Hopelessly

God I love my reviewers so much! I probably would have quit writing these if it weren’t for you! So many of you recently! Thank you all! Here’s some loathsome smut for you. Warning there is angst and some general unpleasantness in this chapter. But there are many things revealed in this chapter too. Pretty sure you all won’t have a problem with it, but be warned, you’re about to find out one reason Sasuke’s so screwed up—aside from the obvious.

Sorry for the delays in all my stories, but had that car accident, shopping for a replacement (got one, yay!), my birthday coming up (I’m at the age I start going ‘grrrr’), a friend’s birthday coming up, a competition coming up, had to repair my own computer, installing new internet, started volunteering, and I have a deadline for another writing project. My life is never easy in March. And you’re going to hate me, but I have three new stories in the works. *dodges flying objects* You’ll really love them, I swear! Except the het one. *Runs away*

Seraphic: *bows* I’m so glad you enjoyed it. This chapter will be about 50/50 plot and smut.
Cynaga: You hit the nail on the head! Well sort of. This is actually the chapter where the truth is revealed . . .
DarkAngelJudas: True, he’s a bastard.
Ikke: Since it’s never important to the story, though I hinted at it, I’ll just tell you: that’s where Sasuke found Yamato. If you remember, Yamato was put inside the statue by Tobi. It won’t come up again, so there you go.
Cuzosu: Thank you; I have fun with this story.
The Smiling Fox: Haha! Yeah, that would either be funny or totally degusting! I wouldn’t do that to my two protagonists.
Iixne: The cat is certainly not just an innocent cat. Yeah, it was long, but I hope it was worth it! Oh, I hate Sakura. Sasuke should flambé her, but I have a use for her.
Hollow: You’re welcome, in both senses of the word! I know, I’m like that for some other authors too. You know, I didn’t intend that Sasuke’s cat like behavior to be a clue, but it was. Damn.
krito1389: I think long updates are a good thing too. ^_^ Funny, someone else was just saying that De oppresso liber’s first chapter was rather short!
Inominatenoname: You are right about Sasuke. Thank you!
Prescripto13: He’s keeping quite a bit from Kakashi, but that becomes rather hard to do when you’re living with someone . . .
ReaperninHiro: Warning! You need that hanky now! Stop reading this and go get it!
babylove969: Thank you. Naruto is in the climax. Of part one. Or if the last chapter was the beginning of part two, then the climax of part two. Yeah, this is a long story. Very long. Sasuke’s going to tell Kakashi what Orochimaru did in this chapter.

By the way, I was re-reading this and saw that I put in a note that this wasn’t a long story. Oh how things change. The story has evolved to an epic. It’s already the length of a fair sized novel. Haha, hope none of you are pissed about me misleading you about the future length. Hugs?

----------

He was hit with a pillow again.

“Could you find another way to wake me up?”

“Chidori?”

“Never mind.”

“It seems the Kage aren’t so happy with my recent requests.”

“You can’t expect any of them to be happy about it.” Kakashi rubbed at his hair as he sat up.

“They’re gathering. Go put a stop to it.”

Kakashi got dressed and was sent to the meeting.

Kakashi appeared behind Gaara in a rotunda Kakashi had never seen before. Everyone readied themselves to fight before they saw who had intruded on their meeting.

Kakashi put up his hands to show he was not armed. “Sasuke sent me to ask that you stop meeting to plot against him.”

“How did he know where we were? Or did you tell him?” Hatori demanded.

“You’d be surprised what all Sasuke knows. And how would I know? I’m not in any of your confidences.”

“You certainly became his loyal dog fast.”

“I’m on the shortest leash here. Why do you think he recalled me from Konoha? I can’t do anything without him knowing about it now.”

“If he knows we’re plotting against him, why doesn’t he come here himself and kill us?” Mei asked.

“He’s not in a killing mood today.”

“What kind of mood is he in?”

“An apathetic one. Quite frankly, I’m glad to be out of there at the moment. A bored Uchiha is frightening prospect.”

“Perhaps we should adjourn,” Mei said. “If Sasuke knows, it’s meaningless.”

The others agreed and all left. Except for Gaara and Kakashi. Gaara turned those unsettling large eyes on him.

“I don’t feel I can trust you anymore,” Gaara said.

“Have any of you trusted me since the end of the war?”

“I did, but no more. You’ve changed.”

“You’re right; I’ve given up. I’m nothing but an errand boy now. At least it gets me out of that fortress.”

“You also look rather pale.”

“I’ve been locked up underground,” Kakashi lied. He lived underground, but Sasuke had put no prohibition to going above. “Take care, Kazekage-sama.” Kakashi summoned himself home.

Sasuke was tending his sword when Kakashi returned.

“They’ve left.”

“Good.” Sasuke wiped up the excess oil and started putting everything away. Kakashi realized he was preparing to go to battle with Kage if necessary.

“How did you know they were meeting and where?” He honestly didn’t expect an answer, but he thought it worth the week of silence that was bound to follow.

But Sasuke was always unpredictable. He was putting his weapon care kit in the lower nightstand drawer. Sasuke turned to crawl onto the bed, moving in a very feline fashion. Then with a smirk, he transformed into a large—but not human sized—black cat. Kakashi’s eyes went from surprised to furious.

“You were the cat?!”

Sasuke returned to normal. “No, not usually. I admit I felt guilty about giving you that concussion after you told everyone to look into the black market and I soon followed to your office to check on you. And it was me the first time; I wanted to see how a cat would be received by a dog person like yourself. No, the cats all the Kage and village heads have grown so fond of are my clan’s ninja-cats. Unlike normal summons, they have sworn exclusive and unwavering loyalty to my clan, no contract required. I’ve been using them as spies. They hear everything and report to me.”

“But how hasn’t anyone realized they’re ninja-cats? Ninja animals have more chakra than normal animals. And how could you even fool me?”

Sasuke smiled evilly and turned onto his back at little like a cat would. “Let’s just say that is one thing I owe to Orochimaru.”

Kakashi remembered Sasuke mentioning his musing on why Sasuke left he, Sakura, and Naruto alive. “You mention that I said something about the three of us not offending you. I said that to Gai before the cat showed up; how did you know I said that?”

Sasuke’s lips pouted in thought and maybe a little contrition. He turned back onto his stomach. “Was your shoulder hurting that night?”

Kakashi was a little thrown by the question, but he thought back. It had been over a year, but that night had stuck in his mind. “Yes, I think it was bothering me.”

Sasuke sighed, sat in the lotus position on the bed, then made a few hand signs. The seal on Kakashi’s shoulder burned slightly. It stopped when Sasuke opened his eyes. Kakashi’s eyes narrowed.

“I can listen in to what’s going on around you. I didn’t intend for it bother you.”

“You’ve been eavesdropping on me?!”

“And sometimes I can even sense your mood.” Sasuke really did look contrite.

“Why me? Why just me?”

Sasuke looked him in the eye. “For one, that eye. The fact you can still see is surprising. And you have the Mangekyo. You can’t possibly develop it any further, but that is enough. Then there’s Naruto. He is the only one who could hope to defeat me. The genjutsu I used on him was one I’d never tested. I truly do not know how long it will last. I doubted you would ever tell me if he woke up; I would just suddenly find myself under attack by that damn fox. However, if I routinely listened in, there would be no way I wouldn’t hear of it. That was just a precaution though; I believe I will know when he wakes up.”

“That’s it? Why don’t you do the same with the current Hokage?”

“Kurohoshi, the cat, is there now. And now you are at my side; I don’t have to worry about Konoha anymore.”

“Aren’t I more dangerous being at your side, a kunai against your ribs?”

“Perhaps. I haven’t bound you since that first day. I’ve let my guard down around you regularly. I’ve been fast asleep right next to you and yet you never took advantage of that. I’m very much aware of your power—you trained me—and I respect you, but I don’t really fear you. When you were in command of an army, I admit, it concerned me. But as I demonstrated, all of Konoha is no match for me.”

“I can understand espionage, but I remember it aching when I was alone with Sakura.”

Now Sasuke got defensive. “If you think I got any kind of perverse pleasure from listening in on you and her, you are sorely mistaken. Ever wonder how I never summoned you while you were with her or in a meeting or anything like that? I made sure you were doing nothing more than paperwork.”

“Utter bastard.”

“You’ve known that for years now.” Sasuke lounged back on the bed.

“Is that what you’re doing when you meditate, just listening in?”

“No. I don’t really need to meditate to listen, but I do need to focus. No, I really meditate as well. It’s a good way to pass the time when you’re stuck underground for long periods of time.”

“It’s a seal, you can take it off.”

“I can. I could probably take it off and just put back the summoning part. But I won’t. You can feel when I use it, so there’s no way I can use it without you knowing about it.”

“Like when you send me to the Kage.”

Sasuke smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I may have listened in on a conversation or two, but I don’t think I greatly intruded on your privacy. I learned far more from the cat or posing as a cat.” Sasuke grew serious. “I forbid you from revealing my spies. I may keep you around, but if you jeopardize my projects I’ll show you everything these eyes can do without killing you.”

With Sasuke glaring at him, even with black eyes, Kakashi stood down.

“I want you to help Tamaki and I sort through everything the villages have handed over. I need everything traded as soon as possible so you will help. You break or kill anything, I swear I will take that seal off, but it will be with Amaterasu.”

Kakashi was forced to give up. He sighed. “Understood.”

It took less chakra from Sasuke to transport himself and summon Kakashi to him. They were in the underground tunnels where Tamaki lived. Tamaki was already sorting the goods.

“I’ve told him about the cats, so they don’t need to hide from him anymore,” Sasuke told her.

A familiar black cat jumped up onto a box in front of Kakashi. Kurohoshi. “Forgive me, Kakashi-kun, but I’m sworn to obey Sasuke-kun. I did enjoy your office. It’s not the same without you.”

Kakashi was a little surprised. “Thank you.”

Kurohoshi jumped down to brush against his leg.

“Tamaki, tell Neko-baa to trade all the live and perishables first,” Sasuke said. “I want this stuff moved quickly.”

“Hai, hai, she knows.”

“You know, I haven’t eaten yet,” Kakashi said.

“Come on, I’ll make you breakfast,” Tamaki said.

“Kakashi, don’t wander her without Tamaki or one of the cats,” Sasuke warned. “This place is a labyrinth. Even I can’t find my way here.”

“Well, you’ll always just summon me back anyway,” Kakashi said dismissively.

-----

For the next few days, the three of them sorted through goods and put together what Neko-baa needed to trade for what Sasuke wanted with many different people in the black market. At least it was something to do. Though Sasuke had him help with the outgoing, Kakashi never saw the incoming.

Kakashi was still angry about being spied on and they didn’t really talk. He couldn’t really hold anything against Kurohoshi since he was such an affectionate cat and seemed genuinely sorry for reporting on him to Sasuke. He enjoyed petting Kurohoshi especially after he noticed Sasuke looking a little jealous at the attention Kakashi was giving the cat. It amused Kakashi to think Sasuke might transform into a cat again just to get the same attention. He was pretty sure Sasuke never did that, but he was certain the little bastard considered it. He liked making Sasuke jealous.

Kurohoshi and the other cats spent the day spying, but came back most nights to report to Sasuke and then slept or hung out in the tunnels. Kakashi was able to listen in on one of the debriefings, but there was little of interest. Sasuke didn’t like gossip so the cats liked to tell it to Kakashi who showed more interest. Kurohoshi said Sakura came in sometimes to pet him and ask if Yamato had any news about Kakashi, but had nothing else to say about her.

Sasuke sent Kakashi home when he received goods. Alone, Kakashi went above, sat on the cliff, and summoned Uhei, now cautious of his shoulder hurting.

“She kept crying,” Uhei said. “She was glad to hear you’re alright, but she seemed to think that you might be lying to make her feel better. She wouldn’t tell me what Sasuke said.”

“Thanks, Uhei.” He petted him.

“You smell of cat.”

“Sasuke summons cats as well as hawks. Killed a deer for you. You can take the leftovers home. I should go back below.”

“Hai.”

Kakashi thought he saw something shinning in the trees like eyes, but didn’t sense anything. He was just getting paranoid.

He went below. Sasuke was still missing. Every time they received any goods, Sasuke disappeared for several hours playing with his new toys. Alone with nothing to do, Kakashi decided to tend to his neglected weapons; not that he needed them anymore except to spar with Sasuke. After that he lay on the bed and read one of his books.

Sasuke returned looking pleased. Kakashi cocked an eyebrow at him. Sasuke came over and leaned on the bed.

“Why are you so happy?”

“Those black marketeers got everything right so far. Once they finish delivering, I can begin. Things are going well.”

“Begin what?”

“I’m not in such a good mood that I’ll reveal that kind of thing to you. Still angry with me?”

“Irritated.”

“Hurry up and get over it, I’m sick of sleeping next to someone who’s angry with me.”

“Afraid I’ll kill you in your sleep?”

“No, it’s just not a pleasant atmosphere.”

“Atmosphere?” Kakashi was a little indignant.

“I’m trying to soften you up, but if you don’t want to be pleasant about this then I’ll just take what I want.” It was almost a scarier threat with Sasuke smiling and in a good mood.

“I’m not that angry anymore.”

“Good. I’m in a good mood and I want to enjoy it.”

“Tell me what you’re doing.”

“Uh-uh. I told you about my cats and that seal. I’ve told you far too much already.”

“You’ve been raping me for a long time.”

“Hasn’t it long since stop being rape? You enjoy the hell out of it and I’ve given you a lot of information recently, so don’t pull quid pro quo. Anyway, besides Tamaki and the cats, you will be the only one to know what it is I’ve been working on when I’m finished. Satisfied? Live with it and take your damn clothes off.”

Okay, Sasuke’s aggressiveness was a little bit of a turn on. Sasuke backed off to strip. Kakashi swung his legs off the bed to sit and take his clothes off. Sasuke came up behind him and rubbed his cheek in Kakashi’s hair. Sasuke put his arms around him and rubbed his clothed body. He lowered his lips to Kakashi’s jaw.

“Tell me you don’t like it. Tell me you don’t love it. You don’t crave it. That you weren’t pressing back against me last time. Tell me that and I’ll stop. I’ll never touch you again.” Sasuke was rubbing his cock against Kakashi’s back and speaking lowly right next to his ear. The only thing Kakashi wanted to say was ‘fuck me.’

Sasuke took that for granted when Kakashi didn’t say anything. But with Sasuke rubbing his naked body over Kakashi, he couldn’t really get his clothes off to get to the main event.

Sasuke moved his lips to Kakashi’s neck and sucked at his hairline. Kakashi felt Sasuke’s tongue, pointed and stiffened, poke at his neck and lick him. Sasuke’s nose nuzzled his hair and his breath was like thunder behind his ear. Kakashi couldn’t help loving it. Sasuke’s teeth pulled at his hair as he moved to the right side of Kakashi’s neck and bit him where his neck met his shoulder.

Sasuke started pulling at his clothes, prompting Kakashi to finally take them off while Sasuke helped. Sasuke ran his hands down Kakashi’s bare back and then repeated his rubbing of his chest without the obstructing shirt. Sasuke put his head on Kakashi’s shoulder as he teased Kakashi’s skin and nipples. He fingered the scant silver hair on his chest while he pressed his own hairless chest against his back. Sasuke’s chest vibrated with a hungry growl.

Kakashi was lost; he would give in to Sasuke no matter what. He didn’t want to lose Sasuke’s touch, but he shrugged Sasuke off so that he could remove his pants.

Sasuke swung around to straddle Kakashi as he still sat on the edge of the bed, now as naked as he was. He kissed him and rubbed their bare erections together. Kakashi hadn’t forgiven Sasuke for anything yet, but that didn’t matter, he wanted him. He was utterly under his sway, addicted to him. But he wouldn’t try to take what he really wanted. He wanted to bury his face in that neck and mark him like Sasuke’d marked him; he wanted to take Sasuke, he wanted to make love to him. He wanted Sasuke. But Sasuke was unattainable. He kissed back, but that was barely a step above merely submitting.

Finally, Sasuke pressed him back and grabbed the lube he’d strategically placed on the bed before the foreplay. Sasuke shimmied his knees under Kakashi’s hips, raising them and giving Sasuke better access. He didn’t prep, just entered him. Kakashi didn’t care, the slight pain was nothing. Sasuke stayed upright and fucked him at an easy pace. Kakashi turned his head to the side and just enjoyed it, trying not to think; he tended to think too much about this wired relationship while they were having sex.

Sasuke started with an easy rhythm, but then he changed to thrust in hard and fast, then drag out slowly. Kakashi lost it before Sasuke did. It would be a bold faced lie to say Kakashi didn’t like the feeling of Sasuke finishing inside him.

Sasuke braced himself with one hand and surprised Kakashi by pulling his ever-present eye patch away. Kakashi looked up in surprise, but kept that eye closed. Sasuke pulled his legs free and bent down to kiss and lick at the scar. The memory of the last time Sasuke did anything like sent an oddly pleasant chill through him.

He was caught off guard when Sasuke entered him again. Sasuke’d recovered quick from his last orgasm; he must have been horny as hell. Sasuke stayed with his body pressing down on Kakashi’s and kissed him. One of his hands slid down to the hollow of Kakashi’s hip and the other mused his silver hair. Kakashi kissed back and ran his hands down Sasuke’s left side and right arm. He brought his knees up to use his legs to caress Sasuke’s. They soon became a tangled mess of limbs as they both became more passionate, trying to touch every part of the other, the kiss becoming sloppier, Sasuke’s thrust coming harder.

Sasuke wouldn’t relinquish Kakashi’s lips as he tried to pull them away to breathe as his orgasm tore threw him, Sasuke held Kakashi’s head in place and kept kissing. When Sasuke cam, he bit Kakashi’s lip so hard he nearly pierced it cleanly. Kakashi relaxed into the mattress while Sasuke licked at his lips, licking the blood and saliva away. He moved down and licked up the cum that had splattered on Kakashi’s chest.

Sasuke then pulled Kakashi up to lay properly in the bed, dragging the blanket out from under them as he did. For the first time, he snuggled up against Kakashi. He growled, realizing the overhead light was still on. Kakashi put his hand against Sasuke’s temple and gently pushed him back down and made a clone to turn it off for him.

He was going to bed hungry, but Kakashi liked Sasuke in a good mood.

-----

Sasuke’s good mood could not last. It didn’t take too long before one of the rats on the black market changed his price. He didn’t know who he was really dealing with, but he would soon find out. The cats reported the news about a particularly brutal murder of an underworld leader by a mysterious person. Sasuke sent a message, but now he was annoyed.

Kakashi felt like a stock boy, but he was spending more time outside the fortress with Tamaki and the cats. He still hadn’t met ‘baa-chan,’ but he liked the different company from just Sasuke.

But he did love the sex. He could have never imaged how good it could feel. That was one of the main reasons he never made a fuss over being forced to live here. If it wasn’t for Sasuke’s shitty personality . . .

Everything came to a head one night when Sasuke was somewhat in a good mood. Sasuke straddled his abdomen, bending his back to kiss him while musing Kakashi’s hair and rubbing his cock against Kakashi’s muscled body. Kakashi kissed back meekly.

The pain in Kakashi’s chest was getting worse. He hated opening his eyes and seeing Sasuke above him and looking into his eyes, it made the pain more acute. He didn’t want to see the man Sasuke had become, but he was also uncomfortable thinking that this was the same boy he once trained. There were so many things he couldn’t forgive Sasuke for: turning against them, killing Tsunade with so much glee, trapping Naruto in that genjutsu, but the worse was the simple fact that Sasuke hadn’t killed him. Sasuke had let him live. Kakashi still couldn’t understand that. He let Kakashi live when he was fully prepared to die. And he decided to torture him. The greatest torture right now was, as much as they had sex, he knew he could never truly have Sasuke; he belonged to Sasuke, never the other way around.

Sasuke crawled up to straddle Kakashi’s head like he had before. Kakashi once again started on his balls and then took his erection into his mouth. As he did, he caressed the back of Sasuke’s thighs then his ass. Kakashi took the chance and moved his fingers closer to cleft of his ass. He ran a finger between the valley of his ass and felt Sasuke shudder. He did it again, stopping at his entrance. He teased the puckered hole. He expected some kind of rebuke, but Sasuke spread his legs to give Kakashi better access. Kakashi didn’t dare try to breach him, but he continued rubbing it and felt Sasuke relax as if preparing to accept him. He’d always suspected that Sasuke had been taken before, but this seemed to prove it.

Sasuke pulled away. “It’s been far too long.” That confirmed it.

Sasuke moved down to cover his body and kiss him. Sasuke broke the kiss to grab the lube.

Finally, Kakashi felt it was a good opportunity to ask, “Who was it?”

Sasuke gave a small, wry chuckle and lowered his body back down over him, looking him in the eye, aborting his grab for the lube. “Who do you think? He didn’t do it right away; he was still getting used to his new body. I was safe for about a month. Then one day he pushed me much further than normal during training. I was exhausted when I finally went to bed. I was so tried I didn’t immediately wake up when he entered my room. It was just enough of a hesitation for Orochimaru to hold me down, blindfold me, strip me, and tie me down. It happened so fast and I was panicked so I’m not even sure how he managed it, but I’m assuming he used shadow clones. I struggled of course, but I was helpless.”

Sasuke grabbed Kakashi’s wrists and positioned them in a spread eagle position then used his knees to nudge Kakashi’s legs spread further apart to complete the position, replicating how Orochimaru tied him up. He moved down Kakashi’s body to his hips.

“He first licked me from groin,” Sasuke licked from the skin between Kakashi’s cock and hip up to his neck, “to my neck with that long tongue of his. Then he moved his hands down my body.” Sasuke trailed his hands down Kakashi’s arms, then used his whole hands to feel his body from his shoulders, over his nipples, down his abs, then over his hips and thighs. “I couldn’t see him, but I’m sure he was leering at me the entire time. I struggled and told him to get his hands off me, but I was no threat to him like that.

“He tasted me first.” Sasuke lapped at the head of Kakashi’s cock to taste the precum. As much as Kakashi hated the fact Orochimaru had raped his student, he couldn’t help but be turned on by what Sasuke was doing. “He told me how good I tasted, better than Kabuto.” A white snake jetted out of Sasuke’s shoulder to grab the lube on the nightstand and retracted, dropping the tube in Sasuke’s waiting hand.

Sasuke put a generous amount of lube on his fingers and teased Kakashi’s entrance. “He used his tongue.” Sasuke pressed his fingers in. “That’s one thing I’ll always miss about Orochimaru: that tongue. That long, prehensile tongue moving around inside me. It went so deep.” Sasuke put his hand on Kakashi’s abdomen, just above his groin. “I swear he got this deep. It felt far too strange to feel good that first time even when he brushed my prostate.

“The flare of his tongue stretched me somewhat, but not enough. He pulled his tongue out then used his fingers to stretch me.” Sasuke was doing the same now. “He did it slowly to frighten me. He liked the smell of fear, he liked torturing me.”

Sasuke replaced his fingers with his cock, moving it slowly around in a circle on the surface. “He wanted me to know and fear what he was about to do.” He pressed in slowly. “I tried to struggle away but I realized it was hurting more. I tried to calm down, but it was difficult being raped for the first time.”

The fact Sasuke was describing his own rape and acting it out was disturbing enough, but the fact Sasuke wasn’t at all emotional about it—he was talking seductively, as if he was purely trying to turn Kakashi on—was frightening.

Sasuke stopped when he was completely inside of him. He placed a hand on Kakashi’s waist.

“Wanted me to feel like he was deep enough and large enough to feel through my body. He licked me as he let me feel being full with his cock. He was smart enough to avoid my face, he knew I’d bite his tongue off since he neglected to gag me.”

Sasuke started to fuck him slowly. “He knew how to make me suffer, he knew at that point I just wanted him to get it over with, but he did it slowly. He used that tongue of his to gross me out by licking me all over as he fucked me. Then he coiled it around my soft cock.” Sasuke wrapped his hand around Kakashi’s erection. “It slithered and undulated around me. He found my prostate and hit it mercilessly. Even after I cam, he didn’t stop, forcing me to cum again before he cam deep inside me.

“He sucked me off expertly until I cam in his mouth then he fucked me again. I was so exhausted by the end that he felt safe untying me and leaving me there. I didn’t attack him, I fell asleep.

“The next morning, I was pissed. And tried. He didn’t act any differently. Kabuto must not have known or he wouldn’t have at least looked at me differently. I felt I needed Orochimaru and I have to admit it felt good eventually.

“I didn’t think he would be back that night, but he was. He raped me every night for nearly two weeks. Although, it wasn’t really rape after half the way through the first time. Or especially after the forth night. I put up a fight until the fifth time. I stopped struggling. I liked it.” He licked Kakashi from his chin to nose. “Once I stopped struggling, he stopped tying me up. I started going to bed in the nude, knowing he would come to me.

“Then one night, he never showed up. Everything was normal the next morning. He didn’t arrive that night either. Or the next. I couldn’t take it anymore and had to bring myself off. I later found out that the reason he and I could cum two, three, four times a night, every night, and the reason I couldn’t go any longer without release was one of the injections Kabuto was giving me was making me produce more semen than normal.

“Two more nights without Orochimaru coming to me. I couldn’t take it anymore; I went to his room. I needed it. He let me in with a superior leer on his face. I said nothing and I think he knew my pride wouldn’t let me ask for it. He told me to strip and get on my knees. I was too desperate to argue, but I didn’t jump to it like an attention starved puppy, I moved slowly. He waited until I was naked and on the floor before he started stripping. He stood in front of me with his cock an inch from my lips. It was my first time. He’d done it to me so I knew sort of what to do. I took the head in and he pressed the rest in slowly until he got too deep and I had to pull back or gag.

“He told me he wouldn’t take me if I didn’t take him all the down my throat. He was quite long, longer than you or me. I forced my throat to relax and I took him completely. He didn’t waste too much time with my mouth. He told me to get on the bed and he fucked me half the night. He told me that for now on if I wanted him and he didn’t come to me, I was to come to him and immediately strip and get on my knees. But he came to me more often than not. Several times a week.”

The story probably should have shocked him, but Kakashi really wasn’t surprised; he knew it had to have been Orochimaru. It still angered him though. Sasuke’s thrusts were getting harder and not in the familiar way when he was getting close to cuming. Kakashi opened his eyes to see something on the brink of rage in Sasuke’s eyes. Somehow he felt that that rage wasn’t directed at Orochimaru, but at him.

That rage tinted his voice. “Of course Kabuto was involved too. I hated that. Orochimaru liked to watch us together and then fuck the two of us. Orochimaru never bottomed, he liked to keep his superiority above us clear. Kabuto and I hated each other. I think Orochimaru liked that, like watching us trying to hurt each other as we fucked one another.

“Then Orochimaru grew weaker. After Naruto and the others found us, his health started deteriorating faster. After a while all he could do it watch us. Then he couldn’t get it up at all. Kabuto and I had to take care of ourselves. I weaned myself off Kabuto’s drugs and sex. I wanted to start something with Suigetsu or Juugo, but decided against it. I needed them to concentrate on finding my brother and having Karen around . . . That’s why I said I haven’t had any in weeks.”

Sasuke was getting close, his words affecting them both. He grabbed Kakashi’s erection wanting to bring him off before he cam. Sasuke’s thrusts became more powerful and targeted his sensitive gland perfectly. Kakashi couldn’t suppress grunts of pleasure. He cried out with the power of his orgasm. Sasuke was half a minute behind him, but Kakashi didn’t mind that cock thrusting into his tired body, the sensitivity of his spent prostate was pleasantly painful, heightened by his self loathing for what he’d just heard and that it was partially his fault. He shut his eyes.

Sasuke lowered his body to Kakashi’s and leaned his head on the pillow over Kakashi’s left shoulder. Before Sasuke had completely caught his breath, he asked, “You enjoy it now? Like I started enjoying it?”

“Yes,” Kakashi admitted.

Sasuke did move for a minute then he seemed to curl up on himself. “Why did you abandon me?” he cried against Kakashi’s chest.

That made Kakashi open his eyes again. That night he left Sasuke in that tree. The full enormity of that moment dawned on him. “I didn’t know.”

Sasuke pushed himself up to glare down at Kakashi with wet eyes. “Don’t dare try to claim that you didn’t abandon me,” he growled. “You knew my emotional state that night, you knew how close to the edge I was. But you left me there! You left me there for a mission! And then after I fought Naruto at the waterfall. I heard you came after us, you found Naruto and took him home. But what about me! I was tired, cold, wet, emotionally spent, guilt ridden, wounded, so near collapse. If you had caught up to me I would have given in. I would have surrendered. I would have gone home with you. I wanted you to come. I even stopped and waited for you! But you never came! You abandoned me and took your precious Naruto home.”

“I didn’t know what direction you’d gone; the rain washed away your scent. If I had known—”

Sasuke punched him. The blow landed on his cheek. Against the pillow, Kakashi’s head had nowhere to go but an inch or two of give. Sasuke nearly broke his cheekbone.

Sasuke leaned to the side. “Get out.” Kakashi moved out from under Sasuke, but he didn’t leave the bed. Sasuke laid down, hiding his face. Kakashi put an arm over his shoulders, wanting to comfort him, but Sasuke bucked him off with enough force to knock Kakashi off the bed. “Get out!”

Kakashi scrambled off the floor, grabbing some of his discarded clothes as he headed for the door. Out in the corridor he slipped on his clothes and sat against the wall. Guilt rushed through him. No wonder Sasuke hated him and wanted to torture him; he blamed him for being raped and those three years with Orochimaru. If Sasuke only knew how much agony Kakashi had been in during that time. But Sasuke had every reason to hate him.

The fortress was cold being underground and carved from stone. There was a heating system, but it only warmed certain rooms and certainly did not warm the oft empty corridors. Kakashi leaned his head back against the ice-like wall. He was beginning to truly understand Sasuke. And that wasn’t a pleasant thing.

An unknown number of hours later, Kakashi awoke when Sasuke opened the door beside where he fell asleep sitting against the cold wall. Sasuke didn’t spare him a glance and walked off. Kakashi was freezing and debated if he was allowed back in Sasuke’s warm room and his bed. Sasuke hadn’t shut the door, so he took the chance. The bed was still rumbled. More importantly, the bed was still warm. Kakashi slipped under the covers and relished Sasuke’s lingering body heat. But Sasuke’s residual presence felt disturbed. It might have only been Kakashi’s imagination, but he was certain, whether or not he was right about the feel in the room, that Sasuke did not have a peaceful night.

Kakashi got an hour or two of sleep. He showered and dressed in fresh clothes before making the bed with fresh sheets. No doubt Sasuke had eaten, but obviously was content to let Kakashi go hungry. He decided to try scavenging in that ill-stocked kitchen he found before. As he entered though, he was transported to Tamaki’s kitchen. He was alone so he pulled the bell rope Sasuke always used. Tamaki appeared. She didn’t look happy either.

“Sasuke’s in a piss poor mood,” she said as she began preparing breakfast for Kakashi.

“I know.”

“You two have a fight?”

“Sort of. I’m sorry if he was mean or rude to you because of it.”

“No, he wasn’t. But he was silent—more than usual—and alone. He can go weeks without ever saying a word to me and that’s fine, but sometimes—like today—his silence was . . . deeper somehow. He seemed angry.”

“He finally let his anger out last night and his sense of betrayal. I never realized he felt that way. I didn’t know he blamed me for so much.”

“That explains why his eyes were red.” She handed him an icepack. “Maybe you should have someone check to make sure he didn’t break a bone.”

Kakashi touched his left cheek gingerly and felt just how swollen it was. It was probably a nice shade of purple; he hadn’t glanced in the mirror as he went through his routine that morning, not wanting to look at himself after Sasuke’s words.

“Thank you. I don’t know where I could go for treatment without Sasuke sending me there. Unless there’s someone down here with you.”

“No. He’s acting like a child, isn’t he?”

“No, he deserves to be angry. I could have done more to save him. I wish I had done more. Now I have to live with the consequences.”

Tamaki put his plate in front of him. “I’ll give you something to take back with you. When Sasuke’s like this, he doesn’t eat much and he may not think—or want—to send you here too often.”

“Thank you.”

-----

Tamaki left while Kakashi was still eating. He waited for some time after finishing his meal to be transported back to the fortress. He was really too frightened of Sasuke’s mood to attempt summoning himself into Sasuke’s presence. Eventually, he found himself back in Sasuke’s bedroom. Alone.

He tried to locate Sasuke, but he couldn’t find him through his chakra. Oddly enough, he couldn’t feel Sasuke’s chakra at all. He must have left the fortress. Probably off killing bandits.

His suspicious were confirmed when Sasuke returned covered in arterial spray. Sasuke didn’t look at him and Kakashi didn’t say anything. Sasuke grabbed clean clothes and went into the bathroom and shut the door. Kakashi could hear the shower. Kakashi found it hard to continue reading his book now that Sasuke was back. When he came out he was dressed in fresh clothes and he started for the door without looking at Kakashi.

Kakashi sighed. “It’s your room. I’ll take a bedroll into another room.”

“Don’t bother.” Sasuke left.

Kakashi hoped that meant Sasuke was calming down, but he just didn’t come back. He was sleeping elsewhere, and it wasn’t in the fortress from what Kakashi could tell.

Two days without him and then Kakashi woke up to find field rations and a map on the table. The location of a group of bandits. ‘Track them from this point, kill them, and recover all their goods and gear.’

Odd. Why wouldn’t Sasuke go partake in his favorite pastime? Kakashi got ready and couldn’t sense Sasuke at all as he left.

Kakashi found the bandit’s empty camp. He summoned his pack and began tracking them. Fourteen men, missing-nin among them from the smell of their chakra. Kakashi kept his pack with him as they got closer.

It was night when they came up on them. Kakashi and his pack attacked as a team, taking down nine men in a second. The others quickly fell except for one missing-nin who was nearly as much of a challenge as Zabuza during their first encounter. Kakashi ended it with a kunai stuck in the side of the man’s neck.

Kakashi lit a few new fires to help him search the bodies. The hounds found all the food. Kakashi was searching the one man who gave him trouble when he found a note tucked in the man’s belongings. Orders to find and kill a member of the black market and take all his goods. It was signed with the Uchiha fan.

“Cute,” Kakashi said out loud.

“Boss?” Pakkun asked.

“Sasuke’s got me on a deadly scavenger hunt. Somehow he slipped this message to me into this guy’s stuff. I’ve got to go kill someone else and recover more items.”

Kakashi finished gathering everything, packed it in the bandits packs and strapped them to Bull. He pulled out the map. He decided to lead Bull to point on his way back to the fortress from next target and leave everything hidden there then pick it up on his way home.

He found the man, killed him in a grisly enough fashion that should make Sasuke happy. Being a blackmarketeer, Kakashi assumed this man had double-crossed Sasuke. Kakashi wanted to get back in the Uchiha’s good graces.

He and Bull, his loyal pack mule for this mission, picked up the rest of the goods, and went home. It was slow going with so much material. They arrived without sensing Sasuke. He and Bull deposited everything in the corridor leading to the restricted area, assuming Sasuke would want these things there.

He took Bull out to kill him a nice deer just for him as thanks for acting as a beast of burden. He sat out with him as the large bull dog ate. Afterward, Kakashi rubbed his stomach and thanked him. Alone again with Sasuke. Or maybe not with Sasuke; Kakashi didn’t sense him.

He’d been thinking as he was running around on this extended errand. He didn’t want this to go on, he didn’t want Sasuke to throw him away. He was also tired of lying to himself.

Sasuke was back. Kakashi followed the chill of his chakra to the weight room. Sasuke was working on his arms, but stopped when Kakashi entered the room.

“Finished?”

“Your little scavenger hunt was amusing. I left everything near that door with the blood all over it.” That brought out a smirk. “I didn’t find another little note at the second location; I didn’t miss it, did I?”

“No.” Sasuke turned away to work on another muscle group, ignoring Kakashi now that he’d reported in.

“Sasuke, I really am sorry.” Sasuke turned around without any expression. “I was in agony every minute you were gone. I did worry about what Orochimaru might do to you. I didn’t realize I was abandoning you that night. You have no idea how much I wish I had stayed or at least taken you with me. You deserve to hate me for what happened to you. It is my fault.”

Sasuke’s whole demeanor grew cold. “You took Naruto home and left me out there. There was only one direction I could have gone; you didn’t really try.” He started to turn away again. Kakashi got down on his knees and averted his eyes. That made Sasuke freeze.

“You made your decision and I felt that if Naruto couldn’t dissuade you, there was no changing your mind. And I feared Orochimaru. We faced off once before, when I was defending you. I was ready to fight him and die to protect you, but he wanted you to come to him willingly. I knew him from before he left the village as well. I knew to fear him. If I had known they’d come for you that night I wouldn’t have left your side and would have died to defend you. I’m so sorry, Sasuke. I regretted not staying with you. I’m so very sorry, Sasuke. I love you. Always have. I’m tired of denying it. I’m in love with you, Sasuke.”

Sasuke scoffed after a very seconds. “I brainwashed you without even trying.”

“Hai. But I thought you were trying to turn me against Konoha.”

“No. I wanted to isolate you and make you suffer at a post I knew you loathed, I wanted you to feel a little of how I felt. But no, I didn’t want you to hate Konoha. Or love me. Get off the floor.”

Kakashi stood. Sasuke wasn’t looking at him. “You hate Konoha?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Don’t worry, I won’t sic you on them. I’m nearly finished with them.” That last statement wasn’t comforting. “Go on, I have work to do.”

“Let me help you.”

Sasuke turned untrusting eyes on him. “No.”

“Is there nothing you can trust me to do for you?”

“No. I’m nearly finished. You recovered my stolen items and got revenge, that’s enough for now.” Sasuke grabbed his towel and wiped his face.

“Where have you been sleeping?” Kakashi asked.

Sasuke smirked. “Afraid I was with someone else?”

“No. Concerned.”

Sasuke’s smirk vanished. “Alone. I’ll send you to Tamaki. Don’t be summoning yourself to me though. Go where you want down there; I have no secrets in those cisterns anymore.”

That night—or afternoon, Kakashi didn’t even know or care anymore—Sasuke summoned him back, but he didn’t come to bed. Kakashi feared noting had changed, feared that Sasuke may still cast him away now that he wanted to stay, punish him one way or another.

Just as Kakashi was falling asleep, Sasuke came in. He cleaned up and changed and got into bed. It was the first time they slept next to each other since Sasuke had revealed how abandoned he felt. He had his back to Kakashi leaving a foot of space between them. Kakashi wanted to touch him, just hold him. Kiss his hairline. Take in the scent of his hair. Feel his body against his. He was hopelessly in love with Sasuke.