rate_review Reviews

GREAT WORK! i like your writing style.
and i like your Naruto and Sasuke, they are SO CUUUTE!
it will be NaruSasu? i like this pairing. i'm looking forward to their actions.
can't wait for the next. plase add soon~

Very sweet chapter, it would be kinda cool for Sasuke to also be adopted by Kakashi... anyway, can't wait to read more.

I have never, ever, read anythng as amazing as this, to say I've read a LOT! This is just so incredibly incredible I almost can't find words to describe it, yet that would still not make justice.

You really made a masterpiece of a story, please keep it on!

nadanada

kawaii story.. :3

ANOTHER AWSEOM CHAPTER YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

OMG, I was like no way you killed kakashi.lol. I was so scared and sad, but I was relieved in the end. It was warming, and seriously the philosophy stuff is choice. I'm actually learning a few thing from reading the story. Like stabbing someone on the femoral artery.lol. thats a classic, so funny, but its also true.lol. UPDATE soon, ahhhhh I cant get enough.

Wow it never stops getting better, keep it up man.

YAY! you made me happy YAY kakashi is alive :)!!!!! (Me Happy!!!!!)

Nice how you explained kakashi's sharingan and already messed up eye. cool work!

I really loved the first chapter of your story and could tell that I was going to be instantly hooked. I think that the alternate universe that you've created fits very well with the spirit of the Naruto series, and though I usually avoid most AU's I will continue to read yours. I did notice a lot of little errors in the writing that were just a bit distracting (I know how hard it is to miss them in your own writing, every time I do a reread of my work I find at least one or two). I'm including all the ones that I found for the first chapter. If you would like me to beta for you I would be willing to offer my services and help find those errors. I'm on the internet every day, so you can always get in touch with me.

First chapter edits

*our=ours
“...but that’s one thing I love about you, is always hearing your voice, so I know, that even in a world like our I am not alone, and neither will you” Naruto looked up with a serious look on his face “you promise” “I promise sweetie”

*there=their
“AAAHHH” Screams could be heard from outside there home “Sand Village is attacking Ru…” The voice was cut to a halt. Smoke could be easily seen from there household. The village was getting burned down and people we’re being mass slaughtered.

*so many founds are redundant...use "discovered" or another synonym for one of them.
So far they had only found a handful of survivors and they had been so distraught that he pitied the jounin that found them. And now here he was, with the only child survivor he had found, clinging on a woman who appeared to be his mother.

*him's very redundant here also
He clasped the boys shoulder, and the boy jerked in surprise. He saw the man before him and then turned to him and cried onto the mans arms. He thought to himself ‘Kakashi, what did you get yourself into’.

*like=liked
He is a bastard, an unwanted freak. Naruto looked up and at that point he realized why nobody had like him.

*punctuation within dialogue is missing...needs commas and periods at times throughout the story...there are also a few little punctuation and grammar mistakes, but nothing too bad.

*villages=village's
Kakashi couldn’t understand this villages thinking, here was a boy who seemed so innocent and fragile, and they treated him like dirt, no that was an understatement, dirt seemed to be treated better than the young boy in front of him.

there=their
This was the beginning of a whole new chapter, in both there lives. Kakashi knew it would take time, but he swore that he would do everything he could to protect and nurture this child.