Broken

I was trapped. My arms were crushed, the bones shattered between twisted muscles. I didn’t try to move, I knew it would only damage my broken body further but my lungs were compressed beneath cracked ribs and each breath was agony. I wouldn’t show it. Not to Pein. Not to the man that had murdered so many of my friends.

“The great Kakashi of the Sharingan, crushed under a simple Earth Style Jutsu. I always expected better from you. Oh well, seems I was wrong. Don’t worry though, it’ll be over soon.” It would have been relief from my agony, to die then, but Pein wanted me to suffer, like he’d made everyone else suffer. He made me watch as the nail slowly edged itself out of the wood beneath his feet, as it travelled impossibly slow to his awaiting fingertips. That nail was my death and he had no intentions of giving it to me quickly.

Blood began to roll down my face from the crack in my skull, my right eye saw only red and with my left eye shut, concealing my sharingan; I became blind, blinded by my pain and my blood. It seemed fitting that at the end I was as blind as I was through life. Blind to the love and the friends that I had around me. Naruto, Sakura, Iruka, Gai and even Sasuke. My students, my friends.

I had never admitted how much it hurt when Naruto left with Jaraiya and Sakura trained with Tsunade. I had never been a Sensei before and yet I lost my students so early. I watched as Sakura grew in confidence and abilities, I looked and searched for Sasuke and Naruto... well, to see Naruto after so many years had been like water to a dying man. My students had grown and bettered their skills, possibly beyond my own. They didn’t need me anymore; they were Shinobi in their own rights. That thought eased my pain, only a little but enough that I could open my left eye.

Pein was moving the nail between his fingers, measuring the weight, the size. He was still toying with me, like a rat trapped in a cat’s claws. That’s exactly what I was. Fear had never been an issue for me as a younger man. I never had anything to lose, Gai would laugh when I said this and then he’d launch into one of his speeches about how ‘fear defines us’. Gai had always been the one constant in my life, from my first day at the academy to my promotion to Jonin. Gai Maito was always one step behind me. Our rivalry was my roots to a normal life. It was a safety net that I knew would always catch me if I fell. Come to think of it, he was up by 1 challenge. Shame, I’d never be able to draw even. I guess he’d finally won. More pain eased in my body and I poured chakra into my sharingan, I could see the nail clearly now, the rust and dents the slight bend in the metal where it had been pushed into the wood.

 Pein was aiming, deciding where about in my skull he should penetrate. It seemed like he couldn’t decide between my forehead and my sharingan. How appropriate it would be for it to pierce the very organ that made me known throughout the five Shinobi countries. I probably would have been nothing if I didn’t have Obito’s sharingan. I’m sorry Obito. But this is as much of forever as we are going to see. Obito made me who I am today, without his eye I wouldn’t be able to perform my Chidori, the jutsu that saved and destroyed so many lives. Obito made me Kakashi of the Sharingan.

Iruka always disagreed. Iruka was always sentimental. He told me that I am what I am today because of how I adapted to the sharingan, he told me about the Uchiha children he’d taught who never awakened their sharingan or never learnt how to master them. I guess he was right. For the first few months after receiving the sharingan, my chakra drained heavily and my health faltered. It took years of training to finally work it into my fighting strategy. Iruka, the wise old man. That was a thought. My one regret, Iruka, is that I won’t grow old with you. Since the day we met I became an annoyance to you but you became the light in my otherwise dark world. I’m sorry for all the notes I sent you at school. I’m sorry for the times I embarrassed you when I was trying to impress you. I’m sorry I never told you that I loved you, never told you that you are the greatest man I’ve ever met. I always wondered what Tsunade would have thought of ‘us’ if ‘us’ ever happened.

That time you visited me in hospital, after my over use of the sharingan, you kissed my forehead. I never got the chance to ask you what that meant, was it concern? Joy that I was alive? Was it love? I guess I’ll never know.

A flick of Pein’s wrist sent the nail towards my sharingan, it was predictable and understandable but mostly, it was hope.

Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, Gai, Iruka. I have so many questions and many more answers. My father said that a man can’t die until his life is complete. Naruto, I still owe you a cup of ramen. Sakura, I have yet to show you the substitution jutsu. Sasuke, I still have to find you. Gai, I still have to beat you, and Iruka... I love you.

The nail continued its journey, it was so close, so near to its target. I closed my sharingan and relaxed. My life was not complete yet. I still had so much to do. It wasn’t going to end today.

The spinning of the needle, I could hear it.

It was now.

‘Mangçkyo Sharingan!’