Afraid of the Dark

Afraid of the Dark

Chapter 11: Where to Begin?


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"And this is the forbidden truth, the unspeakable taboo-that evil is not always repellent but frequently attractive; that it has the power to make of us not simply victims, as nature and accident do, but active accomplices."

Haunted: Tales of the Grotesque (Joyce Carol Oates)


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Sasuke sat on his bed with his bare feet firmly planted on the floor. The carpet felt soft to the touch. It idly reminded him of his and Naruto's room at home. He'd had to place the thickly carpeted rug on the floor on his side of the bed for the times that Naruto had forced him to get up in the morning against his will.

Yet this was not his home. It was almost completely dark here, a rarity that Sasuke was not used to. They had always had some sort of light on at home to ward off their subconscious fear of the trolls. However, they had been assured that no trolls would dare come near this area. In this realm, they had other means of protecting themselves against things that thrived maliciously in the dark.

He would love to say that the lack of his usual security light was keeping him awake, something he would never have felt any type of joy admitting that, as an eighteen year old, he still needed a nightlight. At least his embarrassment was lessened upon finding out that it had actually been necessary; their fears of the dark were truly justified.

Yet that wasn’t why he couldn’t sleep. Instead, his thoughts whirled with the memories of Naruto's 18th birthday.

Sasuke looked at the side clock and cursed at the early hour. There was so much he could have on his mind. He should be worrying about his ill mother. He should be worrying about his missing father. He should be worrying about how he’d likely never see his home again. He should be worrying about what people expected for him to do now that his life had turned completely upside down.

Yet all he could focus on was how he and Naruto had had sex – and the fact that if they had the choice to do so again, Naruto wouldn't want to and Sasuke would.

The fact that he wanted Naruto scared him.

The question was why would he want Naruto of all people? Why now? Was it because of some damned fairy-reaction that caused him to be aroused by Naruto? Was it merely a fluke? Or was he actually authentically attracted to Naruto? He had a feeling it was a little of both, but the fact that his own feelings were controlled by something beyond his grasp made him feel like how his body reacted wasn't legitimate. He knew what his body wanted, but he didn't know what his heart desired.

He’d never felt remotely attracted to Naruto before. Why did he now?

Was it because now he knew - because now he remembered how wonderful it had been?

Sasuke stood, unable to be alone on his bed any longer. It felt too empty without Naruto's obnoxious presence. He paced the length of the room, angrily glaring at everything. This wasn't what he had wanted to have happen. Finding out the truth had just caused a rift between them. Perhaps they would have been better off not knowing.

He wouldn't have to remember the way that Naruto looked or felt or tasted or -

What the hell was he thinking?!

Sasuke slammed his fist into the wall repeatedly till he could feel blood running down his fingers. The hot pressure of the damage to his hand seemed to cool his head. The more he hurt his body the less his mind seemed to dwell on things he had no answers to. Finally, when the pain became too much, he stopped beating his hand. The pain swelled and washed through him. Sasuke wiggled his fingers experimentally with a slight wince. They would be sore in the morning, but no lasting damage. Sighing, he carelessly wiped the blood off, relishing in the pain.

The door to his room flew open. Naruto stood there, looking stricken. His aura, the aura that Sasuke could now constantly see in this "fairyland" place, seemed like a beam of light in the dark room.

"What was that noise? Are you okay?" Naruto asked with his eyes wild and concerned. It was the first time since most of their memories had returned that Naruto was actually looking at him. They hadn't said more than two words to each other since Jiraiya had ushered them into his home, telling them to make themselves feel welcome. Even at dinner, they had merely taken their food and gone back to their rooms.

Not that Sasuke wanting to be by himself was unusual; he enjoyed time alone. It was the fact that Naruto wanted time by himself that made Sasuke feel so uneasy. Clearly neither of them had coped well with the discovery.

To have Naruto looking at him so intensely with worry in his eyes made Sasuke feel a new sweep of confusing emotions.

From years of living with him, years of sleeping in the same bed with him, Sasuke could tell Naruto hadn't been sleeping either. For one, Naruto's hair wasn't sleep tussled.

"There was a bug on the wall," Sasuke lied easily.

"A bug?" Naruto asked, his eyes darting around the dark room.

"I slammed it against the wall," Sasuke said with a shrug.

"What did you do? Beat it to death a thousand times?" Naruto asked.

"It was a strange looking bug. This is a strange place. Just wanted to be thorough."

"Yeah, uh, sure," Naruto agreed without conviction. The concern from his voice was gone, an awkwardness lingering. "You're not getting much sleep either, are you?" Naruto wondered, scratching his head curiously. Sasuke was grateful Naruto wasn't going to call him out on his extremely lame bug excuse.

"No."

"Maybe we should sleep together?" Naruto asked.

The words hadn't been meant to sound lewd, but Sasuke couldn't help his breath hitching at the words. And as soon as he had said them, Naruto seemed to realize how it had sounded.

"Not like that! I mean - not like that accident - like - oh fucking shit," Naruto growled, turning away from Sasuke. "I can't pretend like it didn't happen," Naruto murmured.

Sasuke licked his lips and moved to stand behind Naruto. Naruto's head lifted slightly, but he didn't move when Sasuke moved so that their bodies touched lightly.

"Naruto," Sasuke murmured. Naruto whirled. His movement startled Sasuke, and he had to take a step back.

"Don't," Naruto warned, his eyes wide.

"Naruto," Sasuke repeated, stepping closer to Naruto. This time Naruto took a step back until his back was pressed against the door frame. Tentatively Sasuke pressed his body fully into Naruto's. His heartbeat fluttered in his chest, and his sleep pants showed how much he was enjoying the erotic tension of the situation.

He looked into Naruto's eyes, eyes that were wide and almost fearful - almost because there was a tinge of lust that balanced it out.

It was though his body moved of its own accord as he pressed his lips against Naruto's while he trapped Naruto's hips between the door frame and his groin.

Naruto moaned as he opened his mouth to let Sasuke kiss him, soon joining in as his tongue stroked and caressed Sasuke's mouth. Their tongues played with each other, as Sasuke’s hands began to roam along Naruto’s body, feeling how warm and firm he felt. His fingers brushed the hem of Naruto’s pajama bottoms.

Rough hands suddenly pushed against Sasuke's chest, shoving him off of Naruto so that his back hit the other side of the doorframe. The breath left him at the force of contact.

Sasuke's eyes were wide as he looked at Naruto. He took a deep breath to gain the whoosh of air that had left him, breathing as hard as if they had just run from a thousand trolls hot on their heels.

"No. We can't. This is wrong," Naruto said, not looking at Sasuke.

"Why? Why is this wrong?" Sasuke demanded angrily. Before he had thought it was too. But at the moment, his brain wasn’t working; his body knew what it wanted, making such thoughts unimportant.

"You're like my brother. That's-"

"We're not related. It's okay, we're-"

"No! No. It's not okay. This can't be okay. What will everyone else think?" Naruto asked.

"Who cares what they think? Who cares? If it were just us - just us left together -"

"But it's not just us left together, don't you see? Don't you get that? There's something more going on! This isn’t because of what we’re feeling. Other people are manipulating what we feel-"

"I don't care about anyone else!"

Sasuke knew it to be true, but didn’t want it to be so. He just wanted to feel what he felt and for it to be okay.

"I won't be the cause of you getting hurt – or your death!" Naruto snarled. The admission seemed to startle him as much as it startled Sasuke.

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on Sasuke! Things are going down hill and fast! You almost died in that car accident because of me. The trolls came after us because of me. We almost didn’t escape! Even the first time we met, something could have happened to you because of me! There's no way I'm going to be allowed to come back with you. Kyuubi wants me, and what happens if he does something to hurt you to get to me? The only reason your father wanted us together was as a sure means to save his own ass. But things aren’t going to go smoothly; I can feel it. Something bad is going to happen, and if it happens to you, it’ll be my fault," Naruto said almost frantic. Sasuke merely shook his head.

"You're thinking too much. Those things were all in the past when we didn’t know what was going on. We're safe here. And no one will care. After all, didn't my father want us to be together? It's not like he will look down on us. My mother won't mind, and when has Itachi ever really given a fuck about anything other than if we survive in one piece or not?" Sasuke asked.

By Naruto's reaction, his words held all the wrong things that Naruto had wanted to hear.

"Yeah, your father. It wasn't our choice. You're probably just too screwed up to even think right. And your Mom was probably in on it too. And Itachi, well, at least Itachi tried to get me away from your parents and what I had no control over," Naruto snarled and walked out of the room.

The words froze Sasuke in place. That didn't sound like Naruto at all. Even if his father had tried to use them, Naruto had even felt disbelief about learning of his father's betrayal. Naruto couldn't have meant what he said. He was just angry.

And so was Sasuke.

Sasuke marched down the hall, watching as Naruto entered his room. The door hadn't even closed when Sasuke pushed it open and pushed Naruto hard in the back. Naruto stumbled forward, but quickly caught his balance.

"What's your problem?" Sasuke demanded. Naruto whirled around and glared at Sasuke incredulously.

"What's my problem?! You're the one that just pushed me for no fucking reason!"

"I pushed you because you have a stick shoved up your ass. You didn't mean what you said. What's wrong?"

"I'm not the one with anything shoved up my ass. That was you, remember?" Naruto said.

Sasuke punched Naruto in the face. The impact was less than Sasuke had meant for, his hand still sore from needlessly beating his fist against the wall. Naruto stumbled backward, but quickly regained his balance. He kept his face turned from Sasuke. A large red mark already blossomed where Sasuke had landed his hit, a large bruise sure to follow.

"I shouldn't have said that," Naruto said, his voice sounding defeated. Tears glistened at the corner of his eye, but he rubbed at his face in a not-so-subtle manner to get rid of the tears before they fell. "What's wrong with us?"

"We've been through a lot," Sasuke offered.

"I don't know what to believe. Demon? Fairy? Who and what am I? Where are my parents? Where do I belong in all of this mess? Who do I trust?" Naruto asked, looking at Sasuke, as though he had the answers.

"Me. You trust me, right?" Sasuke said. The way Naruto's blue eyes stared at him made a cold weight of truth settle in his heart. "You don't trust me?" Sasuke asked. Even though Naruto didn't answer him, the fact that he couldn't gave away how he felt was answer enough.

With that realization, Sasuke could merely stare at Naruto, watching as the beautiful golden, halo of his aura seemed to dance along his tan skin, as though the turmoil of what he felt hummed uncomfortably in the energy right on the surface. Sasuke gently reached his hand out, his fingers almost but not quite touching Naruto's skin, playing with the hum of energy that radiated off of Naruto. He traced his fingers along the golden hum. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to comfort himself, or to coerce Naruto into trusting him.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Naruto asked, Sasuke's strange behavior eliciting a somewhat normal reaction.

"Can you see this?" Sasuke asked as he stroked the aura some more, his fingers immersed in a haze of gold.

"Apparently not 'cuz I can't tell what the heck you're doing," Naruto said as he watched Sasuke's fingers ghost over his skin. "Feel free to go all sorts of weird and freaky on me. I'm fine, really," Naruto said sarcastically. Sasuke shot him a dark glare.

"It's your aura. It shines bright, just like Kyuubi and Jiraiya said. I can see it, like you have a light glow coming from your skin."

"Whoa, really? Like a Glow Warm? Or a lightening bug?" Naruto asked excitedly.

If it weren't for the fact that Sasuke had just punched Naruto really hard already, he would have for being able to get so easily distracted. Then again, watching Naruto's face, he could tell that Naruto was trying to act normal after inadvertently letting him know he no longer held his trust. Sasuke noticed the way that Naruto's shoulders were tense. Sasuke used the opportunity to distract them both from their chaotic thoughts.

"Yeah, like a little fuzzy, fucking Glow Worm," Sasuke said, sarcastically. Naruto glared.

"Well I can't see it! How am I supposed to know?" Sasuke didn't bother to deign a response. Instead, Sasuke continued to let his hands roam over and through the aura, watching as it seemed to flicker around his fingers. It seemed odd that his touch was able to manipulate a response at all; as far as he knew from what little he'd heard of people's so called auras (which apparently were as real as fairies, go figure), he had always imagined it to be intangible. While Sasuke couldn't actually feel it, per se, it definitely reacted to him and let off warmth.

Naruto watched confused as Sasuke began to stroke it softly. It caused Naruto to gasp and shiver. Sasuke felt a warmth surge through him, his hand feeling strangely light and pleasant as he stroked Naruto’s aura.

"Stop. I dunno what you're doing, but that feels freaky now," Naruto said.

"This?" Sasuke asked as he stroked the golden liquid-like substance that was Naruto’s aura. Naruto took a step backward. The movement left Sasuke’s hand in mid air, feeling tingly like he'd just gotten a bad static shock when Naruto pulled away. Naruto rubbed his hands over his chest and then his face.

"Didn't mean for it to hurt," Sasuke murmured, the closest he would come to an outright apology. Sasuke’s eyes widened slightly as he saw the bruise that had begun to form on Naruto’s face from where he’d punched him faded to nothingness. Not to mention, his hand felt better.

Whatever he’d done to Naruto’s aura had been the cause of healing the both of them.

"It didn't hurt. It just, felt weird. How were you able to do that? I can't even describe what that felt like. Kinda like you were making my whole body go 'zoooooooong' or something."

"Zoooooong?" Sasuke repeated with his eyebrows raised.

"Yeah. Like someone hitting a gong and you feel it vibrating through you."

"No idea how I did it," Sasuke shrugged. However, the way that Naruto described it, the way that Sasuke was able to see the aura and touch it intrigued him. Vibrations. Sound waves caused, or rather, were vibrations. Perhaps he could manipulate certain types of wave lengths? He could see the aura. Maybe being in this place was making him more attuned to his fairy side. Maybe this was a gift? Maybe this was the key to how they healed each other? Maybe it was the key to a lot more…Then again, he’d been touching Naruto. Perhaps the pressure from the touches caused the vibrations due to a sub-sound he couldn’t hear…?

He sat down on the edge of the bed, thoughtful. When they'd been in a desperate situation, he'd been able to grow wings and fly while Naruto was touching him. Both he and Naruto could heal each other when they’d put their hands close or on the other. Now he was seeing Naruto's aura and able to have Naruto feel it.

The tension from the bed dipped, and Sasuke looked over to see Naruto sitting next to him. They were silent for a moment, but Sasuke watched, fascinated, as the aura seemed to almost swirl around Naruto as though building energy.

"I think something else happened with a black light once before," Naruto murmured softly, looking away. Sasuke sat a little straighter but didn't say anything, slightly startled at Naruto’s admission. He didn't remember any other incident involving a black light. In fact, looking back on it, their family had been very good about making sure no black lights were ever around them - even going so far as to remove the purple lights, closest to the black light in wave length measurements, from the flashlight with changing colored lenses.

But perhaps Naruto remembered something he didn't. Maybe not all their memories were back, and Naruto had remembered some that he hadn't.

"But it wasn't with you," Naruto said, looking at his hands. Sasuke's head shot to look at Naruto, surprised. "It was with Itachi."

Words got stuck in Sasuke's throat as a sickening feeling of iciness swept over him. Sasuke felt like an idiot. Of course he wasn’t the only muse-fire fairy around Naruto; so was Itachi. Itachi would have the same reactions as he would.

"You - and he - " Sasuke started, but couldn't finish the sentence.

"No," Naruto said vehemently. "No. Nothing...nothing like what, what we did. No sex," Naruto said, looking away, a red blush on his face. "I think this was about five years ago. I think he was just sorta snuggly. Kinda touchy feeling. Made me sit in his lap and played with my hair."

He didn't think Naruto was lying about what he said. Sasuke believed Naruto when he said that he and Itachi hadn't had sex. But it still wasn't good, whatever happened. Even the thought of Itachi merely snuggling with Naruto made his insides burn with unwanted jealousy.

Sasuke felt a surge of hatred toward his brother: a hatred so strong that he wanted to hurt Itachi. And no wonder Naruto had sounded so pissed at his father earlier; he’d had a good reason. Sasuke felt furious at his father too. How could he have been so heartless, treating them all like pawns in some twisted game?

"It's not like it was our fault or anything. Not for you and me – it was the black light. And not for me and Itachi – it was the damned black light again. It wasn’t our fault."

Our fault. Naruto didn't blame Itachi. Sasuke did. Itachi seemed to know everything, and for some reason, the fact that Itachi had been older and knew about their situation and had control over his own abilities made him the one at fault. And, he supposed, he blamed himself for what happened between him and Naruto. But maybe Naruto was right. Maybe everything they felt was all an illusion.

"Seriously. It was the whole black light idea with your father again for trying to get you and me together. Whatever we’re feeling, it’s nothing to do with what we really want to feel. What happened was Uncle Fugaku suggested that Itachi get a black light for you for your thirteenth birthday. I’m pretty sure your dad was trying to put the black light in our room to start something between you and me. Anyway, Itachi wanted me to see it to make sure you would like it. And, then, well, you know...and then Itachi sorta realized what was going on and he shattered the light. I mean, I just remembered that recently, but I do remember that for at least six months after your thirteenth birthday, he wouldn't let me in his room."

Looking back on it, Sasuke did vaguely remember Naruto being unofficially banned from Itachi's room. While Naruto must have had his memory pushed into the far recesses of his mind, Itachi hadn't been able to forget it. Sasuke wasn't sure if he was okay with the fact that Itachi had been keeping so many secrets from them or not. He wasn't sure, in fact, who he should trust.

His father had apparently been trying to force him and Naruto together. His mother must have known what was going on to some degree. And Itachi had merely hidden the bad things from them. The people who were trying to help them seemed to have their own agenda, and there was still so much for them to learn about being fairies, that he doubted working out their emotional problems would be at the top of Ibiki or Jiraiya’s lists.

And Naruto...

Naruto didn't trust him.

"It's dark in here. Really creepy. Makes me think trolls are gonna pop up outta no where," Naruto said with a little shudder of disgust. The only lighting option in the room came from the overhead light. And while they were used to having a light on, the overhead light would probably be too bright for them if they wanted to sleep. Of course, for Sasuke, the soft glow of Naruto’s aura was comforting light enough.

"Yeah," Sasuke agreed mindlessly. There really wasn't much else he could say. There were too many thoughts racing through his head and too much for him to want to deal with any of it.

"I remember now, the night we met. We hid under the covers with the light on," Naruto said, a smile on his face. "Maybe we should do that tonight?"

Sasuke felt his chest tighten, but in a strangely good way.

"Hide under the covers together like little kids?" Sasuke asked, amused.

"Bastard. Don't think I don't know you're not just a tad bit freaked out with all we've been through," Naruto challenged. Sasuke snorted. "For safety, you know. Sleep tog- sleep on the same bed together," Naruto corrected himself with a blush, "and have the lights on – just in case."

"Right. For safety," Sasuke said, nodding his head.

"Jackass," Naruto said as he threw a pillow at Sasuke's head. He got off of the bed, and turned on the light. Sasuke turned down the sheets as Naruto inched into bed next to him, both pulling the covers over their heads.

"I feel like a six year old," Sasuke said as his voice came out strangely muted underneath the blankets. He opened his eyes and saw the soft, golden glow of Naruto’s aura. Despite his words he felt strangely content and warm next to him…and perfectly and utterly safe.

"Good night Sasuke."

"Night."

Sasuke took a deep breath and rolled over onto his side away from Naruto, willing himself not to try and touch Naruto as Naruto seemed really against the idea. Just as Sasuke began to drift off to sleep, he felt something lightly touch his back.

Naruto snuggled closer to him, his body pressed against Sasuke's.

"You know, for safety," Naruto murmured against Sasuke's back. "In case something happens, we'll be able to heal each other right away."

"Right. For safety," Sasuke murmured with a smile on his lips as he drifted happily off to sleep.

Next Chapter: Eyes to See the Soul

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“And somehow, when we snuggle underneath our comfortable blankets, the scary things of the world seem to disappear, if only for a little while.” ~ Jelp

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I used to have a Glow Warm. Mine was the baby Glow Warm. I hugged that thing to death. I loved watching it light up when you squeezed it. Hmm…I wonder if I should have Sasuke squeeze Naruto so he lights up too.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ~ Jelp