My name is Uzumaki, Naruto Uzumaki

don’t own Naruto nor do I make money from it.

AN: Gift for gwyllion based off one of her chibi pictures found here:http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/619238/ (You have to be a member of the site to look at this I believe)

Warnings: mansex, cross dressing, cursing, uke Itachi, CRACK!

My Name is Uzumaki, Naruto Uzumaki.

“Come on, we’ll be late!”

Kiba Inuzuka rolled on his skin tight leather pants. He’d tried to get his best friend and room mate to dress as a rocker, as he was doing, but the man was on a James Bond craze. The last weekend, TBS showed the entire James Bond series from Dr. No all the way to GoldenEye. From that moment, Naruto Uzumaki was hooked. His friend was a nerd of the highest degree.

“I think you should hold your fucking horses while I finish getting dressed. I doubt the party will end in the extra fifteen minutes it takes me to dress.” Kiba growled, his hands spiking his hair before fastening on the spiked dog collar.

“It might. You know how the bastard gets. Do you know why he wanted this welcome home party for his brother to be a costume party?” Naruto asked, sliding his sunglasses in place while checking his Walter PPK model.

“My name is Bond, James Bond.” purred Naruto in an obviously fake Sean Connery voice.

“Do you realize how utterly retarded you sound? I mean, do you really?”

“How can you say that? You can’t expect me to use Roger Moore’s voice. The man had zero sex appeal. George Lazenby wasn’t much better. Timothy Dalton was a much better choice but no one, and I say no one would ever match the greatness that is Sean Connery. Hands down, he is the best Bond.” Naruto stuck an unlit cigarette in his mouth before glaring at his roommate.

“You better not light up in this apartment or you can find a new home. My name is first on the lease damn it.”

“You know I don’t smoke. I just bought a pack for the coolness factor on my costume.”

“Ah yes, coolness. Nothing cooler than a twenty five year old man going around saying, “Shaken, not stirred.”

“Don’t you diss the awesomeness of the vodka Martini, you heathen!” Naruto stood, his fist in the air. He would defend the name of Bond with his life.

“Christ, it’s no wonder you are single. Have you ever had a vodka martini?”

Naruto stopped in his tirade to glare at his FORMER best friend. “No, but I’m sure they are awesome, just like James Bond.”

“Retard.”

“Dog breath!”

Kiba rolled his eyes, deciding it best to ignore Naruto. When he got in one of his moods, there was no reasoning with him. For now, he would have to acknowledge that he was living with ‘James Bond’ until some other annoying movie or show caught his attention.

“Hey, Kiba. Do you think Sasuke will take my suggestion and dress up as Blofeld? I mean, his mom has that white Persian cat. It would be so awesome. Me as the hero and the bastard as villain.” Naruto smiled, his mind off in Bond land.

“Who will be your Bond girl?” Kiba asked.

The spell of his dream lost, he frowned. “Well, I asked you…”

“And I told you hell no. I’ll never be caught in drag. It’s bad enough that I’m dating a girl who’s cousin has won the local drag competition three years running. I mean, fuck. I’m surrounded by gays. Hell, I even live with one.”

“I’ll have you know I’m bi, thank you very much.”

“Keep telling yourself that.” muttered Kiba, as he pulled on his black boots.

His blond friend stuck his tongue out, crossing his arms in a pout. He was bi damn it. There was nothing wrong with women. They were soft and warm. They were a beautiful, shark toothed, soul less creatures ready to devour a man’s cock, cutting it off and keeping it hidden so no other could possibly want him again. Oh sweet mercy, he was completely gay.

“Naruto, whatever you are thinking, stop. I swear, sometimes I wonder if you shouldn’t see a doctor or something.”

“Hmph, I get a check up every year.”

Kiba bit his tongue, deciding to blame his personality on the fact he wasn’t breast fed as a child. His friend really needed to get laid. Spending entire weekends watching movies filmed before he was even born was not the best way to spend time. Maybe he’d ask Hinata’s cousin if he had any normal gay friends his buddy would get along with.

“Can we go now? I swear you spend as much time in front of the mirror as Neji.”

“Don’t even start that, queer boy.”

“Spoil sport.”

~*~

On the other side of town, two brothers glared at each other. The older, scowled in annoyance at the clothing laid out across his bed. His brother, holding a stuffed white cat, only smirked at the paling of already cream colored flesh. His fingers stroked the toy with all the devious intentions of the character he was dressed as.

“I’ll leave you to pretty up. If you aren’t downstairs in thirty minutes, I will consider you reneging on the bet.” With those words, he turned with a evil laugh worthy of the most devious of villains.

Shifting his eyes to the bed, his fingers clenched in rage. He was sure Sasuke cheated. What started as a friendly game of chess between brothers turned into an all out war as bets were placed on the outcome. Itachi, sure of his win, agreed to his brother’s demand. He was certain of his win. Sasuke had to have cheated. He’d never beaten Itachi once. Not once. Not ever.

Heads would roll tonight. He, Itachi Uchiha never went back on a debt. He would pay his debt to his brother. Let Sasuke have his laugh. After tonight, heads would roll.

~*~

Naruto rung the door bell to the massive brick house. It wasn’t quite a mansion but the thing was huge. Several people were already there. Naruto waved happily to Shino, dressed as a…fly? Really, there was a line that should not be crossed…he was sure Shino was getting damn close to that line.

“Idiot.”

“Bastard.”

Naruto’s grin increased ten fold at the sight of his other best friend dressed as one of James Bond’s arch enemies, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. This was awesome. Now if only there was a pretty woman to act as his Bond girl. He searched for Ino or Sakura. Either of them would do provided they were not dressed as something weird.

“Hey bastard, you know if anyone here would like to be my Bond girl for the night?” Naruto asked, his eyes scanning the various party goers.

“Hn, I have just the girl.” he snickered, something Sasuke never ever did.

Naruto’s eyes narrowed at his friend’s barely contained laughter. Sasuke was up to something. Well, whatever it was, he would not allow it to ruin his night as Bond, James Bond. Let the rich fucker do whatever he wanted.

Dodging through the mass of people, he made his way to the open bar. God, he loved Sasuke and his money. Free drinks. The man was his god. He’d never let him know that though.

“What are you having, sir?” Now normally, with such a question, Naruto would say Corona or maybe rum and Coke. Not tonight. Tonight, he was James Bond and James Bond always drank a vodka martini, shaken not stirred.

“Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.” The bartender’s eyes crinkled but he said nothing as he made the drink.

Excitement beat through him as he gazed at the wide rim of the martini glass. The clear liquid swirled in the glass. Even an olive was present. It was like he was Bond. He was possessed by the spirit of Ian Fleming’s greatest creation. Bringing the drink to his lips, he allowed the elixir of heaven pour over his tongue…before spitting it back into the glass. That shit was horrible. What the fuck? If Bond drank it, wasn’t it supposed to taste like heaven. The bartender must have made it wrong. That was his only conclusion.

Shooting the laughing bartender a look that should have killed him on the spot, he turned just in time to see the most gorgeous creature of his life. Time seemed to slow to a crawl just like in the movies. A short shimmering blue dress showed of long slender legs to perfection. Stiletto shoes added extra length to the mile high legs. His eyes trailed upward, not much of a bust but he didn’t care. Hell yeah, he was bi again!

His eyes kept following the frame, up the smooth shoulders, where long dark hair flowed like a river. Oh, god, he must have died. There was no woman alive that could be this gorgeous. His gaze slid upward, over the slight bulge of her adam’s apple towards the delicate…wait a minute!!! Adam’s apple? Yep, there it was. Fuck. Gay again.

The ‘woman’ walked straight towards the bar, ignoring Naruto in favor of the bartender. “Scotch on the rocks.”

Well that voice definitely didn’t belong to a woman. The smooth purr was all man. That voice went straight to his crotch. Yep, definitely gay.

“My name is Uzumaki, Naruto Uzumaki.”

Obsidian eyes turned towards him, a tapered brow arched as those gorgeous eyes moved up and down him. He could swear they were a physical touch. His dick seemed to think so.

“What are you supposed to be, James Bond?”

“Yeah, would you like to be my Bond girl?”

The cross dressed man laughed. Not the tinkling laughter of a girl. No. This was the laugher of a man. The sound rolled over him. He was in love. Pure and simple. This had to be destiny. He came as Bond. The other dressed as a Bond girl. It was karma.

“Well, Naruto Uzumaki, why don’t you show me that gun you are hiding in your pants.” purred the other.

If nosebleeds were possible from arousal, Naruto Uzumaki would now be in the hospital receiving a transfusion. His mouth dropped open as long fingers traveled down the front of his black suit. Oh sweet god in heaven.

“What do you say we get out of here?” That sultry voice held the power of the pied piper.

He could do no more than nod in agreement as his hand was taken. He followed the other like a lost puppy. Hell, he would have probably been struck down from heaven for turning down this absolutely gorgeous man. Thank you, God.

The next thing he knew he was pressed against a…washing machine? The thought left his mind as soon as it entered it. Red lipstick covered lips were kissing him. Tongue!

Groaning, Naruto couldn’t take just being the recipient. Immediately, his reversed positions. His lips now covered the other’s. Lipstick smeared as lips gnawed at each other in desperation. His hand drifted down to clutch at a thigh, bringing it up to encircle his waist.

The short skirt rose high, revealing the…oh lord…garter belt. Women’s lingerie! Naruto redoubled his kissing. He might look like a woman in these clothes, but his body was all male as was evident by the erection pressed against his own.

His fingers fumbled with underpants as he pulled them down long slender nylon clad legs. The flaring head of probably the most elegant cock he’d ever seen was presented to him. He licked his lips. How long had it been since he’d sucked a cock? Too long in his opinion.

His hands gripped the sequined waist, lifting him onto the washing machine. His fingers teased the edges of the thigh high stockings. His mouth watered as a drop of cum pooled on the tip. Would he taste bitter? Would he have a more salty flavor? Only one way to find out.

Swiping his tongue over the tip, he groaned. Neither. And both. His flavor was something of a mixture of the two. It was so good, he wanted more. Growling, his tongue swirled the head while his fingers dipped to play with the tight sac. He heard a thump against the wall. Raising his eyes, he saw his partner’s head flung back, red smeared mouth open in a soundless cry. Not soundless for much longer if he had anything to do with it.

He felt a burst of flavor against his tongue. More pre-cum leaked from the tip as he suckled gently before dipping to take the entire length in his mouth. The loud moan from above was all he needed to hear. Deep throating was his hidden talent and fuck if it didn’t feel good to have this cock in his mouth.

The panting moans from the other, forced him to cease his oral torture…reluctantly. He didn’t want him to cum yet. Grinning ear to ear, he pulled the disgruntled looking man towards him and off the machine. Flipping him around, his fingers pushed the dress away, revealing the stunningly beautiful ass.

Creamy white globes were parted to reveal the little pink pucker of skin. One lick wouldn’t hurt. He was too weak to resist. One stroke of his tongue across the flesh. That was all it took before a scream echoed through the room. The hips beneath him bucked, as cum splattered across the front of the machine.

Wow. He didn’t know the man was that close. He knew he was good but damn, that was something out of a porno. Cumming from one lick…fuck that was hot. Growling, he looked for something to use as lube. By the time he prepped the other, his erection would be back for sure. Arching a brow, he grabbed a bottle of liquid detergent. The stuff was slick enough.

Slicking up a finger, he slid it inside the clenching muscles. Oh, damn. Tight, wet heat gripped his finger like a vise. He had to bite the inside of his jaw to keep from cumming. This was destined to become the greatest fuck of his life.

“Hurry up.” growled the other, his hips pressing back.

With that command, he pushed in another finger. Heaven help him. By the time the third was inside, he was so hard he was sure the he was about to cum in his pants.

“For God’s sake, I’m not a fucking woman. Fuck me already.”

“I don’t even know your name.”

“Itachi. Now get on with it.”

“Pushy.” Naruto grumbled but did as requested.

Slicking up his cock with the makeshift lube, he pressed the tip inside. The glide of the soap worked like a charm. Soon he was fully seated. He moaned, his teeth sinking in lightly to the revealed shoulder. The bucking hips told him Itachi liked it as much as he did.

Growling, he withdrew only to plunge back inside. The movement earned a grunt from the other. Frowning, he adjusted his angle before repeating the motion. This time the grunt was half grunt, half whimper. That was more like it.

Keeping the angle, he began a fast pace. There was no way in hell he could handle slow. Maybe if Itachi let him do this again, they could take it slow. Right now he needed to get off…badly. The grunts and growls morphed into whines and cries as he continued to pound into the slick hole.

His eyes lifted, locking onto the dial of the machine. Oh, it was so wrong on so many levels. He grabbed the dial, pushing it to spin, and hit the start. The machine began to vibrate.

“Oh God!” Itachi screamed, cum shooting out immediately from him.

Naruto didn’t last a second longer. Once the contractions started, he was spurting deep and hard. His hips continued to jerk as the clenching around his cock lessened. Great God in Heaven, thank you for this ass which I have now claimed. That prayer echoed through his mind as he slumped against the sweaty back.

“Please tell me this won’t be a one night stand because that was the best orgasm of my life.” Naruto muttered.

“Hn.” Itachi grunted as he wiped the smeared lipstick from his mouth before adjusting his clothes.

Leaning close, dark eyes seemed to darken to the color of pitch. “If I’d known you were such a good fuck, I’d have had my little brother introduce us before tonight. I’d very much like a repeat performance.”

Naruto’s cock was standing at attention. It wanted a repeat performance too. Itachi merely smirked before stroking the length. “I’ll see you around, Naruto Uzumaki.”

It took a good ten minutes before Naruto could exit the washroom. His cock didn’t like the idea of not being buried in that hot ass. It wanted to be there again.

Finally, raging hormones ebbed and he was once more presentable. Exiting the room, he found Kiba sitting beside a red faced Hinata. “What’s up guys?”

“Christ, Naruto…did you have to fuck that dude so loudly? I mean, we heard you all the way out here.” Kiba hid his face in his hands. He was as straight as an arrow but the sounds of those wild cries from the back room sent him into a raging state of arousal. Hell, half the party left to go fuck with their significant other after hearing all that noise.

Naruto’s face reddened to the color of a Christmas tree light. The entire room…had heard him….oh God. He wanted the earth to swallow him whole. The best fuck of his life and the entire group of his friends had heard. He would never live this down.

“Hey, moron.” Oh God…not him too.

“What do you want, bastard.”

“For all that talk you gave about how sexy James Bond is, I have to say, I never saw him get laid so damn fast. I have to hand it to you. God, I’m never going to let Itachi live this down.” Sasuke was now laughing so hard he was doubled over.

Itachi…Sasuke’s brother’s name was Itachi. The love of his life was named Itachi. Putting two and two together equaled…his Itachi was Sasuke’s brother. Oh fucking hell. He’d just fucked Sasuke’s brother…in the wash room…where everyone could hear. Sasuke was never going to let him live this down.

Naruto attempted to creep away, his embarrassment knew no bounds. He felt the need for the comfort ramen…badly. He was nearly to the door when a dark body had his pressed against the wall. “Where do you think you’re going, Naruto Uzumaki?”

Itachi. Here. Now. Hello again, his cock seemed to say as it poked the thigh pressed against it.

“I…I…I was just going home.” Naruto stuttered out, his eyes locked with the obsidian eyes.

“Hn…didn’t you promise me a repeat performance?”

“I…I…I…”

“Follow me, Naruto Uzumaki. I hope you brought your license to fuck because you are going to need it.” purred Itachi, his fingers stroking the now prominent bulge.

“Kiba…” he called to his friend, “Don’t wait up.”

If James Bond could last against Pussy Galore, Octopussy, and Plenty O’Toole, he could last against one Itachi Uchiha…he hoped. Yes! He was Naruto Uzumaki. 007 License to fuck…all night long.

The end.