Upsilon Kappa Epsilon

KuraiKisu: Ok I had to get really had to get low down and dirty. I found out some interesting things. One of my bosses at my current project was very inconsiderate. But I did the job. I also realized that there are a lot of UGLY people in this world. And for once I mean it a shallow ways cause they were the kind of people you look at and its like a car accident. DAMMIT I don't really believe in ugly or pretty cause to SOMEONE that person is attractive but after today I have to agree with my estranged parent. Ugly is to the BONE. Oh and my hentai bro dry humped a damn mannequin and declared he wasn't the first time nor would it be the last time. Well since this is really the LAST chapter for this fic I am putting in 2 side blurbs.


Chapter 13: Revenge is SWEET

Somewhere its someones sweet 16. Sadly the birthday girl has been run ragged from her mother giving her hundreds of errands. Finally around 4 pm she gets called over by her overbearing mother.

“Go to the store.” The girl heads down the driveway looking like a zombie.

“Come back here!”

“Huh”

“What are going to the store for?”

“Oh yea.”

“Go to the store and get some barbeque sauce.”

“Ok” The girl heads back down the driveway.

“Come back here!!”

“Huh”

“How ya gonna get the barbeque sauce with no money?”

Blink, Blink “Oh yea...” The mother gives her the money and she heads back down the driveway.

“DAMMIT COME BACK HERE!!!”

“Yea???”

“Your cousin's are gonna give you a ride.”

{A/N: Yes I was that out of it I was sweaty tired and trying to make sure it really was a birthday part for ME cause I was doing all the fucking work!}


Somewhere its 5 in the morning. A girl is up getting ready to for work. She sits down on a evil couch and suddenly her rump begins to buzzy. She jumps up pulling the cushion to find a vibrator. The same damn thing her siblings got her for x mas because they felt she needed 'release'. However she started using it to massage her sore feet. The reason its in the couch is because the damn couch is evil and eats everything including black cats with down syndrome ( I SWEAR IT DOES IT WAS A DAMN KITTEN WITH AN ADULT CAT FACE!!). Not to mention said couch seemed to have it out for the poor girl. Seeing as the fucking furniture had scratched her up various times, stabbed her with springs in her side and ate everything of hers including the damn vibrator.

Somewhere there is a frazzled girl foaming at the mouth with an ax in her hands standing over a pile of wood, stuffing, and upholstery. Fucking evil furniture from hell!!!

“Ok this is what we'll do...” *8 boys were huddled in the student lounge. The topic of discussion, what to do to certain brothers for the shit they were put through. It was decided that they would set their plans into action in the next 2 days. That gave them enough time to personalize each tactic.


2 Days Later:

Victim: Itachi

The long haired raven woke up to the morning light in his room. But that wasn't what got him out of his bed almost immediately. What did was the fact that there was movement in his bed other than himself. Itachi stared at his bed and then the rest of his bedroom. He was, for the first time in his life, dumbfounded. Throughout his entire domicile were hundreds of furry little meerkats. On his bed, in his shoes, running in and out of his closet, they were everywhere. And he had no idea how they had gotten in his room with out him knowing. Itachi seethed with annoyance as he tried to grab the little beasts and evict them at the same time. Sadly, the meerkats had deemed his room to be a perfect habitat.

“Fuck this. I'm getting a professional for this shit.” Frustrated, Itachi quickly cleaned himself and grabbed a dark gray shirt and black pants. He then made his way out the house and down the street, not noticing the young men watching his every move.

The pale man walked further down the street noticing the strange looks directed at his crotch. Itachi slowed his walk till he was just standing there. He slowly looked down, to his horror something was MOVING down there. It was small and with him moving as fast as he was he didn't notice it at all. Itachi moved his hands to the sides of his pants half scared, half curious. He peered in the clothing only to have a set of eyes looking back at him.

“What the FUCK?!” A baby meerkat poked its head out the space of the pants only to scurry back in when the raven tried to grab it. Thats when it really got silly. Sasuke and the others laughed and recorded every moment with camera, camera phones, and someone had a camcorder. Itachi was jerking and squirming, desperately trying to get that evil little bastard out of his pants (A/N: That does NOT sound right.)

Just when the elder Uchiha though he finally apprehended the fucker.

CRUNCH!!!

Itachi stilled as his brain took its sweet time registering what just happened. The it hit him full force.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH” That spawn of all that was evil took a bite out of his cock. Itachi screamed till he passed out.

Oh it was a good, good day for Sasuke.


Victim: Deidara

The long haired blond was lazily making his way to the bathroom. Good ol' Shikamaru was right with his calculations. Naruto watched his cousin amble his way through the door, patting himself on the back for placing a camera in there earlier.

Deidara yawned looking at himself in the mirror. He ran his finger through his hair before moving over to the toilet. Without haste he threw the lid up, ready to relieve his swollen bladder. But as soon as the lid hit the tank a huge jack-n-box sprung out of the bowl scaring the blond so bad that he didn't even realize it till it was too late. Deidara had just pissed his pants. His younger cousin and his friends couldn't wait to retrieve the footage. But they weren't done with the blue eyed asshole yet.

Deidara angrily made his way back towards his room. His pissy pants in a small plastic bag and a towel around his waist. The blond was never one for drastic mood swings but he went through just that when he got to his room.

In his room where all of his glorious clay 'babies' had been perched, were numerous versions in many different sizes of poses of a very nude Gai-sesei. Deidara's left eye twitched. He was not going to let the twisted jack off that did this, have the satisfaction of breaking him. And that would have been true if he had stayed out of his closet.

He opened the door to fetch some clothes and upon seeing what was in there he let out the most ear splitting screech before going into complete shock. The 8 new brothers crept in the room and admired their handy work.

“How'd you know that would work? Kiba asked. Naruto smirked.

“Come on we're cousins of course we would have similar taste in men. And what worse than to portray THIS in his beloved medium.” The others were in awe at the rare genius the blond bestowed before admiring Naruto's artwork. “But then again anyone would go into shock after seeing Sasori and Gai-sensei doing it doggy style... Real or Clay.”

“Hey how did you know what Sasori looked like naked?” Menma asked, which brought another question up in Neji's mind.

“How did you know what Gai-sensei looked like naked for that matter?” The long haired brunette was slightly disturbed by the sculpture.

“I didn't...I just used Gaara and Sasuke's bodies for references.” The blond smiled widely.

“Naruto...” Gaara growled.

“Why would you use my body for that?!” Sasuke asked, now his eye was twitching. Naruto shrugged but kept grinning.

“Just gave me inspiration.” The two pale boys just stared at their tan friend before gracing him with twin glares.

“You're gonna pay for that dobe.” And with that said the boys gathered the tapes and footage, leaving the zoned out Deidara in his room with the biggest anatomically correct sculpture. Naruto was a truly gifted artist just like his cousin. But said tan blond also ended the nite literally between two critics he didn't mind going over their 'thoughts' with him. That was until the morning after when he had to use Menma as a human crutch since he didn't seem to be able to walk properly anymore. Naruto made sure to glare extra hard at the raven and red head who just smirked in return over their 2 on 1 meeting.



Victim: Sasori

Gaara knew for a fact that Sasori had a thing for blue-eyed blonds so why not use Naruto to distract his stupid uncle. Hell, he even coerced Menma to help as well. While the two blonds chatted with the uncharacteristically patient man, Shino and Neji replaced the older red head's chocolate bar with a bar of laxative. The two signaled to Menma that they were done and the pale blond indiscreetly nudged Naruto with his foot.

“Well Sasori-san its been great talking to you. I'll make sure to tell Dei-chan you said hi and- WHOA!” Naruto 'fell' into Sasori's lap quickly jumping back up. He scratched the back of his head smiling, he apologized before Menma dragged him out the house to meet up with the others.

“Its a good thing you were just acting or I don't th ink I would've cared if he WAS or wasn't my uncle..” Naruto blushed some waving his free hand at the red headed boy, he held the pale blond's hand with the other.

“Oi Gaara, no worries. Besides did you rig his boxers?” The red head nodded, an evil grin crossing his lips.

“I made sure to get the extra strength type. What about you?” The blond nodded catching on to what Gaara was referring to.

“Yea for a second there I thought he had noticed. But it was too late by the time we left.” Shortly after, Sasuke, Shikamaru, and Kiba ran up to them breathing heavily.

“Cameras are a go.” Sasuke said his hands on his knees. Shika smirked, plopping down in the grass with is laptop. The others quickly crowded around him. On the screen was Sasori drinking his tea and eating the laxative, thinking it was his regular candy bar. They snickered at the image.

“Oi how long is it going to take?” Kiba asked impatiently. Menma pulled a box from his backpack.

“Says its quick acting. I would say 30 minutes.” Gaara pulled out some cards and they waited.

28 Minutes Later:

Sasori was in his bedroom reading the newspaper when he felt his stomach gurgle. He frowned briefly rubbing the offending belly. A minute later his stomach rumbled aggressively. The red head immediately stood up and headed to the closest bathroom.

The snickering around and from Shika began to rise in volume as they watched Sasori get closer to the door. They couldn't wait till he found their surprise.

Sasori grabbed a hold of the doorknob but quickly found it to be locked. His stomach was raging savagely by then. The only thing the poor man could do was clench his ass tightly. Having an accident was not an option for the proud red head.

“Did you see his face when he realized it was locked?!” Naruto laughed, falling over onto his side.

“No no wait!.....Look he broke the door down!!!”

A frantic Sasori finally made it in the bathroom. He stood in front of the toilet, damn near ready to rip the pants off. Thats when he realized another obstacle, the zipper wouldn't budge on his jeans and he couldn't squeeze his ass muscles any tighter. The usually unmovable male was close to screaming.

However, the entire group of 8 DID scream, and howl watching the very urgent Sasori grab a knife and slice his way out of the once loved jeans. Only to realize his boxers were stuck to him.

“Oh my Kami! Gaara that was genius lining his boxers with superglue then having Naruto super glue his zipper.” Neji couldn't keep his composure, this was too hilarious.

Sasori somehow managed to painfully rip most of the fabric off his body but by the time he got to the last bit covering his ass, he was already past his limit. His ass just exploded and the super glued piece of boxer kept the offensive matter close making the man feel utterly disgusted. During the next 15 minutes he unceremoniously got the rest of the boxer off of him. Over the toilet thankfully, and cleaned himself. Sasori was too dejected to do anything else but go straight to bed.

The boys would have felt bad for him and even a little guilty had it not been for Gaara reminding them that one, Sasori helped with torturing them, like the ambush of relatives or (shudder) fangirls and two, he was basically acting like an emotional bitch. Yes, to Gaara this seemed almost more satisfying than killing his youngest uncle.

Victim: Haku & Kisame

By the time the 8 got to Haku and Kisame their sadistic sides were in complete control.

Menma seeming to be the most timid of the group, ergo being considered harmless by default, had lulled the very pretty man into a false security. With a few well placed praises Menma convinced Haku to allow him to 'pamper' the feminine raven before he went to bed the nite before.

However, growing up with the pale blond had taught his friend that Menma was far from harmless in his own right. Sometimes, he could be downright morbid.

For instance, the nite before, Menma was allowed to wash Haku's beautiful hair for him. In reality he slipped the young man a sleeping pill in some offered tea so he could really go to town. With his hair, Menma managed not only to put a rinse in it, he managed to turn the black tresses into a hideous PLAID.

The others pitched in, sneaking into Haku's room and stealing all his clothes, leaving nothing but gaudy mu mus, repulsive Hawaiian shirts , and an array of outfits meant for pre-schoolers. And to top it off, Menma super glued coconut halves to Haku's flat chest.

Needless to say, they didn't need to be close by to know whether or not Haku had discovered his change. The boy screamed so loud he broke everything glass in every house on the block. He might not have had a good day but the glass company and the optical center sure as hell did.

So there they were all 8 boys sitting outside on the lawn 'studying' when they saw Haku coming. The boy had a look on his face that could turn a person to stone. He managed to find a hat that was big enough to hold all his hair and matched the neon pink mu mu he had to wear to conceal his newly discovered bosom.

“Afternoon Haku.” They chorused to him. Said boy snapped his head to their direction, daring any of them to comment about his looks. And just like that 8 heads bowed down until the pissed off male was no longer in the vicinity.

As for Kisame, well, the boys really went all out for him. They managed to hear about a 'nice' date for the blue seme, in the form of the most aggressive, fattest, clingiest, and grotesque drag queen they had ever had the 'pleasure', more like misfortune, to meet.

Its name was Bethula, and it was a known fact that when Bethula set its eyes on a target, the only way to get rid of the beast was Witness Protection. Another tasty tidbit was that Bethula had a serious thing for foul mouth, macho semes.

That morning they got together to set the two oblivious 'lovebirds' up. Naruto and Shika managed to get a photo of the sharky man while Menma came up with a really sappy letter and Neji wrote in his most eloquent handwriting.

Everything was ready all but one thing, none of them actually knew what Bethula looked like. Sure they heard the rumors but none of them had actually seen the creature. Fortunately, they knew which dorm it lived in. A few inquires later, they were standing in front of Bethula. Basically the rumors were not very accurate, rather they were an understatement.

When they actually laid eyes on Bethula not even Shikamaru was sure if it was human. The creature stood at 6'2”, it had to weight at least 300lbs., in all the wrong places. And to top it off, Bethula's face looked like a mix between a gorilla and a toad. Pretty much the bitch looked like Jaba the Hut fucked Magilla Gorilla.

No one approached the transsexual for fear of being its next target. In the end they ended up doing rock, paper, scissors which poor Shino lost. So the elected boy delivered the letter while several of the boys ran off to get one last ingredient for the fated 'date'.

Shino looked up at the gargantuan beast and slowly presented the lover letter to Bethula. The drag queen, at first, rejected the letter, which astounded everyone close by. With a face like his, he needed to get whatever was offered, especially since the silent boy was considered rather handsome. Shino, on the other hand, was relieved it didn't want him. He explained that it was his brother who was VERY interested. Bethula looked suspiciously at him but took the letter and read it.

As if freakishly possible, Bethula smiled, seeing Kisame's picture, and his damn face actually got uglier. Oh yes, Kisame had no clue what he was in for.

“Why do I always have to distract them?!” A rather distressed Menma was being pushed into the recreation room where Kisame was relaxing.

“Cause you're the girliest.” Kiba answered only to get punched in the gut by the pale blond. He might have seemed frail but Menma still had power in his moves.

“What about Neji? His hair is-”

“Don't even think about it. I'm not even going there.” Neji glared at Menma and slapped him hard on the ass to further his point of being totally seme. Dejected, Menma trudged into the room holding a beer in one hand and 3 viagra pills in the other. Kisame turned facing the boy right after the pale blond slipped the pills in the bottle.

“Hello...Brother Jaws. How are you today?”

Kisame looked at the blond, admiring the fact that everything about the boy screamed uke.

“I'm fine...” The blond nodded and blasted the blue man with one of his most stunning smile he could muster while offering the beet to the man. Kisame was so preoccupied with the smile that he just took the beverage with no questions.

“He's good...” Shikamaru commented.

“He gets it from me!” Naruto beamed. Everyone else just rolled their eyes.

Heavy breathing suddenly came from them, startling the boys until they looked back and saw Shino trying to catching his breath. The brunette looked up to see 7 questioning faces. Shino managed to give them a thumbs up that instantly relaxed the others' faces.

“Bethula'll be here in an hour. Did you get him drunk yet?”

“yea we disguised the cognac in the beer bottle and slipped him the viagra.” Sasuke informed him. Gaara just smirked wihle Neji was molesting Menma for his earlier indiscretions.

Sure enough, Kisame was plastered. He was so gone he didn't even notice he was fully at attention in the nether region. By the time Bethula got to the house that evening, the blue man was on hormones alone. Kisame ignored the frantic please from his brothers as they tried to warn him of who he was about to fuck. But he would hear none of that.

The Next Morning:

The 8 men were huddled together in the student lounge, once again. They scanned through all the footage they had. At the exact moment they heard a scream that reminded them of a realizing what was in his bed after last call at a bar.


In Kisame's Room:

The man had just woke up to the most hideous vision he had ever had the misfortune to see. Next to him snuggling close was the ugliest drag queen to ever have been spawned.

“What the fuck?! Who the hell are you shit face?” Kisame was horror stricken as he desperately tried to get away from the creature in his bed. Then it made a strange sound that the blue man could only fathom was giggling. Kinda sounded like rough clicking.

“Oh Same-koi you and your cute nicknames. I think I'm gonna love you FOREVER!!” The word forever rip another scream from the man's throat. The pitch of it could have made RuPaul jealous for the octave it hit.

Kisame fell on the floor trying to remember how the hell this happened. He cringed when he realized the bitch was not only cock eyed he had a lazy eye as well! It was starting to make him dizzy. The man shook his head frantically and crawled backwards from the advancing nightmare. Kisame looked about spotting an umbrella, he began to pummel the Bethula.

“Back beast back! Yah mule YAH! I REBUKE YOU FOUL CREATURE!!!”

“Oh Koi you love to do suck kinky things. Just like last nite.” Bethula didn't seem to be phased even though he was being battered with a heavy umbrella.

“Last nite??” Bethula nodded and began describing the night's events making sure not to leave out any sordid detail.

“OH KAMI! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!” Everyone in a 20 mile radius covered their ears in pain from the sheer magnitude of that scream. Which, incidentally, caused a few car crashes, several fucked up haircuts and paintings, a destroyed card house, and a pissed off dean who was TRYING to make a sh ip in the bottle but ended up with glass shards in his crotch instead.

Oh yea this year would be a memorable one and they were only ¼ through it.

KuraiKisu: Well there you have it the end. I'm drunk now lol. No seriously half way through typing this I started drinking and I haven't been really eating or sleeping for that matter. Went back into my Gaara mode and beat the HELL out of my bro with an ironing board. BUT HE STARTED IT DAMMIT! I hope you enjoyed this story. I would say now I am free to be lazy but I am still in the middle of writing another fic for someone who asked me to do one. * blush * I got a request yay for me. SO I am off to try and get my flow back Keep your eyes peeled I should be posting it in the next 2 weeks if I can get back in the groove. AND NO I AM NOT GONNA SAY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE I WOULD SAY!!! Well Ja Ne!!