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July 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Oh.My.God.That Was Remarkably Hot.I Just Can't Wait For The Next Installment. =D
I Loved It Even If I'm Not Into Yaoi/Yuri.That's How Good It Was. ^^
I Loved It Even If I'm Not Into Yaoi/Yuri.That's How Good It Was. ^^
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July 13, 2005 at 12:00 AM
XD
Poor Hinata... I hope she doesn't faint again... ^^'''''''''
Please continue your story.
Poor Hinata... I hope she doesn't faint again... ^^'''''''''
Please continue your story.
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July 2, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Not bad, but it looks as if you don't know what to do with the characters. I think you need to plan your story better. Why don't you start with some yaoi between Sasuke and Naruto while Hinata just looks, hidden. Then when they're finished they discover her and invite her to join.
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June 30, 2005 at 12:00 AM
UPDATE!!!!!!
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April 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
This is PWP so the only thing I could say is the flow is ragged.The things Sas say are kinda hokey a couple times but I am finding that funny,I mean it is funny and sexy.More detail when it comes to the sex.I am totally confused how Sas got there but who cares!
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March 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow... so, when's the next chappie?
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March 10, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Is Sasuke mad about the interruption? Does he want Naruto in girl mode, guy mode, or just at all? Interesting fic. Keep up the interesting work. coolsa.
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March 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I'm crying in happiness right now! A SasuNaruHina threesome! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Whoever you are, I wish you long life and good fortune!
The first chapter was very good. Naruto's scenes with Hinata and Sasuke were a good preparation for what was to come. However, the second chapter was of a lesser level. It seemed as if you were in a hurry. I guess you only intended for Sasuke and Naruto to foreplay a bit for the moment, but the sex scene of them was barely skimmed over. It needs a bit more of detail. The moment Hinata appeared was a bit weird, she immediately showed herself, without hesitating. And she wasn't as embarrassed as I'd expect from her. She didn't stammer at seeing two boys having sex (one of them being her love), nor tried to apologize for peeping. Besides, I think you should have developed and showed Naruto's inner thoughts a bit more. You hint that it was Hinata, and not Sakura, whom he really wanted in a subconscious level, and he hadn't realized, but I think you must make it more evident, or else it looks like he went for Hinata for no reason at all.
The first chapter was very good. Naruto's scenes with Hinata and Sasuke were a good preparation for what was to come. However, the second chapter was of a lesser level. It seemed as if you were in a hurry. I guess you only intended for Sasuke and Naruto to foreplay a bit for the moment, but the sex scene of them was barely skimmed over. It needs a bit more of detail. The moment Hinata appeared was a bit weird, she immediately showed herself, without hesitating. And she wasn't as embarrassed as I'd expect from her. She didn't stammer at seeing two boys having sex (one of them being her love), nor tried to apologize for peeping. Besides, I think you should have developed and showed Naruto's inner thoughts a bit more. You hint that it was Hinata, and not Sakura, whom he really wanted in a subconscious level, and he hadn't realized, but I think you must make it more evident, or else it looks like he went for Hinata for no reason at all.
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March 9, 2005 at 12:00 AM
KUKUKUKUKUKU!!! this makes me chuckle!! Write more! (Thumb's up!) *grin*
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February 26, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Waiii!!! I can't wait untill next chapter!!!! Well i probably but I'll just suffer from waitng!!! ^_^ Keep up teh good work, Ne?
Ja Ne!! ^_^
Ja Ne!! ^_^