Death is the only way to freedom

Chapter 13: Saying goodbye is never easy

“You want something in return?” The blonde asked in disbelief. Anger and disappointment could be heard clearly in his voice. Why was the bastard asking something in return for letting him have Itachi´s belongings… things that didn’t mean anything to the raven… and it had been Itachi´s dying wish that Naruto should have them or at least keep them safe!

“Why not? I know what happened to you and him was terrible, I´m sorry for what they did to you… especially you, Naruto… no one ever deserves to be treated that you… I know that it explains why Itachi killed everyone-“

“What do you want from me then?” The blonde almost growled. He liked Sasuke… you could even say that he loved him, but to demand something from him right after Naruto had told him his and Itachi´s darkest secret… it didn’t put Sasuke in the best light.

And now he insinuated that it had been worse on Naruto than Itachi… that being raped, hit and kicked was worse than being raped by your own father… No!

Naruto could return to his home and be alone to cry afterwards, but Itachi… he had to live in the same house with the man who molested him… and his mom… his mom had know… damn she had even walked in on them once… and she… she had just turned around and closed the door shut behind her back even though her oldest son had cried out to her… cried out for her to help him… to make them stop. She had left him there.

“… “
´Is he angry with me? … Why?... Why is his mood changing so rapidly?… I thought he liked it when I kissed him? ´ Sasuke thought with confusion as he saw the blonde frown at his request.

“Naruto, I wish to spend time with you again… to catch up on the years we have lost… to be able to be your friend again… if it’s not too much to ask?” Sasuke wanted to be close to the blonde even if it meant that they would only be friends… for a while, till Naruto would finally understand just how much Sasuke craved for the blonde.

“… Hnn, guess I could accept that, teme,” the blonde mumbled. The memories of the dark and violent past still haunted his mind but somehow he could still feel the touch of Sasuke´s lips on his though it was almost five minutes since their kiss (that was in the last chapter). It made him feel better somehow… even though Sasuke was an Uchiha… he was still Sasuke… Sasuke, whom he had loved for so long. He wanted to touch his lips but didn’t want to give the teme the satisfaction that he actually craved for more.

“… Alright, Naruto…We should go talk to the Hokage now… she needs to hear about the truth about Itachi and you, she will know what to do and she has to accept my request for a proper funeral for Itachi.”

~ # ~

“So what do you wanna try out next, Sakura-chan?” He gave her an amused look as she finished the third portion of ice cream. Sakura had already tried double chocolate chip, pecan/vanilla and strawberry… all of the ice was of course topped with chocolate sauce and fresh sweet fruit.

“I wanna try vanilla with chocolate chips, the hot caramel sauce and the chocolate covered strawberries… I love those, Kakashi,” she finally managed to smile at him as he ordered the forth portion of the heavenly dessert.

“So Kakashi-sensei, who would you think would be the right man for me?” The pink-haired girl asked as she munched on one of the chocolate covered strawberries.

“You are asking me for advice on love?” He chuckled at her. “Well I´m not the most qualified to ask… But what about Lee? He seems to like you a lot and he has a big heart… he’ll treat you like a princess!”

“… Lee? Are you serious, sensei? I would rather go out with you than him!” She licked the ice-cream from the spoon before digging it back into the sweet dessert.

“Heh… heh, Thanks, but I´m way to old for you, Sakura… Besides that… I´m already taken!”

“Really? Who’s the lucky girl?” She gave him a curious glare.

“Well, look at the time… I have to get going!” He jumped up from the chair and waved at her. “See you later, Sakura-chan,” and with that he disappeared into thin air with a puff.

“… Hmmm, I wonder, who could be his girlfriend?” She scratched her chin as she was trying to figure out, who would put up with her perverted sensei. “Who is single and above thirty? what kind of girl would Kakashi be attracted to?” All unhappy thoughts about Naruto and Sasuke had already been banned to the back of her mind.

Then she suddenly realized something very important “…Hey! He ran before he could pay the bill… again!”

~ # ~

“… I see! That really does explain a lot!” The Godaime leaned back in her comfortable chair. “Gaki (brat) are you alright?”

“Yeah Baa-chan, it was a long time ago… I try not to think about it too much,” the blonde told here in a calm but low voice. He sighed deeply. It had not been easy to tell her everything… it had hurt her and he could see that she felt sorry for what had happened to him all those years ago.

“So what now?” She asked the Uchiha. “What do you wish to be done with Itachi´s remains? “

“I… we…” he walked over to Naruto and placed his hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “We want to give him a proper funeral… somewhere away from the ones who tormented him!”

“I see… where do you suggest we could put him to rest then?” Tsunade looked at Naruto´s face. Pain from the loss of Itachi was there even though he was trying to hide it. ´You liked Itachi a lot… didn’t you, Gaki? More than you want to tell us! ´ She asked herself as she noticed that Naruto moved away from Sasuke´s touch. The brat had never been good at hiding important things from the ones close to him… She was even becoming rather good at detecting the fake smiles from the real ones.

“There is a small glade in the forest behind our house… he trained there a lot as I was a child… it’s peaceful and he liked it… I think it would be a good spot for him to rest.” Sasuke said without any sign of emotion.

“Naruto? What do you think of it?” She asked the blonde who just nodded in response.

“Alright. I can accept that… How do you want to do it?” The Hokage asked the Uchiha. Sasuke crossed his arms above his chest and let out a sigh and looked at Naruto. The blonde gave him a pleading look… a look that Sasuke knew what meant… a plea that he couldn’t deny the blonde.

“We want to have a private funeral… just Naruto, the performing monk and I. The others wouldn’t´ understand, and I doubt that even if they knew… no one would attend anyway. We want him to find peace at last… we don’t want anyone else to know where he is to be buried.” The Uchiha said emotionless while Naruto nodded in acceptance. He was getting used to the ´we´ part… it sounded really good to him. ´Naruto and I… yes We! `

“I guess that is for the best that way… it will take awhile for everyone to accept the truth,” Tsunade sighed. She could very well imagine what some of the townsfolk would do to the grave if they found out whom it belonged to.

“I don´t want you to tell them anything!” Naruto´s sudden outburst drew their attention to him.

“Excuse me?” Tsunade said.

“I don´t want you to tell anyone what I just told you… I told Sasuke because Itachi wanted me too…and I told you because Sasuke forced me too and you have to know the truth.” His blue eyes were deadly serious.

“I can understand that but…” The busty woman got up from her seat and walked towards the blonde who stared at her.

“It would destroy the bonds I have made with everyone… they would treat me differently… pity me… I don´t need that. The ones who hurt me and Itachi are long gone… Itachi is gone… as well as the Kyuubi. It´s all a thing of the past now… I just want too put it all behind me for good!” He moved away as she reached out too hug him.

“Please don´t… I´m not a little scared child anymore, Hokage-sama.” Both the Kage and the Uchiha stared at the blonde’s cold behavior with confusion and surprise.

“Alright then… have it your way, Gaki… I’ll write a classified report and I want you to do the same. I want the complete story.” She couldn’t help to feel a bit hurt as well as worried, his changing behavior made her feel uneasy.

She had blamed the Kyuubi for his change of behavior before… but it was gone. He was becoming cold, and emotionless… just like the Uchiha brat… Naruto´s happy and carefree behavior was a rare sight now a days and she didn’t like… no, not at all.

Naruto could see the hurt in her golden eyes and sighed. “I´m sorry, Baa-chan… I´m just… tired, I guess.”

“It´s alright, Gaki… I know.” He allowed her to hug him this time and even hugged her back. “You know I love you, right kid? You can talk with me about anything… no matter what it is and no matter the hour… right?” She whispered into his golden locks.

“I love you too, Baa-chan… thank you!” Naruto whispered back with a small but honest smile.

Sasuke couldn’t help but to feel a sting of jalousie run though his body. He wanted the blonde to be just as close to him as he was to her… he wanted Naruto to feel comfortable in his presence again. To be best friends and more… that was the Uchiha´s greatest wish. Naruto was his reason to live.

Sasuke knew that he had to earn Naruto´s trust again and that he probably had to be patient with the Dobe, even if patience wasn’t something he was good at.

“Oh and Sasuke,” the Hokage let go of Naruto and turned her attention to the raven.

“Yes?”

“Would it bother you if I attended to the funeral as well… as the Hokage I wish to be present at every birth and burial as far as it is possible for me to do so!”

“… No, I don´t mind,” the Uchiha stated.

“… Um, Baa-chan?”

“Yes, Naruto what is it?”

“… If both Sasuke and I were in a coma for a week… then why haven’t you already…” Naruto couldn’t bring himself to continue, as the words seemed to get stuck in his throat.

“Why we haven’t buried Itachi yet?” Tsunade completed his question.

“Yeah…”

“Well, it’s still an ongoing investigation and neither I nor the ANBU wanted to bury Itachi ´till we had a chance to talk to both you and Sasuke. We needed to hear your version of what happened back there… both your’s and Sasuke´s.”

“But he… it’s summer and-“ Naruto stuttered, the images of his formers lover’s body lying in the warmth of the summer a whole week… slowly rotting away… well, let’s just say that it was not a pretty vision that came to his mind.

“Don´t worry, kid… we kept his body cool and on ice… he still looks the same as the time of his death.” She explained to the trembling blonde. The images of the rotting corpse seemed to be stuck in his mind.

“… Can I… can I see him?” The blonde asked while ignoring Sasuke´s disapproving glare.

“… If that is what you want? I can not see why not!”

“Thanks Baa-ch-“

“What!! Don´t I get a saying in this? He was my brother after all-“

“I will allow Naruto to say goodbye, because of their mutual past… you can go too if you like… might do you good to say goodbye as well, Sasuke!” She felt a small victory as she say the frown on his pale face. ´Hah, got you there, you cold prick! ´ She smirked at him as she walked past him and sat back down on her chair.

“So have you decided on who gets to keep the belongings?” Her elbows rested on the table.

“Naruto can have them… I have enough to remember him by in my mind and in my home, so I don’t need worthless trinkets… besides it seems to me that it’s of importance for you, Naruto…” the last sentence was spoken softly and with a kind of warmth and care that was very unlike for the young raven.

“How considerate of you, Sasuke!” The blonde female leaned back and observed Naruto´s changing expression. His lips curled up into a warm smile that was meant only for the Uchiha who returned the smile to the blonde.

“Thank you, Sasuke.” Naruto stepped closer to the raven and gave the slightly taller man’s shoulder a soft squeeze. The Uchiha felt a delightful shiver run down his spine at the warm touch of the man he desired so badly.

“Hnn,” he couldn’t allow his feelings to be shown just yet… he had to be patient… this was too soon. Maybe… if he played his cards right… he could win the blonde after the funeral. Naruto would most likely be very emotional and in need of a shoulder to cry at.

Sasuke didn’t appreciate what ever relationship the Dobe had had with Itachi… but no matter how much he still disliked his brother he could still use Naruto´s pain to his advantage somehow.

“So, shall we go down to the basement so you can say your last goodbyes? I can make arrangements that everything will be ready for the funeral tomorrow at sunset… would that be alright with you two?” Tsunade´s voice brought both of them back to reality. They had been staring at each other for a few minutes as she decided to talk to them.

“Yosh!” Both males said in unison.

~ # ~

“Heh… Heh, seems like I got myself out of there just in time,” the silver-haired nin grinned at his own cleverness. He had transported himself away from the Ice-cream bar to avoid his former student’s personal questions, and as a bonus he had avoided to pay for the young medics Ice-cream orgy.

“Hi Kakashi-sensei, what are you doing here?” The younger man asked with a welcoming smile on his lips.

“Yo! Iruka, nice to see you in a place like this!”

“What do you mean, you silly Baka… I work here!” The academy teacher chuckled.

“Oh… I must have forgotten from the lack of closeness between us,” and with that he rushed forward and embraced the younger man.

“Not here… someone could see us!” The brunette blushed and hid his face in the other nin´s vest.

“Then let’s go somewhere else, dolphin… I want to taste you… now!”

“But Kakashi, I have to teach in twenty minutes… I only have two more lessons today… can’t you wait ´till then?”

“Nope… and twenty minutes are more than enough for now… I’ll promise you that when you get off I’ll repay you… please!” The copy-nin pleaded with his most seductive voice, which he knew that his secret lover couldn’t resist.

“… Alright then… follow me, I know a place where no one goes at this time a day,” the brunette grabbed the other man’s hand and dragged him off towards the small mens locker room.

~ # ~

“Everything is ready for your last goodbye,” the Hokage said softly, her hand on the blonde male’s shoulder for comfort. “He lays on a table in the next room… his belongings are placed next to his body… call me if you have any questions or need anything… Alright! I’ll be right here.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama,” the Uchiha said. He didn’t like the sad look on the blonde’s face. “Naruto… are you coming?” He took the other man’s hand and was surprised to feel that the blonde was trembling.

“Are you alright?” He asked, but the blonde never answered as his blue eyes were fixed on the steel door in front of him.

“Naruto?” Sasuke pinched the blonde twice before he got a reaction. Naruto didn’t say anything… he just glared at the Uchiha with dead-like eyes and walked to the door and opened it slowly.
They walked into the chilled room together, hand in hand. Sasuke was happy that the blonde hadn’t let go even though the Uchiha had the suspicion that Naruto didn’t even know that he was holding onto Sasuke´s hand in the first place.

They could see the steel table in front of them. Something was lying on it’s cold surface; it was a body… a body covered with a white cloth.

“… Sasuke… would you mind leaving me alone with him for a few minutes?” His voice was merely a whisper… so soft that it made Sasuke´s heart ache with a familiar pain that he hadn’t felt for years.

“Sure… call me if you need me!” what was the real connection between Naruto and Itachi? How come that the Dobe was so heartbroken because of that man… Sasuke wanted to know… and he would make the blonde tell him everything later… that was for sure. The raven had to wring his hand free from the blonde’s grip and walked out of the room.

~ # ~

“Well that was a short visit, Uchiha-san!” The Godaime mocked the raven.

“Naruto wanted to face him on his own, and asked me to leave.”

“Aha… and you just complied, yes?”

“Yes!”

“I see!” She smirked at him.

“What?!” He growled at her. Hokage or not, she was pushing it to the limit.

“You like him that much, Sasuke?”

“What do you mean?” He crossed his arms above his chest and leaned his shoulder against the wall while he glared at the busty woman angrily.

“Oh nothing… but know this! If you hurt his feelings, Uchiha… I’ll make sure that you’ll be in a lot of pain for a really long time… I love that brat too!”

He just raised his brow and gave her a cold glare. His façade was cold and without emotions as ever… but on the inside he knew very well that she had him figured out… she somehow knew that he had feelings for the Dobe, which meant that he had to approach Naruto with caution.

He didn’t want the Godaime as his enemy…she could be a very scary sometimes and above it all… she was one of the legendary sanin and stronger than that Snake bastard had been.

~ # ~

A trembling hand hovered over the clothed body. Hesitant fingers softly grabbed a hold on the fine fabric that covered his dead lover.

His breathing was ragged. It took all his strength and will power to drag the white sheet away to reveal what lay beneath it.

“Oh God!” He almost cried out loud as the pale face of the man he killed was uncovered. Naruto felt his knees tremble violently beneath him… threatening to betray him.

“Oh God, Itachi… I´m so sorry… so sorry!” He could feel warm tears running down his whiskered cheeks. The blonde let go off the fabric and softly touched the dead Uchiha´s cheek. His hand withdrew instantly at the touch. Itachi´s skin was cold at his touch… cold and hard; frozen.

“Your soul is long gone… isn’t it, Itachi? This is just an empty shell… all I have left… are the memories of us… together!” He ran his thumb over the pale and slightly blue lips. The softness was gone as well as the heat.

His blue eyes tailed the many cuts and wounds that were all over the other’s lifeless body. The black cloak with the red clouds was torn to shreds. The sobs grew more desperate and painful as his eyes came to a stop at the round hole in the man’s chest, right above the heart.

“I did this to you, didn’t I? these hands… with these hands… The Kyuubi… No, I… it was I who killed you… didn’t I?” He felt like screaming, but didn’t. He didn’t because he knew if he did… Baa-chan and Sasuke… they would come running in here, and Naruto just wanted to be alone right now.

“I miss you, you prick!” He whispered through the sobbing. “I miss you so much… I don´t know if I´m able to do what you asked of me… I will cherish the things you left me… I will keep them close to me and keep them safe… but… but about Sasuke… I just don´t know… I just don´t… know if I can. “

He dropped to his knees, his hands clutching the Akatsuki cloak that the dead man still wore. “I… you are so alike… and then again not… I just don´t know what to do anymore… Itachi… What do I do from here?”