I Don't Think You Understand

You all make me a very happy woman. I really enjoy your commentary and appreciate what you say about my timeliness and motivation :-). It's mostly that I just write about two or three pages every day (around when I have to update). How I wish this kind of dedication would surface when it comes time for me to start my research papers. Ah, life.

Once again, sadly, I do not own Naruto, though I do own my theories about the characters and the lovely mental images floating around in my brain.


***||***

Life for a ninja was fraught with dangers. At any point in time, any shinobi who had been out of the village on at least one mission had (again, at least) one person who would not hesitate to stick something of the cutting or exploding variety into whatever orifice struck his or her fancy. Of course, since no ninja still capable of taijutsu would stand for this, that person would...defend him or herself. If the attacker was a non-ninja, Hokage-sama help them, because they wouldn’t be getting any mercy from her or from the shinobi defending life and village.

Konohagakure was nothing if not thorough with its laws concerning justifiable self-defense.

However, at that moment, Iruka was more interested in finding out about the rules against homicide. Does being bored nearly to the point of death constitute justifiable homicide? I mean, I would have been saving myself and all those other teachers in there from a long and torturous demise...

Sighing, he flopped himself onto his couch, lazily untying his hitae-ate before allowing himself to lie down. Wincing at the feel of ponytail-pinching-scalp, he sat up for long enough to undo his hairtie before he fell back again.

I hate having to put up with that nonsense, but I’ve only got a day or so more to go before I lose the fight against attacking one of those idiots.

He sighed again as his stomach rumbled. Dinner time.

***||***

Kakashi was a methodical being. If he dirtied something, he cleaned it up. If he did something wrong, he apologized (often, he found himself apologizing to corpses). If he was late, he made amends.

...at a later time.

This was one of those times. To hell with it. I don’t want to do my dishes right now.

Try as hard as he might, he was unable to get the image of Naruto and Sasuke kissing out of his head. It wasn’t the eroticism inherent in the action that drew him so closely to that hallucination...so what the hell is it?

Absently, he got out a scroll and a pen, and began jotting down his random thoughts. After five minutes of writing, he had something he felt he could work with. He tapped the end of the pen absently on the first item written upon it, “Iruka.”

Now, what do I think about Iruka? He did his best to take his emotions out of the survey. He knew they’d leak in anyway, but he’d make it as clinical as he could.

Chuunin, slightly younger than me, slightly smaller. Brown hair, brown eyes, golden skin, mostly likely tanned. Possesses exceptional taijutsu skills, nearly on par with those of Gai. Ninjutsu and genjutsu abilities are unknown. Has jounin level skill, but for some reason remains a chuunin. Patient, kind, strong, handsome, smart...

“Perhaps I should move on to the next point,” Kakashi murmured softly. “I could spend a while on him.”

Next dot was “other men.”

...I haven’t thought about it much.

Iruka had been the first person to snatch his attention in this way, as far back as he could remember. He’d been more or less asexual for his entire life up until he’d been threatened by the deceptively mild looking Academy teacher. To this day, he still didn’t know why it was only Iruka who caused this reaction...but he thought that he at least had a better idea about why he’d started looking at other men after he and Iruka began dating.

Following that train of thought, he walked over to a bookshelf and pulled one of his Icha books off, and thumbed it open to a chapter he’d always skipped before now.

The brave, dashing hero was in despair over his recent betrayel of the woman he thought he was in love with. In typical angst, he clutched his head in agony and mumbled over and over again, “why? Why did I have to do it, and with a man to boot?” He’d been brought up for all of his life to look at women and women only, and what did he do once he’d gone out into the world? Gotten himself knocked up by the first man he came across! His mother would be so ashamed of him.
“What are you looking so down about, my handsome young lad?”

The hero looked up into the face of one of the oldest, but handsomest men he’d ever seen in his life. Long flowing white hair, wise dark eyes, and clothing of the most fashionable greens and oranges decorated a figure that was still robust.

“I...” The young man realized he was staring then, and coughed a little. “I am troubled. Old One.”
“Less with the respect, youngling,” the older man sighed. “I’m not that old yet.”
“Sorry,” the hero quickly said. “Like I said before, I am...troubled.”
“Love problems?”
“How did you know?” The hero was shocked. How could this older, chic man possibly have a clue as to what he was feeling at that moment?

The older man chuckled. “When it comes to people your age, it’s always love problems. So, what happened with the girl this time?”

The hero winced, and the older man was quick to pick up on it. “Guy, then?”

Miserable nod.

“Not interested in men but ended up shacking up with one anyway?”

Another miserable nod.

The older man was silent for a while. A frog came up to him and absently, he started petting it. In an amazing display of dexterity, he also put together a pipe and began smoking it.

“It’s okay to look around, lad,” the old man commented at length. “Just because you like one doesn’t mean it’s not okay to not like the other.”

The young man turned to the older one with a start to thank him for the advice, but like a whisper on the wind, he was gone, doubtless to spread his wisdom elsewhere.

Pondering those immortal words from the Icha book, Kakashi thought about the cryptic advice the wise old man had given. “It’s...okay to look around,” he murmured softly. “But I hadn’t looked around since Iruka caught my interest...”

Going back to his list, he looked at the second item of “other men” once again, and deliberately brought to mind images of the men he knew.

Easy ones first. First one to be called to mind was his teacher, the late Yellow Flash. Bright yellow hair, clear eyes...Kakashi forced himself to swallow the painful lump in his chest as he imagined his greatly-missed teacher. Thinking through it, Kakashi felt no sensual pull toward the man.

Next was Asuma. The man probably had charm in there somewhere, but Kakashi found it hard to think about the man’s body when all his memories were tainted with the stench of cigarrette smoke and blood. Nothing for him, either.

He was pretty sure that young guys like him weren’t supposed to find old, dead men like the late Sandaime-sama attractive, so he shied away from that thought after offering a mental apology to the leader he’d respected.

Gai...Kakashi didn’t know whether to cringe or be fascinated by the thought of the man shirtless. All ninja had nice bodies; it was practically a requirement after all the heavy training they did to even have the right to fight for the village, but Gai’s body was something wholly unique. He’d seen the man without his shirt once, and at the time it hadn’t done anything for him, but now...he felt his mouth dry at the thought of those sinews, the way the skin had moved over the muscles, the sweat making the man’s skin glow and flash...then he turned around and that distinctive grin flashed and a thumb’s up was offered...

AUGH!!!

An unitentional chakra surge to his legs made him jump and adhere himself to the ceiling, shaking in every limb. For the better part of the next half hour, he rocked back and forth minutely, muttering, “I did not just find Gai attractive. I did not just find Gai attractive...”

Eventually, the wave of nauseated horror died down enough for him to drop back into his seat on the couch.

“Naruto and Sasuke,” he muttered. “Just think about Naruto and Sasuke.”

They were easy to call to mind, but he didn’t want them kissing for this, so with patient mental exercises (the first few being used to further calm his trauma about Gai), he separated them in his mind.

Naruto had grown up a lot. Taller than him, golden hair, blue eyes...his body inspired the same reaction that Gai--

No! I had no reaction to anyone! I did not!!

--inspired the same reaction that the sight of Iruka’s body did. However, as soon as he considered finding Naruto attractive, his morals started shrieking at him and beating him over the head with enormous glowing hammers, over and over again, stamping the word “WRONG!” into his flesh.

Clearly, considering Sasuke is out of the question as well...

“I just have to hold out for one more day before I can bring some of this to Iruka,” he muttered. “Just one more day. You can do it, Hatake. You are a jounin. You were an ANBU. You taught genin.”

...can it be tomorrow NOW?!

***||***

It had to come around sometime. Unfortunately, that evil thought about Kakashi finding Gai attractive came to fruition, though I believe he's going to deny it as hard as he can. After all, he and Gai are R-I-V-A-L-S.

It'd be really disturbing to have your complete opposite be the epitome of your sexual fantasties, anyway.

Not much to say about Iruka, since he's the one who actually has a clue about what he's feeling, but if Kakashi is to fully discover his sexuality, he's going to have to search out what attracts him to people, and that means thinking about other people.

As a parting comment, I give to you a quote a friend of mine recently said; "Great quivering Buddha, what was that?!"

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