rate_review Reviews

I like this a lot so far, and I really hope that you keep going. My only complaint is that you seem to switch between tenses a lot, which sort of disrupts the flow of your story. Maybe get a beta to help you fix that? Other than that, you have a good writing style and a good plot idea, so I'll definitely be checking back for more. Good luck!

I don't really like the idea behind this fic. Naruto is older than Sasuke??? Somehow, that just doesn't sound right. If you are going to make the characters completely OOC, then don't even bother to use their names. When you do, it almost seems like you're disrespecting Kishimoto's work, since you're basically taking his very well thought-out characters and turning them into your own screwed-up creations. For one, Sasuke is not a whore, and your Naruto sounds like a middle-aged perverted old man. What is up with that? The writers that keep their stories similar to the original plotline (or at the very least, have their stories take place in the right setting and time frame) and are very in tune with the characters' psyches are usually the ones whose stories are the best. There are very few exceptions to this rule, and your story is not one of them. You didn't even try to make Sasuke or Naruto retain even a resemblance of their original characterizations; it's like you're just riding on the reputation of the Naruto series in order to have people read your work. You could have made a better fic by just making up your own characters. Of course, I'm not saying that you should give up completely. Your story does have some good points, i.e. minimal spelling errors, a decent writing style, etc. But you seriously need to change the way you approach writing fanfictions.

I suppose I should clarify on my previous review. For starters, I did realize this was an AU fic; my comments were really directed more towards how writers have to be careful about how they write these stories, since Kishimoto obviously took a lot of time developing his setting, plot, and characters, and we should respect that by making the characters in the fanfictions have more than just a physical semblance to his creations. And yes, the characters in this story so far have been OOC. Anyone who's ever read/seen the Naruto series would know there is no possibility in hell that they would ever talk/think this way. Also, my problem was not with the NaruSasu pairing; that's actually my most favorite pairing of all time, and I've even kind of come to dislike SasuNaru. I have a problem more with their ages, since it sounds like Naruto is way older than Sasuke (he kept calling him a boy) and not just by a couple of years like in most other fanfictions with that pairing. I understand the need writers have to put their own spin on the series by adding a twist in their stories, but this was just unnecessary, and I really feel it takes away from some of the story, since in the manga it's actually Sasuke who's older. Of course, it indeed is only the first chapter, so I will give the writer the benefit of the doubt. This could be a good story; and I'm hoping that it will be developed more. I'm only pointing out that it has a real possibility of it becoming one of those fanfictions I absolutlely despise. But even if it is a sucky fic (and no matter what, it'll never be up to the standards of Gelfling's "Attraction" or Kirei Kitsue's "Reflections"), I guess the writer should continue with the story regardless, since it's obvious a few people derive some kind of enjoyment from reading this. To each his own, I suppose. Also, for Thera, how am I supposed to respond to your comments by email if you have your address hidden?

I didn't even realize there had been a debate on the review boards. Personally, I think that writing an AU gives you a certain amount of freedom with the characters. Yes, they might still have the same basic personalities, but growing up in completely different worlds and under completely different circumstances will change a lot. For example, Sasuke changed drastically after the murder of his family, for obvious reasons. It's fairly easy to assume that he wouldn't be the angsty little thing that he is if Itachi hadn't gone loopy and killed his family. Also, the part that you quoted just now indicates that he's after Itachi, and as Sasuke's already proven that he'll do anything to kill Itachi, it's not a far stretch to think that he might whore himself out if it was the only possible way. And seeing as how he's about to starve to death, and has been given plenty of evidence that he could earn a living by selling his body, it seems like something that Sasuke would conceivably do, even outside of an AU setting.

In other words, unless you just completely do a 180 with the characters' personalities, I don't think it's possible to be OOC in an AU. And I'm one who's usually very picky about keeping characters IN character. ^^; Maybe I just like the idea of Sasuke as a whore?

Either way, love it so far, and I look forward to an update. And by the way, if you can't find a beta, I'd be happy to go over your chapters for you. I'm definitely not a better writer than you, but I'm an English major intending to one day be an editor, so I enjoy getting the practice. ^~

Hummmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! Vary intersting can wait to see where it goes!!!!!!!!!!!!

-The Update Monster

Haha! When I first read the fic, I was like "WOOT! Can't wait for the next chapter!" And then I saw your update and was, like, "YAY! She updated!" Then I saw the chapter, and was, like, "DAMN! Only review responses!" Haha, well anyway, not that anyone would care. *cough* XD

Anyway, I really liked it even though it was short. ^_~ I didn't think there was a lot of problems, but then that could just be me. I like your writing style, and I'll absolutely worship you if you keep it as NaruSasu, but that's your choice. I love AU stories, both writing and reading them. It gives you a lot of free room and liberties to work with when you write AU fics. OOC of different degrees is usually to be expected of AU stories, so you shouldn't worry yourself over it. I wouldn't say your characters were OOC anyway.

So, write more and post soon. I wanna read more. ^_^