A Royal Pain
folder
Naruto › Threesomes/Moresomes
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,832
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Naruto › Threesomes/Moresomes
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,832
Reviews:
9
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
An Idea
“A Royal Pain”
Chapter One
Once upon a time there was a princess who, while not renowned for her beauty, was certainly acknowledged for having, amazing chakra control, a terrifyingly short fuse, and, (if you listened to the most ‘worldly’ of her ladies in waiting) for having a larger than normal forehead.
This Princess, named Sakura, lived in her gorgeous (and slightly rundown, due to gambling debts) palace, with her mother, the King Tsunade and her father, the Queen Jiraiya. The titles had been officially switched on the royal records to fit temperaments, tempers and abusive tendencies in the family, by their loyal, sake-stealing royal advisor, Shizune.
Princess Sakura was not an only child. No, she had a brother, Prince Sasuke, who was known for his beauty throughout all seven kingdoms, and a few queendoms. (Shizune had tried to switch the titles here as well, but after two death threats, and several near misses with shuriken and her head-she gave up). Now, Sasuke, there was a princess-errrr…prince who knew how to work it. Ruby red lips, pale silken skin and rich black locks as dark as night…and a very reticent personality. He spent many of his days sulking and whining, not to mention yelling at their rather…lackadaisical stable boys.
Queen Jiraiya soon decided enough was enough. Jiraiya, (rather in the way of Freud) believed everything related to sex, and he knew exactly what to do to turn their bitching son, into a happy, well-adjusted young man. Of course, his plan would have to go through her High and Mightiness, King Tsunade.
He decided to try his Idea on the group the next morning.
The morning dawned, early as usual, and the family gathered as they usually did in the breakfast room.
“Tsunade, dear? “ he started, eyelashes fluttering beguiling, “May I ask you something?”
Tsunade, though she swore she was not an alcoholic, was definitely something of a drunkard. She lifted her head from where it had been laying in her plate of royally prepared scrambled eggs, and considered removing her husband’s eyelids just to stop the sight.
“Ngh” she said, exercising her enormous…wits, and laid her head back down into the eggs.
“Oh good.” Said Jiraiya, smiling in what he hoped was a winning fashion.
“Dear, don’t you think our little Sasu-kun needs to get laid?”
His little Sasu-kun, who had been quietly drinking coffee, choked, then glared at his simpering father. Sakura, who had been quietly eating toast next to her mother, sprayed crumbs in a lovely shower all along the King’s royal blonde hair. King Tsunade did not so much as royally blink.
Jiraiya smiled patiently, awaiting the outburst. ‘3…2…1…’
“WHAT?!?” Shrieked Sakura, leaping to her feet, toast lying forgotten beside her plate. “Hentai!”
“…shaddap…” came from Tsunade’s direction, but the declaration went unheeded.
“HENTAI!!” screamed the princess, hands scrabbling for a weapon against her father’s obscenity, and finally landed on a linen napkin. She twirled it expertly, then flicked it, the tip slapping sharply into the center of the Queen’s forehead with a crisp ‘pop’.
“Owwwwww!!” bellowed Jiraiya, hands clutching the sensitive wound, leaping upward, the sudden movement overturning his royal orange juice. This was not how the discussion was supposed to go. This was, I repeat, NOT-
Princess Sakura sprinted like a seasoned track star, napkin poised for pain.
“Hentai!” she shrieked once more, this snap catching the Queen right on his bottom.
“SHADDAP.” The King declared more forcefully, face rising from the depths of her eggs to glare balefully at her idiotic husband and daughter.
Sasuke took another sip of coffee, and decided he was switched at birth.
“Hentai, Hentai, HENTAI!!!” shouted Sakura, each shout emphasized by a whap to Queen Jiraiya’s delicate frame.
“SAVE ME!!!” Jiraiya sobbed, doing his best to fit his large form into the unresponsive King’s lap.
King Tsunade, tiny pieces of egg splotched on her face, toast crumbs in her hair and murder in her eyes, glowered at EVERYTHING.
“STOP.” She said clearly and everyone watched in silence as a miniscule piece of egg, dislodged by the word, dropped back onto the plate.
Princess Sakura, making a clear decision to live, walked sedately back to her chair, set the napkin down and picked back up her toast.
Jiraiya nuzzled closer to his breakfast-laden wife, head pillowed on her generous…form. It was rare the King permitted such blatant snuggling.
“Besides,” said Sakura, toast eaten and humor in her voice, “ I should be married first, as I am the first born.”
Jiraiya pondered this. Admittedly he’d been thinking brothels, not nuptials, but that could work too. And marrying his little cherry blossom off first shouldn’t be too hard, if that’s what tradition dictated.
“Alright, “ said Jiraiya, “I’ll get you married off to a beautiful prince.”
“Eh? No I-“ Sakura spluttered, panic evident in her wide eyes.
The Queen fluttered one smug hand.
“Nope. What’s done is done. I’ll have my dearest make a proclamation when she’ feeling…more inclined.”
“Yes father.” Sakura murmured, face pale, and pensive. The Queen failed to notice. His was much more interested in his wife’s huge…charms.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That night a royal announcement was sent out to all seven kingdoms and two queendoms (after two bottles of sake and Jiraiya promising several disturbing things he hoped his wife wouldn’t remember upon waking).
“Hear ye! Hear ye! The fair and kind child of King Tsunade and Queen Jiraiya, is in need of a prince. Three tasks must be completed before applicant will be considered. Full time job. Please inquire inside royal palace. Signed, King Tsunade.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jiraiya smiled at the sound of their declaration being cried across the kingdom. He’d worried about that child bit, too vague for his liking, but really, he reasoned, how many homosexual princes could there be?
Author Note: This is probably the most cracktastic thing I've ever written, but it's been fun. It's going to be short, probably no more than a three chapter story, since A Matched Set is still my main focus. I hope to have the last chappie out by Sasu-kun's b-day. As always...Read and Review!!
Chapter One
Once upon a time there was a princess who, while not renowned for her beauty, was certainly acknowledged for having, amazing chakra control, a terrifyingly short fuse, and, (if you listened to the most ‘worldly’ of her ladies in waiting) for having a larger than normal forehead.
This Princess, named Sakura, lived in her gorgeous (and slightly rundown, due to gambling debts) palace, with her mother, the King Tsunade and her father, the Queen Jiraiya. The titles had been officially switched on the royal records to fit temperaments, tempers and abusive tendencies in the family, by their loyal, sake-stealing royal advisor, Shizune.
Princess Sakura was not an only child. No, she had a brother, Prince Sasuke, who was known for his beauty throughout all seven kingdoms, and a few queendoms. (Shizune had tried to switch the titles here as well, but after two death threats, and several near misses with shuriken and her head-she gave up). Now, Sasuke, there was a princess-errrr…prince who knew how to work it. Ruby red lips, pale silken skin and rich black locks as dark as night…and a very reticent personality. He spent many of his days sulking and whining, not to mention yelling at their rather…lackadaisical stable boys.
Queen Jiraiya soon decided enough was enough. Jiraiya, (rather in the way of Freud) believed everything related to sex, and he knew exactly what to do to turn their bitching son, into a happy, well-adjusted young man. Of course, his plan would have to go through her High and Mightiness, King Tsunade.
He decided to try his Idea on the group the next morning.
The morning dawned, early as usual, and the family gathered as they usually did in the breakfast room.
“Tsunade, dear? “ he started, eyelashes fluttering beguiling, “May I ask you something?”
Tsunade, though she swore she was not an alcoholic, was definitely something of a drunkard. She lifted her head from where it had been laying in her plate of royally prepared scrambled eggs, and considered removing her husband’s eyelids just to stop the sight.
“Ngh” she said, exercising her enormous…wits, and laid her head back down into the eggs.
“Oh good.” Said Jiraiya, smiling in what he hoped was a winning fashion.
“Dear, don’t you think our little Sasu-kun needs to get laid?”
His little Sasu-kun, who had been quietly drinking coffee, choked, then glared at his simpering father. Sakura, who had been quietly eating toast next to her mother, sprayed crumbs in a lovely shower all along the King’s royal blonde hair. King Tsunade did not so much as royally blink.
Jiraiya smiled patiently, awaiting the outburst. ‘3…2…1…’
“WHAT?!?” Shrieked Sakura, leaping to her feet, toast lying forgotten beside her plate. “Hentai!”
“…shaddap…” came from Tsunade’s direction, but the declaration went unheeded.
“HENTAI!!” screamed the princess, hands scrabbling for a weapon against her father’s obscenity, and finally landed on a linen napkin. She twirled it expertly, then flicked it, the tip slapping sharply into the center of the Queen’s forehead with a crisp ‘pop’.
“Owwwwww!!” bellowed Jiraiya, hands clutching the sensitive wound, leaping upward, the sudden movement overturning his royal orange juice. This was not how the discussion was supposed to go. This was, I repeat, NOT-
Princess Sakura sprinted like a seasoned track star, napkin poised for pain.
“Hentai!” she shrieked once more, this snap catching the Queen right on his bottom.
“SHADDAP.” The King declared more forcefully, face rising from the depths of her eggs to glare balefully at her idiotic husband and daughter.
Sasuke took another sip of coffee, and decided he was switched at birth.
“Hentai, Hentai, HENTAI!!!” shouted Sakura, each shout emphasized by a whap to Queen Jiraiya’s delicate frame.
“SAVE ME!!!” Jiraiya sobbed, doing his best to fit his large form into the unresponsive King’s lap.
King Tsunade, tiny pieces of egg splotched on her face, toast crumbs in her hair and murder in her eyes, glowered at EVERYTHING.
“STOP.” She said clearly and everyone watched in silence as a miniscule piece of egg, dislodged by the word, dropped back onto the plate.
Princess Sakura, making a clear decision to live, walked sedately back to her chair, set the napkin down and picked back up her toast.
Jiraiya nuzzled closer to his breakfast-laden wife, head pillowed on her generous…form. It was rare the King permitted such blatant snuggling.
“Besides,” said Sakura, toast eaten and humor in her voice, “ I should be married first, as I am the first born.”
Jiraiya pondered this. Admittedly he’d been thinking brothels, not nuptials, but that could work too. And marrying his little cherry blossom off first shouldn’t be too hard, if that’s what tradition dictated.
“Alright, “ said Jiraiya, “I’ll get you married off to a beautiful prince.”
“Eh? No I-“ Sakura spluttered, panic evident in her wide eyes.
The Queen fluttered one smug hand.
“Nope. What’s done is done. I’ll have my dearest make a proclamation when she’ feeling…more inclined.”
“Yes father.” Sakura murmured, face pale, and pensive. The Queen failed to notice. His was much more interested in his wife’s huge…charms.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That night a royal announcement was sent out to all seven kingdoms and two queendoms (after two bottles of sake and Jiraiya promising several disturbing things he hoped his wife wouldn’t remember upon waking).
“Hear ye! Hear ye! The fair and kind child of King Tsunade and Queen Jiraiya, is in need of a prince. Three tasks must be completed before applicant will be considered. Full time job. Please inquire inside royal palace. Signed, King Tsunade.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Jiraiya smiled at the sound of their declaration being cried across the kingdom. He’d worried about that child bit, too vague for his liking, but really, he reasoned, how many homosexual princes could there be?
Author Note: This is probably the most cracktastic thing I've ever written, but it's been fun. It's going to be short, probably no more than a three chapter story, since A Matched Set is still my main focus. I hope to have the last chappie out by Sasu-kun's b-day. As always...Read and Review!!