Death Warmed Over

This is a little something that was floating in my head when I woke up this morning… illness plays strange tricks on the mind… and misery loves company. I feel like death warmed over… and this is what death warmed over thinks of on a half lucid day...

Warning: Crack Fic, ill humor and game show bashing

Premise: because Tsunade needs the money to help rebuild Konoha, she came up with a way to gain profit and sponsors with the least amount of wear and tear to her shinobi…


Death Warmed Over


Contestant Number One:

"I was asleep. Resting peacefully… just reclining on the barge…crossing the River Styx… and the next thing I remember was waking up attached to this device [pacemaker] and an oxygen mask…"


Contestant Number Two:

"I was asleep and was enjoying my flight amongst the clouds and my debate about their density with Saint Peter, when all of a sudden, I was jostled awake by the smell of fresh air… apparently someone left the gas on in the class room and I woke up in ICU attached to a respirator."


Contestant Number Three:

"I’d finally found true happiness, Rapture of the Deep. Every thing was so beautiful. And right in front of me was my perfect mate. My match in every way… Next thing I know, I’m lying on the deck of some ship puking my guts out!"


Announcer:

"Hello folks… and welcome to death by Assassin! I’m your host Umino Iruka! Today we have three contestants who are not satisfied with the way they were revived after finding their way to the great beyond. After today, one of these miserable people will have that wish fulfilled, by choosing the way in which they intend to relocate to the hereafter. And here are their choices:

The Green Death ~ featuring Maito Gai

The Torture Death~ featuring Morino Ibiki

And finally,

Death by Chidori~ featuring Hatake Kakashi…

So now contestants… on with the show!"


~~//~~


Kakashi sat in the booth waiting for his turn to be called after the last contestant was announced. The red light blinking was his cue to leave the greenroom and head for the stage… he felt dizzy as he walked through the door… almost as if he was going to pass out…the closer he got to the exit the dizzier he became until finally his legs buckled and his head hit the floor with a feather like thump…

~~~***~~~

"…You alright Kashi? You’ve been moaning in your sleep for quite sometime… thank Kami your fever finally broke.“

Kakashi gave Iruka a bleary bloodshot eye glare. How dare he interrupt his misery! “Somebody kill me! Kami this hurts! I can’t breathe… my chest hurts and I just want to cut my face off! Tell Gai to get out of my head!”

“That much huh? Ok when I get back I’ll get you some chicken soup!”

“Where ya goin…?”

“Ibiki gave me his secret recipe, a sure cure for sick whiney ninjas such as you… hot sake toddy!”

Kakashi looked at his savior and rejoiced… toddy for the body! And he can go back once again to the peace of oblivion!

“Thanks, Rukaaaa…” Kashi slurred as he drifted off to sleep.

~~

“How are the others doing? By the way…” Gai asked.

Iruka looked around at the room full on ninken, “as long as Kashi remains quiet, the dogs can rest. I find it very strange that they all got sick at the exact same time, but they are much better patients than Kakashi!”
Iruka said as he gave Pakkun a nice hot bowl of beef soup. The rest of the dogs were sleeping, except for Bull who was watching the flat screen TV, fascinated by the weirdest game show he’d ever seen.

“Since it appears you have everything under control, I guess I’ll be going then, Sensei…”

“Thanks Gai. I’m sure Kashi will thank you himself when he gets better.”

Meanwhile back in Kashi’s head…

"…and the winner is: Death by Chidori!"