Zombie Chronicles.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto the concept or any of the characters therein, or anything other related. It is the Property of Masashi Kishimoto, who I am not! I make no profit in writing this fanfiction. Any lyrics found within are the property of the artist and not my own. Thank you.
A/N: What was meant to be a short, smutty ficlit, somehow ended up a ten page chapter that pretty much wrote itself. I was hyped up on redbull and spent all night and into the early hours of the morning to write it. Anyway, I hope you like it. Be aware that this is unbeta'd.
Rating: M! R-18 plus, and all that jazz. You get the gist of it.
Warnings: Smut. Boyxboy. Foul language, noncon, things that go bump in the night, unresolved sexual tension, probably, and other hilarious scenarios designed to tickle your funny bones. Erm.. zombie smut? Not sure is it counts as necrophilia. Lets hope not. SPOILERS! I am up to date in the manga so yeah. Watch out for that.
Jukebox: Cee Lo Green – F**k You.


Zombie Chronicles.

Chapter One: Isle of the dead.

It was well into the early hours of dawn when Naruto was finally able to slink back into camp and lug his sleep weary limbs into his shared tent. He knew that he stank of death and decay. Digging up bodies from under piles of debris would do that to a person, and he was almost entirely certain his current lodging cohort would not appreciate him crawling into their bed smelling like a slaughterhouse.

However there was only so much energy Naruto could milk from himself in a day, and the option of having a bath in the nearby stream -that was so cold it actually numbed your submerged limbs- was completely out of the question.

He would bath in the near future, when he woke up, if he woke up. And Sai- yes of all the possible candidates of tent-sharing, Naruto got stuck with Sai, damnit!- would just have to deal with the aroma of deterioration. If not, then there was a perfectly good ground outside the tent the pervert could cuddle up with for all the blond cared.

Not that he cared anyway.

As soon as the oh-so inviting pile of sleeping bags came into view, Naruto let himself flop in an undignified heap onto his make-shift bedding with a ‘phwump’ and never bothered to cover himself with the comforter before promptly passing the fuck out.

*
Sai, who had woken up hours before his team-mate ambled on into their ‘shanty’ gave the now polluted air a delicate sniff and sharply decided that outside was now much more appealing to him.

He had, after all, already gotten more than enough sleep for one night.

Unsurprisingly, when the ex-root nin emerged from his and Naruto’s ‘room’ there were already a throng of ninja’s up and all huddled around the fire, sipping what was probably coffee tipped with heavy amounts of alcohol.

True though it was that they had won the war and restored the shinobi world’s peace, it didn’t change the fact, however, that many villages, such as Konoha, had been left with nowhere to go home to. And so the survivors had lingered on at the edge of the battle ground, camp-sight set up, and with each passing day the dead were recovered, noted and then given a proper burial.

It was hard work. Exhausting work. For everyone. Most if not all of the shinobi had at one point or another drawn out of the wreckage, a friend or family member. War a horrible thing. And more so for Naruto. Who firmly believed that it was somehow all his fault.

He, of all the currently stationed survivors had put in more hours than any other, working himself almost into the ground. Sometimes it would take him three or four days of digging and retrieving, non-stop before he allowed sleep to take over. More often then not though, it was heat exhaustion that caused the whiskered shinobi to collapse.

Over the last week alone, Sai had found a medic-nin crouched over a passed out Naruto a grand total of seven times, and it was only Wednesday. If the blond kept it up, he wouldn’t last.

Even more disturbing, was the fact that the Uzumaki had spent absolutely no time with the Uchiha-brat, whom at the last minute had switched sides along with a half dead Juugo and Suigetsu in tow, and aided in the defeat of Madara and his army.

Though not entirely pardoned for his previous crimes, neither was Sasuke a prisoner of war. Unlike Zetsu and a few of the others that had been freed –though not returned to their previous state of being, well, dead- of their animating justu after the death of Kabuto and his partner Madara.

Among the many fallen ninja of Konoha, was Yamato.

As soon as Sai was sure victory was theirs, he had pulled the elder shinobi from the wreckage of the battlefield. Though the ex-root nin had not cried, he had definitely felt a tightness throughout his chest that shocked him. And for just a moment; worried he’d been having a heart attack the pain was so strong.

Naruto, whom had been at his side at the time, was more than ready to explain the mysterious pain. In fact since his arrival to the battlefront Naruto had yet to leave Sai’s side for anything other than digging out his fallen comrades.

Sakura, glued to Sasuke’s brooding ass, expressed her displeasure at Naruto's near-on-obsession to her blond friend almost daily while Sai found that he felt strangely giddy at the thought that Naruto might actually like spending time with him.

Like a balloon in his belly had been filled with helium, and if he was not careful he would simply drift away in a strong wind.

Despite the futility of it, Sai found himself brushing off a layer of dust and dirt from his heavily torn and bloodied uniform as he stepped towards the gathered early-birds. Relief was his when he spotted a somber looking Kakashi sitting amongst the crowd, and hunkered down next to his no-longer sensei.

The silver-haired jounin acknowledged him with a nod, which Sai returned with interest.

And a Sai-addition-smile.

“How is he?” Kakashi asked as soon as Sai had a mug of steaming, probably spiked, coffee in his hands, taken black, without sugar. The younger felt his smile slip, just an iota, before turning it up a notch.

“Dickless is-“ is what? The more he thought about his blond comrade, the more Sai realized that he really had no idea what to make of Naruto’s current condition other then.. worrying?

Frowning, he flipped through his memory bank of idle information and when he came up blank he merely frowned harder.

“Naruto is not well.” Was finally announced and after a pregnant pause Sai continued almost wearily. “I saw his control slip last night. I went out to offer him food and when he turned to me he had red eyes. Kyuubi was there. Lurking just below the surface.”

If any of what the younger had just said bothered Kakashi he hid it well, giving away none of his inner turmoil as he slowly nodded, uncovered eye flicking towards the tent where said blond currently lay unconscious.

“Naruto is pushing himself to hard. Running on the borrowed energy of the Kyuubi. I feel it’s only a matter of time until-“ Hatake cut himself off, an almost sinister glow to his pale face.

The fire crackled and popped, snapping both worry-warts out of their disquieted silence.

With almost considered disinclination, Sai took a sip of his ‘coffee’ and instantaneously felt his coal-black eyes water with gathered tears.

He hid his chocking sputters behind the tin mug and nearly jumped out of his skin when Kakashi gave a sudden laugh and pelted him on the back.

“Excuse me.” Sai wheezed weakly around his gag reflex. “I think someone snuck a drop of coffee into my sake.” And then went back to coughing up a lung while the ‘infamous white fang’ smiled gaily and continuously patted his subordinate on the back.

Just like that, the heavy air seemed to lift, if only an inch or so, and both nins found themselves able to breath just that tiny bit easier.

After Sai had, through some miracle or another, managed to get down three cup worth's of the sad excuses that passed for coffee now-days -not that he was complaining- the sun had decided to make an appearance.

Over the tops of the trees in the distance, cascades of glittering gold and violent clashes of red, orange and peach began to light up the sky chasing away the lingering traces of dusk. Leaving them all under an already baking sunlight that had Sai wiping a bead of sweat from his brow.

Most of those whom he had shared coffee with were now back in the fields, plucking up limbs and nins alike, as though they were wildflowers and not the bodies of their fallen allies and adversaries.

It was so strange how everyone seemed, if not at ease, but in practice with the situation.

Just as Sai was stirring in a globule of creamer and a good lumping of sugar into a coffee he intended to present to the unconscious blond, Sakura emerged from the denser settlement of tents, looking both rumbled and decidedly disheveled.

Sai didn’t want to even contemplate the reasons why she would be looking so smug, an left before she could fall into the empty space beside him.

He didn’t get very far.

His left wrist was caught in soft hands and he was drawn to a stop.

“Sai, won’t you let me bring the coffee to him?” she asked, voice low as though not wanting to wake any others in the immediate vicinity. For reasons Sai could neither fathom nor comprehend, he felt a slither of anger bristle within him and in an eerily calm voice, denied her flatly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Sakura-chan. Dickless had a rough night and is sleeping off the effects of using up so much of his energy.” Then shrugged out of her hold and all but stomped away, blinking at his own indifference to the female he considered a friend.

What was wrong with him?

Was it the fact that she had emerged looking so happy even though they were all still in the middle of crisis?

Or perhaps is was the fact that when she walked, she held herself just a little more upright than normal, as if putting her nose in the air, without actually putting her nose in air.

No.

If he was honest, which he usually was, it was simply a case of being annoyed on account of a friend, who was incapacitated and therefor, could not be resentful himself.

As he retreated into his tent, Sai was silently thankfully that it had been he who woke up early that morning and not Naruto. He was certain the blond would have been crushed.

Not that he cared. . . .

Why did he care?

Needless to say, when he entered the tent only to find Naruto very much awake and staring up at him blandly from behind mattered blond tresses, Sai nearly tripped over his own foot.

“I got you a cof- sak- er.. hot beverage.” Unable to title the cup of liquid, he handed it over and watched silently as Naruto merely stared at it.

“You didn’t sleep very long Naruto. Are you tired?” the words were out of his mouth before he could even register how utter stupid they very they were. Naruto seemed to agree, because he arched a sunny brow and gave Sai a watery imitation of his infamous ‘fox-like grin’.

“It’s hard to sleep when you stink so bad not even the flys want to be around you.” The Uzumaki chuckled dryly and Sai couldn’t help but agree. Naruto did stink. Badly.

“I was about to head to the stream. Want to go together?” the paler, albeit taller of the two asked, beaming down at his blond comrade.

Said comrade grunted in response, but shuffled to his feet none the less and trundled along behind him, yawning and mumbling grumpily.

Despite contrary belief, Naruto Uzumaki, was not a morning person. That much was apparent. Not that Sai could blame him, not really. Naruto hadn’t slept more than four hours since the battle got underway.

And increasingly less now that it was over.

It wasn’t healthy.

As they walked Naruto gradually returned to his semi normal self and soon Sai found that he was half listening to the whiskered shinobi ramble on about one thing or another. The taller didn’t think he’d ever been so happy to hear Naruto babble in all the time he’d known the loud-mouth. The cheer faded, however, when they arrived, began to disrobe and his companion fell into an uncharacteristic silence. Again.

Black eyes peeked at the bathing other from under dark lashes. Naruto for his part, seemed oblivious to the others attention, blue eyes twitching as he stepped into the frigid waters to bath.

“Well? Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there and watch me.”

Sai was jerked out of his reverie suddenly by a wet, cold hand gripping his ankle as the blond grinned up at him.

The grin said more than words ever could. ‘I am thinking of doing devious things to you.’

Naruto was threatening to pull him in, clothes and all. Typical.

Flushing, the ex-root member tugged off his own clothes and slid into the water without even so much as a hiss as the chilled stream set to work on numbing his extremities.

Other places of his anatomy, tucked safely away in the boxers Naruto had purchased for him, screamed their protest in other ways. His genitals shriveled up so drastically Sai worried they may disappear into his body and never be found. Then he would be the ‘dickless’ and not Naruto.

And that would take all the fun out of teasing Naruto’s… admittedly sizable package.

As if reading his mind on the matter of ball retrievals, Naruto chuckled and slapped a splash of water towards the already shivering Sai.

“Don’t take too long, unless you actually have an interest in becoming female. In which case take as long as you like. Having you without junk may explain your cock obsession.”

The whitish teen was still frowning when the cheeky blond resurface spluttering and shaking water from his shaggy hair.

“I do not have an … obsession.” He defended; scowl depending when Naruto paused in his crawling up onto the grassy bank to laugh his ass off.

“Sai nearly every time you open your mouth you’re either insulting a chick or inquiring about someone’s penis. How is that not an obsession?”

Dark brows shot up into a soggy hairline.

“I only do that with you.” It took a moment to dawn on Sai that this may not have been the smartest thing to say, his companion momentarily pausing and staring at him in open surprise.

The look was every bit the ‘Gee, Sai, I had no idea’ that hung unsaid but clearly heard between them.

Sai rethought his words and felt his face flush brightly.

Damnit! That hadn’t come out at all like he wanted it to!

“That’s not- I mean- the book-.” as Sai floundered Naruto laughed, continued to dress and then held out a hand to submerged other, who had yet to get out of the water. And was turning an alarming shade of blue.

“You know, you’re kind of cute when you stammer like that. Now get out of the water before your dick freezes and snaps off.” He teased and then added “If it hasn’t done so already.” with a playful waggle of his brows.

Pasting on his best ‘blank and emotionless’ mask, Sai accepted the offered hand and allowed Naruto to heave him out of the water.

“I’m going to go swipe us some grub while you dress. Think you could tote out the bedding to air since I got my stink all over it?” the foxy blond asked the stumbling to dress other from over his shoulder as he waltzed away. Sai never bothered to answer, because they both knew he would do it.

If not for Naruto, then for the sake of not wanting their tent to pong like a rundown mortuary.

True to his word, Naruto returned just as Sai had finished hanging up the last of the bed-covers, bearing gifts of food. Food that was not ramen. There was a god!

Hunkering down side by side, Naruto handed over one of the wooden platters, nodding at Sai’s mumbled ‘thanks’.

For a moment they ate in silence, peeking at each other whenever the other looked away and then finally the blond broke the silence.

“You don’t have to be mad at her for me you know.” Naruto admitted with an easy going grin that Sai didn’t believe for even a moment.

Irked, the taller of the two, bit into his bread and tore off a chunk with more vehemence then needed, chewing almost angrily.

Much to Naruto’s amusement.

“I always knew, you know. She’s always loved him. Unlike Ino and the others she never stopped or even tried to move on. She was steadfast in her affections. I respected that. Just like I knew he would return, eventually, and they would get together. Always figured I just- I duno, take off for a while. Head to the mountains and pay a visit to one of pervy-sages old writing cabins.”

The chunk of bread that Sai had just attempted to swallow, spontaneously grew in size and consistency and wedged itself firmly in the artist’s throat, his inky black eyes widening at his companion as he coughed.

Damned evil food trying to kill him.

Ditching the bread, for now at least, Sai moved to slosh down the lump of food with his cooling tea and then set down his plate.

Naruto continued to pick at his food.

It was strangely surreal to see him doing anything but shoving it down his throat all at once.

“Has that-“ the paler paused to clear his throat before continuing.” Has that plan changed?”

Sai found that as soon as he spoke those words he wanted to snatch them back. What business was it of his, what Naruto planned to do in the near future?

Bright blue orbs swung around on him.

“No. Not really. I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it of late with everything going on and what not.” The whiskered ninja admitted openly, turning back to his food.

Sai felt his stomach drop. A strange sensation to say the least. Naruto had been able to wring out the most bizarre and more recent of Sai’s reactions. And for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.

Then again, Naruto drew out a multitude of reactions from most people. After all, he was Konoha’s number one loudmouthed knucklehead.

“Oh.” Was all Sai could say, realizing that the latter was looking at him as if awaiting his opinion on this.

“Though there is one minor difference.” The blond continued, persistent in his picking off tiny chucks of bread and scattering them over the ground for the ants.

“What’s that?” Was the instant response, a flicker of genuine curiosity hidden amongst the bland after tone.

The wind chose that exact moment to pick up, tousling around golden hair that caught the darker haired male’s attention from the corner of his eye and was gradually sucked into full out staring from there.

Naruto had his tanned face tilted up towards the sun, flecks of dust glittering around the blond in the light like a spectral halo, thick lashes kissing smooth cheeks. Inch by torturous inch that caramel and cream face turned towards him, lashes lifting to reveal smiling cerulean eyes.

“I’ll have company!”

A crooked look tugged at Sai’s features as he valiantly fought off a grin.

“Naruto, tell me you haven’t started adopting the local wildlife again, Tsunade spoke to you about this.”

The blond sputtered like a hot pot on a stove, both glaring and pouting at his counterpart.

“I meant you, idiot!” he snapped with a flush of anger, hurling a tuff of grass at Sai before looking away with a huff.

And then silence fell over them once more. It was like a vicious cycle!

The Kyuubi container tilted his head back towards the sun, happy and content in his sunbathing, while Sai sat there and blinked owlishly, mouth flapping open.

That… had been unexpected,

A thousand different responses danced across the taller shinobi’s minds and jigged on the tip of tongue, however before he could say any of them the moment was ruined. Sasuke, lord of depressing, dark and broody land, currently loomed over the blond to Sai's right, blocking out the sun.

“Oi dobe, stop hogging the food. Tsunade wants to see you.” Then he was gone, without so much as a word to Sai who sat there, gratified in the others dismissal. It was not hard to pick up on the fact that neither shinobi held the other in high regards.

Even more so for Sai, who had witnessed firsthand what Sasuke’s capricious attitude did to the faithful blond at his side.

How the Uchiha had ever earned such loyalty was beyond the young ex-root nin.

But then, what did he know?

Wasn’t he, in essence, just a cheap replacement?

Next to him, Naruto sneezed.

“That’s just nasty.”

Sai distantly heard the jinchuriki grump to himself, rubbing his nose against a tattered sleeve.

A dark brow twitched in reply.

“Do I even want to know?” although he could already sort of venture a guess judging by the blonds furious blush.

“Not even. I’ll see you later.” And then Naruto was gone, jogging off towards camp but avoiding Sasuke. Who, Sai acknowledged with mirth, seemed putout by the fact that Naruto had run straight past him without a word.

The hilarity of the situation extended when the Uchiha looked back and sent Sai his most profane glower, as if Naruto evading him was somehow Sai’s doing.

Oh yes, it was going to be a good day.

*

When Naruto pushed aside the canvas flap of a door and stepped inside the Hokage’s ‘quarters’, his eyebrows shot up at the sight of Itachi Uchiha. Or the zombie of him anyway. There were others too, but none that Naruto really ‘knew' or had time to properly acknowledge.

Tearing his eyes away from the hunched figure, eying him right back from behind a veil of silken black hair, Naruto forced his attention to Tsunade.

The poor woman was up to her elbows in paper work.

Smirking, inwardly of course, Naruto stepped up to her makeshift desk and nodded in salutation.

“Naruto, I’m going to be perfectly frank and I want you to think about our current situation before you explode at what I am about to say.” The busty old hag linked her fingers and pinned him with an already accusing stare.

“O…kay?”

She accepted his answer with a terse nod.

“The Shinobi are getting restless and are asking to return to Konoha, or what’s left of it anyway, to aid in the repairs.” She paused as if to make sure Naruto was still with her.

The suspicion rising within the bijuu container said as much and she continued.

“Here’s the thing. I want to leave you and a group of selected others here to monitor ‘them’—“ she jerked a head to where the ‘prisoners’ stood in a line, listening with vacant expressions, “ –as they continue to dig out and bury the remainder of the bodies.”

As the enormity of what Tsunade had just said dawned, very slowly, on Naruto, the blond found himself nearly weak-kneed with revulsion at the very idea.

He was torn between laughing, taking it for some sort of sick joke, and punching the hag in the head.

A muscle in his jaw ticked. There was just no way of repressing his utter antipathy.

“Are you fucking mental? These poor saps didn’t ask to be resurrected! And you.. you want to put them to work digging up the dead while you and the others head home and sip tea? These are fucking people Baa-chan, and if you think for one second I’ll go along with it, you’re off your damned rocker! We should be finding a way to release the 'Impure summoning resurrection' jutsu, not enforcing slave labor on them!”

Marching across the tent, Naruto snatched up Itachi’s chin, although he was actually very gentle in doing so, and held the once believed s-ranked criminals head in the slug-queen’s direction.

“Some of these people are OUR dead. Surely you can’t condone something so demeaning—“

His rant was cut short when an empty sake bottle sailed from Tsunade’s hand and hit the fuming jinchuriki in the temple with frightening accuracy.

“Naruto this is not up for discussion. You will choose a team and choose a team now. Because by sunset I want to be well on my way back home. And I am taking the survivor’s with me.” At some point in her defeated snarl, the busty blond had pulled out another bottle of sake and was currently sipping straight from the flagon.

Aghast at her indifference, Naruto held his ground.

“I refuse.”

“You can’t.”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure I can.” He corrected.

“No, Naruto, You cannot. If you do this, I’ll appoint you as Rokudaime.” The second she said those words Naruto felt his world teeter and his eyes burn as they slowly bled red as Kyuubi stirred and bristled in his cage.

Even the damned fox knew enough to know that these words were taken with insult, not gratitude.

“I’d sooner die.” He growled in a slight lisp, teeth lengthening before her very eyes. And unseen to the blond, a few members of counsel.

“If you do this Naruto all the remaining prisoners will be offered sanctuary within Konoha until we are able to find a release for them. Not as prisoners, but as free citizens. Under supervision of course.”

The bubble of foaming red chakra that had begun to ebb out of the furious Kyuubi holder vanished as quickly as it came, eyes bleeding back to blue as the blond slumped in defeat. It was more than he could have even hoped to bargain for, and behind him Naruto could feel the zombie’s stir. They liked this idea.

Even Itachi seemed intrigued.

Swallowing thickly, Naruto eyed his favorite old hag critically.

“I want it in writing.” He finally sighed, feeling as though all energy had just been sucked away from him. \

This was wrong on so many levels. Using the undead to dig up the dead.

They were all going to hell for this.

Tsunade seemed decidedly impressed at his demand but after a moment of shuffling and rifling through paperwork she finally pulled out what Naruto assumed to be the contract for further inspection, but jerked it out of his hands as he began to reach for it.

“Names first, document second. Who is staying here with you?”

Damn. She was a lot better at this negating thing then he was.

“How do I know there aren’t loopholes or fine print or something?” Naruto demanded in return, hands on his hips for dramatic effect.

The Hokage gave a growl of agitation but handed over the scroll, albeit reluctantly, and Naruto instantly unhooked the catch, rolled it open and began to read over it.

And knew immediately that he was in over his head.

At his side, Itachi shuffled and eyed the document, black eyes glazed but startling in their intensity.

“I take it you’re no longer blind then?” He addressed the zombie-like nin, who gave his head a sinister tilt in response. Rolling his eyes, Naruto handed over the document.

Were all Uchiha bloody alike?

The ex- Akatsuki member read through it, one, twice, and a third time before handing it back with a nod.

“Sai.” Naruto snapped waspishly as he handed back the scroll to Tsunade.

“It that it? This is going to take a while Naruto, surely you want more than one person. If the..” again her big brown eyes flicked to the not so dead- dead shinobi, almost glaring at them, “-if they revolt, will you and Sai alone be enough to get things back under control?”

Though he stiffened in indignation for the zombie’s behind him, Naruto knew that she had a point.

Damn her.

Her and the horse she rode in on!

“Here’s a list of the possible candidates. Please choose from them.” A man whom Naruto had not seen nor detected handed him something that greatly resembled a bingo book and without hesitation, Naruto flipped it open and thumbed through pages.

“I’ll need a medic nin, so that is Sakura. Sasuke will want to stay if only to make sure nothing happens to his brother’s body, so count him in, meaning that huge redhead and fishface friend of his will stay. Sai is a definite. And just because I get a sick kick out of tormenting him, Kakashi can be the final one. Besides, I have something to give him.” Naruto handed back the book and took up a brush to scrawl down his name on the scroll Tsunade had unraveled.

“Naruto before you sign this, understand that as the Rokudaime that officially submitted the document of sanctuary to these… ‘people’, you will be held fully accountable should they—“

“They won’t!” Naruto cut her off snappishly; tossing down the brush once he had blown the ink dry.

He had no idea just how grateful Tsunade was until he found his face being crushed between her gargantuan bosoms. He flailed, unable to suck in much desired air and was finally released.

When she looked at him, eyes soft, she realized with a surge of pride that Naruto had despite all the odds, become a fine young man. Kissing the Kyuubi container on the forehead, who now stood at her height, Tsunade murmured a soft ‘thank you’ before straitening.

When he looked at her again, the seriousness had returned as had her sense of authority.

“Alright you lot. I’m afraid we won’t have tents for you until the evacuation is complete, so until then I suggest you stick close to Naruto. He is going to be showing you the ropes and rules of this camp. I look forward to seeing you all in future as citizens of Konoha, if we are unable to put you back to rest. However, if any one of you so much as touches a hair on his head, I'll pound you all into undead pulp and feed you to the fishes! That is all. You are excused. Oh, Naruto, one last thing.”

The legendary senin’s smile turned impish and Naruto knew that he wasn’t going to like whatever she had to say.

“It’ll be up to you to fill in your squadron. Now get the hell out of my tent. I have a headache and that blasted orange jumpsuit is burning my retinas.”

Unable to resist, Naruto stuck out his tongue and, while smartly using Itachi’s cold, larger body as a shield, taunted.

“You dam old hag!” before scuttling out of the tent with her roaring angrily in his wake. The zombie-squad smartly hot on his heels, looking equally horrified by the might of the woman’s roar.

*

Three hours and thirty two minutes later, Naruto had successfully retitled the encampment, ‘Camp Zombie’, filled in the others, much to their dismay, and lined up the troops for inspection.

That and it was fun to order around people whom had previously been trying to kill him.

Standing in front of the small group of surviving… dead peoples, Naruto smiled and addressed them in his best ‘Iruka impersonation' voice, pointedly ignoring Sasuke.

Sasuke who was standing just to the left of the group of undead- dead ninja, angry at the whole fiasco and glaring death at the Uzumaki.

He was such a joy to be around.

“Alright, so here’s what I want. Sai here-“ he indicated to the taller nin to his right with a jerk of his thumb “-is going to give you each a name tag. Zombie one, two, etcetera, etcetera' doesn’t sound proper. So, each of you take a tag and write your name on it. And no lies because I’ll know if you do.” He held up a list for emphases.

“If you have a list with all our names on it why do we need name-tags, Uhn?” the only other blond in the vicinity queried, dead or not, the punk had sass.

Naruto squinted at him.

Was it just him or was that guy vaguely familiar?

“Because I damned well said so! Now take a damned tag and put it on so I can damned well yell at you.” Naruto huffed after a moment of searching his brain in vain of a name for the spunky blond, undead Akatsuki member.

“Little brat, uhn. You don’t even remember me do you!” the blond zombie suddenly snapped, pointing an accusing finger at Naruto.

Who blinked in response.

“Just make a name-tag so I don’t have to ask your name every time I want to talk to you, sheesh!” Steadily growing more irate, Naruto pinched the bridge of his nose and prayed for strength.

Who new zombies were so obnoxious? And loud.

Grumbling, Deidara shambled along with the rest of his undead comrades, and a flat out confounded looking Zetsu, and resentfully scribbled his name on a tag before pinning it to the chest his tattered Akatsuki cloak.

When the hoard of zombie-nin, and Zetsu, were all named, Naruto, starting at Itachi, made his way down the line and was careful to try and memories each name.

It went.

Itachi Uchiha, who’s penmanship was perfect and curly and easy to read and strangely pretty.

Deidara, who attempted to trip Naruto as he passed by.

Haku and Naruto couldn’t resist giving the zombie a tight hug which he was pleased to find was returned with vigor and a softly murmured ‘Hello Naruto-kun.’ that had him tickled pink.

Zabuza was next in line. He nodded in greeting to Naruto and Naruto returned with a foxy grin.

He moved on to the next, Kakuzu, and squinted. He didn’t think he’d met this one before. But the name sounded familiar.

From there it went, Han, Zetsu, Kimimaro, Azuma Sensei, again, whom Naruto attacked with a barrage of hugs and sloppy cheek kisses, then was Yugara, Suigestu, Juugo and lastly, Utakata.

“Alright, so you all heard the deal made in Tsundae’s tent. We get this done quickly and we get to go home. Or.. put to rest, if possible. I am Naruto Uzumaki, this is Sai, that’s Sakura, to her right is Sasuke. There is also Kakashi who you will meet later. We are here for one purpose, retrieve and bury.

As of yet, the corpse of Madara Uchiha has not been found. Please notify us in the event of his recovery. So, now that the other Shinobi have all vacated you may all go and choose your tents. Be aware, once chosen you can’t swap or change. You may buddy up is so desired, if not, there are more than enough tents for one each. I’ll let you all get settled before we get back to work.” Naruto ended things with a sunny smile and nod.

The line of zombies, and one out of place plant-like nin, all nodded in return, almost in perfect sync.

And it was creepy.

Then, slowly, they lumbered off to go find a suitable tent.

Out of the corner of his eye Naruto spotted Sasuke making a bee-line for Itachi and inwardly cringed.

‘Don’t make me regret bringing you Sasuke.’ He mental groused, turning when a very cold, very dead hand tugged at his arm.

Naruto turned half expecting Azuma or Haku, however he had not expected… he squinted and quickly read the name tag, which had flopped over on the young undead nins baggy clothes, rendering it almost unreadable.

“Is it true that you’re a fellow Jinshuriki?” A tall, waif of a man stared down at him impassively, lustrous brown hair falling in soft locks over one eyes.

Momentarily gobsmacked, Naruto nodded and blinked owlishly up at the other.

“Can I touch.” The man asked completely deadpan, catching Naruto entirely off-guard.

When it looked like Naruto might explode, the waif, appropriately named Utakata, clarified.

“Your seal that is. I was a Jinchuriki, before the Akatsuki extracted my bijuu.”

Just like that the pieced clicked into place and Naruto felt a familiar tug on his heart, remembering with a sick jolt how Gaara… how..

Swallowing back his tears, Naruto gingerly lifted up the hem of his shirt to reveal his naval. There was nothing there but perfect caramel brown muscle.

Or was until Utakata placed a hand over the smooth flesh.

The last thing Naruto saw before he collapsed into a world of black, was his seal springing to life on his skin and the ex-jinchuriki with his palm to Naruto navel moaning softly eyes rolling up in bliss.

End Chapter.

So! How many of you were expecting that? Now before you all ask, No, Sai and Naruto are NOT together. In fact I haven't decided on the pairs. Well not all of them at least.

Hope to update soon, and I look forward to reading your thoughts and comments. Ja, Shou