Cant go back Cant move forward

this is part of an exchange with namelessliberty :heart3:part 1/?


beta'd by Tempestuous :love:

thanks to narutovixin for reading it before hand and giving me her opinion ^^

p.s. i need a beta for a few oneshots any one up for it? pwease

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Breaking the surface of the water, Naruto took a deep breath and reached for the edge of the wall. He pulled himself from the water. He thought someone had come in, but after looking around the pool area, he came to the conclusion that nobody had. Well, unless they had ducked into the locker rooms already, but it didn't matter anyways. He was done for the day.

He had enjoyed the swim. It had significantly improved his mood, which had been ruined in the first place by coming in second to that Uchiha bastard at the swim meet. He wouldn’t have lost to the jackass in the first place if the Uchiha didn’t try to grope him in the showers before the event started. Consequently, he was in shock and pissed when he should have been focused. That jackass did it on purpose to annoy Naruto, just so he could win.

Unfortunately it worked.

Shit.

He was getting pissed again.

Damn that bastard...

Naruto threw the towel over his shoulders as he walked into the locker room. He bit his bottom lip. He really fucking hated that guy. That guy… who was presently making out with his coach in the showers.

Naruto blinked a few times before he started laughing hard enough to bring their attention to him.

“Oh, this is priceless.” He laughed harder. “All that time you two were fucking each other. Oh, man.”

Naruto’s laughter died down into a chuckle as he started towards his bag whilst shaking his head.

“Dobe, what are you doing here?” Sasuke said as he glared, approaching Naruto.

“What else would I be doing here, jack ass? I was swimming because you cheated to win. I wanted to blow off some steam, though that just improved my mood.”

“I didn’t cheat, dobe, and you can’t tell any one!” Sasuke growled, grabbing the blonde’s arm.

Naruto frowned as he turned.

“You did cheat, fucker. You groped me just to piss me off,” he stated flatly.

Sasuke tensed slightly as he turned to Kakashi, the latter of whom chuckled. He glared at the older male for laughing.

“I didn’t mean to grope you, okay.”

“How can you not mean to grope someone?” Naruto snorted.

Sasuke shifted a bit.

“I thought you were Kakashi. You had the towel on your head and there was a lot of steam in the shower. Usually only Kakashi takes a steam shower.”

Sasuke looked away from Naruto who just stood there for a moment before laughing again. Naruto ignored the newly earned glare as he threw his bag over his shoulder, simultaneously slipping his flip-flops on. He shook his head. He was pissed over an accident, but a shy Sasuke meant it was true, and that just made the whole thing funny to him.

Sasuke frowned as he started towards Naruto who was walking out the door.

“You can’t tell anyone Naruto.”

Naruto stopped with a simple, “whatever” before he pushed the door open. He walked out, but didn't get far before hearing the brunette male walking after him. Before the sound registered completely, he found himself being tackled into the pool by Sasuke.

“What the fuck?” Naruto yelled as a fist swung at him.

“It’s none of your business! You don’t have the fucking right to tell anyone,” Sasuke growled landing a hit on the pissed blonde's jaw.


“Naruto.”

The two males looked to the other end of the pool where a red-head stood, arching a brow. Naruto pushed the uchiha away before swimming to the edge of the pool and throwing his soaked duffle bag up out of the water, onto the dry ledge. He was pissed off and wanted nother more than to tear into the brunette. However, he wouldn't right now. This was more important.

He pushed himself up on the ledge wiping his cheek, as Sasuke yelled at him again.

“I wasn’t going to tell anyone because I don’t fucking care ass hole,” Naruto yelled back, as he lifted the bag again. “Great, Uchiha. You fucking owe me a new iPod and cell-phone. Damn it!”

“Naruto.”

Sasuke lifted himself from the water, frowning.

“When did you get back? You missed the completion,” Naruto asked, ignoring Sasuke as he made his way to the red-head.

“I came straight here. Sorry I didn’t make it in time.”

Naruto nodded.

“Its fine, Gaara. I understand, so no need to apologize.”

Naruto turned to the approaching Sasuke and Kakashi.

“I don’t give a shit if you’re with him, 'caise I’m with this guy,” he said in a low tone, gesturing towards Gaara with the jab of his thumb.

Sasuke noted the change in Naruto’s voice. It wasn’t anger or the normal Naruto. He didn’t hear... well, what he normally heard.

“So don’t worry about it.” Naruto finished, starting out the door. “And don’t worry, teme. I forgive you for cheating.” Naruto snickered as the door closed behind them.

Now, that sounded like Naruto. Sasuke shook his head. At least Naruto wouldn’t say anything. He didn’t want people to know that he and Kakashi were together until he told his parents that he was gay, and he would be doing that when college breaks this year.

Though…

"You a bit curious about his lover, too? He seems strange.”

Sasuke nodded his head at what his lover said. The way Naruto acted was strange, too. Normally he would be at Sasuke’s throat...

---

Naruto walked next to Gaara, not caring that he was soaked and everything in his bag was ruined.

When a male opened the car door for them, Naruto frowned but got in. He was not girly. He wasn’t a mother. He wasn’t pissed off.

“You're angry,” came a cold observation.

“How’s your father?” was Naruto's response, opting to stare out the window.

“Naruto.” The voice came out low in warning.

“What?” Naruto looked at the redhead.

“Don’t be angry with me. It was something no one else could handle.” Gaara’s voice was raised slightly from his normal tone.

“I’m not angry, Gaara. I may be dense at times and not the brightest person, but even I’m smart enough to know when I’m being used like a dog.”

Naruto gritted out staring back out the window.

“Pull over,” Naruto said, raising his voice for the driver.

“Naruto,” Gaara chastised, frowning as Naruto opened the door.

“Gaara, there isn’t anything I can say that doesn’t make me sound whiny to you. But, you know what? Fuck it. He drops out of your life, doesn’t say shit when your uncle tries to kill you. then pops back up after all that shit. And years later he's saying he’s sorry and needs your help? Next thing you know, you’re his dog. You're killing for a man who doesn’t give a rats ass about you. And you know why? Because he could careless if something bad happens to you when you take off. Then again, you really don’t care do you? You’ll just let him use you because you can’t admit that he is using you.”

Naruto bit his cheek as he stepped out of the car, slamming the door in the processes.

Damnit...

He said he wouldn’t do this... But what was he supposed to do? Just wait around until someone else tries to kill Gaara again? He wouldn’t do it, even if it meant taking out the root of the problem; if it was for Gaara he could kill. To the point, it would be to kill that damn mob boss that said he was Gaara’s father. Before the bastard got Gaara killed.

He would, too. He would gladly give up his life to keep that pain from befalling Gaara again -- the pain that his lover seemed to forget over these past years.

He would be lying if he said this was the first time he'd thought about this. These last three years, Gaara’s father had been working him up to things like killing. First it was scaring his fathers enemies, body guard things and collecting things, then it finally came to this; sending him to murder. It wouldn’t be long before Gaara got in too deep and was killed. Even if it was too late and he was in too deep, with their leader dead maybe he and Gaara could run away.

But then again Gaara may hate him if he did that. But wouldn’t it be better to have Gaara's hate than to have him die?

Naruto shook his head as he started home. It felt funny walking home on a crowded street with no shoes, just a pair of wet swim trunks. However, at the moment, he just didn’t care.

He just wanted things to go back to normal, and Gaara to return to the person who know what their father really was and would return to him. Though it seemed like that Gaara may be gone.

Naruto looked up at the clear sky briefly.

Why did things become like this?

He had to do something, but the big question was what.

Naruto sighed as he started up the walkway to their home. He didn’t know what he would do. Just talking to Gaara never worked…

Once inside, he saw the male on the couch, talking on his cell-phone. Naruto didn’t say anything. He didn’t care. He moved straight to their bathroom. He wanted a shower and more time to think.

Naruto kicked off his trunks upon shutting the bathroom door behind himself. He stepped into the oversized shower as he turned on the water. Hearing the door open then close, he ignored the other male.

“If I quit would that make you happy?” came a cold voice.

Naruto frowned under the water. He chose to ignore that for now because he knew Gaara wouldn’t quit and it would only start a bigger fight if he said yes.

Naruto looked up when the glass door slid open and Gaara stepped into the shower.

“Naruto.”

“What Gaara?”

Naruto moved back under the water.

“I know I’m being used, Naruto.”

Naruto grimaced.

“Well what would you like me to say then Gaara?”

So he knew; everything Naruto had been thinking about, hoping for, was pointless.

“Just say you’ll stay with me no matter what.”

Naruto turned slowly glaring at the redhead. He couldn’t do anything then?

“This is really what you want then? To just wait to be killed? You're okay with that?” Naruto moved closer to the redhead. “Fuck Gaara…” He didn’t know what to say, it seemed the more he thought the farther down hill things would get. If Gaara was okay with his life, he didn’t know what he could do anymore. He was tired of it.

“I won't get killed Naruto.” Gaara opened his arms towards the blonde. “Just don’t leave me.”

Naruto avoided the contact and moved to open the shower door, getting out. “Like I would. Of all things to worry about, that should be the last on your list.”

He loved Gaara, and Naruto wouldn’t ever leave him even if he wanted. He just wished Gaara would understand his side of things...

…

Naruto stared up at the ceiling as Gaara made his way into their bedroom.

“I promise, Naruto. I won’t die.”

“You can’t make a promise you can’t keep, Gaara.” Naruto sat up shaking his head. “Just forget it, Gaara. I’m tired. Let’s just get some sleep.”

Gaara inched onto the bed wearing only his night pants.

“I won’t die because I won’t ever leave you alone. So please, Naruto, don’t worry so much.” Gaara stopped inches from Naruto. “If it makes you feel better, Naruto, I told my father on the phone I won’t take anymore assassination missions.”

Naruto eyed his lover carefully, asking cautiously, “Why did you decide on that?”

He bit his bottom lip. He was beginning to get frustrated with everything. When did he stop knowing what was going on in Gaara’s head? He hated it. Nonetheless, his heart skipped a beat and he felt a light relief to hear that. Sure, it wasn't as good as Gaara quitting completely, but it was a bit better than nothing.

“You, Naruto. I thought you already knew I would do anything for you.”

Naruto sighed running tan fingers through short red spikes. He wouldn’t say what he was really thinking. This was a step forward so he wouldn’t let Gaara know his doubts.

Naruto pulled the redhead closer and pressed their lips together.

“I love you Gaara…”

Really what he wanted to say was how scared he was. Living like this he could never be sure of their future. It’s not as if he could anyways, but Gaara working for his father only put more strain on his thoughts.

Naruto pushed Gaara back on the bed, deepening the kiss. He needed Gaara, fuck, and his whole world revolved around this man under him. Pale hands gripped tanned biceps. He really, really could not stand the idea of ever losing Gaara. But that was because they only ever had each other, so he'd come to the point where he needed the other's presence just to feel alive. Even if it sounded corny, it was the truth. Gaara and swimming were all he had left. He could live without swimming. Gaara, he couldn’t.

Naruto leaned back sitting up between Gaara’s legs. Staring down into jade eyes, he pleaded, “Take some time off please.”

He needed time with Gaara to work through his own issues and fear of losing. He just needed Gaara safe at home for awhile.

“Very well.”

Gaara rested his eyes. What he wouldn’t give to ease Naruto’s fears. He knew how he could, he just couldn’t quit even if Naruto begged him to. It just wasn’t an option now. However, some time off may be good... maybe even ease Naruto a little. Jade eyes opened looking up towards his lover, the latter of whom had started pulling at his night pants. The pained look in the bright blues of the blonde... he knew he wouldn’t be able to fully put Naruto’s mind at ease. Not for a long time.

Naruto had to, needed to, feel that connection when their bodies were connected. Those briefs moments where they were one and nothing else mattered… He really needed to feel that right now.

Naruto breathed heavily through his nose, releasing the grip on pale knees he didn’t even realize he had. He reached towards the dresser, quietly grabbing the lube and dropping it on the pillow next to Gaara’s head. He would focus on feeling Gaara, something he hadn’t been able to do in over two weeks, and push aside his worry for now.

Naruto leaned back down sealing his lips over his lover's, their tongues entangling. Naruto worked on clearing his mind. He didn’t want to think anymore on it any of it. He didn’t mean to make his kisses and touches so desperate, but they were. Maybe it was because he really was.

Naruto snaked a hand in between his lover's legs, wrapping his hand around Gaara's awakening arousal. Gaara ended the kiss with a soft sigh, his head falling onto the pillow. Naruto smiled as he slowly moved his hand up and down, running his finger occasionally over the sensitive tip.

“Gaara.”

Naruto released the slightly panting male's cock, bringing his fingers, wet with precum, to his lips and licked them clean. Letting out a small oomph as Gaara, without warning, pushed him back. Straddling his lap, Gaara bent down, smashing their lips together.

Gaara kissed down his lover’s throat, chest and stomach. His tongue darted out occasionally for small licks to the taunt flesh between saying, “Naruto just have faith in me.” Gaara licked along the underside of the thick length, causing Naruto to groan.

Of course he had faith in Gaara. That actually had nothing to do with it. He couldn’t help the slight paranoia, and other thoughts filling his mind almost 99% of the time… though the heated mouth wrapping around his cock made it somewhat hard to think now. That probably was a good thing.

Naruto groaned softly threading his fingers into red spikes.

“Gaara, that’s enough.”

He never could last long when Gaara went down on him. He really didn’t want it to end so fast. No, he needed to be in his lover when he came. He needed that familiar sense of claiming Gaara though he knew Gaara was his and always would be, no matter what happens.

Naruto moved his hands to Gaara’s shoulders, pulling the male up and into a passionate kiss. He ran his fingers down the lithe body stopping briefly to pinch a nipple, causing his lover to groan into his mouth. Naruto broke the kiss. His mouth opened as his lover gripped his cock slowly and began lowering his unprepared entrance on the thick length. The sensation caused Naruto’s head to fall back on the pillow.

“Fuck, Gaara!”

Naruto’s hands moved, gripping a pale waist. Feeling the tight heat wrap around him, squeezing him painfully tight, it felt unbelievably good. It always did. Although he enjoyed preparing his lover, he knew that most of the time Gaara enjoyed doing it this way. His lover was a bit of a masochist at times.

Gaara’s head fell back slightly, resting his hands on the Naruto’s chest. He loved the slight burning and pain from being stretched to his limits by his lover. He enjoyed the feeling of having Naruto inside of him and the slight pain reminded him of their bond. He supposed that wasn’t the best way to describe it, but he really didn’t know how to explain it. It was just when they touched each other like this. When Naruto was inside of him, he didn’t have any worries. His mind was blank from anything but the pleasure his lover was giving him, and the faces and sounds Naruto made. The pleasure Naruto took just from being inside of Gaara filled the redhead with pride and happiness because Naruto was here with him, and after all these years he could still make Naruto feel good. No matter what he did where he went Naruto still loved and desired him.

Naruto moaned as Gaara lifted his hips slowly, lowering them a tortuously slow pace. Naruto squeezed Gaara’s hips tighter to keep himself still, letting Gaara have control for the time being. Each downward motion of his lover's hips was slowly driving him crazy and the soft mewls and moans of pleasure coming from Gaara were only increasing his urge to throw his lover down and slam into him. Gaara panting out his name just about did it for him. His resolve, or what little he had, was gone. Gripping Gaara’s hips tightly, Naruto slammed them down as he harshly pushed his hips up, groaning. A shiver coursed through Gaara’s body, a pleased moan escaping the redheads mouth, encouraging Naruto to repeat the process.

Naruto grunted as his pleasure continued to build up. The sounds of bodies slapping together and the sounds of their voices mixing with the heavy breathing only brought the other closer to release.

Gaara’s back arched slightly as a tanned hand wrapped around his cock. A few harsh tugs and a growl of his name had Gaara coming, his seed splashing against his chest and stomach. He moaned again as Naruto continued harsh upwards motions, riding out his orgasm. Naruto’s grip tightened on his hips as the blond came with a groan of Gaara’s name. Holding Gaara in place, he came deep inside the convulsing entrance.

Gaara fell forward his face nuzzling the nape of Naruto’s neck as he felt Naruto slip out from inside of him.

“I’m sorry Naruto,” he whispered into heated skin, feeling Naruto’s arms wrap around him.

“I know,” Naruto sighed tiredly. “It's okay, I guess, as long as you’re not taking lives anymore.” Naruto tightened his grip around Gaara, not wanting the male to move. “I guess I’ll be okay with it for now.”

Gaara nodded, releasing a breath.

“Thank you.”

“Only 'cause I love your stubborn ass,” Naruto added with a smile, feeling Gaara’s lips curve up in his neck.

He needed to lift the mood a bit and worry less for now…

…..

Naruto let the water from the showers fill the room as he relaxed his muscles. Gaara was outside waiting for him, which made him happy. In addition, he felt at peace with everything for the time being. But he knew the uneasiness would return, because he knew no matter what Gaara was doing. Just working for his father, one day it would break Gaara. He didn’t want to see that. He would like to avoid that day, even though he was sure it would come. Which meant he would have to be ready for it and be strong for both of them.

Well, either way he knew to expect anything and wait for every possible outcome. For now, however, he would just be happy and enjoy the break his lover had and pretend for a bit that their lives were normal.

“Dobe.” The cold voice brought him from his thoughts, a dark grin briefly flashing on his face.

“Teme.” Naruto smirked. “Not gonna grope me again are you?”

At least this would give him a laugh. Pissing of the Uchiha would improve his mood.

“You wish.” Sasuke smirked walking under a showerhead. “Things okay with your lover?”

Sasuke felt out of place asking this, but he just couldn’t get that depressed Naruto out of his head. He just needed his rival back so he could have some worthwhile competition… Yeah that was it. He defiantly did not want this person as a friend…

“We're fine. “ Naruto paused, grinning. “And, teme, just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I wanna be your friend.” Naruto laughed as he turned walking out of the shower.

With a smirk, Sasuke turned towards the doorway.

“Dobe, why in the hell would I want to be your friend.” Sasuke watched him.
He was back to normal that was good. Right? Well he would not press the matter. At least for now.