Parthenogenesis

A/N: 13 is supposed to be an unlucky number, so this is the "Unlucky Chapter." Whatever. It's unlucky for you because I didn't go back and edit it, so consider yourself fore-warned.

Chapter 13: The Unlucky Chapter

Naruto’s Ramen Song: To the tune of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic” aka “Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory”

“Oh, I’m marching, marching swiftly to the land of Ramen Gods
Where the broth of life is flowing in the noo-oo-dles’ abode
And with miso to the left of me and shio to the right
I’ll march to the eatery!
Glory, glory, there is Raaaaa-men!
Glory, glory, there is Raaaaa-men!
Glory, glory, there is Raaaaa-men!
To the ramen, I’ll march on!
If my life ended swiftly, surely happy I would be
‘cause my last meal was the ramen tha-at set my soul so free.
Get the water bo-oi-ling and in three minutes you will see
The food that is so key!”

Naruto then regressed to humming the song happily as he marched alongside Sasuke, who was gracefully striding. Sasuke couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor song Naruto had killed to use its tune for that monstrosity. Hold on, he was a Uchiha! Uchihas would never feel sorry, especially for something out of their control! But as Naruto began his song again, Sasuke was definitely feeling sorry.

For a brief moment, the raven-haired shinobi almost brought his fist back to punch the blond into silence, as was the norm when one hangs around Naruto. BUT, then he remembered the stipulations of one who hits the carrier of his children. Oh crap! Sasuke panicked. How do you control the dobe without hitting him? Think, Uchiha, think. You’re a genius.

“Oi, Dobe. Shut up.” Yeah, Sasuke really had a way with words.

Naruto peeked an eye open at him. He had been marching along, eyes closed and hands behind his head. Honestly, the dobe wondered how he had fallen down that cliff earlier that day?

“Just keeping the spirits up, teme,” he retorted. Sasuke noticed as the blond continued onwards and got ahead of him that a particular central finger was pointed up at him from behind the blond’s back.

Sasuke nearly pulled out a kunai to stab himself in the temple when Naruto began his song anew, louder and more annoying. It was so tempting, but then, he remembered his revenge. Surely he couldn’t take his own life before he killed his brother, could he? As tempting as it was, he could not.

“Hn, dobe. You do know we’re not near any major villages, so I’m not taking you out for ramen tonight.”

“I’m just thinking of the future, teme,” responded the undaunted demon carrier before heading into the second verse again.

Sasuke tried a different approached. “If you keep singing, every ninja in all of Fire Country will be able to find us.”

“I have you to protect me.” His singing got louder. A vein appeared on Sasuke’s forehead, followed by another, then another, and then finally…

“Damn it, Naruto! Quit singing before I rip out your voice box!”

Naruto smiled. “Took you long enough to lose control and threaten physical harm. It only took Ero-sannin two hours. You’ve lasted nearly eight. It’s a record- your Uchiha pride should be proud.”

“You purposely try to annoy people?” asked Sasuke, his brow still ticking.

Naruto nodded happily. “I start small, build my annoyingness up. It’s fun to watch people lose all their self-control.”

“But its purpose?”

“Hmmm…” hummed Naruto as he thought, eyes squinted. “If I had to make up its purpose, it would be that I’m forcing shinobi to see their human needs- proving they’re still human, so to speak. But really, it’s just so I don’t get bored!”

Sasuke was, to put it bluntly, taken aback, not that he would show it. He had just discovered yet another layer of insightfulness to his dobe. Dammit! There’s the possessiveness again! As they continued walking, Sasuke continued thinking about it. Ninja were some of the most messed up people. They chose to become tools for their leader. They were taught to kill- they knew how, when, and where. They were taught to bury their hearts, and yet, they could not. The guilt plaguing their lives really screwed up their heads. And that was only half of the ninja population. The other half had lost part of their sanity to a so-called “Power high.” Give a shinobi a powerful jutsu, and he will think himself a god. And here was his dobe, who understood both sides, yet always seemed above both, and could save people from both. He was the number one knuckle-headed most surprising ninja if there ever was one. Speaking of the dobe, Sasuke was still a little curious as to this “Annoy System.”

“How do you annoy people?” asked a curious Sasuke, speaking as if he didn’t really care, but was simply saying something to fill the silence. However, Naruto knew Sasuke never said anything to fill the silence. He kept that thought to himself.

“Well,” he began loudly and with a bright smile as if it were the question he had wanted someone to ask him for the longest time, “I start with the old, ‘Are we there yet?’ over and over again. About 35 percent of people give in by the end of this stage. Then, I start talking loudly about whatever comes into my head (usually about ramen). Only about another 25 percent of people give in at this stage. Then I move on to complaining loudly about how boring whatever we’re doing is, and how we could be doing something else. Another 38 percent will threaten physical harm by this point. And then, the final stage that gets rid of the remaining 2 percent is the loud singing. No one has ever gotten past the singing. I thought Shino was going to once when we were coming back from a mission, but then I noticed that bugs kept flying into my mouth, making me stop, and spit them out before continuing again. I was covered in nearly his entire swarm before he finally cracked and knocked me out from behind. However, you lasted a half-hour longer than even Shino.”

“Hn.” It was funny listening to Naruto reminiscent. Something about it made everyone around the blond happier. Maybe it was Naruto’s contentment in his voice over his life, like he didn’t regret anything.

It was starting to get dark, so Sasuke quickly found a good camp site and led Naruto there.

“We’ll stop here for the night. You set up the tents while I get a fire going for supper,” Sasuke ordered, leaving the campsite to look for wood. When he returned, he found Naruto laying beneath a tree, whistling the tune to his ramen song. No tents were set up.

“Dobe.”

Naruto sat up with a nervous smile.

“Did you hear me ask you to set up the tents?”

Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously.

“Uhh..ano…about that…you see…” Naruto didn’t even have to finish for Sasuke to remember- Naruto had lost his tent along with the rest of his supplies when he had lost his belt down the cliff earlier that day. Funny how that could’ve slipped the so-called genius’ mind. Guess it just didn’t register as consequential, well…not negatively consequential.

Sasuke threw Naruto his own bag. “We’ll share mine then.”

It’s not like it was that big of a deal. They had often shared the same tent on mission. Of course, that was before they had accepted that they each had romantic feelings for the other on some level. Now, every little thing that happened between them seemed significant. It was odd and confusing. The comfort of being best friends was gone, and they now had to learn this new sort of relationship.

After the tents were set up and supper was prepared and eaten, the two young men were ready to call it quits for the day.

As they climbed into the tent, neither boy would look at the other. If they had, they would have noticed identical blushes gracing both of their cheeks, like 12-year-olds holding hands for the first time. But it was not the prospect of holding hands that were causing the two’s cheeks to heat up (along with other unmentionable body parts), it was the fact that both of the boys knew that they only had one blanket between the two of them.

Naruto nervously sat off to the side as Sasuke unfolded his standard issue shinobi blanket- not the warmest thing ever invented, nor the biggest.

The raven haired man then stripped down to his undershirt and boxers. He smirked as he felt Naruto’s eyes devouring him. The dobe couldn’t keep his eyes off him.

“Quit drooling and come to bed, dobe.” Something felt so right to Sasuke when he said that. Come to bed. He could get used to saying that. And because Naruto was going to have his babies, he needed to come up with a plan that would get Naruto to stay by his side forever, where he belonged…not that he was possessive or anything.

“I’m not drooling!” insisted Naruto loudly, but nevertheless, Sasuke saw Naruto wipe the sides of his mouth with the back of his hand just in case before dressing down to his undershirt (black fish-net) and boxers too.

Naruto settled under the blanket beside Sasuke, close but not touching. The blond turned onto his side, and Sasuke saw the glimmer of reflective light off those blues eyes examining him in what was left of the light of the day. The eyes seemed to be searching his face before turning inward and then flicking back to the Uchiha’s face, this time resolute.

With a nod to himself, Naruto scooted his body flush against Sasuke, arm to arm, hip to hip, leg to leg, destroying the empty space that had been between them. Their body heats mingled and mixed under the blanket creating a new level of warmth and comfort. Naruto quickly brought his face to Sasuke’s and pecked him on the lips, then snuggled back into the Uchiha’s side, snaking an arm around the body of the warm Uchiha and laying his head on Sasuke’s shoulder.

Sasuke regarded Naruto silently, a finger tracing his lips. How did this failure-of-a-person make him feel like this, make him want more. There was no logic to it. Perhaps that was part of his attraction to the blond- he had never felt more curious about a single person, never wanted to know them inside and out, know the good, the bad, even the ugly traits they had.

Many people in Konoha would believe getting stuck with this dobe on their ninja team as a genin was bad luck. Even more would believe accidentally knocking up that same dobe through an unheard of male pregnancy was also bad luck. More still would believe falling for Naruto in the romantic sense was that bad luck again. But Sasuke, with that “dobe” curled up into his side and a warm arm around him, believed that, if all this was considered bad luck, he would be happy to be the unluckiest man alive.

He put an arm around Naruto and pulled him closer, and together they slipped off into a peaceful slumber.

Neither Naruto nor Sasuke had ever had any experience with a true romantic relationship before, and, though he would never admit it aloud, Sasuke was worried that neither of them would know how to progress one, but now he knew it was needless worry. It just came…naturally.

O0o.end chapter.o0O

a/n: There was really nothing unlucky in the chapter. Be prepared for some humor next chapter, and perhaps they will find another adventure. Oh yeah, the song. Hehehe. That was a TRG corny moment. That tune has been in my head since the 4th of July and when I sat down to write this chapter, that ramen song came out.