Dreaming Again

A/N: this is just something i've been playing around with for a bit. the ending is different than what i originally intended, but it'll do. it's merely an exercise to get me back in the swing of things now that i have some free time.

enjoy!


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Dreaming Again
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Sasuke watched impassively as Karin and Suigetsu ran about the festival stalls, trying this and that food or playing this or that game. Juugo stood silently next to him, waiting for Sasuke’s answer to his question of why they were here. Of course, Sasuke would never give him the actual answer, which was that he was avoiding the Fire Country border for as long as he could. No, he kept carefully silent, letting Juugo wait, until he finally, quietly, said, “No reason,” which was more an answer than he would have given a few years ago.

Juugo said nothing, either accepting that answer or knowing he’d get no other, and they began to follow in their teammates’ wake. Sasuke kept them in his sight but made no attempt to rein them in, more intent on not making eye contact with the vendors and ignoring those that tried to talk to him anyway. He didn’t want to buy anything, didn’t want to leave behind anything of himself besides footprints that would be trampled away while so close to… home.

No, it wasn’t home anymore. Nowhere would ever be home again, and Sasuke was fine with that.

As his thoughts flit to and immediately derailed from reasons why home could never be found elsewhere, someone bumped into him, sending him crashing into Juugo, who calmly caught and righted him. A middle-aged woman was being helped to her feet before him, and she smiled at him shakily as she took in his attire and stony expression.

“I apologize! I should have been paying more attention to where I was going. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“There is no need,” he answered coolly, trying not to antagonize her or anyone else. “We must be leaving.”

“Oh!” The woman appeared contemplative for a moment before she opened the pouch on her hip and pulled out a crinkled piece of parchment. “Then you could take this with you! I don’t really get out of the village much.” She handed him the parchment.

He reached for it, his brow arched as it brushed against his fingers. “What is it?” He looked at it in confusion.

“You don’t know?” she exclaimed, her eyes wide, as if horrified. Karin and Suigetsu walked up behind her.

“What’s going on?” Karin asked, eyeing the woman suspiciously.

“This, young man, is a piece of history!” she told Sasuke, ignoring Karin’s gaze. “About three years ago, this parchment was left by a customer in an inn somewhere in Grass Country. The innkeeper’s wife thought it must be a tragic love note to a lost lover, and long story short, it is traveling all over the world to find the person the words are meant for.” The people around them stopped what they were doing to listen to the woman, most of them looking for all the world like they knew exactly what she was talking about.

“So some woman is sending out love notes to a man who apparently wants nothing to do with her?” Suigetsu asked behind the woman.

Sasuke watched a scowl form on the woman’s face before it smoothed out, and she addressed Sasuke as if Suigetsu had never spoken. “Please pass it on wherever you end up,” she requested with a bow.

Sasuke was going to refuse and hand it back, but they had drawn quite a crowd, everyone staring intently at him and his teammates. He didn’t want his presence here thought of negatively, increasing chances that his whereabouts would be found out. So he placed it securely in his belt and bowed slightly to acknowledge her request.

She smiled and thanked him before finally moving on. Sasuke breathed a little easier as the people broke up and dispersed, going back to their food and games as if nothing had ever happened. Karin and Suigetsu moved closer to Sasuke and Juugo, questions easily read in the creased lines of their faces, but Sasuke held up his hand to maintain the silence.

“We’ll be moving on in an hour. Do whatever it is you want to do, but be ready to leave by then.”

Karin looked ready to argue, but the chance to let loose and have some fun was too alluring, he could tell. Despite how much they claimed to hate each other, Suigetsu grabbed onto Karin’s hand and dragged her away to where they’d been before the woman had singled Sasuke out for some inane worldwide mission to reunite lovers.

Sasuke scoffed silently to himself, itching to reach into his belt and toss the piece of parchment aside. And he would.

Later.

~*~

Sasuke sat by the fire, splitting his unfocused attention between the crackling flames and his teammates rolled up in their bedrolls around it. In his hand was the piece of parchment that held such sad words of longing and regret, words that, for some reason, touched Sasuke deep in his soul.

His eyes drifted to the words again, letting them burn into his retinas over the copies already there that he saw every time he closed his lids.

Don’t you know I had a dream last night
That you were here with me,
Lying by my side so soft and warm.
And we talked a while and shared a smile,
And then we shared the dawn.
But when I woke up, oh, my dream,
It was gone…

They moved Sasuke, these words. Because no matter how much he wished otherwise, they made him think of Naruto.

It was stupid, really, to think of the blond idiot in any manner. It just reminded him of… home, and every single stupid, painful, heartbreaking, weak memory that that house, that village, that idiot invoked.

And yet, when he closed his eyes and saw the words slicing red across the blackness, they were interspersed with images of gold and azure and honey, tastes of salt and sweat and earth, smells of water and sunshine and spice, and feelings of hope and happiness and… love.

Quickly shutting those traitorous thoughts out of his mind, his attention refocused on the parchment, finding he didn’t need to look at it to know what it said, and so placed it back in his belt. He should, in all honesty, toss it into the flames and turn his attention to his surroundings, but it was almost impossible.

Especially when, no sooner had he closed his eyes against the bright flames, the words flowed over him again, the speed of his inner recitation contingent on the beating of his heart. And as accompanying images of he and Naruto curled up together, speaking quietly to each other of nothing important, just enjoying one another’s company, cut across his mind, his heart rate increased, encouraging his breath to come out in pants to compensate for the increased flow of oxygen through his blood.

What in any hell was wrong with him? Was it due to his close proximity to the Fire Country border? Was it the prospect that he could potentially run across Leaf shinobi who would take information of his sighting back to Konoha, back to Naruto?

Because, as much as it pained him to admit it, the fact that Naruto hadn’t looked for him in over three years bothered him to the point of being hurt. Though, he’d only ever admit that to himself, and rarely at that.

Scowling into the flames, Sasuke didn’t notice as Juugo sat up and cleared his eyes. But he did notice when Juugo moved behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, quietly urging him to sleep while he took over as guard. Sasuke said nothing, but he did move to take Juugo’s bedroll, curling up and closing his eyes, wondering if he’d see the words or Naruto’s face and afraid of either one.

~*~

The little roadside rest stop was not that crowded, but there was a decent amount of people sitting on the benches and enjoying cups of tea. Sasuke enjoyed one of his own, waiting patiently as Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo went about their business somewhere down the road, back at the village they’d passed through. Sasuke hadn’t felt like waiting on them in such a high traffic area, preferring to go on ahead.

The sun shone serenely down on him, not overly hot and accompanied by a strong and cool spring breeze. And despite popular opinion, Sasuke did quite enjoy moments like this, when it was just him and nature and his thoughts, whatever they may be. Today was no exception as he titled his head back, letting the warm rays wash against his face, the wind ruffling through his hair. His long bangs brushed against his cheeks, bringing about the thought that it had been a long time since he’d last had them trimmed.

His thoughts were immediately halted as he felt the familiar chakra of his teammates some yards away. He opened his eyes, turning them down to his cup of tea, swishing the dregs around and wondering when he’d next be able to have something just as good. He usually didn’t get such luxuries when they traveled and camped in the woods.

“Sasuke!” Karin screamed from up the road, shattering his calm atmosphere. “You’ll never guess what happened!”

She came to a stop right beside him, Suigetsu dragging behind her, complaining that she was a loud bitch that needed to keep her volume down. Juugo was a quiet presence behind them.

“Shut the hell up, dipshit,” she shouted back at him, turning to beam a sweet and nauseating smile Sasuke’s way. “We were in the village stocking up on supplies, when this group of women started fighting amongst themselves over something.”

Sasuke looked blandly up at her.

“Um, well, I was curious-”

“You were being a nosy bitch, you mean,” Suigetsu mumbled.

“Shut up!” She threw a punch to Suigetsu’s head, growling viciously when he easily dodged. She drew in a heavy breath, visibly trying to clam herself before she continued. “Well, they were fighting over a piece of parchment that looked an awful lot like the one you got from the village a while back, you know, the one that you look at every night?” Sasuke glared at her, and she swallowed nervously. “So I managed to snatch it so you could get a look at it.”

She handed it to him, her hand shaking minutely as he reached out to grab it. He calmly took it from her, hiding his excitement over the fact that he had another note to go with the first, wondering if they were from the same person, and thinking about how Naruto would either enjoy or curse such a mystery.

“Did they tell you about this one?” he asked quietly.

“Not directly. But they say this note was found at the same Grass Country inn exactly one year after the first one. So, it’s thought to come from the same person. The innkeeper’s wife swears it has to be.”

“Hn.”

He slowly brought his other hand to it, unfolding the parchment, half not knowing what to expect. His eyes scanned the words, his breath catching inaudibly in his throat. He knew immediately, through the pang in his heart, that the same person wrote this. The same heartbroken aura, the pain apparent in the words pulled at his senses, threatening to swallow him whole in emotions he’d hoped to never be saddled with.

Don’t you know I had a dream last night
That you were here with me,
Lying by my side so soft and warm.
And you said you’d thought it over,
Said that you were coming home.
But when I woke up, oh, my dream,
It was gone…

Suddenly, he was hit with thoughts and images of Naruto demanding he come home, fighting, crying, dying for Sasuke to give up his ideas of power and return with him to Konoha, claiming rivalry, friendship, brotherhood and proclaiming they were stronger together for them.

But what hit him hardest was the last time he’d seen Naruto, almost three years ago, when blue eyes had met his across a clear forest area, and then they had turned aside, moved on, left him behind.

It had felt like something was squeezing his heart in a vice, and he had to admit that it hurt that even Naruto had given up on him, despite the many years Sasuke had spent telling Naruto to do exactly that.

Sasuke snarled as the pain of that encounter, the almost encounter, came back to him, making his teammates flinch back from him. He hated to admit weakness of any sort, and was fed up that Naruto and his abandonment was forefront in his mind lately.

Of course, if he was being completely honest with himself – and there were times when he could, in fact, do that – he’d been the one to abandon Naruto first, and maybe Naruto had finally, fully realized it.

That didn’t mean Sasuke had to be happy with it, even if he felt as if he should be resigned to it. He’d left home, and there was no going back.

Even if, deep down inside, on dark nights that held no promise for tomorrow, it was what he wanted most in the world.

~*~

It shouldn’t have surprised him how much he’d been thinking about Naruto lately. Honestly, he hadn’t stopped thinking about Naruto since he’d left Konoha six years ago, not given the chance when the loud-mouthed dobe showed up at every opportunity to bring him home.

But Sasuke was the first to admit that the color of those thoughts had changed greatly in the six years he’d been gone. They’d moved from annoying to a sort of resigned fondness, to a deep sense of regret and longing. Thoughts of Naruto had often kept him going at the worst of times: when he’d been fatigued and injured, it was thoughts of Naruto’s boundless energy and tenacity that had moved him forward; when he’d been in dark moods that seemed to have no end, it was thoughts of Naruto’s warm presence and idiotic and bright fashion sense that had cleared his mood; and when he’d felt abandoned and all alone in the world, it was thoughts of Naruto’s pleased laugh and strong arms that had kept him from going crazy.

He fucking loved the idiot and had the man to thank for his survival of all the shit he’d had to suffer through alone. Sasuke held pangs of regret in his heart that it had taken him so long to realize it, and he held pangs of longing when he thought of how badly he’d hurt Naruto and how the blonde would probably never accept his feelings.

Be it Fate or Destiny or whatever the fuck, however, Sasuke had found a reason to hope that everything could be fixed someday in the form of the third note from the Grass Country inn, carelessly tossed aside by some young boys and into the hands of one very stunned Uchiha.

The words of this note had his heart racing faster than it ever had before. He couldn’t breath, and his eyes misted over with unshed tears. Without a doubt he felt that he was the person meant to see these notes, that they had been written specifically for him.

A missed encounter in a forest clearing suddenly had new meaning. He hadn’t been abandoned or given up on, not by choice. A determined fire in the blue depths that had eluded him three years ago made itself known in his memory, and Sasuke hated himself for having missed it.

Naruto still wanted him to come home, still wanted him as his best friend. Had always wanted him as his best friend, and will always want him as his best friend. And Sasuke found that he wanted the exact same thing. He wanted Naruto.

With the third note tucked snuggly inside his shirt with the first two, Sasuke made his way to Grass Country to face the writer, hoping it was a yearly trip to the inn that produced the written words of a broken heart.

And as he leapt from branch to branch along the forest path, his heart beat to the rhythm of the words etched into his soul.

I’m not the same.
Can you blame me?
Is it hard to understand?
I can’t forget.
You can’t change me.
I am not that kind of man…

Notes written for him… by the only man that could possibly wish for his friendship, for his return, and for Sasuke to understand that nothing could be done to change what they felt for each other.

Naruto…

~*~

The light rain that had begun to fall upon his entrance into Grass Country continued as Sasuke and his team journeyed deeper into the country to find the much talked of inn. Locating it was simple, and Sasuke had to admire the pristine white paint and elegant countryside style.

Directing his teammates to stay at another inn some distance away, Sasuke cautiously made his way closer to the small inn, gently letting his chakra go in search of another familiar signature.

His heart leapt into his throat when he found it, the quiet control barely restraining a raging inferno within easily identifying the occupant of the room.

The window was open, letting in the cool breeze and pleasant, fresh fragrance accompanying the rain, and Sasuke easily breeched the room’s meager defenses, slipping noiselessly through the window.

The room was white as well, with hunter green curtains and bath towels to accent the white linens of the bed and white whicker of the furniture. A small desk to his right was neatly arranged for correspondence, and his eyes riveted on a piece of parchment with writing already on it.

He glided on silent feet to the edge of the desk, reaching out to pick up the parchment, but merely skimming his fingers along the surface instead.

Don’t you know I had a dream last night
And everything was still.
You were by my side so soft and warm.
And I dreamed that we were lovers
In the lemon scented rain.
But when I woke up, I found that again,
I had been dreaming,
Dreaming again.
I had been dreaming,
Dreaming again.

The black ink was suddenly smearing on the page, drops of water landing more frequently on the parchment. Sasuke couldn’t even pretend they were raindrops as he realized that this last note was one of resignation, as if the writer had finally given up every having what he desired most.

And then strong arms were around him, holding him as he shivered in the cool room, paying no heed to his tears. A mouth found the hairs just behind his ears and nuzzled, emitting soft shushing noises to soothe him.

Sasuke could see gold and azure and honey; could taste salt and sweat and earth; could smell water and sunshine and spice; and could feel hope and happiness and… love.

“I should have known you’d figure it out and find me,” Naruto whispered huskily in his ear, kissing his neck right below the appendage.

“I should have known you’d never let me go,” he whispered back, not caring about the consequences and what-ifs that would certainly follow this moment of peace.

“Never,” Naruto affirmed and began to drag him backward to the bed. Sasuke took one last glance at the note on the desk, vowing to himself that should Naruto still find himself dreaming, he wouldn’t be dreaming alone.


~owari~


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song lyrics: Dreaming Again by Jim Croce

thanks for reading!!