tayuya-chan.” The fat man said, pointing to each person as he spoke of them. “The guy next to me is is Kidomaru, and the guy with two heads there is Sakon and Ukon, and next to him is Kimimaro.”

“Hey.” Ukon said in a deep voice without looking back.

“Yo!” Sakon said, snapping his head up suddenly and grinning.

“That's a little bit creepy.” Naruto said, looking intently at the two-headed man.

“Don't mind those two, they're idiots.” Kimimaro said, looking up at him for a moment before returning to his meal.

“Thanks for the advice.” Naruto said, walking over to the fallen buck and reaching his hand inside without pause. “Ah, there it is.”

“There what is?” Jirobo asked, watching the golden-redhead as he reached inside the deer without hesiatation.

“The liver.” He responed as he pulled out his bloodied arm along with the desired organ. “This'll be a good few days of food.”

“Ugh, how can anybody eat those things.” The six-armed Kidomaru said with a shudder. “They taste nasty.”

“Go a week without food, and one of these things looks pretty good.” Naruto answered as he picked up a sharpened stick from beside the fire and lanced the organ. “Besides, liver is packed full of things the body needs.”

“Hmm.” The large man grunted in agreement. “You're going to share right.”

“Touch that liver, and your next meal will be your arm.” He answered flatly, causing the Kyuubi to chuckle.

“Ooh, I like this one.” Tayuya said suddenly, looking up at him and then to Jirobo.

“Uh-oh.” Sakon said, looking over at Naruto. “You should stay away from her now kid, she raped the last guy she said that about.”

“I didn't hear any complaints.” She snorted.

“That's because you gagged him.” Ukon retorted.

“I can't leave you four alone for ten minutes without something happening.” A snake-eyed man said suddenly as he emerged from the shadows, causing Naruto to jump in surprise. “Hmm, who are you?”

“Akimitsu Natsuo.” Naruto responded without hesiatation.

“Orochimaru-sama.” Kimimaro said humbly, bowing his head immediately after looking up at the man- looking like he had just committed a sin.

“I guess this means the meal's over.” Jirobo sighed. “Damn good deer though.”

'Orochimaru? I've heard that name before.' Naruto thought quietly.

“Akimitsu-kun, you look like something is bother you.” Orochimaru said, motioning for the other's to stay seated.

“Huh? Oh, no sir, I'm just tired is all.” He responded, looking up at the man. “I've had a pretty long day.”

“Really, why's that?” The man asked, taking a seat next to him.

“I...” Naruto paused, trying to think of what to tell the man before deciding to go with the truth- he couldn't remember what it was Orochimaru was famous for, but he knew it was something terrible. “I just escaped from the Hidden Rain.”

“Oh, very impressive, and it does explain these.” Orochimaru said, holding up the clothing he had discarded earlier. “So, tell me child, have you given any thought about where you're going to go?”

“I was thinking Konaha, maybe start up a small farm or something.” He said with a shrug, watching the man carefully.

“Hmm, my little group is going to be passing there on our way to the Sand.” The man said, carefully examining Naruto with his snakelike eyes. “Would you like to join us? I'm afraid there will be a few minor stipulations if you do though.”

'Hey, fox, any idea what he'll do if I say no?' Naruto said, taking a deep breath through his nose as he rested his chin on his fist to think.

“Kill you, no doubt about it, he's trying to suppress his intent, but I can smell it.” The demon in his head answered calmly.

“Alright, sounds a lot safer than trying to make it alone.” He answered aloud, causing the older man to smile wickedly.

“Just what I was hoping to here Akimitsu-kun.” Orochimaru said, turning away before suddenly lengthening his neck and sinking his teeth deep into Naruto's shoulder and injecting something that felt like liquid fire to the boy.

Naruto cried out in pain as he moved away as soon as he could, stumbling slightly as the venom spread quickly.

“Bastard.” He growled, directing his stumble towards the older man. “I'll kill you for...”

“My my, quiet tough isn't he.” Orochimaru stated as he caught the boy with one hand when he toppled over. “Threatening me even when he can't see straight. Tayuya.”

“Yes, Orochimaru-sama?” She said, looking up as Naruto was thrown at her by the man.

“Take care of him until he wakes up...” He paused for a moment. “If he doesn't, dispose of him.”

“Yes, Orochimaru-sama.” She responded, bowing her head in complicance.

*~*~*

Kimimaro raised an arm to shield his eyes from the sudden flaring of chakra that filled the air, emanating from the boy that his master had most recently blessed with his mark. It was becoming surprisingly harder to breathe as the deep violet chakra forced it's way from the lean body when the seal had started to expand slowly, looking something akin to lotus petals floating on the wind as the markings blazed over his skin. He took a step back when the boy began to rise to his feet after a full day and night of unconsciousness, then something happened that the Kaguuya survivor never expected to see during this process.::
The markings began to recede as a brilliant blue chakra began to counter and overwhelm the purple torrent as Naruto, Natsuo as he knew him, let out a primal scream that echoed throughout the camp. His three petal seal gave one final glow of protest before he fell to his knees and began to retch, forcing something as thick and black as pitch out of his stomach as Kimimaro watched on, entranced by the unfolding process. Orochimaru joined his slave shortly after he felt the, for lack of better description, monstrous power, his head tilted slightly to one side as he saw the black liquid on the ground. He understood the significance better than his future vessel did, Natsuo's body had somehow not only reject but expel his cursed seal before it could take hold.::
Orochimaru walked over to the boy with the gold and red hair as he lay on the ground, dry heaving a few more times before he finally managed to push himself up and away from the residue on the ground. The older man blinked when he saw the three lotus petal marks resting dormant on his shoulder, maybe he hadn't fully rejected the seal- he was definitely an interesting subject. He could feel an impressive killer intent come from the boy as he approached but he didn't let it deter him, it was feeble compared to his own.::

“Congratulations Akimitsu-kun, you passed the test.” Orochimaru said gently as he squatted beside the panting boy.

“Test? What kind of sick test was that?” Naruto growled, rolling over to glare at him as he forced chakra into his eyes to awaken his bloodline trait. “What the hell did you do to me?”

“I gave you a gift, the test was to see if you were worthy of it.” The serpentine man answered calmly. 'An advanced bloodline, a very impressive young man indeed.'

“Worthy?!” He snarled. “And what would have happened if I wasn't 'worthy' as you put it?”

“The seal would have killed you.” He shrugged before standing up. “I don't like weak servants.”

“I should have stayed dead.” Naruto mumbled into the dirt so Orochimaru couldn't hear him.

“What was that?” Orochimaru asked, looking over his shoulder.

“I said 'I should have stayed in bed'.” He lied before standing up slowly himself.

“Ah well, those are the breaks of life.” The Sannin chuckled. “There are many things we should have done, but don't realize until it's too late.”

“Here, you look like you could use something to eat.” Tayuya said, handing him the stick he had cooked the deer liver on- he immediately noticed half was missing. “Jirobo raided some while you were out, stupid fatass.”

“Thanks.” Naruto said, taking the offered stick and taking a large bite out of the liver- ignoring the taste as he chewed. “How long have I been out?”

“A day and a night, that's about how long it takes for the cursed seals to set.” She said, looking at the mark on his shoulder. “Flower petals?”

“Dunno, my head doesn't turn that way.” He shrugged, swallowing before taking another bite of the bitter foodstuff. “So, what happened to the foul mouth?”

“Huh?” She grunted.

“I've got very good hearing, I could hear you cussing before I could even see my campfire.” He replied in a not so nice after swallowing again. “And you've said only one bad word since we started talking.”

“Fuck you asshole, I was just trying to be nice!” She snapped before walking away, muttering something about letting Jirobo eat him.

“Damn, normally it takes me ten minutes to get her that pissed, you work fast.” Sakon said as he approached.

“I'm not exactly in a good mood myself you know.” Naruto growled before finishing off what was left of the liver in a couple bites. “And tired as I am, I can probably still kill you if you keep pushing me.”

“Eh, sorry, just thought that it was pretty impressive.” He said, raising his hands as he backed away slowly.

“Yeah.” He grunted, examining the stick for worthwhile scraps before discarding it when he found none. “It's Sakon, right?”

“Y-yeah, not many people get that right the first time.” He nodded quickly.

“It's all in the voice.” He shrugged before walking away.

“If you've get a crush on him Sakon, I swear, brother or not, I'll kill you in your sleep.” Ukon said meanacingly as he move his head to face his brother's.

“Oh shut up, he's got a nice ass.” Sakon said, pushing his brother away with a hand.

Tayuya sat alone under one of the forests many trees, grumbling about how stupid men were as she held her knees tight against her chest. As she sat there staring deeper and deeper into the woods she felt a small flower float down and brush against her cheek before coming to rest on her shoulder. She didn't bother to look at it before she blew it off only to soon find it replaced by half a dozen little flowers which she again brushed off, though this time she smiled slightly. She giggled slightly when the tiny blossoms started to rain down slowly on her head, it felt kind of nice in all honesty.::

“I'm glad you liked that.” Naruto said suddenly from behind her, causing her to jump in fright in an almost comical manner before turning to glare at him. “Listen, I wanted to apologize.”

“Heh, like you even know how Natsuo.” She snorted, turning away from him.

“Well, I had hoped the rain of flowers would be a good start.” He said, causing her to look up to see two clones standing upside down on the thick branch above her head with woven grass baskets in their hands.

“That's the way you apologize to a girlfriend you dumbass.” Tayuya growled, struggling not to break into a smile.

“Well, are you or are you not a girl?” Naruto asked, taking a seat beside her.

“You know, it's not the brightest idea to sit next to a girl that wants you dead.” She said, glaring at him from the corner of her eyes.

“Who told you I was bright?” He said, smiling at her.

“No one apparently.” She said, pushing him away roughly. “Stay that far away if you don't have a death wish.”

“You know, I tried dying once, hurt like hell.” Naruto said, continuing to smile at her. “My papers weren't in order so I got sent back.”

“You have a terrible sense of humor.” Tayuya sighed. “That didn't even come remotely close to funny.”

“Yeah, I know, I just wanted to see how you'd react.” He shrugged. “Honestly though Tayuya-san, I'm sorry.”

“Go on.” She said, turning her head to look at him more fully.

“This cursed seal thing, it brought up a lot of painful things from my past that I'm not ready to deal with yet.” He sighed, looking away from her. “I know you were just trying to be nice, I didn't mean to insult you earlier.”

“It happens to everyone Natsuo, the seals bring out our most painful memories to show us how weak we are without them.” She said, committing every every bony nub on his visible skin to memory. “It's the reason most people who have them, accept them.”

“I didn't accept mine.” Naruto said, looking up to see a surprised look on her face. “Power has caused me nothing but trouble for all of my life, when this seal tried to use my memories against me, I drew on all the power I had to force it out of my body.”

“H-how is that even possible?” Tayuya asked in a hushed tone. “The seal set, you can see it on your shoulder.”

“That's more like a scar really.” He shrugged. “It's not that hard to reject the seal, you just expel I the way you would a poison.”

“Who are you?” She asked cautiously, glaring at him once more.

“Akamitsu Natsuo.” He answered without thought.

*~*~*

Sarutobi sat quietly behind his desk as he stared at a small piece of paper he had been given by a member of an ANBU unit that had been ambushed during a routine border patrol. There had only been one survivor from the four man cell, a woman named Uzuki Yugao, she had reported being incapacitated with one blow and then waking up in the arms of a nervous looking boy of fourteen or fifteen- who had apparently hugged her the moment she had woken up. Yugao had been hesitant to tell the Hokage the name of her apparant captor because she thought he would think she was insane.::
Uzumaki Naruto she said was the name the boy had given her to tell him before putting a note in her hand and hiding her away in a crevice beside a lake made of the Kyuubi's footprint from his attack thirteen years before. He stared at the note intently, there wasn't much to it, it was just a simple list of ingredients. The very same ingredients fot the itching powder that Naruto had used a few months before his graduation to line the toilet paper in the Hokage's personal bathroom. Sarutobi's eye twitched as he remembered the infernal itching and rash it had given him for a month.::

“Ho-Hokage-sama.” Yugao said nervously after nearly twenty minutes of dead silence. “I-is something wrong?”

“No, for once, I think things may go all right.” Sarutobi asnwered, wiping a tear from his eye. “Uzumaki Naruto, is alive.”

“B-but that's impossible, I was at the funeral.” She stammered. “I saw his body myself, Uzumaki Naruto is dead beyond any shadow of a doubt.”

“This begs to differ Yugao-chan.” The Hokage pronounced, turning the message so she could see it.

“How does a list of random chemicals prove that Uzumaki-kun alive?” She asked, shaking her head, none of it made any sense.

“Not random chemicals, it's a highly potent itching powder that Naruto developed for his pranks.” He sighed as he lowered the note back to his desk. “Only a handful of people in Konaha know this exact formula, and none of the ones who are alive would attack an ANBU squad just to pull a stupid joke.”

“So you think Uzumaki-kun has somehow come back from the dead?” She asked, rubbing her forehead as she tried to make sense of everything. “Assuming that that's somehow true, why did he ambush my patrol and dispose of everyone but me?”

“That, my dear Yugao-chan is the mystery.” Saurtobi said with a nod. “Who could possibly make Naruto-kun do something like betray Konaha, and what do they hope to gain from it?”

---

AN2: Yes, I made Haku a boy in this one, I just didn't feel like making him a girl (he is technically a 'he' in cannon, though I often disagree). Also, for those wondering Sakon is gay in this story, why? Because I damn well felt like it, and I wanted him to have a different personality from Ukon even though they're pretty much Siamese twins (sort of). Oh, the name of the dojutsu Naruto inherited from the girl is the Uragan (I'm pretty sure that's that 'Lotus eye' would translate as) It's a multi-stage dojutsu (kind of like the Sharigan) and anyone who wants to know what I think the various stages look like just take and look on wikipedia for chakra (not like in the anime, I mean the actual chakras) the stages of the eye look like the various symbols for the charkas (minus the writing) excluding the Ajna Chakra (it's the one with two petals)- the first time I describe his eye, when he's looking at his reflection, it's supposed to look something akin to the Muladhara Chakra symbol.

Alright, you've reached the bottom now, so please review. Be your opinion good bad or brain-eating monkeys.