Obsession

A/N: Wow! I got more feedback than I ever expected on The First Time. You guys really like your twisted, oh so wrong stories, don’t ya? Me too, me too. So…I wrote a companion to it. It precedes the other story, but ties into it toward the end. This time it’s Sasuke’s point of view, and, just like before, it starts out normal and turns pretty grotesque and tragic.

You captured my interest the first day.

It was stupid really, you expecting answers from all of us when you provided nothing in return. Hypocritical or just you being lazy, I didn’t know. But I did know one thing. I was curious. And you were there all the time. So naturally I began to wonder all the time.

I was intrigued.

Your first lesson was a waste of time. Really just a roundabout way of saying “act like a team” and being done with it. Still I couldn’t act like I wasn’t pleasantly surprised. You threw me around that day. Dominated me like I was a defenseless infant.

I loved it.

Then…I witnessed you fight. More skill than the three of us combined, you definitely carried the group. You could form hand seals like nobody’s business, not to mention keep your exterior composed the entire time. I was astounded when I found out. You had the sharingan.

It became hero worship.

I never missed training. I was attentive to every word you said. Longing to be acknowledged. So badly I wanted you to tell me I was superior to those two. You never did. Didn’t even spare me a glance. I was nothing to you.

I liked you even more.

Sparring with you wasn’t enough. I started to take walks. Zigzagging through the village and feigning surprise when our paths would bisect. I made up all kinds of excuses. Being restless, enjoying walking, about to go shopping. None of them were true. You knew that. I made it obvious in the way I’d head back home after you turned down your street.

It was attraction.

The air was humid that day. No new missions had come up. That’s when I saw you. One of my now-daily walks led me down your street. You were on your balcony. Shirtless. Your muscles spoke volumes in a language only my hormones understood. You caught me staring. It was hard not to; I didn’t hide it. But you didn’t go inside. You waited until I left, staggering weakly, back home.

It was infatuation.

With my age and current circumstances, adolescence didn’t affect me. Not until then. Many attempts were made to sleep that night. None successful. For the first time I brought myself off. Fist pumping rapidly over hard flesh. The sensations were amazing. And, crying out in ecstasy, they got better. Behind closed eyes…I saw you. It was over in ten seconds.

It was obsession.

The chuunin exams were brutal. I didn’t like being separated from you so long. It made the battles hard. And, dealing with Naruto and Sakura, harder. It became dangerous. My mind would go off on its own tangents, leaving me open for attack. I messed up. He bit me.

I was tainted.

That seal changed something inside me. It made me thoughtless and wild. Awakened the first real desire to murder. It felt amazing. Raw power ignited my lust for vengeance, my lust for you. Like two personalities in one, I never knew what emotions would rule over others. One night, I went too far. Her neck snapped so easily under my fingers; nobody was around. I never told.

I have sinned.

Nothing else mattered. I was with you again. Alone. On the table, I watched you look me over. You looked so uneasy inspecting the mark on my neck. I basked in the attention. Up and down my body you drew the seals. I itched so badly for you to just put the brush down and touch me with your hands. With your tongue. When I got hard, you ignored it. But you saw it. I know you did.

You became distant.

That’s why it was so unexpected. When you asked me to disappear into the desert with you for a few weeks. I’d never deny you anything. I was touched when you said you’d teach me chidori. A man of one thousand jutsu, it was your only original technique. So it held a special place. If I learned it, I’d have a piece of you within me. I nearly passed out every day in my urgency to master it. You told me I needed to slow down before I died.

I was snowballing faster than you knew.

Nights were the hardest. Sometimes you’d quietly mumble in your sleep. I pretended you were talking to me. Saying dirty things, sweet things, reprimanding me, anything at all. It was hard to masturbate soundlessly. I could have been more discreet had I turned and muffled my pants into my bedroll. I didn’t. I had to watch you. It made the experience so much better, even when you heard and rolled over without opening your eyes. I was long past caring and feeling embarrassed.

I’m losing my mind.

Yesterday began like any other. I still hadn’t learned chidori, but I was close. I was reckless, craved contact from you. I faked a stumble so you would catch me. Later I came back from the river dripping wet. It was odd. My bedroll had been moved about five feet closer to yours. You were already asleep. I said nothing. Merely climbing in to repeat my nightly ritual.

I can’t stop.

My hand glides up and down in a crazed manner. Slick flesh creating its own chorus amid the vocals of my mouth. I don’t suppress it. You haven’t turned your back to me tonight. And it sends thrills down my spine. For the first time, I touch my ass. I was never interested in taking things that far. But right now I’m yearning for more than the usual. It hurts at first. But then I see you. Watching me. And the pain melts away into nothingness.

I’ve sucked you in.

And tomorrow I’ll wake up feeling sore. I’ll observe dried blood under my fingernails. But I won’t care. Because I know something has changed between us. Maybe for the better…most likely for the worst. I crossed that line. The invisible barrier that leaves me with my innocence and you with your dignity. And I know you’ll try to shove me back across it. To reestablish order in your impenetrable world. But we’re both damned.

And I won’t let you.

A/N: Ohhh my heart goes out to them! Even if they’re fictional =P. At least it wasn’t violent like the first one…Telling me your thoughts is always appreciated!!! =]