The Day Temari Swore Off Underwear

Temari really wasn’t one for household chores. She was a killer Kunoichi, a master in tactics, and a subtle diplomat in training, but she severly lack any talent, or even taste, in domestic matters.

However, being the big sister of two teenage boys, there were some basic, no, survival skills, that were needed from her, like the ability to track down the state of her brothers’clothes.

She respected them as shinobis, but they were males, and she had discovered to her horror that if confronted with no clean underwear available, instead of washing any, Kankuro would wear the used ones inside out, and backwards, till he turned them all into nice little chemical weapons, and Gaara would not hesitate to go commando under his kage robes. So she had taken up on her to regularly harass a maid (she wasn’t about to actually do the washing herself) when her siblings’supplies were starting to get low.

That’s why she had noticed that recently something was wrong with Gaara’s stock of undies. Rather, it was not decreasing as quickly as usual.

There was also something wrong with her own supplies. She was longer to notice it, since she usually did not pay much attention to her underwear, but, well, Nara Shikamaru was actually staying in Suna, so then she had wanted to wear her ‘special pieces’ for him.

After an hour of fruitless searching round her drawer, she had only found the bra of her newest black and frilly ensemble,the lacy boxers seemingly being nowhere to be found, and she had observed that several of her other pieces were not matched correctly. She finally settled for taking another pair of black boxers, which pissed her off because they were not matching exactly, and she just knew that she would be self-conscious about it, even if Shikamaru was likely not to notice because a) as a man he did not notice or care about matching underwear b) she was likely not going to wear them long enough for him to have a good look.

Her logical mind refused to draw any conclusion between the stability of Gaara’s underwear stock and her own missing pieces. It was not ready for that. But reality was a hard bitch, and Temari was abruptly confronted to it when later that same day, the blond kunoichi glimpsed something black, frilly and horribly familiar peeking out of her younger brother’s waistband.

At first she could only stare, frozen in shock. Her brother had just been taking off the blue and white Kazekage robes, revealing the gray pants and mesh shirt he wore beneath, and that was when he bent to put his gourd on the floor that she saw them.

“What?”

It was Gaara. He probably had been unnerved by her blank staring. Or maybe the place she was staring at.

“Ignore it.” her mind wisely adviced her“You probably saw wrong anyway... it was a play of the light... or something. No way you’re going to talk to your little brother about his undies, right?

Instead, she heard her mouth blurt something like:

“Erm... Gaara, it... er... you don’t happen to wear my boxers, don’t you?”

She watched with a detached sense of horror the young man’s face turning first ashen, then a beet-root red even deeper than his hair. He slumped into his seat and stuttered a while before managing to croak:

“Yes”

Temari waited a couple of minutes to see if he was going to elaborate, but when nothing else came, asked:

“Why?”

The young Kage hung his head. “They made me feel pretty”.

Temari nearly wailed then. First and foremost, because ever since Gaara had been made Kazekage, and even more after Shukaku had been removed, she had hoped for her brother to live a happy and normal life, and somehow walking round in women’s underwear was not a good milestone in the road of normalcy.

And second, she had loved that underwear, and that little brat had probably ruined it! Now she’d have to let them soak in soapy water for one week and forgot about them for a while before being able to wear them again, if ever. And it just wouldn’t be the same. She would never feel sexy for Shikamaru anymore in those.

She eyed her younger brother, taking in the dropped shoulders, the lowered gaze and the general air of shame around him, and her anger deflated as quick as it had appeared.

What did she cared about a pair of knickers? She’d just have to wash them. And what if her brother felt...argh... pretty... wearing them? Considering that his previous hobby had been to made living (no, really, dead) sand castles with people, it was certainly an improvement! She must be a supportive big sister!

“Gaara?”

Her brother stared warily at her. “Yes?”

“You can’t wear my underwear.”

Again the eyes drooped. “I understand”

“We’ll buy you your own”

“I... what?”

Temari took her hands from her hips and point a finger toward the redhead’s face. The slightly widened eyes crossed a bit to look at the finger hovering inches from his nose.

“First,” she enunciated. “because I need mine. Second,” She raised another finger “ they probably don’t suit you. They’re a couple size too big and black is not as much your color as burgundy. We’ll find you something really nice, I know just the shops for that. Trust your Onee-san on this!”

Gaara looked at the fingers before his eyes that were now forming a V, and the wide smile of his sister. His gaze softened, and he whispered “Thank you, nee-san”.

“Ah, don’t talk about it” said the blonde. A pensive look cross her face. “Does Kankuro know about this?”

Gaara smiled. “We sort of ran into each other while he was raiding your make-up cabinet. I don’t think he mind either.”

God, my little brothers are such freaks. The kunoichi snorted. “He won’t, as long as it’s not his affairs that are being threatened. Hasn’t changed much since his fourth birthday, on that point. And many others.”

The young Kage nodded and dropped his gaze again, a blush spreading on his features, and pointed at his waist. “Do you... er... want that pair back?”

Temari fought back a wince. “No” she said in a –hopefully- even voice “ you can keep them.”

“Alright”

“But it’s too bad, really” she winked at her brother “They’re very nice, Shikamaru loves them”

“ I know. So does Naruto.” Gaara immediately put his hand over his mouth, then groaned.

Temari stood frozen in shock for the second time in the day, left eye twitching.

Fuck Shikamaru. Fuck the washing. She was going to burn every fucking piece of underwear she owned.

-The End-