Emotional and Emotionless

Title: Emotional and Emotionless (Pain 100 themes)
Characters: Sakura, Sai
Pairing: None
Summary:  Emotions are dangerous things and Sakura's always seem to get in the way.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and didn't make money off this
Warning: I've never written something from Sakura's POV and even less stuff with Sai so hopefull they're not TOO OOC but they might be.
AN: This actually started out with Kakashi but it wasn't working... my Kakashi-muse refused to listen to her emo.

"Sai..." Sakura frowned and picked at her food, shifting it around with her chopsticks rather than actually eating it. They were standing in her family's makeshift kitchen eating a hastily cooked meal that her mother had thrown together before rushing out the door on some errand or another. Rather she was eating and Sai was standing there reading a book on interpersonal skills and waiting for her to finish so they could go train with Kakashi-sensei. She wasn't actually hungry but her mother had insisted she eat something because she was 'wasting away' so she was trying. It was hard to focus on food or training with Naruto off training again without her and Sasuke... she didn't even want to think what he was doing. "He's changed."

Sai looked at her over his book and raised an eyebrow. "Sasuke"

She nodded. "He wasn't always like this." It was something she needed to believe.

"Haven't you?"

"Yes, but they've both gotten stronger and left me behind again and--" She swallowed and looked up at her teammate. "--he was going to kill me."

"And you went there to do the same," he pointed out, his voice flat.

Sakura sighed, staring at her food for several moments before looking back up. "I couldn't though. I thought I needed to so no one else would have to but--" she swallowed again, "--I looked at him and all I could think about was how much I loved him. I know it's stupid and we were kids and maybe it's shallow to love somebody I don't know anymore and maybe didn't really ever know but I do." Looking away again she closed her eyes in an attempt to push the ache that never seemed to leave anymore away. "At first I only thought 'wow he's so amazing and beautiful and I would do anything just to have him look at me but then when we were all a team and he did and we worked together with Naruto it became more." She sniffed and wiped the tears away. Everyone thought how she felt for him wasn't real and she knew it. They all thought she only liked him because he was cute and maybe that had been true at first. "I wanted to see him smile... when I realized, I mean really realized what he'd been through I just wanted to see him smile."

Sai pulled a napkin from holder on the table and handed it to her. "Ah..."

"I'm as bad as him. I knew I needed to kill him to protect my friends and I couldn't do it because it would mean never seeing him happy." Sakura wiped the tears away, hating how emotional she always got, how weak she was. "I'm always so useless... everyone's always having to save me and the one time I have a chance to change that I can't. Now Naruto's going to have to do it and I'm not sure I can bear watching them. It's horrible but a part of me wants him to fail." She didn't know why she was telling Sai except that she didn't know who else to tell and keeping it inside was slowly tearing her apart. It shocked her when Sai wrapped his arms around her and hugged her but she didn't pull away just buried her face against his chest and cried.

After a few moments he released her. "I don't understand how you and Naruto can have feelings for somebody like him. I used to think it made you both weak."

Sakura picked up another napkin and wiped her eyes again. "You were right. I wish I was more like you right now then I would have been able to do what I should have."

He stared at her for a moment, his expression still that perfectly practiced and emotionless blank slate. "I was wrong. Emotions make you fight harder. You wish you were like me because your sad and hurts. I wish I was like you all of the time."

She knew he was right and it actually made her feel guilty and better at the same time. He was always reading and trying to understand other people while it came naturally to her. Picking her chopsticks back up, she started eating again then stopped and looked over at him. "Sai?" Sakura  set her chopsticks down again. "Why did you hug me."

Sai looked up from his book again. "The books say that is what you're supposed to do."

The words were followed by the carefully mimed smile and for once it didn't piss her off. She'd known what he was going to say but she'd still wanted to hear it. Maybe he felt it, maybe he didn't but he wanted to and he meant it and that was what was important.