The Restricted Section
folder
Naruto AU/AR › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
19
Views:
2,219
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Category:
Naruto AU/AR › Yaoi - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
19
Views:
2,219
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
2
Disclaimer:
I do not own Naruto. I make no money from this.
The Restricted Section
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own the basis for the story idea ‘The Restricted Section’.
The Restricted Section
By 11
Chapter 01
He was sitting in his apartment listening to his cell phone ring. No one picked up, no one would. The girl was probably doing her fingernails by now or something like that. It didn’t bother him; not at all. The answering machine picked up, and the bubbly voice of a certain pink-haired girl came on the line.
“Hello! You’ve reached the home of Sakura Haruno! Sorry I missed you, please leave a message!” The recording told him cheerfully before it clicked over to recording mode.
“Hello Sakura, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know that it’s over.” He stated simply into the phone. “I know that I said your intelligence, beauty, and charm was unsurpassed by no other… but frankly I lied to get into your pants.”
He waited a second to let that sink in. Hm, Sakura must really not be home if she hasn’t picked up the phone to yell at him, hm. “There’s no need to contact me to confirm closure, I’ve already changed my number. And don’t bother getting your stuff at my apartment either,” he said his tone changing slightly in mirth as he glanced over at the smoldering fireplace containing some household items. “I burned it all. Don’t worry it was an accident.”
Green eyes stayed wide staring at her answering machine on the other end, no movement came to her arms to pick up the phone and shout at the guy. Not even a sound from her throat seemed able to come up. It felt vaguely like her heart stopped and started again in an erratic and uncontrolled beating that was sluggish and slow sapping all her energy.
“This is eating up my minutes so, wham, bam, thank you… ma’am.” Then there was a click on the line and the connected ended. Sakura stood watching the recorder for a moment longer in disbelief before turning to her apartment fridge, and pulling out a pint of vanilla ice cream. However it seemed all hope in the world had abandoned her, considering the carton was empty of ice cream.
Taking a deep breath she picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi Ino? It’s Sakura.” Her voice shook slightly, as her eyes watered; and she held the phone close to her ear, “Look, I know you’re not a lesbian and all… but I really need a comfort fuck…”
`
“What color!”
“What COLOR are they!!”
“Quick, hide the men and women! Sasuke Uchiha is back on the market!”
“What COLOR DAMNIT!!”
“It’s black!”
“Let me see!” Temari leaned over towards the window to look across the street, and winced slightly, “Damn, are those his leather pants?”
“Pay up, Shino!” the brunette said cupping his hands for their bet. The daily bet of ‘after a particular break up, does Sasuke Uchiha change pants?’
“Fuck you.” The other boy glowered.
“Sakura was sweet. She didn’t deserve that,” Hinata shook her head sadly.
“Sounds like you should move in on weakened territory.” The brunette teased.
“Shut up Shikamaru, it’s too early for your shit.” The blonde girl chided, putting a protective arm around her girlfriend.
“The usual Shizu,” the pale youth told the dark-haired woman at the diner register upon entering the door; she handed him his regular shake and without skipping a beat he all but glided straight over to the group’s table and sat down in the empty space beside Shikamaru.
Silence reigned as clear, black, and dark brown eyes narrowed conspicuously at Sasuke simultaneously. The raven-haired youth sipped calmly at his soda for about five minutes before decided to acknowledge that the entire group of the table was glaring at him like he was a filthy beetle.
“For the love of god, ‘what’?” he finally asked, returning the dark look to the group.
“You got some nerve to be smiling, Uchiha!” a woman with long platinum blonde hair remonstrated as she walked up to their table. “Dumping that poor girl like that! First decent one you’ve had all month! I’m sick of the trash you bring in here!”
“Well, Tsunade, as you can see there is no trash fluttering about now,” Sasuke told her, “unless you count these gossiping traitors…”
“I would do better without your business!” Tsunade quipped, “You bring down the reputation of a fine diner that’s stood against the skyscrapers of this city. I don’t want to see your face in here again until you change your ways.”
“So can I have my burger now?” Sasuke asked, receiving only a heated glare from the taller woman.
“I am a growing boy who needs greasy, fat food to turn into another mindless mass of flesh!” he proclaimed under her scrutiny. “My personal life shall not interfere with my appetite!”
“You’re in your twenties and your so called personal life is public not an hour after something happens,” Tsunade frowned. “Now scram!”
“Fine,” the onyx-eyed youth shrugged, leaning across the table to swipe the cherry off of Hinata’s malt before heading for the door. “I was in the mood for taco’s anyway.”
“Does he even know what’s in their meat?” Temari wondered aloud once Sasuke had left the diner, the seasonal bells on the door sounding loudly as it shut.
“It’ll serve him right.” Hinata huffed, spooning the top coating off of her ice cream malt – where Sasuke’s evil putrid fingers had been.
Now Temari’s question was did Hinata mean serve Sasuke right, for being irresponsible or for stealing her cherry?
“Remember Zack?” Shikamaru asked.
“Guy who snuck Sasuke into movies for free for a few days before getting ditched right?” Temari returned. The brunette nodded sadly.
`
Sasuke Uchiha’s Top Ten BREAKUPS!!
01: Zack
After the movie, “So did you enjoy the movie?”
“Yeah it was okay,” Sasuke nodded as he exited, “Your popcorn is stale.”
“So, are we still on for tomorrow?”
“Yeah… about that,” the dark-haired boy started, still walking, with the other youth in step beside him as he headed for the door, “I’ve been meaning to tell you… it just won’t work out. Sorry.”
The poor boy had been mortified at those words.
“The exit’s this way right?”
Poor little Zack was fired the next day.
02: Leeche
Driving home from work.
“So you thought, I wouldn’t notice…” Sasuke started, the edge of anger creeping into his voice.
“Hm, what do you mean?” the girl asked, lurching a little as the car pulled up to the side of the road and stopped.
The door opened, her seatbelt was off and then she was roughly shoved out the door, with these words before her three day boyfriend drove off; “YOU FUCKING TAPED SURVIVOR OVER MY FAVORITE PORNO VIDEO!!”
03: Jio
“…I screw winner.”
At that point Neji had almost smacked him, but managed to refrain. The two other teens playing the console meanwhile had already started the Soul Calibur Death Match. “Sasuke, that’s my cousin.” He ground out instead; hoping that the other boy would get the message and back off.
“Oh, my bad.” He corrected himself, “Kimi no oku made tadoritsukitai, arugamama de ii yo, motto, fukaku.”
*Translation: I want to struggle on until I'm inside of you, it's good as it is, more, deeper.
And somewhere in Neji’s mind a bomb exploded. “Get out!” he ordered, shoving Sasuke roughly off the couch.
“I’m not coming back.” The other boy stated simply as he headed for the door.
However much to Neji’s over protective motioning Sasuke still managed to get Jio alone and from there on seduction was completed along with breakup. Neji now no longer would speak to Sasuke – this however is understandable. Neji also no longer allows Sasuke to play any of his consoles – to Sasuke this is not so understandable.
04: Tsukiko
Sasuke had just managed, with one quarter, to get two gumballs from the machine. “Score!!”
“You know those things are totally hazardous to your health, and its not-” yeah, that was a blabbermouth who wouldn’t shut up. The only perk was that it was this guy’s quarter who got the gumball’s for Sasuke rather than him having to use his own spare change for it. Reaching the center of the gumball, Sasuke found gum, and proceeded to make a balloon with said bubblegum gum. Oh pooh, it popped. “-and are you even listening to me?”
OMG. Shut the fuck up.
“RAPE!!”
And the cops were there, and someone was whining about their spleen, Sasuke decided just not to watch the stuffing get beaten out of his latest ditch. “Are you all right sir?”
Ooh, this cop was hot…
05: Ren
They had been at a bar, dating about a week - a record for Sasuke – and everything seemed to be going just fine. Then Ren was talking to some other guy and Sasuke noticed.
It wasn’t that he was jealous, although there was that small pinprick to his pride. But it was also a perfect excuse to break up with Mr. almost-perfect-because-he’s-got-a-hot-ass-and-nice-hair – Ren. So he dragged him to a closet, poured 90% proof wine on his pants and dropped a match on him.
Nuff said. Sasuke can’t even remember the guy’s name now, he refers to it simply as ‘the flaming shot’. If you didn’t get that, read the incident again; if you still don’t get it, you’re hopeless my no-longer-a-friend friend.
Ren had the worst recovery of all Sasuke’s lovers in the hospital with burns on his crotch. On the brighter side he was the only one with access to free therapy!
06: Lee
It had been three hours of very satisfying sex, this was back when Lee was hot, took care of his eyebrows, hair, and eyes, otherwise Sasuke wouldn’t have given him the time of day. So it had been an enjoyable evening, probably on both ends, and it might have lasted a bit beyond the first date if Lee hadn’t gone and done this stupid thing:
Curling against the older youth, he sighed into him, in relaxation; “I love you.”
One dark eye cracked open, but he didn’t say anything; for a minute. Weighing the pros and cons of to keep duping this guy even though he said the three word abomination. Cons won out, as they always do, free sex isn’t anything compared to what a crazy lover can be like after too long, plus Lee had turned out to be a little too clingy anyway.
“It’s over.” It was that simple. “As if the silence wasn’t any indication to get out.”
Lee was traumatized after that, and since then he became a wreck where he got bowl cut, his eyes look like daisies and his eyebrows are caterpillars. Sasuke is extremely glad he ditched him since, but a few months later he didn’t remember even having a relationship with the ‘loser’.
07: Kabuto
The skylight dinner was great; so were all the cool presents, like leather and armani clothes to either wear or sell on ebay. Sasuke wouldn’t have complained about the rolex either; and the best part of this relationship was he didn’t have to sleep with the geezer, at least the guy hadn’t pressed the issue yet; but it was borderline.
“So, Sasuke, I was thinking,” he started, “you know, maybe we-” he was going to ask about sex, and it might not have been a problem and Sasuke’d just ditch him the next day. But the fact of the matter was, Kabuto was pretty full from the five star meal, and right then was when he let out a huge belch.
The restaurant went silent for a full five minutes. By the time some motion started again, Kabuto was too red from embarrassment, and Sasuke was asking for the check. He changed his number and never heard from Kabuto since.
08: Orochimaru
“So what about that time he stopped returning that mafia guy’s phone calls and had a hit put out on him?” Hinata asked, “That was, Orochimaru, right?”
“Yeah, and then Sasuke slept with the hitman to clear it.” Shikamaru corroborated.
“Jesus Christ! That was true?!” Temari started, shocked that such an outlandish story about him was for real, there were so many rumors about his relationships and so many were true but then some were just hard to believe!
09: Richard
“Okay, gossip king, what about the guy he left stranded twelve hours from home?” Temari asked.
“Richard,” Shikamaru nodded, “yeah, he’s still not over that.”
Speaking of the devil, at Sasuke’s apartment after getting back from taco’s, a new threat note was taped to his window door. On the white parchment was written ‘I’ll fucking kill you!’ in big red sharpie, hard to miss.
But this had been ongoing since he dumped the kid at the airport, it’s where they’d met, fucked, and all that shit; but like the rest of them some held grudges others just hated his guts now.
10: Keero
“What about that one that he announced their break up over the mall intercom?” Temari asked. “That was also really cruel.”
“Oh yeah.” Shikamaru ah’ed recognizing the name. “Keero, I remember.”
They two of them had gone out to the mall and, according to Sasuke, the guy wouldn’t listen to him when he met him so he excused himself to go to the bathroom and got on the intercom.
“Hey, Keero, you listening to me now? I’m breaking up with you. Because you suck in bed, you’re kinda ugly, and you’re not gay.” These were the words that shattered Keero’s world that day in the mall, as all the shoppers and passerby’s stopped the listen to Sasuke’s voice on the speakers.
“Let’s see that covers all boys, all boys just out there to sleep with someone, and gays. …Yeah, I think that’s it, that covers it all, see ya.” And with a click the voice was gone and Keero stood along dumbstruck by the announcement.
‘Uh… what just happened here?’ Was probably the first and last rational thought that came through Keero’s mind before his brain exploded from the occurrence.
“I think he’s still in therapy, isn’t he?” Hinata asked, sipping up the last of her malt.
“Yeah he is.” Shikamaru confirmed.
`
“That is it! We have got to get Sasuke off this path to his own destruction!” Hinata declared, managing to hang her head sadly at the same time.
“He’s been lucky so far, but one day one of those guys, like the mafia guy, will actually get to him and hurt him.” Shikamaru affirmed, nodding slightly.
“And it’s just wrong to do nothing but run around and sleep with a person just to break up with them in the most brutal way he can think of!!” Temari put in.
“Yes, one day he could be arrested for crimes against humanity, this is a problem for our friend.” Shikamaru sighed sadly.
“We are not friends with that creep,” Temari glared pointedly at the brunette boy, “he belongs in jail, do not put us in the same sphere as him.”
“Someone should do something.” Shikamaru stated.
“Yeah, like give him a taste of his own medicine.” Hinata interjected.
“Huh?” Temari asked, glancing at the dark-haired girl.
“Yeah, someone should break his heart.”
“Eh?” Temari puzzled again, “that’s impossible Hinata honey. Sasuke keeps his heart under lock and key and if he goes out with someone he does it for the sole purpose of sex and break up later.”
“Yeah that’s true.” Shikamaru agreed, “Though actually it’s a pretty good idea; give Sasuke his dream person and then have that person rip him apart as he did to others.”
“How’s that work, it’s not like we’re magicians;” Temari shook her head at her two friends remorsefully, “and even if we were, what’s Sasuke’s ideal person?”
`
“My ideal person?” Sasuke repeated in question to Hinata’s question; “Let see; someone fun, interesting, can hold a conversation; hot ass, nice legs, non-greasy hair, and not too clingy or whiny. Preferably someone who weighs less than or the same as myself.”
“Ah,” Hinata nodded, being sure to put down each detail on her note pad, “Thank you Sasuke.”
“Sure Hinata.” The dark-haired boy nodded, before waving her goodbye from his apartment door and shutting it again.
Temari could only gape as the pale girl trotted back to her and Shikamaru to report. “Wow,” the blonde girl breathed in some shock, “that was easy.”
“But he didn’t tell us anything really, hair color, height – it can be anyone, just attractive,” Shikamaru puzzled over Hinata’s notes, “that’s an easy standard beauty for him is anything that walks and happens to catch his eye, it’s not difficult.”
“True.” Hinata noted, so they didn’t have to pay too much attention to looks, just an attractive person, easy enough, “Okay, so how do we ‘create’ this ideal person?”
“We could always hire someone.” Shikamaru suggested.
“Hire someone?” Temari repeated, “That’s pretty loony.”
“You gotta admit, it’s a good idea though.” Hinata prodded.
“I know! We could drug some guy to go and do it, and then let him go and because of the drugs he won’t remember anything!” the brunette suggested with a grin. Both girls gave him an odd look, although only Temari seemed inclined to comment on such a brain dead plan.
“Okay, now that’s ever more loony,” Temari stated, and then muttering under her breath, “are you on drugs Shika?”
“I think we should try to hire somebody.” Hinata suggested again, “It could work! Or even if we find his next toy and just tell them what he’s like before Sasuke can corrupt them, it might work.”
“We can try it just once anyway.” The pale girl shrugged, “Right?”
“Okay, all in favor, say aye.” Shikamaru returned the uncertain gesture.
“Aye!”
“Aye!”
Both the brunette boy and pale-eyed girl affirmed the project immediately. “The Aye’s have it!”
“You two are nuts.” Temari shook her head at her two friends. They didn’t even have a chance for the naysayers.
“Okay, so Project ‘Break Sasuke’ commence!” And Temari could only wonder who came up with that cruddy title.
---
Review.
The Restricted Section
By 11
Chapter 01
He was sitting in his apartment listening to his cell phone ring. No one picked up, no one would. The girl was probably doing her fingernails by now or something like that. It didn’t bother him; not at all. The answering machine picked up, and the bubbly voice of a certain pink-haired girl came on the line.
“Hello! You’ve reached the home of Sakura Haruno! Sorry I missed you, please leave a message!” The recording told him cheerfully before it clicked over to recording mode.
“Hello Sakura, it’s me. I just wanted to let you know that it’s over.” He stated simply into the phone. “I know that I said your intelligence, beauty, and charm was unsurpassed by no other… but frankly I lied to get into your pants.”
He waited a second to let that sink in. Hm, Sakura must really not be home if she hasn’t picked up the phone to yell at him, hm. “There’s no need to contact me to confirm closure, I’ve already changed my number. And don’t bother getting your stuff at my apartment either,” he said his tone changing slightly in mirth as he glanced over at the smoldering fireplace containing some household items. “I burned it all. Don’t worry it was an accident.”
Green eyes stayed wide staring at her answering machine on the other end, no movement came to her arms to pick up the phone and shout at the guy. Not even a sound from her throat seemed able to come up. It felt vaguely like her heart stopped and started again in an erratic and uncontrolled beating that was sluggish and slow sapping all her energy.
“This is eating up my minutes so, wham, bam, thank you… ma’am.” Then there was a click on the line and the connected ended. Sakura stood watching the recorder for a moment longer in disbelief before turning to her apartment fridge, and pulling out a pint of vanilla ice cream. However it seemed all hope in the world had abandoned her, considering the carton was empty of ice cream.
Taking a deep breath she picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi Ino? It’s Sakura.” Her voice shook slightly, as her eyes watered; and she held the phone close to her ear, “Look, I know you’re not a lesbian and all… but I really need a comfort fuck…”
`
“What color!”
“What COLOR are they!!”
“Quick, hide the men and women! Sasuke Uchiha is back on the market!”
“What COLOR DAMNIT!!”
“It’s black!”
“Let me see!” Temari leaned over towards the window to look across the street, and winced slightly, “Damn, are those his leather pants?”
“Pay up, Shino!” the brunette said cupping his hands for their bet. The daily bet of ‘after a particular break up, does Sasuke Uchiha change pants?’
“Fuck you.” The other boy glowered.
“Sakura was sweet. She didn’t deserve that,” Hinata shook her head sadly.
“Sounds like you should move in on weakened territory.” The brunette teased.
“Shut up Shikamaru, it’s too early for your shit.” The blonde girl chided, putting a protective arm around her girlfriend.
“The usual Shizu,” the pale youth told the dark-haired woman at the diner register upon entering the door; she handed him his regular shake and without skipping a beat he all but glided straight over to the group’s table and sat down in the empty space beside Shikamaru.
Silence reigned as clear, black, and dark brown eyes narrowed conspicuously at Sasuke simultaneously. The raven-haired youth sipped calmly at his soda for about five minutes before decided to acknowledge that the entire group of the table was glaring at him like he was a filthy beetle.
“For the love of god, ‘what’?” he finally asked, returning the dark look to the group.
“You got some nerve to be smiling, Uchiha!” a woman with long platinum blonde hair remonstrated as she walked up to their table. “Dumping that poor girl like that! First decent one you’ve had all month! I’m sick of the trash you bring in here!”
“Well, Tsunade, as you can see there is no trash fluttering about now,” Sasuke told her, “unless you count these gossiping traitors…”
“I would do better without your business!” Tsunade quipped, “You bring down the reputation of a fine diner that’s stood against the skyscrapers of this city. I don’t want to see your face in here again until you change your ways.”
“So can I have my burger now?” Sasuke asked, receiving only a heated glare from the taller woman.
“I am a growing boy who needs greasy, fat food to turn into another mindless mass of flesh!” he proclaimed under her scrutiny. “My personal life shall not interfere with my appetite!”
“You’re in your twenties and your so called personal life is public not an hour after something happens,” Tsunade frowned. “Now scram!”
“Fine,” the onyx-eyed youth shrugged, leaning across the table to swipe the cherry off of Hinata’s malt before heading for the door. “I was in the mood for taco’s anyway.”
“Does he even know what’s in their meat?” Temari wondered aloud once Sasuke had left the diner, the seasonal bells on the door sounding loudly as it shut.
“It’ll serve him right.” Hinata huffed, spooning the top coating off of her ice cream malt – where Sasuke’s evil putrid fingers had been.
Now Temari’s question was did Hinata mean serve Sasuke right, for being irresponsible or for stealing her cherry?
“Remember Zack?” Shikamaru asked.
“Guy who snuck Sasuke into movies for free for a few days before getting ditched right?” Temari returned. The brunette nodded sadly.
`
Sasuke Uchiha’s Top Ten BREAKUPS!!
01: Zack
After the movie, “So did you enjoy the movie?”
“Yeah it was okay,” Sasuke nodded as he exited, “Your popcorn is stale.”
“So, are we still on for tomorrow?”
“Yeah… about that,” the dark-haired boy started, still walking, with the other youth in step beside him as he headed for the door, “I’ve been meaning to tell you… it just won’t work out. Sorry.”
The poor boy had been mortified at those words.
“The exit’s this way right?”
Poor little Zack was fired the next day.
02: Leeche
Driving home from work.
“So you thought, I wouldn’t notice…” Sasuke started, the edge of anger creeping into his voice.
“Hm, what do you mean?” the girl asked, lurching a little as the car pulled up to the side of the road and stopped.
The door opened, her seatbelt was off and then she was roughly shoved out the door, with these words before her three day boyfriend drove off; “YOU FUCKING TAPED SURVIVOR OVER MY FAVORITE PORNO VIDEO!!”
03: Jio
“…I screw winner.”
At that point Neji had almost smacked him, but managed to refrain. The two other teens playing the console meanwhile had already started the Soul Calibur Death Match. “Sasuke, that’s my cousin.” He ground out instead; hoping that the other boy would get the message and back off.
“Oh, my bad.” He corrected himself, “Kimi no oku made tadoritsukitai, arugamama de ii yo, motto, fukaku.”
*Translation: I want to struggle on until I'm inside of you, it's good as it is, more, deeper.
And somewhere in Neji’s mind a bomb exploded. “Get out!” he ordered, shoving Sasuke roughly off the couch.
“I’m not coming back.” The other boy stated simply as he headed for the door.
However much to Neji’s over protective motioning Sasuke still managed to get Jio alone and from there on seduction was completed along with breakup. Neji now no longer would speak to Sasuke – this however is understandable. Neji also no longer allows Sasuke to play any of his consoles – to Sasuke this is not so understandable.
04: Tsukiko
Sasuke had just managed, with one quarter, to get two gumballs from the machine. “Score!!”
“You know those things are totally hazardous to your health, and its not-” yeah, that was a blabbermouth who wouldn’t shut up. The only perk was that it was this guy’s quarter who got the gumball’s for Sasuke rather than him having to use his own spare change for it. Reaching the center of the gumball, Sasuke found gum, and proceeded to make a balloon with said bubblegum gum. Oh pooh, it popped. “-and are you even listening to me?”
OMG. Shut the fuck up.
“RAPE!!”
And the cops were there, and someone was whining about their spleen, Sasuke decided just not to watch the stuffing get beaten out of his latest ditch. “Are you all right sir?”
Ooh, this cop was hot…
05: Ren
They had been at a bar, dating about a week - a record for Sasuke – and everything seemed to be going just fine. Then Ren was talking to some other guy and Sasuke noticed.
It wasn’t that he was jealous, although there was that small pinprick to his pride. But it was also a perfect excuse to break up with Mr. almost-perfect-because-he’s-got-a-hot-ass-and-nice-hair – Ren. So he dragged him to a closet, poured 90% proof wine on his pants and dropped a match on him.
Nuff said. Sasuke can’t even remember the guy’s name now, he refers to it simply as ‘the flaming shot’. If you didn’t get that, read the incident again; if you still don’t get it, you’re hopeless my no-longer-a-friend friend.
Ren had the worst recovery of all Sasuke’s lovers in the hospital with burns on his crotch. On the brighter side he was the only one with access to free therapy!
06: Lee
It had been three hours of very satisfying sex, this was back when Lee was hot, took care of his eyebrows, hair, and eyes, otherwise Sasuke wouldn’t have given him the time of day. So it had been an enjoyable evening, probably on both ends, and it might have lasted a bit beyond the first date if Lee hadn’t gone and done this stupid thing:
Curling against the older youth, he sighed into him, in relaxation; “I love you.”
One dark eye cracked open, but he didn’t say anything; for a minute. Weighing the pros and cons of to keep duping this guy even though he said the three word abomination. Cons won out, as they always do, free sex isn’t anything compared to what a crazy lover can be like after too long, plus Lee had turned out to be a little too clingy anyway.
“It’s over.” It was that simple. “As if the silence wasn’t any indication to get out.”
Lee was traumatized after that, and since then he became a wreck where he got bowl cut, his eyes look like daisies and his eyebrows are caterpillars. Sasuke is extremely glad he ditched him since, but a few months later he didn’t remember even having a relationship with the ‘loser’.
07: Kabuto
The skylight dinner was great; so were all the cool presents, like leather and armani clothes to either wear or sell on ebay. Sasuke wouldn’t have complained about the rolex either; and the best part of this relationship was he didn’t have to sleep with the geezer, at least the guy hadn’t pressed the issue yet; but it was borderline.
“So, Sasuke, I was thinking,” he started, “you know, maybe we-” he was going to ask about sex, and it might not have been a problem and Sasuke’d just ditch him the next day. But the fact of the matter was, Kabuto was pretty full from the five star meal, and right then was when he let out a huge belch.
The restaurant went silent for a full five minutes. By the time some motion started again, Kabuto was too red from embarrassment, and Sasuke was asking for the check. He changed his number and never heard from Kabuto since.
08: Orochimaru
“So what about that time he stopped returning that mafia guy’s phone calls and had a hit put out on him?” Hinata asked, “That was, Orochimaru, right?”
“Yeah, and then Sasuke slept with the hitman to clear it.” Shikamaru corroborated.
“Jesus Christ! That was true?!” Temari started, shocked that such an outlandish story about him was for real, there were so many rumors about his relationships and so many were true but then some were just hard to believe!
09: Richard
“Okay, gossip king, what about the guy he left stranded twelve hours from home?” Temari asked.
“Richard,” Shikamaru nodded, “yeah, he’s still not over that.”
Speaking of the devil, at Sasuke’s apartment after getting back from taco’s, a new threat note was taped to his window door. On the white parchment was written ‘I’ll fucking kill you!’ in big red sharpie, hard to miss.
But this had been ongoing since he dumped the kid at the airport, it’s where they’d met, fucked, and all that shit; but like the rest of them some held grudges others just hated his guts now.
10: Keero
“What about that one that he announced their break up over the mall intercom?” Temari asked. “That was also really cruel.”
“Oh yeah.” Shikamaru ah’ed recognizing the name. “Keero, I remember.”
They two of them had gone out to the mall and, according to Sasuke, the guy wouldn’t listen to him when he met him so he excused himself to go to the bathroom and got on the intercom.
“Hey, Keero, you listening to me now? I’m breaking up with you. Because you suck in bed, you’re kinda ugly, and you’re not gay.” These were the words that shattered Keero’s world that day in the mall, as all the shoppers and passerby’s stopped the listen to Sasuke’s voice on the speakers.
“Let’s see that covers all boys, all boys just out there to sleep with someone, and gays. …Yeah, I think that’s it, that covers it all, see ya.” And with a click the voice was gone and Keero stood along dumbstruck by the announcement.
‘Uh… what just happened here?’ Was probably the first and last rational thought that came through Keero’s mind before his brain exploded from the occurrence.
“I think he’s still in therapy, isn’t he?” Hinata asked, sipping up the last of her malt.
“Yeah he is.” Shikamaru confirmed.
`
“That is it! We have got to get Sasuke off this path to his own destruction!” Hinata declared, managing to hang her head sadly at the same time.
“He’s been lucky so far, but one day one of those guys, like the mafia guy, will actually get to him and hurt him.” Shikamaru affirmed, nodding slightly.
“And it’s just wrong to do nothing but run around and sleep with a person just to break up with them in the most brutal way he can think of!!” Temari put in.
“Yes, one day he could be arrested for crimes against humanity, this is a problem for our friend.” Shikamaru sighed sadly.
“We are not friends with that creep,” Temari glared pointedly at the brunette boy, “he belongs in jail, do not put us in the same sphere as him.”
“Someone should do something.” Shikamaru stated.
“Yeah, like give him a taste of his own medicine.” Hinata interjected.
“Huh?” Temari asked, glancing at the dark-haired girl.
“Yeah, someone should break his heart.”
“Eh?” Temari puzzled again, “that’s impossible Hinata honey. Sasuke keeps his heart under lock and key and if he goes out with someone he does it for the sole purpose of sex and break up later.”
“Yeah that’s true.” Shikamaru agreed, “Though actually it’s a pretty good idea; give Sasuke his dream person and then have that person rip him apart as he did to others.”
“How’s that work, it’s not like we’re magicians;” Temari shook her head at her two friends remorsefully, “and even if we were, what’s Sasuke’s ideal person?”
`
“My ideal person?” Sasuke repeated in question to Hinata’s question; “Let see; someone fun, interesting, can hold a conversation; hot ass, nice legs, non-greasy hair, and not too clingy or whiny. Preferably someone who weighs less than or the same as myself.”
“Ah,” Hinata nodded, being sure to put down each detail on her note pad, “Thank you Sasuke.”
“Sure Hinata.” The dark-haired boy nodded, before waving her goodbye from his apartment door and shutting it again.
Temari could only gape as the pale girl trotted back to her and Shikamaru to report. “Wow,” the blonde girl breathed in some shock, “that was easy.”
“But he didn’t tell us anything really, hair color, height – it can be anyone, just attractive,” Shikamaru puzzled over Hinata’s notes, “that’s an easy standard beauty for him is anything that walks and happens to catch his eye, it’s not difficult.”
“True.” Hinata noted, so they didn’t have to pay too much attention to looks, just an attractive person, easy enough, “Okay, so how do we ‘create’ this ideal person?”
“We could always hire someone.” Shikamaru suggested.
“Hire someone?” Temari repeated, “That’s pretty loony.”
“You gotta admit, it’s a good idea though.” Hinata prodded.
“I know! We could drug some guy to go and do it, and then let him go and because of the drugs he won’t remember anything!” the brunette suggested with a grin. Both girls gave him an odd look, although only Temari seemed inclined to comment on such a brain dead plan.
“Okay, now that’s ever more loony,” Temari stated, and then muttering under her breath, “are you on drugs Shika?”
“I think we should try to hire somebody.” Hinata suggested again, “It could work! Or even if we find his next toy and just tell them what he’s like before Sasuke can corrupt them, it might work.”
“We can try it just once anyway.” The pale girl shrugged, “Right?”
“Okay, all in favor, say aye.” Shikamaru returned the uncertain gesture.
“Aye!”
“Aye!”
Both the brunette boy and pale-eyed girl affirmed the project immediately. “The Aye’s have it!”
“You two are nuts.” Temari shook her head at her two friends. They didn’t even have a chance for the naysayers.
“Okay, so Project ‘Break Sasuke’ commence!” And Temari could only wonder who came up with that cruddy title.
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