Fanning the Flames

Chapter Eleven

“Do you have any idea how hard it was to find you?” Pakkun grumbled as he hopped up onto the hospital bed next to the copy-nin. “What have you done to yourself this time?”

“I didn't do anything.” the silver-haired man mumbled sulkily, “'tachi made me see the doctor because I passed out last night.”

“What did I tell you? You were way too sick to try teleporting.” the pug growled, “You really need to learn to start listening to me.”

“Yare, yare.” the jounin declared dismissively, “Now that you're here, I have some scrolls for you to deliver.”

“I need to stay here and keep an eye on you Boss.” the nin-ken argued, “You get into too much trouble on your own.”

“Oh, and you've been so much help over the years.” Kakashi retorted sarcastically, “Just do as I ask, for once.”

“Well, considering your delicate condition, I guess just this once.” Pakkun considered, head cocking to the side in thought, “Just don't let the others know.”

“Delicate my ass.” the copy-nin snorted, “I can kick your worthless behind even with the stomach flu.”

“I was talking about the pup.” his nin-ken let out an exasperated grunt, “Teleporting is bad for the whelp you're carrying.”

“I'm a man idiot.” the jounin gritted out through clenched teeth, “I can't have pups . . . babies.”, he hastily corrected himself, “Why in Kami's name would you think I could?”

“Because you are.” the pug insisted, “I can smell it. Can't you feel the chakra signature?”

“Don't be ridiculous.” Kakashi sneered, “I swear, you'll do anything to be right.”

“Just check.” Pakkun urged, “What harm can it do?”

The silver-haired nin shut his eyes and relaxed, sending his chakra surging through his body in search of another signature. He was just about to bark a laugh of relief at his own gullibility for even checking when he felt the faintest pulse of chakra in the spot where his kidney had been removed. “What the hell?” he muttered worriedly, redoubling his efforts, then jerking upright in horror as his eyes darted around the room in a frantic search for his clothes.

After yanking out the IV, the copy-nin hastily pulled on his clothes. He yanked a few blank scrolls out of his vest pocket and quickly scribbled a note, then two more, before giving Pakkun directions for delivering them and dismissing the troublesome nin-ken with a wave of his hand. Then he quickly slipped out of the hospital, heading for Itachi's quarters.

“'tachi, I'm back.” the jounin called as he stepped through the doors, “There's nothing to worry about, I've figured out the problem on my own.”

“Well, you'll need to explain it to me then.” the Otokage declared wryly, “Because the hospital just called looking for you, and I certainly didn't get the impression they knew what was wrong. In fact, they're worried sick about you senpai.”

“It's all just a little misunderstanding.” Kakashi stated with a grimace, “Nothing to worry yourself about.” The copy-nin forced a sickly grin on his face, making sure not to meet the Uchiha's eyes, even blind they held shockingly strong powers. “I've sent some scrolls to Konoha.” the silver-haired man continued inexorably, “I told Ibiki I would be staying here for the immediate future. I let the Hokage know also. The other scroll I sent was to your successor. I asked him to come tonight . . . not that that means anything.”

“Why so soon?” the raven-haired nin asked almost desperately, “Are you leaving me Kakashi?”

“I'm afraid I need to.” the lanky jounin backpedaled, “I'd stay if I could.”

“Not if it means being in the hospital you wouldn't.” Itachi sniped, “Big bad copy-nin, huh? Looks more like the scaredy-nin to me, afraid of a few doctors.”

“It's not like that.” Kakashi insisted almost frantically, grasping the other man's thin upper arms tightly as he pled his case. “You don't understand.”

“Then explain it to me senpai.” the Uchiha entreated. “After all, we already know the worst about each other.”

“Not necessarily.” the copy-nin muttered, “I really messed up this time.”

“Just tell me what's bothering you.” the Otokage said rationally, “Whatever it is I promise I won't think any less of you. I am . . . very fond of you 'kashi.”

“I'm pregnant.” the silver-haired jounin stated flatly, “I must have inadvertently copied our efforts when we were growing your egg. As if that isn't bad enough,” he continued before the younger man could muster a reply, “I had a threesome with 'biki, Iruka and Genma right after their wedding. I'm a pregnant man who doesn't know which of three men is the father of his child.” the copy-nin declared despairingly before burying his face in his hands in mortification.

“Do you wish to get rid of it then, senpai?” Itachi asked curiously.

“No!” the silver-haired man yelped, “How could you even suggest such a thing?”

“Well, you don't seem very happy about it.” the Uchiha declared blandly, “I was just being practical.”

“It's a child, 'tachi. What I want doesn't matter at all anymore.” the copy-nin explained carefully, “I could never, ever hurt my child.”

“So, what are you planning on doing then?” the Otokage's hard voice broke through the fog surrounding the jounin.

“I'm not sure. I can't go home, not yet, anyway.” Kakashi fretted, “Ibiki may love me, but there's no way I can ask him to raise two of my children with other men.”

“You don't know that it isn't his, senpai.” the dark-haired man pointed out reasonably, “You're making assumptions without any facts to base them on.”

“How's this for a fact. I slept with 'biki every night after my return, but I didn't get pregnant until after the threesome.” the last Hatake moaned, “The timing seems awfully odd for it to actually be Ibiki's.”

“Why are you leaving me if you don't know what you want to do?” the Uchiha whined, “You just got here. No one needs to know what's going on. Surely you can at least wait until you begin to show before running out on me.”

“Someone's sure to find out.” the copy-nin worried, “That doctor, for example, he's awfully nosy. Once they confirm it I'll become a medical experiment locked up in a lab somewhere.”

“Don't be ridiculous.” Itachi chuckled, “I highly doubt they've made the lab that could hold you if you didn't want to be held. I'll talk to the doctor, tell him your personal physician is taking care of the follow-up. But you'll have to trust a doctor at some point, unless there's something else you haven't told me?”

“Like what?” the jounin wondered, confusion clear on his face, “I don't understand.”

“Senpai, do you know how women give birth?” the raven-haired nin asked curiously.

“Of course, I helped Kurenai through her labor when she had the twins.” an obviously befuddled Kakashi explained, “I know it hurts worse than anything else I've gone through.”

“Well senpai, can you figure our what it is you lack?” the giggling Otokage continued.

“I'm not going to answer any more questions if you don't stop laughing at me.” the copy-nin threatened, “I don't see what your point is.”

“Unless I've missed something you don't have a vagina Kakashi.” the suddenly serious Uchiha pointed out, “That means you'll need to have a cesarean section. I'm afraid you'll be having this baby in a hospital under a doctor's care, like it or not.”

“I don't like hospitals.” the lanky jounin stubbornly insisted, “There has to be another way.”

“Well if there is it will take someone with more medical knowledge than either of us to figure it out.” Itachi decided, “For now I think you need to just lay down and rest. High blood pressure during pregnancy is dangerous.”

“How do you know these things 'tachi?” the silver-haired man asked wryly.

“I'm a genius, senpai.” came the monotonous reply, “Plus, unlike you, I grew up around women. You wouldn't believe the things they would say when they thought I wasn't listening.”

Kisame was just outside the entrance to Orochimaru's underground lair when he literally ran into the toad sage. “Oy Jiraiya, what brings you here?” he asked distractedly as he wracked his brain for a believable excuse for his absence.

“The brat sent for me, said it was urgent.” the obviously hung-over sannin muttered. “I have no idea what it is however.”

“I hope you're planning on taking that meddling nephew of your with you when you leave.” the swordsman grumbled, “He's more than overstayed his welcome here.”

“I'll make sure to pass that information along.” the white-maned man replied slowly. “Is there something going on that I should know about?”

“We don't need his help.” the Mist-nin hissed, “Just send him back to his husband where he belongs, please.”

“I can't make him do anything.” Jiraiya explained, “He wouldn't have a married a man if I had any influence over him.”

“Morino-san is a very good man.” Kisame growled, “Be careful how you speak about him.”

“I like the guy.” the sannin insisted, “I'm just not comfortable with two men in that kind of relationship. I'm an open-minded kind of guy, but I could never do that sort of thing.”

“I wouldn't be so quick to judge something you haven't tried.” the swordsman husked, “You might be very surprised by how much you like it.”

“I'll pass and take your word for it.” the white-maned man quickly demurred, “It was good seeing you, but I need to track down my nephew.”

“I'm afraid I know where he is.” the Mist-nin replied dully, “Follow me.”