A Dream for a Dream

A Dream for a Dream

chapter 1

It wasn't good. I knew full well that this was not a good thing as I continued to stare at my blissfully ignorant best friend. Or at least I had thought so back then.

I'd been watching Naruto's every move more and more as time wore on. It didn't help that we had started spending so much more time together since Iruka Sensei's marriage. Those days, the two of us were together almost every waking moment.

Of course, Naruto had been the only person I could stand to be around for years. Let's face it, I had no family and no other real friends. Naruto had Iruka Sensei as a make-shift father figure but that was really about it. The boy had been more than happy for Iruka when his engagement had been announced. He had confessed to me that he was hoping that since Iruka was like a father figure, his wife might become something of a mother figure and he could pretend he had a real family.

Ayame, who still worked at the ramen counter, liked Naruto well enough. She was one of the few villagers who didn't hate the Kyuubi vessel as she had been serving him ramen for years and gotten more than used to his presence. However, she was a newly married woman and she wanted a great deal of her husband's attention. It had never occurred to her to ever think of Naruto as anything but just another village boy and she wasn't about to start viewing him as some kind of adopted son. She hadn't signed up to marry a single father. She wanted children of her own.

Thus Naruto's dreams of a family were dashed before they had even been properly built up. To top it off, Iruka himself didn't have much time for him anymore and so he had taken to looking to me, the last Uchiha, his one good friend, for companionship.

I had found at first that I didn't mind this development as much as I might have when I was younger. I was still grateful to Naruto for stopping me from becoming a missing nin. Thanks to the blond, I had never quite made it to Orochimaru. Naruto had followed me and engaged in a pitched battle, determined to bring me home. He had completely disregarded my blatant attempts to kill him, stating that I simply wasn't in his right mind, and he had been right in the end.

After beating me to a bloody mess and dragging me forcibly home, (Don't ever tell anybody I said that!) the Hokage had confirmed that Orochimaru's seal was controlling my mind and playing on my emotions enough to completely destroy my own natural good judgment. Just stoke the fires of my existing rage and assault my mind with subtle but constant suggestion, and you had an Uchiha who could viably plead temporary insanity. In fact, I had to be locked up to keep me from leaving again and with the 'crazy' attempts I made to escape, anyone would have let me off on that plea.

After extensive research had proven that there was absolutely no other way to destroy the seal than to destroy it's maker, Naruto had made it his mission to hunt down Orochimaru and kill him. And with some help from Jiraiya, he had done just that, and nearly killed 'himself' in the process.

Having regained my control, which had been a lot like waking from a nightmare that you could only watch unfold and not participate in, I had visited my rescuer in the hospital. Naruto had been in bad shape and I sat by him throughout his recovery.

I was completely in awe of his unwavering friendship. Naruto had gone to outrageous lengths to save me from becoming a puppet for that evil snake and to give me back my life. I knew that for all of their daily assertions of love and devotion, there was nobody else who would have done all of that for me. Naruto really, honestly cared about me in a simple yet profound way that didn't require any such daily assertions. The one person who cared for real was the one person who didn't feel the need to bombard me with an irritating shower of affection.

Upon his recovery, Naruto went right back to treating me the way he always had but my perspective on it had changed completely and instead of finding the dobe annoying, I found amusement in his antics.

This, in and of itself could have been considered a good thing. The problem here, which had arisen some time ago and only seemed to be growing worse by the day, was the unholy attraction that I was developing for my best friend. I couldn't help but take in every inch of Naruto's physique every time we met. I found myself thinking of him at inappropriate moments, wondering what he was doing anytime we were apart and struggling to hold back a dopey smile at some of the blond boy's cute little quirks. Then I started having dreams I knew I shouldn't be having, and eventually having to harshly reprimand myself in my mind for the recurring urge to touch in ways that I 'really' shouldn't. This was such a terrible development! It was too much!

I couldn't afford to have these kinds of feelings for Naruto. It didn't matter if my friend was the closest person to me, or that he had been loyal and true and given me so much. It 'certainly' didn't matter that he had those beautiful eyes or that brilliant hair, winning smile and gorgeous body.

As the last of the Uchiha line, I had a duty to continue that line. I had vowed to myself long ago, that I would do exactly that. Not to mention my duty to uphold the family honour. The Gods only knew that it had already taken a good pounding. The last thing the Uchiha name needed was yet another scandal connected to it.

In fact, I had already begun tentatively working on an agreement with the Hyuuga clan. Hinata was a quiet girl, not nearly as annoying as most, and she was, genetically speaking, a very good match. Since Hiashi san had decided that she would not be taking the position of clan head, he was willing to seriously consider allowing me to take her off his hands. It was highly unfortunate that she wasn’t the one that I dreamed of each night.

Naruto himself was apparently completely oblivious to my torturous inner conflict regarding him. A fact which caused me as much frustration as it did relief. My old team-mate still innocently thought of me as his dear friend and nothing more, leaving all responsibility for the situation squarely in my court.

I really wished (far too often) that I could blame at least some of what I was feeling on the other party. It's not fun to desire something so much and know that you can never have it, could never even 'try' to go for it. It created a tension that grew stronger all the time until I felt it as one continuous strain on my control and sometimes the stress of it made me down right angry.

Right then, I was keeping it all more or less at bay as a jumpy Naruto babbled nervously next to me on the way to the Hokage tower. That day was a big day for the demon holder. The Hokage had put in a request for him to be promoted to ANBU and he was to report to her office today to find out if the council had approved of the promotion.

Naruto was so nervous about their decision, (though he hadn't exactly admitted it in so many words) that he had spent the morning distracting himself with a good old fashioned training session with his best friend and then asked me to come with him to the tower (for moral support, though again he didn't exactly put it that way).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Most people might have taken the blond's bright smiles and constant rambling as nothing out of the ordinary and thought that he was just as supremely confident as he always made himself out to be, but to my well-trained eyes his true feelings were obvious. He was just about to keel over from the anticipation and I knew why. He had every right to be nervous, which is why I didn't bother to tease him about it like I normally might have and just accepted his 'invitation' to join him without any fuss.

He had never let go of his dream to be Hokage one day, and he had been working so hard to be recognized and accepted by both the village and the council. They were so unfair to him. It hurts to think of it now, where it used to just make me angry. He had such a hard time. Always. Anyone else who had reached his level, done what he had done, achieved what he had and shown such selflessness and loyalty toward his village along the way, would have made ANBU a hundred times over by then. He had to scratch and claw for every inch and do it with a smile.

Now here he was, up for the position and truly nervous about the outcome, because it was still in question! I knew all too well why this was so important for him. Being made ANBU was a serious concession for him on the part of the council. It was proof of a level of trust that not very many managed to attain and it was a definite foothold for him on the way to eventually being Hokage. His life dream was riding heavily on this decision.

Truthfully, it made me kind of happy and proud in a way, that he wanted me around to support him. He was powerful and usually almost too determined for his own good, but when it came to things like this, he could be more sensitive and fragile than most people. It made me feel good to know that he found my presence so comforting, that he 'needed' me like that.

Was it horrible of me to want him to need me and want me, even while I was sure that nothing could ever come of it? I wanted him to feel things for me that I had no intention of allowing myself to openly return. But damnit... I couldn't help myself...

"Thanks Sasuke," I heard him murmur quietly as we reached the tower and stopped, staring up at it. "Thanks for coming with me today."

He was never anything but sincere when he spoke to me in that tone of voice, and it sent a tingle down my spine to hear it. I stupidly dared to look over at him and the gentle smile that he was sending me, that warm look in his eyes, made my heart leap into my throat. Swallowing as covertly as possible, I scolded myself for reacting to such simple friendly gestures that way before answering.

"Hn." What? He got it. I know by the way he chuckled, in that endearing fashion that made me want to sigh like a little girl with a crush, and shook his head at me. I ended up scolding myself once again of course, but it was completely fruitless, and things only got worse from there on in.

He sucked in a breath and threw back his shoulders in a manner that was so typically Naruto and so darn cute. (Years before I would have been scoffing in disgust. How did I ever miss his adorable insecurity? I'm not sure now whether I'm glad I finally saw him for what he was, or if perhaps ignorance might truly have been bliss after all.)

He proceeded up the stairs ahead of me and I stared shamelessly at his backside the whole way up. My hands were itching to reach out and squeeze that firm, round bottom as it swayed temptingly, directly in my line of vision.

When we reached the right floor, Sakura was just stepping out of the Hokage's office and I mentally groaned as she spotted us and hurried over. Naruto greeted her warmly as usual and she gave him a vague acknowledgment before focusing on me.

"Sasuke kun! What are you doing here?"

"Hn," I answered. What? It was a completely different hn than the last one. Maybe she wasn't smart enough to tell the difference but at least Naruto knew. Naruto always understood. He swiftly cut in to explain and act as a buffer between me and the source of my irritation. (Sakura was still so sure back then that she would be the next Mrs. Uchiha but I really could never have stood to spend a lifetime with her and that's that.)

"I have an appointment with Baa chan and Sasuke's coming along," he said brightly.

"Oh. Will you be long?"

"Not likely, I guess. She only has one little thing to tell me about." It was a testament to his apprehension that he didn't jump at the chance to boast of his upcoming promotion to ANBU. It wasn't like him to hold back his excitement and downplay a potentially great accomplishment like that.

"Oh good then! Maybe I'll just wait for you guys out here and we can do something together when you're done," she suggested with a hopeful look in my direction which I steadfastly ignored.

"Uh, yeah. Ok Sakura chan. If you want to." I could tell he didn't really want her to stay. (Though if the news was good, then spending a little time with her probably wouldn't be so bad as it might be otherwise.)

I felt another wave of warmth rush through me at the idea that he wanted to be with me and me alone. He would never let Sakura know that there was anything amiss if things didn't work out. He trusted only me with this part of himself and his life. Only with me did he feel that level of comfort that he could really be himself.

If only I had shown him the same trust and shared my own troubles with him back then. Things may have... no, 'would have' turned out very differently.

He hid his tension quite well but I could feel him practically trembling as we left Sakura and moved up to the big wooden office doors. This was mainly because he was nearly leaning on me as we walked. He had gotten as close as possible without altogether jumping into my arms. His shoulder brushed mine and I felt his hand caress over the back of mine like he wanted to hold my hand but knew how ridiculous that would look.

I had a strong urge to grab his hand anyway or maybe something even more outrageous. The heat that poured off of him felt so good, and the clean citrus and ginger sent of him was so enticing. He had no idea how much moments like these affected me.

The guards to either side of the doors barely gave a nod as we approached and let us in without question as they had clearly been informed of Naruto's expected visit. We entered the room and Tsunade, who was seated at her desk, seemingly absorbed in writing something or other, didn't bother to raise her head for a long moment.

Naruto somehow managed to get even closer to me in that suspenseful moment and his hand actually came up to grip my forearm in an almost childish sort of way. I glanced over in surprise and caught sight of the unconsciously pleading look in his big blue eyes and the teeth worrying at his lower lip.

I nearly groaned aloud as my blood pressure jumped. I wanted so badly right then to pull him into my arms and kiss that precious look off of his face, and I cursed him inwardly for making me feel this way. All this blasted physical contact was whittling away at my self-control, which I desperately needed to maintain at all times. Have you any idea how trying it is on your emotions to want someone to stay close so much, but need them to back the hell off just as powerfully?

Finally, the inconsiderate woman looked up, pinning poor Naruto with her gaze. Obviously, she was getting a kick out of making him squirm, which made me want to knock her out, but at the same time was more than likely a good sign.

Naruto's hand had begun to fidget, rubbing lightly up and down my arm by now, causing goose-bumps to start spreading over my skin. His warm hand teasing my skin like that felt good, too good, and I was becoming more irritated.

I liked it but I wanted him to stop. I was mostly angry at myself for my inability to take this for what it was and remain cool and impassive, but I wanted to be angry at him for 'testing me at every turn'.

"Well brat," she began. "They pondered over you for quite some time." Naruto stiffened beside me. "But after careful consideration... It seems they finally decided that you're the right man for the job."

For a moment there was no reaction. I don't even think he was breathing. Then suddenly, the life flowed back into him and burst out in a magnificent storm.

"...YEAH!!!!" he exclaimed at full volume (which for him is really saying something). Instantly, he was hopping and spinning around the room, letting out joyous whoops and loud laughter. He jumped right over the Hokage's desk and gave Tsunade a big hug before twirling away and continuing to freak out like a hyper little kid.

"Yes! Arrigato Baa chan!! I made it!! YES!" She was trying to glare sternly at him but the smile that was obviously trying to break loose at his antics won out.

He bounced over to me with the hugest grin on his face and I almost smiled back, but he wasn't slowing down. I tried to growl at him. "Dobe, don't you.."

He jumped on me anyway wrapping both his arms and legs around me and nearly crushing me in a hug. I didn't mind at all... but then that was the problem. His giddy laughter in my ear sent shivers down my spine and my arms came up automatically to hold him.

Then the best, and worst, thing happened. His lips landed on mine. It was swift and chaste and meaningless, born of pure ecstatic energy, but it was all I could stand. There's only so much strain a man can take and I reached my limit in that moment.

I reacted in the very worst way possible. I got angry. Here I am trying my damnedest not to go there with him and he just 'has' to touch me and jump all over me and even kiss me! I knew that he wasn't trying to make things hard for me and that I was being the idiot here, but I completely exploded and the words came pouring out of me regardless.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" I hissed loudly as I shoved him off. He landed flat on his ass on the floor and I towered over him menacingly. "Why are you always fucking TOUCHING me?! What, by the GODS, makes you think you can do that?!"

I could feel myself growing more hysterical by the second and my voice got louder with each word but I couldn't stop myself. "I"m sick of this!! You've been trying to seduce me for years haven't you?!!"

I knew the accusation was ridiculous even as I made it and still I couldn't stop. "I'm not some kind of fag Uzumaki!" Also a lie, obviously.

By now he was trying to splutter some response. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor and his eyes were like saucers.

"You're supposed to be my friend!! I've trusted you and you try to pull this shit and weasel your way into my bed or something?! What the fuck do you think you're doing KISSING ME?!!!"

I basically screamed the last part and at this point the doors flew open with a bang and Sakura rushed in looking positively furious, followed by the confused and startled guards. Naruto was still sputtering helplessly and more people began to pour into the room.

"NARUTO BAKA!!! You KISSED Sasuke kun??!!" Sakura hollered, spelling out the situation in a nutshell for anyone who might have been in the dark.

"W-Well yeah but..." Naruto himself looked like he had the least idea of what the hell was going on out of anybody. He was understandably in a state of shock.

"The demon boy is trying to seduce the Uchiha," some called out in an outraged voice. More angry voices joined spouting nonsense and blowing things even more out of proportion. Some of the elders themselves came forward through the gathering crowd.

"Uzumaki Naruto," one began sternly, "Are these accusations true?"

"Of 'course' not!!" Naruto protested. The elders turned to Tsunade then.

"Did he touch or kiss the Uchiha just now?"

"Yes, he did," Tsunade sighed."But he..." The elder held up a hand to silence her and turned to me.

"Did you wish for, or welcome such contact?"

"Of course I didn't," I answered automatically in my usual bland tone. I was just beginning to calm back down by then.

"The demon tried to force himself on him!!" shouted someone from the crowd and all the murmurs of outrage picked up again creating a low but ominous roar.

"Sasuke...?" Naruto's voice was tiny, confused and pleading. I could see the tears beginning to shine in his eyes as he looked up at me miserably. He couldn't figure out why I was doing this to him.

Well how should he figure it out when even I was lost by then. I never meant for it to happen. Everything just got out of control. It all happened so fast. I didn't really want to hurt him. Believe me! The last thing I ever wanted was to see him hurt, especially knowing that I was the cause!

"This is a serious strike against you Uzumaki. To do such a thing to anyone, let alone the Uchiha heir... well we had thought that you were trustworthy enough for a trial period at least, but now you've already proven that is not the case. I'm afraid we will be retracting your promotion to ANBU status."

I know I was a total jerk. I felt it quite keenly just then. I knew what a precarious situation my friend was in. Years of perfect behaviour would certainly be flushed right down the toilet and forgotten with one false move.

His gaze shot back to me at those words. He looked so pleading and then so very betrayed when I turned away from him. He wanted me to help him but I couldn't. Or at least I convinced myself that I couldn't.

"What was I supposed to do?" I asked myself. It was a phrase that I repeated often in my head for a long time after that day. How would it sound if I told the truth? I was the one who was attracted to Naruto. So much so that it put me under unbearable stress. I, the legendary unshakable Uchiha, had freaked right out, over nothing, and caused a massive panic. My pride would not allow me to make such a fool of myself.

I had to go along with things as they were at that time or risk my entire reputation. I am more than ashamed now, to say that I put my own reputation before that of my innocent best friend. Before his career, his dream, his whole damn life!

And here we come to the reason that this is not a very happy story. Not for me.



(A/N; So this should be pretty short, maybe three or four chapters. Heheh, Things work out pretty well for Sasuke in the last story, so now I'm back to poking him with the painfully pointy stick of poetic justice.)