rate_review Reviews

very nice write more

It's a nice idea, but I would say that you do need a beta. Your spelling and grammar are okay, but there are mistakes within.

AND you really need to stabilize your POV. It's first person, then third, then first again. Personally I'd say you should just stick with the 3rd person pov. The first person pov is very hard to write in an effective manner, and when you do write in the first person it feels like the third until the 'I' pops up.

I do like the idea, and your execution so far isn't too bad. I do wonder about the last part of the last chapter where Naruto seems to be arguing with the 6 men they're supposed to be serving. It seems a little strange that he would behave in such a manner when he's supposed to be a geisha, or a geisha in training.

I will say, I can't wait for the big reveal when they meet their personal geisha. Though I am wondering, how old are Haku and Zabuza? You don't mention their ages on the list.

what do they not know they are having males attend them?

for your 1st fic you've done well good stop point too
update?

This is getting good. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. I hope there's lots of Kakashi and Iruka interaction. It's cool that you included Choji since most writers leave him out.

I must say this is very interesting. I like your take on this so far. Keep it up.

Yeah, do you have a beta? Cuz you really need one. Would you like for me to be your beta? I totally loved the movie 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and if you are making this type of story then I would very much love to beta this sort of stuff!

-Damp
lovelysky@sbcglobal.net

I like your story so far.:)