As Long as it Feels OK

/* AN: First thing's first; explaining the punch to Naruto's "gut" I had a LOT of people worried about Naruto's and the baby's well being due to this one. I guess I didn't explain it properly. To knock someone unconscious and not cause severe harm (or so it's been explained to me) you punch someone just below the ribs, driving up under the sternum to force all air out of the lungs and throw the body into a momentary state of shock that renders them temporarily unconscious. I didn't want to do a blow to the head, because that can cause long term harm, and whenever I tried to knock him out with a blow to the neck or something I couldn't help but think about the Vulcan Nerve Pinch and laughed my ass off, so this is what I wrote. Sorry for any confusion, now, on with the story!! */

*DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters in Naruto. If you have a problem with male/male content then you probably shouldn't read this story as it will eventually be coming to that.*

Huge thanks to akuma_river for betaing my work. Sorry I didn't get it out sooner.

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Naruto sat in the same room where Tsunade had first told him of his "condition." He sat on the same bed staring out the same window wondering how it had come to this. His mind was still muddy and he was still mad at Sasuke for something he apparently didn't do. His memories ended after that first round of torture; after Itachi had given up doing the work himself and handed it off to his brother.

The blond was grateful for real food, albeit, he wasn't allowed to eat much at a time as his stomach had shrank quite a bit from his no food – food binges. Tsunade was grateful he was in as good condition as he was, he appeared to have his mental health, even if his memories were a bit sketchy here and there. He knew that it was Itachi and Akatsuki that had been holding him, and that it had been ANBU from the Konoha ga Kure that had brought him back.

He'd been gone for a month. His closest friends had been the ones to come for him because the elders refused to send organize a real rescue mission. They had risked being labeled missing-nin to come rescue him against those asshole's wishes. The only ones he was sure were there were Sasuke and Kiba; the two of them had taken turns carrying Naruto back.

The baby was in perfect health, the Kyuubi had done his job well, even if Naruto's own body was suffering because of it. The blond absent-mindedly ran his hand over his belly. Everyone was gone now, visiting hours were over with and the moon had risen. Sakura was apparently on suspension for going after the blond, so even she wouldn't be in to visit him. It was just Naruto, Kyuubi and the baby.

Naruto hoped that Akatsuki had had enough for a while, he didn't know if he could deal with another month of that torture. Sure he had bared it with little ill-effect, but he was exhausted beyond belief. He couldn't sleep though, he hadn't slept since he came back. He'd been forced unconscious by the one he loved the most and now he couldn't sleep, imagine that.

Turning away from the window he attempted to get himself more comfortable and try, once again, to sleep. He could hear footsteps in the hall, but tuned them out knowing it was just another nurse moving to one of the more important patients. He wasn't allowed to leave until he got a full night's sleep. Soon enough, Tsunade was gonna have to cast a sleep jutsu on him.

There was a soft knock at his door, "Come in."

An older nurse poked her head in. "Still not asleep? It's past midnight now you know?"

He looked up and the ceiling and sighed, "Yeah I know, I've been counting the clock ticks since Kiba and Shikamaru left. It hasn't helped to make me tired. Maybe you could get someone to bring me something to read?"

The nurse pulled back and looked down the hall before poking her head back in, "There's a note here from Sasuke if you'd like to read it. He wanted to bring it in himself but with the way you blew up at him last time... Tsunade thought it was best to wait until you asked for him."

"I think I'd like that." She turned and slowly closed the door before moving off down the hall again. It was almost an hour before she brought the note. "Sorry, I got pulled into an emergency."

"Whatever." Naruto was still laying staring at the ceiling, counting the seconds and minutes and hours until visiting hours started again. He could see there was snow falling outside the window again. It was going to be a long winter.

The nurse moved off. The shift would be changing soon, and the lady that worked the next shift lost a son to the Kyuubi, so she would either be in here mentally torturing him more, or she would just completely ignore him. He liked it better when she pretended he didn't exist, even if it meant he didn't get breakfast until late.

He turned and grabbed the scroll off of the nightstand next to him and looked it over. It bore the Uchiha seal on it, pressed into more then enough red wax. Sasuke had sealed it in a hurry; apparently he knew he wouldn't be allowed in to see Naruto.

Breaking the wax and carefully unraveling the paper Naruto inspected the paper. First thing he noticed was Sasuke's signature at the bottom. He hadn't signed it with his first name, just "Sasuke," but with his full name instead. Somewhere inside, that hurt Naruto more then what he thought the black haired boy had done to him.

It was just a quickly written short note, but from Sasuke none the less, "I'll be there at 1:30 during the shift change, watch for me at your window. If you're awake, please let me in. I really want to talk to you when no one else is around. -Uchiha Sasuke"

Informally written, with a formal signature? What was wrong with Naruto's favorite rival? Checking his count again, believe it or not, he was capable of multi-tasking, such as reading and counting in the back of his head. He wasn't as dense as he played at being. There was fifteen minutes before Sasuke would be coming.

What could that boy possibly want to talk to him about? Last time Naruto had seen him, he blew up at him for the torture he was put through by him, then being punched in the gut! What if he'd hurt the baby? Naruto was already hurting, didn't he think that that one punch might have been enough to put him over the edge and kill him or something?

The blond knew he was overreacting, acting as an ANBU, Sasuke had to be detached from what he was doing, he had risked enough just by taking his mask off. What if one of the Akatsuki had seen? Surly they would have doubled back for the both of them, Naruto for his demon and Sasuke because he was Itachi's little brother.

A quiet knock brought him out of his thoughts, first he looked to his door thinking it was the nurse checking on him just before she left. Ha, no one cared that much, there was no one at the door. He turned to the window and there was a certain black haired heir to the Uchiha clan crammed into what looked to be a very uncomfortable position on the window sill.

The blond almost laughed, until Sasuke slipped in the slowly piling snow, a look of horror on his face; he was about to fall. Naruto launched himself and opened the window just in time for the paler ninja to fall into the room instead of down a couple stories to the ground.

So now Naruto was looking down at the rather large pile of Sasuke on his floor. He watched it groan as it climbed to it's feet and pushed all the kinks out of his back as he stood, "Merry Christmas, Dobe."

The blond shrugged off the wish. "You know for someone who's trying to kiss up to me, you're doing a really bad job with those insults." Naruto moved back to his bed and laid down with his back to the other boy.

"I'm sorry Naruto." Sasuke took the chair next to the bed and sighed looking at the blond's back. "When you disappeared... I didn't know what I was going to do... I mean, the girl you were, is exactly who I dreamed of whenever I thought of starting my clan again, but now that all of this has happened," he gave a vague gesture with his hand towards Naruto and the hospital bed. "I find myself thinking more about you."

Naruto started to turn over. Was he hearing things or was their a waiver in Sasuke's voice? "Don't turn over! It's... easier without you looking at me." Of course Naruto turned over, but not only did he turn over, he sat up and looked the boy straight in the eye. The blond was taken back by the tears that were shimmering in the other boy's black eyes. "Please Naruto. You just make things so difficult."

"I know I do." While he felt deeply for the boy in front of him he couldn't shake the feeling that this was some new form of torture. Sure Itachi hadn't been back to Konoha in years so there was no way he'd know how everyone acted in order to create such an elaborate illusion, but that sinking feeling was still there, nagging at the back of Naruto's head. "I've been hurt Sasuke, whether it was real or not, I still can't figure it out for myself and until I'm able to distinguish reality from that dream world I can't deal with this."

"What did he do to you?" Sasuke wiped the wetness from his eyes and regarded the boy on the bed.

"No one told you?" A scowl came over Naruto's features.

"No." He lowered his face from the angry eyes pointed in his direction.

"To me, it seemed as though you hated me. First you killed me. Over and over and over. I would always come back and the pain was hell. I would wake up and you'd still be standing there, the kunai still bloody from the last life taken. Somehow Itachi found out about the baby, I could have said something about it when I was near unconsciousness, I'm not sure. Kyuubi warned me though. He said that I would have to guard myself even more now, that it was only going to get worse."

Sasuke was watching Naruto again since the blond had began to fidget with his nails and the hem of his shirt and anything else he could get his hands on. The sapphire eyes he was beginning to fall in love with were filled with tears and darker then he'd ever seen them in his life. Naruto's voice quivered, almost breaking as he spoke of the warning from the fox spirit.

The blond took a deep stabilizing breath, "And then it got worse. Instead of killing me, you would wrench the baby from inside of me and make me watch as you killed it, again and again. That's when I stopped feeling anything. Tsunade said I used chakra to separate my mind from my body so that I became detached, I watched as though it was happening to someone else." He swallowed. "I hated this black haired person for destroying his lover's family. It was the only thing that the prisoner felt he had to live for and he was having it ripped away... so many times..." His face fell into his hands and he let the tears fall without a sound.

"I promise you Naruto, Itachi isn't going to go unpunished for this. I'll hunt him down and kill him, not for the family I once had but for the family that's still in the making. He knew you were precious to me and you were made to suffer more because of it. I promise I'll never let this happen again."

The blond didn't acknowledge in anyway that he'd heard Sasuke so the Uchiha moved and sat next to him on the bed.

"Sasuke..." It was barely a whisper and hardly heard, but Naruto turned, pushing his face in the crook of his lover's neck. He wrapped his arms around that pale column of flesh. He just needed something warm to curl up with, someone to protect him so he could sleep. Anything just so that he wasn't alone anymore.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around the boy in his arms. He could feel the tiredness rippling off of the blond in waves, so he leaned back to lay on the bed, bringing Naruto with him. He kicked off his shoes and maneuvered them so he could stretch out on the bed with Naruto curled into his side.

"Thank you Sasuke-kun." A small kiss was pressed into his neck.

"Look at me Naruto." He pushed up with his shoulder a bit. Blue eyes met his own, they were wet and red and so very very sad looking. "I'm promise I'm never going to leave you."

There was a faint smile of thanks before the blond tried to bury himself in the other boy again. Sasuke caught his shoulders and held him so close but so far away before slowly letting their lips meet.

He should have felt something. He knew he should have. Before, this is what he had dreamed of, what he had wanted more then anything. He had wanted to be his rival's lover and he was carrying this boy's baby, but there was nothing. Just a void of feeling, like kissing the back of you hand. Physically it felt the way a kiss should, soft and warm and sweet tasting but emotionally there was nothing. It was as if there was still something locked away inside his soul.

He had be torn apart when this boy left to join Orochimaru and he'd be ecstatic at finally winning and bringing him back. He'd celebrated killing the snake bastard with this boy. He had fought so hard, even when everyone told him it was hopeless and he remember the thanks they gave him when he proved them wrong.

But still there was nothing. He held to the boy beneath himself, willing emotion to come from himself. Sasuke smiled gently before swiping his tongue over a full bottom lip. Naruto opened to him, hoping against hope to spark some semblance of feeling. Sasuke pulled back, locking his eyes with Naruto's clear one's, "What's the matter?"

"Nothing is the matter." The blond lied.

"Something is not right here. Before, you'd said you would persue me and not let me fall to any of the other people trying to win my affection, but here you are and I'm kissing you and it's like you're completely disinterested. What's the matter?"

"There's nothing wrong. I think I'm just tired. I'm too tired to feel much of anything. All the matters right now is that I'm home, you're here with me. Everything should be fine now."

"If you say so." Sasuke laid back and pulled Naruto down to rest on his chest. The Kyuubi holder needed sleep, anyone could see it. "We're still going to go after him together right? Itachi I mean. He's the real evil here, especially now, knowing what he did to you, what he was trying to do to you. We'll kill him together right?"

Naruto nodded. His mind was racing with thoughts as to why he didn't feel anything. It was as if with Sasuke's kiss a dam had been erected inside himself. He wasn't afraid that this was a dream, or torture for that matter. He wasn't happy to have Sasuke in his bed, he wasn't angry for what he thought had happened. He was nothing, only tired; but he'd been tired since he got here, at least now sleep seemed to be taking him. His eye lids got steadily heavier until he could no longer lift them.

"Yeah... We'll get 'em"

Sasuke smiled and hugged the blond to him for a second. He would let Naruto get as much sleep as he needed.

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