Do's and Don'ts

A/N: The timeline in this might be a tad bit odd. Lets say he killed Itachi but not Orochimaru. There is a reason, don’t worry the plot will reveal all eventually. So basically everything up to Sasuke killing Orochimaru has happened- after that the story's different but Itachi is dead.

Understand?
If not ask me any questions in review format.
Ta.

Warnings: Nothing to report except some mild language I'm afraid. Yaoi don't like, don't read.

Genre: Romance/Humor

On with the story then!

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Chapter 1-Don’t drink with the Hokage

He lazily forced his eyelids open, sunlight burning into his dark eyes and through his skull. He hadn’t felt this bad since the chunnin exams. Gently lifting a pale hand he massaged between his eyes hoping that the agony pounding in his skull could be forced out of the back of his head- why hadn’t the medi-nins created the hangover cure yet?

He slowly began to sit up, trying to desperately ignore the wave of sickness washing over him, when he noticed a head of long, flowing blonde hair sprawled out across his bare chest. Huh, when had that happened? Well he’d always preferred blondes, suddenly feeling very glad that Naruto, or as he would have Sasuke call him His Royal Highness Naruto the 6th Hokage, forced him to go out and celebrate his newly appointed position as the leader of hidden leaf and Sasuke’s recent return to the village.

He closed his eyes as his thoughts drifted back to yesterday morning. He’d crossed the Fire Country border and sensed the other ninja’s presence lurking in the dark trees. The only comfort Sasuke could take from this is that they hadn’t attacked him yet and dragged him back into Konoha. Being handcuffed and practically kicked back into Konoha would not only have been embarrassing but totally lacking in Uchiha-ness, Uchiha‘s loved dramatic entrances- but totally unplanned entrances of course. He continued along the dirt path as the sun climb higher in clear sky. Soon he’d be home. If he could still call it home.

Soon he’d see Naruto.

As the sun began to dip below the horizon Sasuke saw the high gates proclaiming the entrance to The Hidden Leaf Village. Naruto stood leaning lazily against the wall, blonde hair glistening orange in the dimming light of the day. Dark onyx eyes locked with cerulean orbs, glistening within the suns fading rays. A dazzling smile stretch across Naruto’s tanned face as he took in the tall profile of the man approaching him. Raven hair blew gently in the breeze as the man, that could only be Sasuke drew nearer. A faint pink dusted the pale face from the exertions of walking such a long distance in such a short time, a smirk graced thin lips in response to Naruto’s blinding grin. Soon the two men were mere inches apart.

“Your back!”

He boomed across the village, Sasuke barely suppressed the urge to role his eyes, still the same loud mouthed ninja. How hadn’t he been killed yet?
Sasuke response was a simple nod.

“You’ll never guess what’s happened! Granny Tsunade picked me as the next Hokage!”

The Uchiha stared, no emotion crept across his pale mask he sometimes referred to as a face, inside he was amazed, the dobe had finally done it? About time. Another smirk graced Sasuke’s lips as he coldly replied

“Hn, you’ll always be a loser to me.”

Naruto glared before the his famous smile was fixed in place, slapping a tanned hand on Sasuke’s back he turned towards the village.

“Good to have you home bastard.” He said cheerily.

Sauske nodded slightly in response, whilst Naruto grinned sheepishly back.
“Lets celebrate.”

Lets celebrate…lets celebrate…lets celebrate…

The words echoed in Sasuke’s head, and now here I am with my skull cracking in two- thank you very much Uzumaki Naruto, he thought bitterly. But then again he did have a blonde girl draped across his chest so he couldn’t complain too much. The fact that a woman was draped across him and he hadn’t snapped her neck was surprising to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t like women, he was a teenage male for heaven’s sake. It’s just he never really had the time for them.

At least he’d always had better luck in love than the dobe. Sasuke wondered if Naruto was still foolish pining over Sakura or if he’d realised that quiet Hinata girl liked him. He felt something squirm in his gut, definitely not guilt, that the only reason Naruto was still alone was that he’d been too busy chasing Sasuke’s shadow. But he was back now, he shot a glance at the girl, and he was glad.

The only thing that bugged Sasuke slightly was that he couldn’t remember what had actually happened between him and the mystery woman. The last thing he remembered was himself and Naruto walking through the streets of Konoha-Naruto ranting about being best friends or something. Maybe he’d ditched Naruto and found the woman he was currently cradling in his arms.

He stared down at her, pale fingers ran through golden stands of hair. She’d have the answers, but he couldn’t exactly ask. He couldn’t even begin to imagine himself saying “Good Morning, by the way did we fuck?” his pride hurt just thinking about it. He began moving the hair from her face when she began to stir.

A muffled voice mumbled “Sa…” And Sasuke thought his heart would stop. Was she saying his name?
He placed his stoic mask back on his face, no emotion would be shown until he figured out what all this heart pounding meant. He cleared his throat before attempting to wake the woman fully.
“Time to wake up…”

Several things happened at once firstly the beautiful girl exploded into a puff of smoke, Sasuke -in a very graceful manor of course-fell off the bed just as a shuriken whipped across his head and Naruto appeared- naked from the waste up. Sasuke would have gaped up at the Hokage, if he hadn‘t been a Uchiha, instead he remembered his own lack of clothesand quickly grabbed the sheet and wrapped in round his slim waist. What the hell had just happened? Sasuke threw Naruto a withering glare before snapping out

“What the hell are you doing here Naruto?”

“Funny, I was just about to ask you the same question!”

His blue darkened as his anger built.

“What are you talking about?”

“This is my room Sasuke, I realise I said you could stop here but I didn’t mean in the same bed!” His hand gestured around the room.

A quick glance around the room confirmed that it was indeed the Hokages bedroom. Empty Ramen boxes littered the floor and unravelled and ravelled scrolls tumbled from the desk. Sasuke couldn’t be sure, but was that a poster of a bowl of Ramen? It could only be Naruto’s room, nobody else had such an utter lack of style. What the hell had he drank last night?

And the girl…the beautiful blonde…that smelt so heavenly…where was she? Something clicked in Sasuke’s mind that he refused to acknowledge himself, so he decided to get Naruto to tell him instead.

“The girl?” Sasuke said in a tone he hoped was indifferent.

“That was me performing my Sexy no Jutsu. Idiot. I’m the Hokage now, what if someone tried to assassinate me? I used my Sexy no jutsu to disguise myself as a sleeping woman.”

Sasuke actually allowed himself the privallge of rolling his eyes under the current circumstance. Only Naruto would think of something so ridiculous it was borderline genius. He guessed Naruto hadn’t become Hokage for nothing, there was just one gaping hole in Naruto’s plan that Sasuke couldn’t resist pointing out- for his Hokage’s safety of course.

“Hn, dobe. If someone’s already in your room they may as well kill as sleeping woman. Why not just use shadow clones?”

“Well, teme, I would but it requires more chakra to maintain plus I’d have to sleep somewhere else as there’d be two of me in one bed.”

“Surely two of you in one bed is better? It would confuse the assassin.”

Naruto frowned and closed his eyes, clearly considering Sasuke’s words. His eyes snapped open after the moments contemplation.

“How I protect myself is none of your concern Uchiha.” He spat out, “Now we seem to have deviated from the initial point- why the fuck were you in my bed!”

Now that was a damn good question. Sasuke couldn’t even remember how he’d gotten into Naruto’s house nevermind bed. He had several options here. Option number 1- lie, Option number 2- tell the truth or the frequently used Option number 3- Uchihaness. Sasuke decided to pick stick with what he knew and picked Option 3. He pulled his lips into a cruel sneer and glared back at the tanned blonde.

“Well dobe, I guess you couldn’t bare the thought of us being apart. I didn’t know my little trip away had caused such abandonment issues.”

Sasuke’s sneer turned into a smirk as he watched the man before him turn red with rage. Hands clenched and unclenched as the blue eyes stared at Sasuke. Finally the Hokage snapped, his arms began waving wildly as his shout echoed around the village.

“TEME!! You’re the one with issues! I take you out and you drink more sake than you can handle and I try to drag your worthless ass back to the Uchiha mansion! Then you start blubbering about ghosts and faces of the past, you begged me not to take you home! So I graciously agree to let you stay with me, I even set you a bed up on the floor-” A finger pointed to a small bed made over by the far wall. “-and I wake to you sexually assaulting me! AND YOU HAVE THE CHEEK TO SAY I’M THE ONE WITH ISSUES!”

Embarrassment. It wasn’t an emotion Sasuke was familiar with, being a Uchiha you knew how to behave appropriately in public and social situations. Yet Sasuke was pretty sure what he felt at the minute was embarrassment, he felt his cheeks burning and had the sudden urge to crawl into a hole a die. However he knew how to hide his emotions, he’d suppressed them for long enough. So red faced, yet calm in tone he responded.

“Hn.-” He stalled, subtly gulped “-sorry. I guess I drank to much.”

Naruto’s shaking stopped, his tense pose relaxed as he regarded the Uchiha before him, head tilted in contemplation. Then he laughed. He laughed and laughed. He laughed until Sasuke wondered if the shock of him coming home had finally tipped Naruto over the edge. Finally the laughing stopped, with a sigh Naruto wiped a tear from his eye and flashed Sasuke a bright smile.

“No harm done! Man, it was worth it to see your deathly pale face get some colour. And you even apologised! I didn’t know Uchiha’s even knew the word sorry.”

Sasuke deemed it best to refrain from commenting but instead shot a nasty glare at Naruto’s chest- he couldn’t quite look him in the eyes just yet. His eyes lingered on Naruto’s chest for longer than necessary. When had he gotten so muscular? Even his chest was tanned, did that mean he trained topless? That thought hovered in Sasuke’s mind presenting him with a picture of Naruto’s sweat drenched body, sun pouring on golden locks. Had the room gotten warmer or was it just Sasuke?


“Earth to Sauske!! Are you even listening to me!?!”

His head snapped up to see Naruto glaring murderously, Sasuke was having a hard time controlling his breathing had and his heart was pounding in my chest. How long had he been staring? Not long enough a horny part of Sasuke’s brain screamed at him. What was wrong with him? He was a Uchiha- Uchiha’s don’t do aroused. Cold indifference was the what they specialised in. This had to be Naruto’s fault. Was this some weird new genjutsu Naruto had developed? It’d be just like him, after all he had developed that stupid Sexy no Jutsu.

Sasuke realised he’d gone sometime without responding, so with breathing now in control he deemed it safe to continue the conversation.

“Sorry dobe, my brain filters out stupid.”

“WHY YOU COMPLETE BASTARD! I take you into my home and this is how you repay me. Not to mention the whole running off to your paedophilic boyfriend incident!”

Naruto screeched loud enough to tear apart Sasuke’s eardrums.
He continued to scream at me for what felt like eternity- but that might have been because Sasuke kept finding he would have to try to subdue the images of Naruto training that kept creeping into his head to taunt him.

Naruto’s voice lowered in volume so Sasuke decided it was safe to listen again. He was glad he did as he got to see the blonde’s eyes widen and a faint red colour splash across his tanned cheeks before he choked out
“CAN YOU PLEASE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!”

He’d forgotten about that, he couldn’t see why it’d bother Naruto so much. They were both men, hell in their younger days they had bathed together in hot springs. Sasuke considered that maybe it might be because Naruto had woken up to a very naked Sasuke embracing him. It was strange how…right…that felt for Sasuke. Like he should wake up everyday that way. He mentally shook the thoughts away and consider numerous ways he could torture the idiot now.

“Why Na-ru-to, do you find my body attractive, is that it? Is that why you wanted me home so badly.” Sasuke purred out whilst walking towards him, swaying his hips and narrowing his dark eyes.

Naruto’s faced turned practically crimson and he began to back away.

“C…cut it out Sauske and go put some clothes on.” He stuttered, whilst lowering his eyes to the ground and continuing to back away. Sauske chuckled quietly to himself, the fun he could have embarrassing the dobe.
“As you wish Hokage-sama.” He took a deep bow, glanced around the room to locate his clothes. He saw them tossed beside a closet

A new chakra signature caught Sasuke’s attention, very low but defiantly someone new was approaching Naruto’s room. It felt oddly familiar but he couldn’t say if it was friend or foe. He cast a concerned look towards Naruto who had visibly paled, what was wrong with him? He was supposed to be the almighty Hokage, scared of nothing.

Suddenly Naruto moved grabbed his arm and flung Sasuke into the closet. He slammed the door and hurriedly whispered.

“Stay quite and keep your chakra invisible! Don’t even breathe! I’ll explain this when I let you out. If you disobey my I promise you, you’ll be back suckling Orochimaru before you can say kunai!” The red glint in his eye convinced me he was serious.

Footsteps began to echo along the hall. Naruto flung himself into his bed and frantically searched for the sheet- crap! It was still hung round Sauske’s waist. He shot a filthy glare in the closets direction and preformed hands signs producing a clone, which swiftly transformed into the missing sheet. Sasuke didn‘t have much time to feel impressed as the footsteps grew louder.. Naruto managed a smug grin in my direction and preformed the Sexy no Jutsu just as the door handle slowly began to turn.

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