Begin Anew

AN: HEY! so this is my first time posting here at AFF and i want to know what you think...if i should continue this story or if i should give up hope while im ahead...

AN::: slight chapter edit. dont worry, everything's still the same....


Chapter1

I continue to think of you in the most inopportune moments in the most inopportune ways. I’m selfish- I don’t want you happy with anyone but me. I lay awake at night wondering if you think of me as well’ wishing you broke up with her so that you will love me again. I’ve told everyone I’ve moved on; that your relationship with her doesn’t affect me—but inside I die. Whenever I see the way you touch her, my body is consumed with rage and jealousy. In those moments, I want to punch a hole in the wall—but I can’t. I can’t let them see how I feel. Love is a weakness and having to depend on the love of a blonde idiot like you is just laughable. Stupid dobe…still…I still love you.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.


He looked up from the page he was currently writing. This was his only outlet. His friends didn’t know how he felt for the stupid dobe. They all assumed he had moved even though more than a year had passed and he hadn’t dated anyone else. That was because he continued to think of Naruto—such as right now.

Writing was the only way he let his emotions run free. He wrote with passion but only in his house, in his room where he was alone and shielded from the outside world by these familiar walls. Here he could be himself and forget about his reputation he had to uphold as “Mr. Ice Prince”—as the students (and some teachers) of Konoha University dubbed him—he was the supreme of cool, and control. He couldn’t expose the turmoil that was his emotions beneath the apathetic mask and semblance of control.

He got up from his desk and walked to the kitchen. There he turned on the stove and let the edge of the paper catch fire. This was the only way he could do it: write everything down and then burn it so there was no evidence—as though it never existed. As though everything was as he told everyone and there was nothing to write about. He could turn on the fireplace—it was faster; but it was too hot tonight.

The flames from the paper danced in front of his face as he examined the burning page, shining in his eyes. The image of vibrant blue eyes and a foxy grin popped into his mind. Those large sapphire eyes that clearly portrayed every emotion. Those big blue orbs, as blue as the ocean, ones in which he would drown. Those blonde spikes he used to bury his hands in while kissing him passionately. How Naruto would moan and beg for more. And Sasuke would give it to him.

“Naruto.” He sighed already feeling his body stirring, openly revealing his desires to be with the other man.

Ever since Naruto began dating Hinata, Sasuke didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d always known that Hinata had a crush on Naruto, but it wasn’t the love he felt for Naruto. To go against everything he was taught, against his family’s traditions—damn it! He had to rebuild everything for his clan; he was the last survivor thanks to his older brother’s dementia, who went on a killing rampage, annihilating everyone except Sasuke who wasn’t there at the time—thank Kami. But he had to go and fall in love with a GUY! Sasuke gave up everything to be with Naruto because he loved the blonde idiot.

The flames consumed the page and were lapping towards the edge he was holding. He put the burning page in the sink, watching the flames engulf the paper. When all that was left was ash, he turned on the faucet, letting the water wash the remnants down the sink.

He walked to his room and lay down on the bed. He had to stop thinking about Naruto—that dobe! Sasuke replayed the events that occurred when Naruto broke up with him, and for the dumbest reason. It still stung, even after all this time…

FLASHBACK


“I’m sorry Sasuke, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t be with you anymore.” Naruto said, ready to walk out the door. Sasuke’s face showed the shock he felt. Just before they’d been in Sasuke’s bed, both sweaty and tired after their second lovemaking bout. The fact that Naruto was breaking up with him after having sex, having been used in such a way, hadn’t even cross his mind at that moment; that came later and it incensed him to no end. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal making him want to hate the other with everything in him, but he knew he couldn’t, he loved him too much. But at that moment, there was another more pressing issue.

“What do you mean, Naruto?” He asked stupidly, afraid yet knowing.

“Sasuke, I still think I’m too young to fall in love; I don’t want to get hurt when you get tired of having me as a play thing.”

Sasuke was about to protest—to deny everything, wishing to tell Naruto that he was wrong about everything, that he loved him too much to ever think of him as a play thing or anything else other than his equal, but Naruto cut him off.

“Besides you need someone—a woman—to restart your clan.” Naruto pointed out prosaically, but his voice saddened and he looked away from Sasuke as he spoke.

“Let’s be honest—you’re not in love with me, and I love you too much to hold you back from what you really have to do. Your family depends on you and a girl; there’s no future for us.” Naruto opened the door, trying to tell himself that he was doing the right thing.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke, but I have to let you go for your own good.”

Before he could walk out the door, Sasuke grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“Why are you doing this?” But Sasuke didn’t voice his true fear: ‘why are you walking out on me?’

“I’m sorry Sasuke, it’s for your own good. I hope we could still be friends.” The blonde said with a sad shaky smile. “But I can’t be anything more.” He gave Sasuke a quick kiss goodbye before walking out the Uchiha’s house and out of his life, leaving a stunned Sasuke staring after him, his world crashing down around him.

END FLASHBACK

What was most hurtful was that Naruto seemed to want to flaunt his relationship with Hinata. They all went to the same school, and had all the same friends. Although Sasuke was a loner (no thanks to his brother), his closest friend had been Naruto. After that, it was Neji, Shino, Shikamaru and Gaara.

Sakura and Ino had lost their obsession over him when they found out he was gay. Sasuke got to thinking about his friends and it occurred to him that everyone was dating. Tenten was dating Kankuro; Gaara was with Lee; Sakura was with Chouji of all people; Shikamaru, king of all that is lazy, was dating Princess Ino, one of the most active people he knew (now those are opposites); Kiba was with Shino…and Naruto was with Hinata. It seemed that only him and Neji were the only ones not dating anyone. Sasuke had his reasons for not dating, but he wondered why Neji Hyuuga—another babe magnet—didn’t date. Sasuke had seen the way he looked at Hinata and—

Sasuke sat up in bed, his eyes widened as a light bulb turned on in his head. How hadn’t he seen it before? The idea chased itself in the head, a plan formulating in its wake. He didn’t sleep, almost giddy with excitement and impatient for the time to go faster. Six am didn’t come soon enough, but he was glad when it did. Time for school! Another night without sleep, but this time he didn’t feel crotchety. Today, he was going to talk to Neji.

He got to school in half an hour, getting there early, knowing everyone hung out before and after school at the parking lot. He took a deep breath, finding his center and calming down, keeping his emotions in check before getting out of his navy blue Nissan. Sasuke headed straight for Neji, seeing the taller man leaning against his white Lexus, looking bored at the world in general. Neji saw Sasuke and, seeing the Uchiha walk towards him, fixed his white eyes on Sasuke’s onyx ones with piqued interest. Finally, something that seemed slightly interesting; it always was when the Uchiha was involved. Sasuke stopped a few feet from him.

“Follow me.” Sasuke said without preamble and turned around and began walking towards the far corner of the student lot assuming Neji would follow. Sasuke paused momentarily to ensure that the Hyuuga was indeed following. Sasuke led Neji to a secluded spot in the lot, far from hearing range but still being seen.

“I need your help.” Sasuke said, getting straight to the point.
Neji raised a regal eyebrow.

“You? The great Sasuke Uchiha? Needs help?” The Hyuuga asked amusedly with mock bewilderment. He saw the look in Sasuke’s narrowed eyes and decided to humor the Uchiha.

“What happened?” Neji asked with a good dose of apathy. Sasuke took a deep breath. Even with the look of infinite boredom on Neji’s face, he knew he had the Hyuuga’s full attention. Sasuke decided to not waste any more time.

“I have a proposition for you. I’ve seen the way you look at Hinata. I have a plan that will get you what you want and me what I want.” He paused, locking his onyx eyes with widened pale lilac orbs. “I want Naruto.”



anywaaaays, let me know what you think, if i should continue or not...