Fiat justitia, ruatcaelum

{{A/N- This chapter is dedicated to TJ and to E. Nalcanis. Thnak you both for your support and inpiration. C.D.}}

Tricks, Traps, and Pranks

Sakura made her way to the double doors of the library and stepped outside. The receptionist was nowhere in sight. She checked the wraps around her neck. Still tight.
The sun was getting low and she was getting hungry. *I’ve seriously got to eat a little more often…*
“Pardon me, Miss?”
A man wearing a chunin flak vest approached her, holding out a slip of paper, “I believe you dropped this.”
Sakura shook her head, “I’m afraid not. Perhaps someone else, sir.”
There was a light in his eye as the man got close. Too close. The paper whispered. Sakura glanced down, his index finger and thumb slipping under the fold. A tiny whisp of dark violet smoke poking its head out before the breeze dispersed it.
His hand came up, his mouth breaking into a wicked sneer.
Sakura grabbed his wrist as he pushed the tag open and twisted, turning the erupting plume of smoke in his face.
The initial burst had hit her. Sakura could feel her hand going numb and weak as her face stiffened.
Her attacker gasped as the plume washed over is arm and around his face, neck and chest.
*What the hell?*
“Easier than I expected.” A large hand fell on her shoulder, turning Sakura around, breaking her balance.
“Wha…why…” The hand pushed her and a fist rocked her.
Sakura hit the ground, her head swimming.
The second man towered over her, the shock of seeing anbu armor fading as she realized it was badly fitted to his bulk and the kanji for wealth was crudely etched into the plate.
She looked into the face of a roughly carved skull, the marks of a mist hunter nin cut in angular strokes.
“For the bounty.” He leaned down on her with one foot on her chest, a third man appeared, holding her hands at extension.
“No jutsu’s now, pretty.” His face was, in a word, rat-like. His headband stitched like Iruka’s had been, and displaying the kanji for wealth as well.
The large man pulled a sheaf of paper from his leg pouch, and unfolded it, holding it beside Sakura’s face.
“It is such a resemblance, don’t you agree?” He turned the page around.
Sakura was staring into a portrait of her own face, haggard and scowling. There was a thick black band on the neck and her hair and eyes were drawn incredibly dark. But it was an impressive likeness. And her forehead was huge.
The man tucked the bounty warrant into Sakura’s vest and pulled out a kunia. He knelt on her chest and sliced the wraps around her neck away.
“Oops, too deep.” Blood ran from the scratch. “Sure is you. Hideous bruise and all.” He stowed the scissors, “You good over there?”
The casual clothes nin moaned something.
“Hehehe, he’s drooling all over the place.” The rat nin looked away from Sakura as he laughed.
“Would you like to know your mistake?” The bounty hunter looked down on Sakura, kneeling harder on her chest. “It wasn’t the hair dye, though it is a nice trick for the genin level, and it wasn’t the way you operated, though the youth of Hyuuga have been acting rather independently of recent.”
The man leaned closer to her, “And skipping town for a day was a clever trick. We would have lost you if you hadn’t returned.”
“It was that you had irritated the good Lord Hitake.” The man pulled up his mask, eyes a dull silver color with pupils of dark lead. “And you crossed before these eyes.”
Her stared deeply into Sakura’s eyes, “My unique jutsu should take hold in a moment. Total paralysis. It is such a waste, a beauty like yourself being an Uchiha.
*Uchiha!?!?* Sakura felt her chakra tightening. Binding her from within. She crushed her eyes shut and moved the chakra, though it was as sluggish as cold syrup.
“None of that now.” Thick fingers pried her eyes open, “And don’t use that sharing an on me. I’ll only own it and you.”
Sakura moved the chakra, spinning it around her body, drawing from her well, flooding herself. Trying to dilute the poisoned energy.
“Put up all the fight you like. We’ve got you. Ever since I put down the gold for this, my new bloodline trait has given me everything I’ve wanted.”
*What? You can’t pay for a bloodline trait! Can you?*
*They came from somewhere, dolt!* Inner Sakura slapped her in the psyche, *This dumbass grew a fresh one!*
“The reward for you is quite good.” The bounty hunter chuckled, “Good enough I can retire. And maybe even buy myself a pretty bride.”
“Keep dreaming.” Sakura watched as his face flashed shock. *This one’s for you, Naruto!*
She poured her polluted chakra out as she formed the signs she needed.
Thin smoke flashed and the Venus of the Oriki no Jutsu stood, clad in thigh high boots, long gauntlets, and thinning smoke.
She blew a kiss at the lead bounty hunter, blue pigtails draping long over her shoulders.
And with speed, she swept her foot around, the steel toe lifting the rat nin over backwards and arcing in a high crescent onto the guard of the bounty hunter.
Her other foot followed, tucked high and close.
The nin was looking up the smooth calf and thigh as the boot sole connected with his nose, a violent crunch.
Sakura threw chakra out of her back, lifting herself off the ground and channeled a fresh wave over her fist as she landed the jab in his chest plate.
Three flashes of smoke appeared around her. The swords were visible first as the smoke cleared around the anbu. Sakura bolted, knowing the hesitation her doppelganger would cause.
“HA!” In the three seconds Sakura had before the clone was destroyed, she was across the street , two roofs around the corner, and down the alley, blasting through the streets as quickly as her feet could propel her without damaging the ground.
She pulled back on the chakra use. It left a trail and drained her.
Purging the contaminated chakra had cost her. As had the Oriki no jutsu. Not only had she destroyed another cover, but she had blown almost all of her chakra in less than ten seconds.
*Naruto must have some serious chakra to burn. A thousand…*
She came around a corner into a dead end.
Planting one foot, Sakura lunged upward, rebounding off the wall in an easy kick ad looked forward to her landing place on the rooftop.
A woman anbu stood atop the wall, her leg raised straight up. She wore no mask, her triumphant grin in place as Sakura crested the jump. The heel drop landed perfectly, rocketing Sakura back to the ground.
The cobbles cracked as she landed, the thin cushion of chakra bursting like a soap bubble.
Over Sakura’s head, the long ring of steel slowly drawn chilling her.
She looked upward as the woman leapt, twisting in the air and landing with a gentle tip-tap. Her piose was excellent and grace undeniable. Two more anbu stood behind her. Sakur looked back up, four more stood over head.
“That was a nice trick, sweetheart.” The amusement in her eyes didn’t diminish as she watched Sakura stand, “But slightly less effective on an anbu sergeant than the casual bounty hunter.”
“Heh, so you aren’t really a woman then?”
The amusement evaporated. “Save the glib remarks and perverted parlor tricks for Lord Hitake!”
“Pervert parlor tricks!!” The high pitch of the voice inspired the mental image of Cheshire grins and sent a familiar quiver through Sakura. “I wanna see!!”
A boy in bright Bermuda shorts and a vest of equal length came skidding barefoot around the corner.
His skin was a bronzed tan and his hair bright blonde and casually tousled.
His eyes squinted almost shut and three pencil-line marks on each cheek reminded one of whiskers.
And, oh yes, he wore a grin as wide as his face would allow.
He leapt, landing lightly on one of the anbu’s shoulders, “Is that her!?” He pointed to Sakura, “Is she the pervert!?”
He jumped to the sergeant’s back, leaning against her, eyes fixed on Sakura, “She doesn’t look like a pervert.” He looked into the woman’s face, eyes still not quite closed, as if he couldn’t see the rage that flooded her features, “Are you sure about her?”
There was a flash of smoke as a sword blade pierced the remains of a garbage can.
Suddenly, the blue eyes were looking into Sakura’s. His back to the anbu as if oblivious to the attempt on his life.
“Wow. That is the most gruesome bruise I’ve ever seen.”
He stood, his arm coming up behind his head as he chuckled. The action deflecting the sergeant’s arms as she attempted to cleave the blond. “And you could use a bath too. Has anyone told you that recently?”
He sat abruptly, a head slice going incredibly wild as it whiffed past not even catching hair. He scooted forward, a series of brutal kicks only just missing as he got closer to Sakura.
“And you look, well, bad. I’m sure you’re usually quite pretty, but whatever you’ve been doing has taken a toll on your charisma.”
He nodded, “But I understand how a long day can be hard on someone. So I’d like to…”
He tipped his head, as if hearing the huffing of breath for the first time. He turned, looking back at the sergeant. “Umm… This is kind of a private conversation. If you could, like, step back a little bit… And I think your friends back there are waiting for you or something.” He pointed to the anbu at the mouth of the alley.
*She’s so going to blow her top…* Sakura watched as the two handed grip on the katana shook and the woman’s face grew redder, her jaw bulging as the muscles clenched.
“These guys are always bugging me,” The boy was talking behind his hand, clearly audible to all present, “It’s like some sort of Anti-Naruto fan club or something.”
“Leave now, jinchuriki.” The sergeant glared at his back, “Our fight is not with you. Yet.”
“Now she uses words…” Naruto rolled his eyes.
“Unless you would like to admit to something.”
The blonde shot to his feet, spinning around mid-air. “I admit to nothing!! It was all his idea to do what we did to the things of the person we did it too!”
He paused, holding his chin thoughtfully, “Or, rather, what will befall them as soon as they don that particular article of clothing…”
“Be silent, Fool!”
Naruto focused his attention back on the sergeant, pointing at himself head tipping to one side. He looked back to Sakura, “Me?” His lips moved silently.
“You will pay dearly for what you did last time!” The sword was pointed at Naruto and the tip quivered.
“Whoa, wait, hang on!” Naruto held up his hands, “Do you refer more specifically to the last time I was out and set fire to the Anbu Fortress, or the last time we met and you were chasing me through Konoha in your birthday suit?”
The sergeant roared, charging him, her blade shrieking as the air cried out in pain.
Naruto laughed as he ducked and rolled, the stream of profanity hitting everything word that Sakura could guess.
And the jinchuriki evaded her with childlike ease. Then he vanished.
“Where?! Where is he?!”
The three anbu on the ground looked back and forth at one and other.
The woman ripped a scroll from her vest, wrapped one end over the dull side of her blade and pulled. The scroll unrolled and shuriken were launched as their kanji rolled over the blade.
Sakura and the anbu took cover as the stream of ricocheting steel echoed indiscriminately around the dead end alley.
Sakura took her chance, running low to the ground in the distraction of the sergeant’s fury, Naruto’s laughter the only giveaway as to which of the anbu he was the imposter.
Sakura slid on the cobbles as she rounded the corner, and looked back as she changed direction.
Her eyes met the sergeant’s and the sword hand shot out, the blade spinning a silver blur.
A white streak erupted from the hand of one of the anbu and hit the sword, halting it and letting it fall tot eh ground.
Naruto gaped, his henge forgotten. The string of his yo-yo trailing from sword to hand. “That was wicked!! Did you guys see that?! Right out of the air and everything!”
“After her!!”
The six anbu leapt at their mistresses word, swords drawn as they gave chase.
Sakura bolted as an orange blur slid under the sergeant and popped up in front of her. Naruto pointed at his head, a pair of black panties tugged down like a wavecap. “You want these back, or can I have ‘em?”
The woman flushed pink, holding her loins as Naruto chuckled.
“BURN IN HELL YOU DEMON POSSESSED PERVERT!!!!!”
Sakura ducked and dove as shuriken and kunai ripped past her.
She slid to a stop as three figures fell from above. Trapped. She looked back. Two behind her. Up. One to each side. Back to the front. Three.
The last figure wasn’t an anbu, dressed in an off-white toga, dark burgundy hair on his head.
“That isn’t Naruto.” The toga clad man stepped up beside the anbu, arms crossed, “And here I was thinking you only got together like this for us.”
He looked to the anbu on his other side, missing the sight of a thin tentacle of sand reaching up, “I can deal with it though, really. It’s just a matter of another as powerful as I.” He turned his pale brown eyes on Sakura. A thin claw of sand threatened that anbu as well, rubbing against his blade. “It’s alright guys. At least the professional rival of my own considerable talents is as beautiful as she must be gifted. After all, six of you,” He turned to look back at the two he had stepped past, the sand falling away, “That’s more than proper, even for many of the Bingo Book entries.”
He turned back to Sakura and strode to her, taking one knee as he held her hand, “Please, lovely ninja maiden, grace me with your name, that I might hear the song of your voice and the name by which the things of purest beauty are synonymous.”
The anbu made subtle hand motions. Not jutsu. Signals.
The man dipped his head, “Alas!” He cried out, wings of sand reached over him, stopping a barrage of needles and falling low, washing the needles to the cobbles as he stood. He turned from Sakura, the back of one arm over his eyes, “My vision will not even speak!” He fell dramatically, head dropping and his raised arm hugging to his chest, “To be so denied, as though she truly is no more than but a vision! Oh, cruel fates!!” He wailed, clutching at his heart, head craned back.
*Drama queen much?*
One of the anbu began to flurry signs, only to have the man rush upon him, gripping the anbu’s fists, “But wait, kind sir anbu! Pray, do tell me her crime!” He turned to another anbu as the jutsu backfired, combusting the man’s hands and robes, “No matter if her offence should scorch my ears, I must know what has been done by one…” He turned back to Sakura, releasing the struggling anbu. The man fell against the wall, his flaming comrade tore at his mask and raced off blindly, a snake of sand pushing him into the stunned anbu against the wall.
“…so simple and humble and perfect.”
He made a circle and a half around Sakura, “If she is but a shadow summons, she has ensnared me! Let me die beholding her!”
The two anbu in the back had looped the shuriken barrage scrolls over their blades and fired in unison.
Sakura cried out, ducking down.
“Never!” The toga wearing man shouted, the wall of sand that had come up flowing and flexing only slightly as the scores of shuriken impacted harmlessly, “Repent! You shall not harm this maiden while she is beneath my guard!”
The two anbu from above leapt, sword points leading the dive.
He crossed his arms, fingers pointing. A pair of lances shot up from the ground behind him, impaling the anbu.
The man sighed and sat back where the lances crossed, the sand cradling his body as he rubbed his temples.
“There is no room for a loving guardian under these conditions.”
“That was…” Sakura watched as the sand wall melted, revealing the last pair of anbu.
Sakura saw the anbu clearly, bound by dozens of arms formed from sand.
“Amazing…”
The redhead perked, “Really?”
He looked back at Sakura, “You really think so?” His voice cracked.
*And if I say no?* The vision of herself being turned into a paste came to mind. “It was wonderful. But how do you really feel?”
The man fell to his knees, the sand parting from before him, “No, no, maiden Do not misunderstand. I truly believed every word I spoke, may my tongue turn to clay if it is not true.” He spoke softly. He stood slowly, his hands closing over Sakura’s. They were warm and firm, yet gentle.
“Come…” He held her to himself, the dry scent of sun warmed stones and the feel of his strong arms around her, “…Let us retire from this place.” Sakura looked into his face. His eyes seemed depthless, yet warm and gentle. The dark rings around his eyes only amplified them. “Someplace where we might be at true peace…”
Sakura felt her knees go weak. The butterflies in her stomach willed her to lean into him.
Sakura felt shade fall. Great wings of sand had craned over them.
And then it rushed down, hitting the ground with a hard crack.
The bass crush of a massive explosion outside the dome pressed her from all sides.
“Damn it, you guys! This is so not cool! I was really flowing well that time!” The sand flowed away, “What have you got against a guy trying to get laid!!”
“What?!?” *BASTARD!!!*
“Always with those damned exploding tags. And right when…”
“Just trying to get laid?” He winced, shoulders rising. He turned slowly. “I said that out loud, huh?”
Sakura glared with all her power.
“Wow…That’s a, uh… pretty heated gaze…heh…” The man straightened the shoulder strap of his toga, “Honest, it isn’t like you think.”
Sakura crossed her arms, “Really? How is it, then? And this better be pretty damn good.”
“Hey Gaara!” Naruto came running up to them, chuckling with ever bound.
“Wow… Exploding tag again?” Naruto surveyed the destruction of the alley, the buildings themselves were cracked and one of the walls had fallen in.
“Yeah.” Gaara prodded the edge of where his sand had protected them, a smooth arc in the cobbles, “They’re getting stronger. What were you going to say?”
“Oh, yeah. We’re going commando!” he held a brassier on one hand that matched the plain black innerwear on his head and a pair of bright blue boxers covered in little red swirls in the other.
“Commando?” Sakura looked confused.
“Commando!” Both men shouted.
“Here!” Naruto handed the undergarments her held to the toga wearer, who must be Gaara, and held his hands over his hips. With the snap of a street magician, Naruto produced a pair of white fishnet short shorts.
“Whoa…”
“Desert wear. They breath well.”
“If you say so…” Naruto looked through the abundant holes at Sakura. He grinned and tossed them to her.
Then he put one hand over her hip and one at her shoulder. Anther quick snap and the blond stepped back with a pair of plain gray briefs that looked dangerously familiar.
Gaara shrugged, frowning to himself. “I expected something flashier…”
“DEMON!! GIVE THOSE BACK!!!” The sergeant’s voice echoed around the corner.
Naruto began to grin wider. “Real ninjas…”
Gaara grinned in reply. “Go commando…”
“IN PUBLIC!!” Both shouted as they took off down the alley, headed for the street, underclothes fluttering like banners.
Sakura took a few steps to hide and felt herself a little looser than she should have been.
“Hey!” She tried to adjust her bra, only to find there wasn’t one to adjust. “Come back here with those!”
She gave chase, having little other option. And with Gaara’s underpants in hand.
The roar of the sergeant’s voice came from the alley as Sakura turned into the street and must have been audible for miles, “I WILL OBLITERATE YOU, UZUMAKI NARUTO!!!!!


*+*A/N; I didn’t create the ‘real ninjas’ bit. That came from an AMV I’m certain most of you have seen.
Naruto’s pants party trick, however, I do claim. I wish I could do that.