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September 3, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I am very intrigued... Looking forward to the next chapter. Thanks for sharing.
schedule
April 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM
It's a good story, but the large spacing between paragraphs interupts the flow of everything.
schedule
April 19, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay, seriously, my hand started to cramp when I was editing out the spaces so I could read this thing more easily. Actually, I just plain gave up, you're putting too many spaces between paragraphs and it makes it really hard to read. It's an interesting concept but you've just got everything too far apart in your formating. One open line between paragraphs is all you need for formatting. Really, ouch. I don't mind if you delete this or whatever, but the space issue is something to keep in mind- it breaks things up enough that they don't become run-ons but keeps them close enough together that you don't forget what you're reading. Not trying to criticize, just want to help you out a bit. Drop me a note when you've got things straightened up a bit. Eric Blair (aka George Orwell) had six pretty good rules for writing, hope you don't mind I'm going to post them here for you.
# Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
# Never use a long word where a short one will do.
# If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
# Never use the passive voice where you can use the active.
# Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
# Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
Hope this helps. Later. WS
# Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
# Never use a long word where a short one will do.
# If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
# Never use the passive voice where you can use the active.
# Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
# Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.
Hope this helps. Later. WS
schedule
April 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Awesome chapter. Full of suspense and angst. I loved it. Hopefully you'll be able to update again soon. Can't wait~
schedule
March 6, 2008 at 12:00 AM
OMG. What a cliffy. I love how you write all the characters. Kakashi's POV was especially amusing.
It's late here too and I'm half asleep so keep up the awesome work! <3
It's late here too and I'm half asleep so keep up the awesome work! <3
schedule
March 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
*blinks*
umm.... wow. naruto vanishes... and what's with the bloody floor panel? somehow, i see some vary intriguing explanations coming. i hope. onegai???? i want more...
umm.... wow. naruto vanishes... and what's with the bloody floor panel? somehow, i see some vary intriguing explanations coming. i hope. onegai???? i want more...
schedule
March 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Hey,hey, now! You've gotten me interested. Update! Lol, I have a box of cookies for you.*Dangles box*
schedule
March 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
what the hell is going on, i can't nwait to see what happens next. write on my wayward author
schedule
March 4, 2008 at 12:00 AM
His floor boards are filled with blood???!!!! OMGWTF?!?!?!?!
The mystery thickens!
The mystery thickens!
schedule
February 8, 2008 at 12:00 AM
MORE!!!!!! lol. am looking forward to who the floating head is, and how the clean-up (which i'm guessing will be a while in coming) will go. am very interested, add more when you can! PLEASE????????????????