Dead, Dead Eyes

A/N: Whats this??? I've started up something else that's goig to be a very long multi-chapter saga because I freakn love this pairing?? FUCK YEAH!!!
If you are one of those weirdos (like me) who practically stalk a few select authors on here and fangasm at everything that particular author writes, then you probably also want to chat and get to know the author a bit better and what makes them tick. WELL YOU CAN DO THIS WITH ME!!! Say you wan to know when the latest chapter of Beta Bitch or Double Doggy comes out or even Dead Dead Eyes, all you have to do is get onto msn/hotmail and either start chatting with me or emailing me. glow_in_the_dark@hotmail.co.nz. Go on, you know you what to say hi :D

But anyway, I had the idea for this fic when I held a craft knife up to my arm and was beyond tempted to carve to words "SCREAM FOR ME" into my flesh. Instead of mutilating myself I decided to scar fictional characters lol. I don't cut myself and never will, but I love scars and the look and feel of blood. I'm actually a bit of a masochist and a big old sadist, so figures I would write both sides here haha.
This is like a prolouge that's set twelve years in the future lol. I've only figured out little bits of the original plot so far, so it's going to be a long and bumpy road haha. Hope you stay with me to find out how Dead Dead Eyes turns out like. Don't forget to RATE AND REVIEW!!!! Otherwise I'll haunt your dreams with craft knives and pretty pretty blood..... XD

ONWARDS!!!!!



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Dead, Dead Eyes

Dead, dead eyes looked towards a long time friend and comrade.  

Kakashi was... disturbed, by that dead gaze. "Iruka-sensei, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just a but tired is all." His tone was normal, tired, but held its usual hint of strict optimism. Normal Iruka. 

But his eyes... Kakashi felt like he was staring at a corpse instead of a beloved teacher. "Then why don't you finish up here, I'll take care of everything."

"Are you telling me that the infamous Hatake Kakashi is going to correctly fill out of his mission report AND file it perfectly without any redo's?" Iruka's tone was teasing, his gaze finally meeting Kakashi's instead of just settling on him. 

Kakashi felt like throwing up. 

"It was bound to happen sooner or later." Kakashi smiled and took the offered form from the brunette and began filling it out. 

"It's good to see. How's Naruto?"

Kakashi didn't dare to look up to meet those brown eyes. "Loud, hyperactive and unpredictable."

"I'm glad he's back in Konoha." Iruka smiled as he stood up, collecting a few stacks of paperwork and pushing them into an already over crammed satchel. 

"Nearly everybody is. I think Sakura is sick if him now." Just keep the conversation light and normal. Light, and normal. 

"He can be a bit intense at times."

"At times? That's an understatement." Kakashi kept filling the report out as Iruka made his way to the door. 

"He means well. See you soon, Kakashi-san." Iruka stood with the missions office door open waiting for Kakashi's reply. 

"As soon as I'm done with this."

"Don't keep me waiting."

"I won't."

The door swung shut and only then did Kakashi dare to look up. His gaze didn't focus on anything in particular, just looked at the office chaos in front of him. Breathing became a chore, deep labored breaths coming out in damp pants. Kakashi shuddered as he tried desperately to rid the image of the cold, dead eyes from his everything. He hated himself for the beginnings of arousal that sparked at just a glance from those lifeless orbs.  

His knees felt weak and Kakashi had to force his hand to continue writing, not wanting to think about the consequences of keeping Iruka waiting. 

It took three minutes and forty-six seconds to complete the mission report, Kakashi wishing it had taken longer. Walking behind the counter the silver haired shinobi placed the finished report on a tray that would be taken to the Hokage later for her seal of approval. 

With one final breath inward Kakashi performed the hand seals required to jutsu himself inside Iruka's apartment. 

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The moment Kakashi appeared in Iruka's apartment the brunette spoke without looking at him. "Remove your clothing and take your usual position."

"Yes, sensei." Iruka hummed his approval at the title on it's own and went about marking tests as Kakashi stripped. 

The slightly older shinobi unzipped his vest and folded it in half vertically, walking further into the apartment towards Iruka's bedroom. Once in the room he didn't know whether to call a haven or prison, he placed his vest on an empty table that the teacher had gotten just for him. 

His gloves were next, the protective metal on them making a solid clink when they met the dense cherry wood. The weapons pouch Iruka had also purchased for him was delicately placed beside the gloves. It had a permanent ninjutsu placed on it where it stored three times the amount of weapons via a space distortion jutsu. 

The bandages on his thigh were hastily unwrapped when Kakashi heard footsteps  leisurely coming towards him. He threw them on top of his vest, bending over to unwrap the bandages around his calves. 

"That's a nice view." Iruka purred as he walked into the room. 

"I thought you would enjoy it, sensei." Kakashi smirked, one of the wrappings off and on top of his vest, pale fingers moving to the next leg. 

"So thoughtful." Walking over to the bed the brunette sat down, legs wide as he watched Kakashi continue to undress. 

Kakashi's fingers itched with unwanted excitement once the final bandage was unwrapped and placed beside it's brother. Toeing off sandals, he simultaneously pulled his shirt up and off his body. 

"Mmn." Iruka loved looking at the scarred pale planes of Kakashi's back. The way the muscles danced beneath his skin as the silver haired man fumbled slightly when taking off his pants made his cock ache. "My, aren't we eager tonight."

Kakashi didn't dignify the man with an answer, just dumped his pants beside his top as he yanked his jockies off. 

"What, no strip tease?"

Kakashi remained silent, walking towards Iruka. Pausing in front of the other man, Kakashi knelt down so that he was seated between Iruka's legs. 

"Oh how you gift me, Kakashi." Slender fingers came forward to untie the others hitai-ate, placing it in Kakashi's open waiting palms. Iruka loved taking the items he covered his face with off. He was one of the very few who had the privilege of seeing Hatake's uncovered face. The tips of his fingers brushed over the old scar running down Kakashi's left eye. "Let me see..."

Frowning minutely, Kakashi opened his left eye and focused his gaze on Iruka's soft lips. 

"Look at me, Kakashi. I want you to forever imbed the eyes of who you destroyed long ago." Iruka cupped the man's head in his hands, the embrace too kind for the words that accompanied it. 

"I already have countless images to draw upon, sensei." Kakashi held back the whimper that tried to claw it's way out of his throat. 

"Then another memory couldn't hurt." 

Iruka's words held no room for disobedience. Kakashi reluctantly flicked his eyes up and burned those dead, dead eyes into his sharingan once more.

"Good... Now let's take this mask off." Both men worked to take the mask off, their fingers intertwining in the process. Iruka inhaled sharply at the sight of Kakashi's naked face. The man was handsome, features a mix between Japanese and European. His nose was straight and ended in a soft point, Iruka trailing his forefinger down the bridge. Kakashi's lips were tinted a slightly pinker version of his pale skin, the supple flesh thinner than Iruka's own lips. The trailing finger swiped over his bottom lip making Kakashi close his eyes at the tender act. "Stunning..."

"Sensei..." Kakashi didn't know what he wanted, he just wanted something to happen and everything to stop.

"Kakashi." Iruka's voice was soft, caring, loving almost.

Kakashi flicked his eyes up hoping that some of the affection in the teachers voice would settle in his brown orbs.

Dead, dead eyes. 

Kakashi became a little desperate and moved closer to Iruka, head resting on a muscled thigh. "Sensei..."

The brunette both rewarded and teased the man kneeling before him by running his fingers through Kakashi's silver mane. 

"Sensei. Sensei. Sensei!" Kakashi's arms came up to wrap around Iruka's waist, his head now nuzzling the man's abdomen. Every other second he would gaze upwards, desperately trying to find emotion in those dead eyes. 

"Kakashi, my sweet." Iruka smiled down at the frantic man before him. "Go sit in front of the mirror."

"Sensei, no..."

"I didn't ask you."

"But I..."

"Either you move now or I move you. And you do not want me to move you."

"..." Kakashi choked on a sob as he did as was asked. Crawling like a broken man he made his way to the mirror in the far corner of the room, eyes never acknowledging the reflective surface. 

Iruka moved behind Kakashi, his heart breaking at the man's humbled crawl. He hated himself for doing this to Kakashi. Hated how he always tried to be kind but just couldn't forgive the monster sitting before him for what he had done all those years ago. 

"Sit cross legged, fists on knees."

Kakashi did as he was told, tears slipping over emotionally flushed cheeks. 

A small stool was placed right behind the silver haired man, Iruka sitting upon it. Kakashi instantly leant back into him and Iruka allowed it. Tan hands groped wide shoulders, tense tendons, and muscled pecs, Iruka finally settling his arms to comfortably embrace the other, his chin resting atop of Kakashi's head. "Look up." Iruka's tone was soft and sweet. 

"No."

"Look up."

"No."

"Look up."

"I... No."

"Look up."

"I won't."

"Look up."

"No!" Kakashi finally began to cry, his mind crumbling when Iruka held onto him like a life line. 

"Look up." Iruka's tone stayed soft and sweet throughout. They did this often, the times lessening in which Kakashi would finally listen to him. 

"I can't!"

"You can."

"I won't!"

"You will."

"But..."

"Look up."

Kakashi finally snapped his head up, his eyes screwed shut. 

Iruka remained silent, his unspoken order clear. 

Slowly, slowly the tension eased from Kakashi's tightly closed eyes until thin blonde lashes finally lifted. 

"I knew you could do it." Iruka praised, arms gripping tight. "Look at that handsome face. Those high cheek bones. That defined jaw line. That softly masculine brow. Look upon that of a well accomplished shinobi. Rejoice in the gift of a passed friend, a beloved comrade." Kakashi raised a hand unconsciously to touch the scar of his left eye. "But most importantly, see the face of your father. A man disgraced by the village he so lovingly served because he abandoned a mission to save his comrades lives. See the face of that who's morals were high, too high for the civilians he protected to understand. See the face of a loving father who left you so young. See the face of a man who took his own life..."

"Stop."

"... because the social pressure had become too much. See the face of a man..."

"Please stop."

"... who you can not bring up in memory because of the twenty plus years passed. If not for your own face you would have no idea what your father looked like."

"Please stop." Kakashi sobbed as he continued to stare at his reflection, not daring to look away. 

"That's why you cover it up, isn't it? It's not because people would mistake you for your dishonorable father. It's not because women would soak themselves instantly at this handsome face. It's not because the civilians would shun you for being the splitting image of him. It's because you can't even remember the face of the only parent you ever truly had. Your father loved you so much, yet left you alone in the world, and you can't even pull up an image of him to hate, spite, love and cherish. Your staring at the face of your father right now but you refuse to accept the physical proof of his existence. You refuse..."

"I SAID STOP!" Kakashi lashed out and forced Iruka to the floor, hurtling the small stool into the wall where it splintered and broke into six pieces. His sharingan kept his and his father's shared face burning at the front of his mind.

Kakashi angrily stared down at Iruka who just lay there laughing, malice finally emoting in his eyes. "What, did I go too far?"

Desperate to silence this monster that he made, Kakashi bent down and hungrily kissed the brunette. 

Iruka pulled on Kakashi's thick locks, forcing the man's head back as he rolled them over. Baring Kakashi's pale throat Iruka began nipping at the strained flesh, not being kind at all in his actions. 

Kakashi squirmed under Iruka, arching up into the painful lips, hips desperately bucking to seek some sort of friction. 

Licking a line from collar bone to ear, Iruka hissed his next words as he cradled the silver head in a merciless embrace. "You are going to go get my ceremonial kunai and you are going to make eleven cuts; one for every year."

"Yes, sensei."

Iruka dropped Kakashi heartlessly, watching the other man scramble out of the bedroom and into the lounge. 

Kakashi gingerly picked up an old kunai that sat mounted in a glass box in the centre of Iruka's living room. Tears slipped past his defenses and left wet tracks down his cheeks as Kakashi once more joined Iruka in his bedroom. 

The jounin sat down in front of Iruka, noting that the teacher had taken off his vest and top. Kakashi placed a kiss to the man's heart before taking the old kunai and lining it up with a wide scar on his hip bone. Digging the blade into his flesh Kakashi winced as he opened up the old scar, blood eagerly flowing from the sharpened blade. Once the scar was completely reopened kakashi moved the blade to his thigh. Kunai tip met another scar, this one running the length of his thigh following the indent of muscles. Kakashi opened this one up too, hissing as he dragged the kunai through scar tissue. Blood poured from the long, deep wound, curling around his leg and pooling on the hardwood floor. 

Iruka hummed a note of approval. 

Kakashi whipped his head up at the sound and quickly moved the kunai to the next scar located on his right bicep. He dug the blade in deep, making sure this one bleed even more than the last, eyes trained on the teachers expressions. 

"Fuck, Kakashi. More." Iruka begged more than ordered. 

Kakashi was ecstatic to comply, reaching behind him to trail the blade over his shoulder blade. He had memorized where that scar was, panting at the feeling of his flesh splitting. 

Iruka moaned and spurred Kakashi on more, the man slashing open an oblique, crying out when he nicked muscle fibre. 

The brunette instantly fell forward, tongue coming out to lap up the crimson liquid streaming from that particularly deep wound. "Only five more, then I get to add another one."

Kakashi made quick work of the rest of his scars, splitting open the one on his calf, neck, forearm, wrist and lower back. His body was stained with his life's essence, digging his fingers into wounds that were beginning to close up so they would ooze once more. 

"You've earned this one, my love."

Kakashi choked on his breath and sobs as Iruka took the old kunai from the jounin's bloody fingers. Placing the tip of the kunai to Hatake Kakashi's heart, Iruka made a new wound, digging the blade deep. 

The kunai clattered to the floor as Kakashi moved foreword, claiming and possessing the chunin's lips. "Sensei... Sensei I need you... I need you now."

"I know my love, I know." The two men worked Iruka out of his pants and jockies, The teacher spreading his legs wide. 

Kakashi sucked two of his fingers until they were dripping  with saliva, immediately pushing one finger as deep as it would go inside Iruka. 

The brunette moaned, bucking back insistently into the jounin's hand. "Another."

Kakashi complied, pulling his finger out and harshly shoving another in. Iruka groaned loudly at the pain, the man's erection twitching in agonized excitement. Kakashi moved his fingers immediately, pulling them out easily but having to put extra force into his movements to get back inside Iruka. 

"A-ah!" The brunette choked on a pained gasp, hand instantly flying down to fist his angry erection. "Faster!" 

Mismatched eyes searched the room for lube, not wanting to do any serious damage to the tan adonis spread wantonly before him. His sharingan eye caught the lube underneath the bed, memory calling to mind how it ended up there.

Iruka caught his line of sight and glared at the jounin. "Don't you dare remove your fingers unless you're replacing it with something thicker."

"I don't want to hurt you." Kakashi made to withdraw his fingers but Iruka just swung his tan legs around his waist and kept him where he was. 

"Hurt me?" Iruka reached forward and dug his fingers into the newest wound crossing the man's heart. "I'm not the one you need to worry about here."

"Nothing you can ever do will hurt me, sensei." Pale fingers caressed the ancient scar running across the man's nose. "Nothing."

Anger welled up inside the brunette, Iruka slapping away Kakashi's hand as he pushed the man backwards, smirking at the solid thump of torso against hard wood. "We still have many years ahead of us to change that opinion of yours."

"And we still have many years ahead of us for me to atone for what I have done and hope that someday you'll love me as much as I love you." Kakashi spit into his palms and covered his straining cock in as much slick as he could gather, already knowing Iruka's intentions. 

"I already love you. I've loved you for over ten years." Iruka affectionately touched the open scar on Kakashi's thigh as he locked eyes with the man who he had shared the better part of his life with. 

"But you do not love me as I love you." Kakashi hissed out the later half of his sentence as Iruka impaled himself on his cock. Determined to finish what he had to say, the teacher's distraction doing little to keep him quite, Kakashi kept speaking, both hands tightly gripping the tanned man's hips to slow him down a bit. "The love I have for you... is pure. I would do anything for... you. Anything at all, just to... see you happy. The love you hold... for me is adulterated and based on... hatred and consumption. I'll wait until the end of time for you... to love me purely, with no ill feelings involved."

"Stop it." Iruka halted half way down Kakashi's length, not being able to go any further without some additional slick. "You're meant to feel the same way I do. Look at what I've done to to you!" Iruka let his hands slap down onto Kakashi's hip and bicep, the jounin flinching at the sudden sting of pain. "How can you purely love someone that gets off in seeing you bleed; seeing you hurt?"

"I'm the one at fault for your blood lust. I will take responsibility for the pain I have caused you over all these years and show you that something good can come from all this destruction." 

"Fuck!" Iruka made a shadow clone, his doppelgänger instantly reaching under the bed to grab the tube of lube, passing it to his original before dissipating in a puff of smoke. Rising completely off the silver haired man, Iruka instantly opened the cap and squirted a decent amount of the gel right onto Kakashi's erection, smearing it about to cover the whole length. Wasting no time Iruka climbed right back onto Kakashi and let a guttural  cry out as he sunk the entire eight and a bit inches in one go, Kakashi letting out a grunt of pain and pleasure at the immense slick tightness that was Iruka practically unstretched. 

"Baby, slow down." Kakashi suggested as Iruka started up a brutal pace of impaling himself on Kakashi's cock. 

"No!" Desperate, Iruka dug his fingers into the wound over the jounin's heart, Kakashi throwing his head back in a pained gasp. 

"You're going to end up hurting yourself." Kakashi hissed through his teeth, Iruka's fingers still toying with his newest wound. 

"You shouldn't care about that."

"But I do. You should too, sensei."

"Go to hell!"

"Maybe later."

"... Guh!" Iruka collapsed forward, Kakashi's arms instantly wrapping around him making quite shushing noises as tears streamed from the teacher's eyes. "This isn't normal."

"No it isn't."

"Our relationship isn't normal."

"We aren't normal people."

"Why do you love me?"

"Because."

"I'm broken."

"That is my fault."

"I'm useless."

"That's a lie and you know it."

"Help me."

"Always." Kakashi sat up, the brunette coming with him. Tan legs wrapped around the jounin's waist as Kakashi picked Iruka up and took him to his bed, slipping out of the man in the process.

Lifting the duvet and sheets back, Kakashi placed the tan man in the middle of the bed as he lay down next to Iruka, covering them both with the thick blanket. 

Iruka immediately reached for Kakashi's wrist and pulled until the jounin's hand was touching tanned sex. "I need release, Kashi."

"I know, baby." A pale body moved on top of Iruka's needy frame, fingers playing with the stretched and lubed hole. Kakashi didn't line himself up to enter the man until Iruka began squirming from his teasing fingers. Not wanting to torture his beloved for too long Kakashi lined himself up with Iruka's entrance and slowly pushed forward until pale hips met tan thighs. 

"Hurry." Blunt nails dragged down Kakashi's chest, red welts leaving in their wake. 

Kakashi wanted to take his time. He wanted to savour his life partner. But needs outweighed wants. His last bit of resolve broken, Kakashi set up a fast pace that wasn't going to hurt Iruka in the morning. 

Tan hands reached down to bring himself to completion, one fishing an angry erection the other going to nudge and play with where him and Kakashi were joint as one. "Say you'll be mine forever."

"I'll be your's forever." Kakashi was nearing his end game. It didn't take long when Umino Iruka was involved. But by the frantic way the brunette was pumping his length he guessed his beloved was also getting close. 

"Promise me you'll love nobody else."

"I'll only ever love you."

"Kashi... Never leave me." Iruka let out a desperate cry as he held his orgasm at bay, needing to hear specific words to fully enjoy the release of endorphins. 

"I'll never leave you, Iruka. I'll be with you until the end of time." Kakashi leant forward and claimed Iruka's lips in a delicate kiss as the brunette climaxed, one of his hands trailing down to roll the man's tight sack. The added tightness of Iruka brought the jounin over the edge, Kakashi emptying his seed deep within Iruka, wishing for not the first time that one of them could have been born female so they could raise a family together. 

Not that it would work anyway. 

Kakashi closed his eyes when thick lashes finally lifted to reveal lifelessness once again. Nothing he could ever do would atone for his sins on this poor man. 



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A/N: Soooooo, what did you think?? Who do you feel more sorry for; Kakashi or Iruka???? What happened in the past to make Iruka so lifeless? Will I ever write man porn when it is t three in the morning???????
Don't forget, you can email/chat with me at. glow_in_the_dark@hotmail.co.nz
And please RATE AND REVIEW. This is pure angst and I don't know if I'm any good at it lol.