WTF?

Warning: Yaoi, anal, possible non-con… oral… um… crack in general. Seriously, this thing broke my freakin’ brain… Oh yeah, cussing. That’s another thing that’s in here. Crack pairing… Itachi having issues… Deidara being…well, Deidara Um… Its un-betaed… Anyone wanna volunteer? XD lol Or if you see mistakes, let me know. I went over it but… I can’t only do so much… Have fun and sorry I fail at writing ^^;; lol

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Deidara had done it. They had sent him out on a mission to capture the Kazekage and he had succeeded. How? Hell if they knew. That blond bombshell was a ticking time bomb and they had honestly thought that he would bring the kage back in pieces. So how he had captured said kage and brought him back in one piece, they weren’t one hundred percent sure. But that was alright, he had did it and that’s what counted.

The Akatsuki had obtained the Shukaku vessel and that’s all that mattered.

Okay, that wasn’t ALL that mattered. And though they desired to capture all the jinchuuriki, that wasn’t on their minds at the moment either. No, what they needed right now was…

“Damn it all, I told all those fuckers days ago to be back here.” Hidan cursed (then again, when wasn’t he cursing?)

That was right, as Hidan had so bluntly stated, their priority right now was to gather all their AWOL members. With Hidan’s partner being one of said “fuckers” one would think that the immortal would be happy about them still being out and about. But then again, it was probably just another way for Kakuzu to get on Hidan’s nerves… or at least that was what the short tempered male thought. Honestly, one had to wonder about the silver haired man’s sanity and whether or not he would go off the deep end and try to kill them all one day…

“They’re just making beautiful art, yeah. I just know it, yeah!” The blond stated and Hidan just shook his head and growled.

And there was another one that needed a good shrink.

“I’m going to go find those assholes and when I do I’m going to skin their damn hides right off them! You two fuckers hold down the fort and take care of the red headed bitch.” Hidan stated to the only other members left in the hideout before he took off.

“Guess he leaves us to our own devices, yeah?” Deidara asked with a mischievous glint in his only visible eye.

The raven haired male glanced at him with cold black eyes before he shrugged and walked away. As far as he was concerned, that’s exactly what it meant. They were free to do as they pleased, as long as they “took care” of the red head, and he intended to do just that.

But first he had to make a quick stop. He needed to borrow something from the only female in the Akatsuki.

Granted, with his long black hair and think, long eyelashes that made people think he wore mascara or something, there were some who mistook him for a female. And though the other member that was in the hideout with him had long blond hair and even acted female from time to time, he was male too. The fact remained that there was only ONE female Akatsuki… And even that one was too much for the dark eyed male sometimes. If the organization wanted some “feminine” touches, all they had to do was ask Deidara. Honestly…

The Uchiha sighed. The mandatory black nail polish was bad enough that… No, there was so no going there.

He had reached the door to the woman’s room and looked it over carefully for a few moments. He gently, and efficiently, checked for traps around the woman’s door. He honestly had to shake his head. Why she had… Well, it didn’t matter really… She could be a real bitch sometimes.

By the time he was done, Itachi had successfully defused three hundred and nineteen paper bombs (how she had gotten so many in such a tiny area he’d never know), six trip wire traps, and one… well, he didn’t even want to think about that one…

When he’d said she was a bitch, he really hadn’t been kidding. No, he meant every word of it and then some. Amazing how the quiet ones were always more… Strange. To put it nicely.

He carefully, and cautiously, made his way over to the closet door. Again he checked for traps. He only found one hundred and eleven paper bombs and nothing else this time around. Honestly, the woman was more trouble than she was worth. He sighed as he wondered why she was such a stickler about these types of things. Really, like anyone in the Akatsuki would wear her clothes. It was a ridiculous notion.

The dark eyed male opened the door to reveal an enormous walk-in closet. The Leader had really been gracious to their only female… probably because he didn’t want to hear her bitch. The fairer sex really weren’t worth the time or effort in Itachi’s mind. It was Leader’s decision, not his, though… Even if Itachi was certain said Leader was really regretting it right about now…

But all that was irrelevant, other than to reinforce his reasoning behind why he was right to prefer males. No, he had much better things to do than think about the prissy and annoying opposite sex. After all, there was a drugged up, pretty little red head down in the dungeons that was just begging to be shown some attention. Or rather there was a “mini Itachi” that was just begging to show said red head attention. Either way didn’t matter, his focus was on the hot little jinchuuriki and getting to him as soon as possible.

The closet was huge and housed everything from casual wear, to prom dress type clothes, to naughty French maid outfit…

Ewwww.

Itachi shuttered. He didn’t even want to think about that. A guy in one, okay, but… yeah, bad mental image. It was making him sick to his stomach, and that just wouldn’t do. Delays in his plans could not be tolerated and he would just have to suck it up and deal with it. He would be sure to look in a mirror and use his Sharingan to burn the images out of his mind later.

That decided, he went about his business as quickly and efficiently as he could. Searching through the throngs of clothes he came across a fluffy pink dress. It looked like something, literally, out of a fairy tale. Something Princess Toadstool would wear or something. Only minus the poofy sleeves… Well, minus sleeves all together really.

The color was a sakura petal pink. A very light and soft color that complimented the soft look of the dress in its entirety. Strapless, with a bodice meant to be laced in the back but seemingly designed for a slim figure. And a skirt that flared out thanks to a ton of built in petticoats underneath.

Itachi picked it off the fixture, still on its hanger, and examined it closer. The fabric hadn’t been what he had first thought. Usually with these type dresses one used a silk or satin, but this one was really unique. It was soft, really soft, and light. The texture reminded him almost of a doe skin leather, and the feel was just…

“Perfect.” He stated aloud as he made his way out of the closet and ultimately out of the room.

He decided to leave it all open. Give the bitch a reason to be so paranoid. Just because she didn’t want everyone to realize she was one of the Bratz ™ with a (freaking) passion for fashion didn’t mean she had to use four hundred plus bombs… which for the people around here was probably a rather useless tactic in the first place. Come on, they were all freaking S-Class after all.

Enough thoughts on that subject though. He had something enjoyable to think about. Right now his pretty little red head should be well under the influence of the drugs they had given him. After all, it wouldn’t do for him to run away while they were gathering up their members.

Yep, he should be…

Itachi rounded the corner and found the door he had been looking for. The hideout was a bit of a maze, but he always navigated it rather easily… some of the others on the other hand…well, that was another story. Itachi opened the door to see the red head just as he imagined him. Chained to the wall and slumped, limp, against said wall. He was totally under the drug’s control. Completely aware yet unable to fight back.

Just the thought had Itachi hard in an instant.

All the Kazekage could really do in that state was drink. Whether it be water, applesauce (for sustenance), or something else was the thing though. They had already “fed and watered” their pet, but now Itachi was going to feed him something else entirely.

The black haired male smirked as he hung the dress on a hook that was conveniently placed on his right. He could see the red head’s eyes as they lazily looked over at him and widened fractionally when they landed on the dress. Itachi’s smirk became an all out smile as he shrugged out of his Akatsuki robe.

“I know what you’re thinking…” Itachi began as he removed the dress from the hook and replaced it with his robe. “What ever could I possibly have planned for this.” He added as he held the dress and acted as if he was looking at it carefully, like he was debating on what to do with it. “Oh, but it really is something.” He purred and walked over to the chained male.

He rubbed the material against the red head’s cheek. It was so nice and soft that he couldn’t help but want to share its texture. Besides, he thought the little jinchuuriki deserved at least that much. A little stimulation to the senses never really hurt anyone… well, not this type of stimulation at least…

He was a little surprised when the Kazekage moved. The red head had leaned into the material that was rubbed against his cheek. Not that Itachi was displeased by this action, quite the contrary really…

“You like that huh?” Itachi purred the question as he hung the dress on the link like hook that connected the manacle chains to the wall. “Good.” He added as he took out a kunai from his weapon pouch.

Slowly he brought it up and caressed the red head’s cheek with the flat side of the cold black metal blade. “It’s a lot nicer than this, ne?” He inquired when he saw the recognition in the smaller male’s eyes and detected a small amount of…was it fear?

He really didn’t think so. For someone who had had a wall of sand protecting them their whole life, being without it when they needed it most should be frightening. But no, he doubted that this shinobi really knew the meaning of fear. He might fear for his village, or the safety of others, but he doubted that as well. The reason he probably showed any interest in the safety of his village was to repent. Other than that…well, Itachi wasn’t sure what drove the red head. Curiosity maybe?

“Don’t worry…” He didn’t think the other was too concerned. “I wont pierce you with this blade.” Though he couldn’t make any promises about not piercing him with other things… Though Itachi tried to assure the young shinobi nonetheless, even though he highly doubted the red head needed it.

He let the cool metal blade travel down from the smaller male’s cheek, past his neck, and finally resting on the collar of the Kazekage’s shirt. “I didn’t say, however, that this would be safe.” The missing ninja smirked when the red head’s eyes widened.

“But…” He trailed off as he pulled the kunai back away from the red head. “I doubt the others would approve…” He shrugged before he moved, thrusting his body forward so he was flush against his captive. “Like I care.” The dark eyed male chuckled as he moved the weapon behind the smaller shinobi’s back and cut the “coat” he wore as if it were nothing.

“Right Gaara?” Itachi asked though he didn’t expect an answer.

He made quick work of the Kazekage’s attire until he looked at a naked and, surprisingly, blushing red head. And Itachi could see the proof that the brilliant shade of red really was the beauty’s natural color. Though beyond that and the top of the male’s head, he was completely hairless. Hell, the cutie didn’t even have eyebrows!

“Nice.” The Uchiha purred in approval as he ran his hands up and down the smooth legs.

Flawless pale skin, aside from the endearing kanji on the red head’s forehead, just begged to be touched and caressed. Though he could see some light returning to those sexy sea green eyes and knew he would have to make it quick. They needed to give Gaara another dose of medication soon.

“Very nice.” He really liked the view and was tempted to forgo his other plans. But alas, there were things that needed to be done. Besides, he couldn’t let the dress and all the work he had put into retrieving it go to waste, right?

The Uchiha swiftly, and efficiently, dressed the red head in the frilly garment he had found. Before the Kazekage’s heavily drugged brain could figure out what was going on and react, the dark haired male had already leaned back to admire his handy work. He was thankful that the dress was sleeveless though, he liked seeing the red head’s muscles flex as he lazily, though very slightly, moved to survey what had happened.

"Ah, very nice indeed." Itachi said in approval while he stood back and admired his handiwork. The pale skin in such a soft pink... they really complimented one another. But the red atop the younger male's head on the other hand, it was a sharp contrast that really made the outfit superb. All he needed was a crown.

"This will have to do." Itachi sighed before he moved in front of the captive.

Considering how Gaara was on the floor, slumped against the wall, Itachi's crotch came to rest right in front of the red head's face.

"Now..." Itachi purred. "Let's have some fun, shall we?" He added as he undid his pants until his erection came out to rub its sticky greeting against Gaara's cheek.

Itachi gently cupped the back of Gaara's head, there was no need for force really if one considered how out of it the other still was. He moved so the head of his manhood pressed against the pale lips, smearing pre-cum to give them a glossy look, before he pushed his cock inside the warm, moist cavern.

"Mmmm... Lovely..." Itachi moaned and began to move in and out of the unresponsive mouth.

He should be grateful though. If the other had been able to respond, he doubted the red head would have sucked for him. No, he was sure teeth would be involved if Gaara had a choice in the matter. But luckily for Itachi, the Kazekage didn't. All Gaara could do was feel as Itachi thoroughly fucked his mouth. And the missing-nin enjoyed every second of it.

The dark haired ninja moaned as he took full advantage of the Kazekage's mouth. Even without the red head responding his mouth was still hot and pretty damn tight. Especially that cute little throat of his. Too bad he hadn't found a choker to adorn that pretty little neck.

Just the thought had Itachi throwing his head back, pushed over the edge by the image of a completely done up little bitch.

After coming down from his orgasmic high he looked down to see a somewhat more alert Gaara whose face was covered in cum. Seemed like either A) Itachi hadn't held his cock in his captive's mouth or B) the red head was now conscious enough to pull away. Too bad for the little red head, if option B were the case, he hadn't pulled away far enough. Now the Kazekage was covered in sticky cum, with most on his face though some was in his red locks and a little had dripped down his neck and onto his pink dress.

Speaking of neck, it would have been even more perfect if his cum could have been stopped by a choker. He would really have to consider finding one, or making one, the next time he got to play with the red head... if there was a next time. Honestly, the thought of having the red head again had his recently spent cock standing to attention once more.

"Taste good?" He inquired as he bent down and licked the other's lips. He got a taste of both himself and his partner, which pleased him greatly. "You taste great covered in my juices... maybe I should cover you from head to toe." He purred as he licked the other's lips once more and pushed his way inside.

The Uchiha enjoyed ravishing the red head's mouth. He even thought that, there for a moment, the Kazekage was even hesitantly responding...

Well, he could dream right? But this would do nicely for now and Itachi was good at making the best of what he had to work with.

He withdrew from the kiss to position his captive. He wrapped slender legs around his waist as best he could seeing as said captive was still heavily medicated, along with the fact that he was chained to the wall. But that was okay, the dark haired man would have a lot harder time, he was sure, if the other hadn't been under the influence. He'd much rather have a limp and mailable body he could do with as he wished as opposed to one that could move and fight back.

Yeah, heavily medicated captive was perfect.

Itachi grabbed a small tube of lubricant that he'd had hidden in his robes and squeezed it directly onto his thick cock. He wasn't going to bother lubing up his prey. He was too hard, even if he had already gotten off once, and he couldn't be patient enough to waste the time to prepare the red head. Besides, it wasn't like the jinchuuriki would live much longer to cry rape. No one in the Akatsuki cared, that was for sure.

He positioned his cock at the red head's exposed entrance and rubbed the head against the pink pucker for a little extra friction, as well as to prepare the other male at least a little. It wasn't much, but it was something. Though he was quite pleased with himself and his foresight. When he had stripped the Kazekage, he'd made sure he didn't replace any undergarments. Though he had to admit that some lacy panties, or a nice little see through thong would have been a nice touch, the easy access going commando provided was a lot more... convenient. Yep, it was rather obvious that he'd planned on taking the young kage from the beginning. But he'd best reassure the cutie beneath him...

"For someone whose never known love, this is as close as you're going to get." Alright, so maybe that wasn't really reassuring, but eh... he'd tried.

Itachi eased his cock inside the other's rather relaxed entrance. He paused at that and wondered if it was the drugs or that the red head really had acknowledged his words in some way. Either way didn't matter, the red head was tight and divine as he slipped slowly inside. The dark haired male moaned, he couldn't help it. Even though the red head was relaxed he was so damn tight, it was almost unbearable yet... heaven at the same time.

"Ah, yeah, that's right..." Itachi groaned as he lifted the Kazekage's legs so they were hanging over his shoulders. "Bitch... who's a pretty princess?" He asked in a taunting manner.

When the red head failed to respond he growled and changed his angle while at the same time started to thrust at a break neck pace. He pounded into his captive mercilessly, all the while he'd made sure to hit the red head's prostate head on just about every other thrust or so.

He felt his "princess" try and thrust back a couple times with what little strength he had. Now whether the kage was trying to thrust against him for pleasure or to dislodge him he wasn't sure. All he knew was he liked it.

"Come now... why don't you... just admit... you're my... pretty... little... princess." He grunted out in between thrusts. He was so close already, it was embarrassing. But he couldn't help it, the red head was just too tight and hot... extremely hot... and he'd been without for so long... Well, he just couldn't help himself. He had to have it. He had to have more. More of the little blushing red head in front of him.

No, not just more. He had to have ALL of the red head. He had to hear the Kazekage say he was his. Have the red head admit that he was Itachi's bitch.

The dark haired man reached in between their bodies and under the dresses folds to grasp Gaara's dripping length.

"Ah, seems you're enjoying this as much as I am." Itachi purred as he gently began to stroke the engorged cock.

The red head gasped and his head fell back against the wall. The dark eyed male just smirked as he watched dazed sea green eyes practically roll back all the way. He could sense that the combined sensation of his stroking and nailing the other's prostate regularly had his captive very close. He saw all the tell-tale signs of the red head's impending release when... He clamped his fingers down, hard, at the base of the Kazekage's manhood.

Gaara whined as he was denied his release. Sure, deep down inside he hated the fact that he was enjoying it as much as he was. He should be hating every second, but instead his attention starved body was begging for more. Why not enjoy it? At least he would get something out of this whole ordeal. Even if they did kill him in the end, at least he wouldn't die a virgin without ever knowing the pleasure and feel of another's body, right?

And besides, Itachi was right. This was as close to love as he'd ever been. And at the rate things were going, it was probably as close as he'd ever get.

"Say it." Itachi commanded and the red head blushed to a color as bright and vibrant as his hair.

Did he have to? Did he really have to say THAT? It was so embarrassing! Honestly, the black haired male had some issues if he expected his partner to say...

"Do it." Said black haired male as he gripped his lover's cock painfully.

"Ah!" Gaara cried as tears started to form in the corner's of his eyes. That part was sensitive! "I'm..." Oh God, he couldn't believe he was actually going to say it. But it wasn't as bad as the torture he would endure if he didn't. "I'm your... pretty little..."

Itachi thrust hard and fast into the red head as he stroked the man's cock once more. The words were turning him on and he wouldn't last long.

"Say the rest... Say it!" He growled and stroked the other faster as he brought them both to the edge.

"Pretty princess!" Gaara cried as he came, followed soon by Itachi.

Itachi slumped against the red head and panted, trying desperately to catch his breath. In all his fantasies that had always turned him on the most, but he'd never thought that having it happen for real would be so... so mind blowing. The dress was a nice touch, but the words really were what had done him in. Everyone was always mistaking him for a girl, so in his fantasies he had made sure that it was his lover that would be mistaken. Something to calm his ego, more or less, but it had always led to some very powerful orgasms...

Though they were nothing compared to getting off after playing his fantasies out in real life.

"Damn..." He moaned as he was still slumped against the red head rather boneless. But he had to get up. He had to get that dress back in Konan's closet, though he should probably clean the cum off of it... 'No, give her something to be so paranoid about. Honestly, all those damn bombs... Yeah, at least give her a reason for all that shit.' He thought wickedly as a smile graced his lips while he forced himself to sit up. "Alright, out of this you..."

"Itachi-san, look at my art! Don't I look like a pretty princess?" Deidara asked as he rounded the corner, all done up in Konan's makeup. Probably the only art that’d he’d ever do that wouldn’t blow up…

He froze as he took in the scene before him, as the two people before him froze as well. "Sorry, un..." The blond said finally as he started slowly backing away.

He could have said “its not what you think” but that would be too cliché. No, instead the only thought going through the Uchiha’s mind was…

'Hmmmm... new play toy.'

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A/N: And author proves to be an epic fail at endings… twice in a row too! XD lol Damn T.T Sorry I suck at writing so bad ^^:; I need to work on it. Anyway, thanks to the lovely prompts I got for this gift exchange thing… well, though I usually draw this demanded to be a story so… yeah… *bows* Its PWP, even if I tried to add in a little plot in the end… its still PWP. XD lol “Plot? What plot? I don’t see a plot.” right? XD lol