Tired

Title: Tired

Pairings: Hints of past Sasuke/Naruto, more to past friendship.

Warnings: Short, angsty. Please be warned. Don’t like, don’t read.

Author’s Note: I'm sorry this story is rushed. It's my first attempt at Naruto fanfiction, it's 3 in the morning and I'm so sleepy, lol. And my English isn't good, please excuse the grammar or correct me. I'll try to improve. If you like it, review. If you don’t, review. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.


-

“... don’t go.”

Come back!

No, no, no!! Please …

DON’T LEAVE ME, TEME!!

-


“NARUTO!” My head shot to my left. Sakura was standing right next to me, looking very worried and out of breath.

I frowned. Was I too distracted, I didn’t even notice her presence? “What’s wrong, Sakura-chan?”

A vein appeared on her right temple.

She punched me.

“Owww. What the hell, Sakura? What was that for?” I rubbed my head furiously. I love Sakura, but she should stop going physical all the time.

“You! I’ve been searching for you the whole day! You had me worried, Naruto!” Sakura said, clearly frustrated. I know.

Thank you.

I wiped the sweat that is dripping down my face and tried to smile sheepishly. “Heh, sorry, Sakura. I just finished my training. I lost my track of time.”

.

I watched as her face softened and was going to ask her out for dinner when I noticed her eyes glistened.

Thank you for caring.

She mumbled something weakly, but I caught what she said at the end. “... I thought you left. ”

But...

My eyes hardened. She looked so sad and small. I hate it, hate the fact that I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Hate that it makes me feel so useless. I’m sorry, Sakura.

“I’m still here, Sakura.” But soon, I won’t be here anymore. Very soon.

I’m sorry.

“I know.” She gave me a defeated smile and turned her body away from me. She forcefully rubbed her eyes so that I wouldn’t see her tears. But she knew I saw it anyway.

.

I was about to walk back home when Sakura suddenly looked back at me with eyes filled with renewed confidence. All for the wrong reason. I knew that look so well. The determination many people had for me, for the strength they think I possessed. Well, maybe I used to have them. But not anymore.

Not anymore, I’m sorry.

“Sakura… what?” I asked anyway.

Sakura shook her head. “You, Naruto. I know you’ll bring him back. I believe in you.”


-

"You’re the only one who could, Naruto."

-


I clenched my hand tight. God, I could practically hear the unspoken words echoing in my ears. My heart ached so much. Her mountain of hope is suffocating me.

But I only forced a smiled instead.

I’m sorry.

With that, she bid goodbye and left.

My smile immediately dropped, and I stared at her retreating figure in front of me until she was no where in sight.

.

But Sakura, you’re wrong. You’re expecting too much from me. All of you.

I don’t have the same strength I had before. Not anymore. I’ve tried.. tried to fulfill my promise. But as time went by, it slowly turned into a burden and it’s wearing me down. Can’t you see? I’m just so tired. Tired of all the excessive trainings I needed to do, pushing way past the limits. Every time, slowly eating my own body, and then recover them, only to force them back to work right after. It's just like an endless circle of torture. Do you have any idea how many times Kakashi had to surpress Kyuubi's flooding chakra back into my body? Even I have lost counts.

I’m tired of all these.

But do you know what hurts the most? It's having to keep on promising everyone that I'd bring him back everytime I went to retrieve him.. only to return with more and more broken promises and failures each time.

I don’t want to do it anymore.

The first time it happened, I was sad. I was angry. You would probably deny it, but you were disappointed with me. I know, we all were. It's okay. If it would make you feel better, the disappoinment you felt was nowhere near the disappointment I felt towards myself.

And so passed countless of failed attempts, but somewhere in the middle, however, it left me devastated. I felt horribly guilty. I just wasn't strong enough. I had improved a lot, I know, because with all those hard works, how could I not be? However, despite it all, he was even better. He got stronger. He got faster. But what scared me the most, was his unblinking red eyes. Always red, never the black orbs he used to have. I did notice. And every time, they looked even colder than before. His emotionless face felt twice as heavy.


-

"Y-you... who-Sasuke? Why?"

Please. Don't look at me like that.

"Believe this, Naruto. This is what I have become."

Oh god.. stop.

-


Did you know, Sakura? When we were all together, he might have been annoyed at me all the time, thinking of me as a bother and always calling me dead last, but even so, I knew he never hated me. He never admitted it, but he did love us. You, me and Kakashi-sensei. I could see him smiling through the cracks of his mask. But... the gaze he sent to me that time.. that time we met again. It felt like someone had locked me into an ice room with no possible escape. I couldn't stop shivering at how... less human he became. His sneer turned from sarcastic and annoyed to cruel, full of hatred. It felt like I've been stabbed over and over again. I tried, but really couldn't recognize him... why?

Then I realized.. his mask. He did not even need his mask anymore. He did not need it to hide anything. That was really what he had become. What he chose to be. Someone who left behind everything including his love and innocence, and buried his heart with hate. Our Sasuke, my Sasuke died when he defeated me at the Valley of the End and left us years ago.

We can't live in a state of denial forever, can we?

Because eventually, we'll still have to wake up... and let go.


-

"Come to think of it, isn't becoming Hokage one of your dreams?
If you have the time to chase me around, you would have been better off training, don't you think, Naruto?"

Tch, bastard. You don't get it.

"... I don't think someone who can't save their best friend is fit to become Hokage.
What do you think, hmm, Sasuke?"

-


I've failed my best friend. I've failed Sakura. I've failed Kakashi-sensei. I've failed everyone.. but what hurts the most us that I've failed myself.

You see, Sakura… this is why I can't continue this anymore.

I’m sorry.

I have finally, finally stopped hesitating.

Soon, I’ll go to that man Sasuke had become and let him ends everything. I know that person won’t disappoint me. Only this way will I know that I’ve made the right choice. I will let that person I used to love kill this tiniest hope I have with me. This stubborn hope I still have.

Until there’s no more regrets.

This is my fate. I have nothing more to lose, after all.

I'm leaving.

A/N: Short eh? About the ending.. well, it could mean anything. Who knows if Naruto got the answers he wanted or not. How you see it is up to you. Anyways, again, Í don't have perfect English, so please forgive the grammatical errors! Or correct them for me. I'd appreciate your help. Thank you for reading..