Death is the only way to freedom

Hi everyone!
Thanks for the comments. I must apologize for the lack of updates as they have been posted on Aarin quite awhile. The reason for this is a very negative resonse I got, that pissed me off. I write fan fics for myself; because I love to write, I love the Naruto manga/anime and I´m trying to improve my very rusty english by writing. I have got a beta for this fic now... but I didn´t in the beginning.

It´s not that I can´t accept that someone disagrees with my writing... constructive kritism can really help a rookie writer a lot... but if someone just goes on with a lot of aggressive crap, it dosn´t help at all - so if you don´t like my writing - don´t read it, please.

For everyone else: thank you all so much for the praising comments; it was you who made me wanna go on writing, even if that óne evil remark hurt my pride a lot.

Well enough of that - on with the story - please enjoy!

Chapter 15: Love?

He walked through the door and took off his dusty sandals before entering the kitchen. As he poured himself a cup of coffee he let the last lesson of the day run through his mind. Kids these days were spoiled and nosy, not like Naruto´s years.

The rookie nine that had made it through the exam that year were all still alive. They were one of the most skilled and most improving groups of shinobi. He was proud to have been apart of their starting careers back when they were still at the academy.

He sipped at his coffee and looked around; it was almost to quiet in the two-bedroom apartment that he lived in with his silver-haired lover.

“Kakashi?”

The brunette called out while unzipping his green vest. He took it off and hung it over the back of a chair and walked into the living room.

Where could his perverted lover be? The coffee was freshly brewed and the front door unlocked so he had to be here somewhere!

“Kakashi… Honey?” Iruka walked through the deserted living room and continued out into the hallway. He looked in the bathroom and the second bedroom which they used as a study; no Kakashi there!

Did his lover take a nap in the bedroom? He walked up to the door and pushed it open. His brown eyes grew wide as he looked at the sight in the dark room.

“Kakashi? What are you doing?”

~ # ~

“Did you say your goodbyes, Gaki?” The busty blonde Hokage placed a comforting hand on the other blonde’s shoulder. “What is wrong? You look pissed! What did the idiot say or do to you (She means Sasuke).”

“It´s nothing I can’t handle, Baa-chan. Sasuke is Sasuke after all. “Naruto didn’t even bother to put on a fake grin but allowed himself to look pissed for once. That cold ass really had the nerve to feel him up in the morgue… right next to the dead body of his own brother and Naruto´s ex – disgusting.

Naruto did feel attracted to Sasuke; he always had. Ever since that time at the almost fatal incident on the bridge with Haku; when Sasuke had stepped in front of him – saving his life at the cost of his own, he had felt this funny feeling in his heart. This strange feeling of butterflies roaming inside of him whenever Sasuke was near him.

He talked with Sakura about that feeling, he never mentioned who made him feel that way; she would have killed him instantly if he did. She told him that this feeling was what it meant to be in love with someone.

He was scared at this at first, but as he came to travel with Jiraiya who had dragged him along to almost every whorehouse in the cities they came through. He had slept with women at first, but once, when Jiraiya was passed out drunk and that raven-haired male whore had made a pass on him. The whore looked a bit like Sasuke; raven-colored hair though longer, pale with dark eyes, not as dark as his, but close enough. His body slender and his smile was so like those rare ones of his former teammate.

Naruto had f***ed the whore. The feeling of a man beneath him instead of a female with breast and the high tone of voice was unfamiliar but rather appealing.

While having sex he had wondered what it would be like to have Sasuke pinned there beneath him instead; to hear the ravens deep sensual voice moan in delight as he continued to pound his tight ass. Somehow he had managed to end up with an Uchiha in bed; just not the one he intended to sleep with and not quite the position he had planned. Itachi was always on top, and Naruto the bottom; not that he’d mind. Itachi was good on top, and it felt good too.

“Naruto? What did the Uchiha do? Naruto?” The blonde snapped out of his trip back to the past as he felt Tsunade´s hands on his strong shoulders; shaking him.

“… Gomen, Baa-chan. I just thought of something from the past. Sasuke… is just a bit… emotional with all the stuff I told him about Itachi´s past… it’s normal to react on that. I had my goodbyes and he’s just saying his…”

“Naruto… Is there anything I can do?” Tsunade was worried. She could see Itachi´s´ necklace around the blonde’s neck; next to the one she lost to him, years ago. The second hitai-ate around his muscled biceps, which she guessed had belonged to the diseased, was also disturbing news.

“Nah, it’s fine, Baa-chan. See ya at the funeral later on… I need to think something over,” he gave her a weak smile and walked out the door and left the hospital.

The Hokage stared at his back as he left. The carefree loud boy she once knew was long gone. He had grown into a man that had seen the horrors of the world and the world had changed him. She hoped that whatever the Uchiha was planning would eventually bring a real happy smile back on her beloved gaki`s too serious face. If the Uchiha really loved the blonde, he had to and she would do all in her power to help him make Naruto happy.

~ # ~

“Kakashi? What are you doing?” The brunette stared at the naked man on the bed.

“Yo, dolphin, welcome home.” The older and very naked nin smiled seductively at his lover.

“… Thanks, but what is the meaning of this?”

“Oh you mean the rose-peddles, the red wine you love so much, the liquid chocolate sauce, whipped cream and strawberries? I bought you exactly five red roses too!” Kakashi patted the bed; inviting the brunette to sit next to him.

Iruka grew a wide grin and hurried to sit next to his lover.
“You remembered?” The brunette softly pressed his lips on his lover’s.

“Like I would forget the first time I held you in my arms; kissing every part of your hot willing body,” the silver-haired nin placed a sweet kiss on his lover’s nose. “Happy five year anniversary, dolphin. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”

“Are you proposing to me?” Iruka was already feeling his body react to his lover’s sweet words and actions. This was so romantic, and so overwhelmingly sweet.

Iruka loved Kakashi and knew that Kakashi loved him to. The copy-nin would do many things to please him, but he was usually not the overly romantic type. Kakashi liked to cuddle and expressed his love with kisses and words, but he never really brought home flowers, gifts or would bring other things into bed with them; other than their naked bodies that was.

“Oh yeah, I got one more thing for you… take a shower and I’ll give it to you afterwards, kay!” The older man smirked as he made himself comfortable on the bed while dipping a strawberry in the heated chocolate sauce before eating it.

“But-“

“No buts! I’ll be right here, waiting for you… And dolphin… don´t bother to get dressed after the shower, it’ll just be ripped of you right away,” the brunette couldn’t help to feel aroused as his lover licked a bit of chocolate of his lips, as he hurried to take a fast shower.

~ # ~

The last living Uchiha stared at the murderer of their clan; his only sibling… his older brother.

“… Niisan? You were right all along; I am a foolish child. I didn’t known anything… and I still don’t, I guess. I never suspected anything what happened to you or Naruto. You… you were desperate, weren’t you, niisan? They kept on hurting you and Naruto… and they wanted to…#sigh# hurt me too” Sasuke looked at the almost peaceful expression on Itachi´s pale face.

“And now I can’t even control myself when I’m with that dobe. It’s like my body has a mind of its own… acting on his golden hair that smells like warm summer nights in the forest. His endless blue eyes that threaten to suck me in and never let me go. His spellbinding smile that makes me wanna devour him; taste every inch of his delicious sun kissed skin.” The raven let out a deep sigh.

“I wonder if his entire body is tanned like that?” The young Uchiha stared at the wound in his brother’s chest. His entire upper body was filled with claw marks and cuts from his last battle with Naruto/Kyuubi.

“I always wanted to be the one that killed you in the end… but I’m kind of glad that I didn’t. I’m sure that if I had… It would have destroyed me. Not that I think that I would have died… but to kill a family member or a loved one… I think it would have crushed what is left of my darkened heart.”

He pulled the white sheet up to his dead brother’s neck; carefully not to touch the frozen skin.

“We really were unique siblings… you and me, niisan. We both filled our hearts with darkness to gain more power, only to find out that real power is not to be found in the darkness, but in the light. We both found the light in the same loud dobe… you saved his life… though it… cost your life.”

Sasuke pulled out a chair and dropped down on it next to his brother. He somehow felt like sharing his thoughts, maybe because it was his niisan… and maybe because the man couldn’t mock him anymore.

“Niisan, I think I drew him away from me again. I think he liked you a lot and I fool, grope him right in front of your dead body. He’s probably disgusted beyond anything else right now… I’m… I’m not even sure what my feelings are. I want him so badly, niisan. I want to wake up in the morning, seeing his face as the first thing. To hold him in my arms or to be held while I whisper the things I want to do together with him. I want to make him smile with happiness every day, I want him to be safe from harm and I will let no one except me touch him like they touched either of you.”

“I don’t think that I can go on without him anymore… I should never have left in the first place… it just wasn’t worth it in the end. I told myself not to become to attached to anyone… that I only lived to revenge my clan. But somehow he snuck his way in, somehow… that loud, annoying baka. He made me feel appreciated, worthy and special for whom I was; not because of a stupid name… or because I got money. And I… I betrayed... him… and his trust, his friendship and love. I stepped on his pride… and tried to kill him.”

Sasuke looked at the ceiling. This actually felt good; to finally put his feelings and thoughts into words… to tell someone even if the one he talked to was a dead man.

“I don’t think I could go on living if he hates me…would you think his life would have been easier if you had just killed me along with everyone else back then? “ He felt something wet and oddly warm run down his face; tears. Who was he crying for? Naruto, himself or maybe Itachi?

“Would the world be a better place if I didn’t exist? Would everyone be better off… without me? Who would really miss me if I were to disappear?” He wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I know one who would be sad if you were to disappear again, Uchiha!”

“Hokage-sama?”

“He cares for you, don’t ask me why because I don’t understand why he would put up with a selfish prick like you anyway.”

“How much did you hear?” He felt suddenly very small next to the busty woman.

“Enough to know that you are in love with him, Uchiha. So you better not run off again or I’ll kick you ass myself this time, do you understand that?” Sasuke only nodded. There was an odd expression on his face. His lips were parted and his eyes were wide; she had heard everything and understood him?

“Then say your final goodbye and get your ass out of here and go see your future… he’s at the Hokage mountain… thinking. Life is for the living… It’s short, especially if you live you life as a shinobi… make the best of it while you are here and don’t waste it on stupid things. You already know what you did wrong… and you know what’s in front of you… he just needs a bit of time… he really loves you to!”

“Why weren’t you around to tell me that as I lost them all? Maybe then I could have-“

“Sasuke! Don’t continue to live in the past. Naruto`s already said it, he want’s to go on. Don’t you think it’s about time to let the past go? To live your own life… With the one you love?”

~ # ~

Stepping out of the shower, the brunette wondered what his lover had planned for them. He dried himself with a fluffy grey towel and wrapped it around his waist. He wasn’t really that comfortable being naked, even though he had nothing to be ashamed of. He had a slim trimmed body with a light tan. He had a few scars from his days in the active duty… but none as visible like the one across his nose.

Kakashi always told him the he was attractive, but he didn’t really feel like that himself. He found himself to be a normal man in his mid thirties; he worked out an hour or two a day to stay in shape because he could still be assigned to mission outside the Leaf, though it rarely occurred.

Iruka opened the bathroom door and stepped in to the chill air.

“That was fast,” the copy-nin grinned.

“Well yeah… I wanted to hurry so I could be with you.” The brunette blushed at his own little confession.

“You’re so cute when you blush, dolphin… come, sit with me on the bed.” Iruka smiled and sat down next to the man he loved. He felt desire run through his entire body as his silver-haired lover cupped his blushing cheeks and kissed him; softly a first, then deeper and more passionate.

“Wanna play a little game with me, dolphin?”

“What did you have in mind?” Iruka licked his lips; he could taste the mix of strawberry and chocolate as they kissed.

“I call it ´guess a flavor´” The older nin smirked.

“Alright… what are the rules?” This could be fun… and really hot.

“We take turns on closing our eyes while the other one feeds you with something… no peaking and no hard biting… so close your eyes for me, my beloved dolphin and let the game begin.”

~ # ~

He was walking up to the lone sitting frame on the huge stone sculpture of the fourth Hokage. This had always been the first spot he would have looked for the blonde, even without the hint he had received from the fifth. “Naruto?”

“…What do you want, Uchiha?” Naruto didn’t fully trust his voice to say the right name because of the anger that filled him. He didn’t even have to turn around to know that the raven was there in the first place. Something had changed after the death of the fox… no it had started even before that. Perhaps the merging process had been further that he had expected it, because his sense of smell and hearing was almost twice as advanced as ever before.

“I’m… sorry!”

“…I see, and?” The world must have come to an end, the blonde thought. Uchiha Sasuke was apologizing to him… maybe there was still hope left.

“I… I like you!” Sasuke was looking at Naruto´s face. The blonde was not showing any kind of emotion…

“And you want me, right?”

“…”

“Are you aroused?” Naruto said coldly as he continued to stare at the setting sun.

“…” What kind of question was that all of the sudden, the Uchiha thought while he raised a dark brow. What does one say to a question like that?

“Then go f*** one of your fan girls!”

“What?!” The Uchiha was surprised at the blonde’s harsh and very blunt words.

“What?! You want my body that badly?” Naruto suddenly rushed forward; pinning Sasuke against the rock wall, hands above his head.

“Tell me, do you want to get f***ed by me so badly?” He felt Naruto´s lips pressing harshly against his. The tanned hand that wasn’t used to hold his hands found its way under his deep blue shirt.

“Ahh” He couldn’t help to cry out as Naruto grinded his groin against Sasuke´s.

“Hmpf… is this what you want? Just to get f***ed like a whore? Without any kind of feelings involved?” The blonde growled before biting down on Sasuke´s neck.

“Ahh… no…I”

“You want me to f*** your ass so hard that you wouldn’t know what was up and what was down? There’s only one catch though - If I f***ed you now… I would never touch you again afterwards, Sasuke. Do you want that?” The heat from Naruto´s body was suddenly gone. Naruto was once more sitting on the head of the fourth; staring down on the city he used to love with all his heart.

“…. No, that’s not what I want, Naruto,” Sasuke sat down next to the blonde and gazed at the city with him.

“Then what do you want?”

“Just to be with you, even if we were just to sit here, together, watch the sun go down; talk.”

“…”

“I f***ed up both our lives once… by leaving you here when all I really wanted was to stay at your side. I guess you could say I felt happy when I was in team seven… when I was with you.” Naruto was staring at Sasuke. Why was the teme saying things like this all of a sudden?

“I thought that revenge was the only path… that the darkness was the only way to gain more power… but I was wrong. Real power… could be found right here!” He lifted his gaze and looked into blue eyes that showed a hint of confusion.

“Real power is not to be found in the darkness… but in the light, Naruto… In love, compassion and friendship. It makes you wanna go on, to protect the ones you love… with love in your heart… you can overcome all obstacles and obtain true greatness.”

“I don’t think I ever heard you say so many words at once, teme… but I understand what you mean. I tried to tell you… but I guess one can’t learn from other people’s experience, one has to figure it out on their own.”

“… yeah… do you think that you could ever forgive me?” The raven let out a deep breath and leaned his head against the blonde’s shoulder. He was afraid the Naruto would move away or push him off; but he didn’t.

“Teme!” Naruto´s voice was soft as he wrapped an arm around Sasuke´s shoulder. They just sat there, together, looking down on the city without saying another word.

Things that had been broken were slowly mending. There was no need for more words today.

~ # ~

“Mmmmm” Iruka sucked the liquid chocolate of Kakashi´s finger. His eyes where closed and his hands softly rubbed his lover’s well trained chest.

“Your turn,” the silver-haired nin devoured his little brunette with his eyes before he closed them and opened his mouth.

“There you go,” Iruka slowly hand feed his lover with a half strawberry with whipped cream on top. They sat on the bed close to each other and chuckled as the game became more and more daring.

Kakashi were soon asked to lick a mashed strawberry of his lover’s chest and in return made his dolphin trail down his body to lick of a trail of chocolate sauce of his heated skin from his neck to his nipple.

They had soon decided to keep their eyes open and apply the sweets on each other in turns and then lick it of. Iruka´s face turned bright red as Kakashi applied a thin layer of whipped cream and caramel sauce on the brunette’s hard length before slowly and very sensually licking it off.

“Ahh, Ka… ka… shi…” Iruka cried out as his older lover deep throated him. Kakashi removed his lover’s erection from his mouth and pushed Iruka on his back on the futon He mashed a few strawberries between his palms and rubbed the fruit onto the lightly tanned skin of his dolphin.

“Mmmmm, you look so hot, all covered in sweet fruit… but something is missing. Ah I know what’s missing,” Kakashi stuck his finger into the chocolate and drew something on Iruka´s heaving chest.

“… What are you doing?” The brunette asked with curiosity as he tried to read what the letters said.

“I’m marking you as mine. Do you want to be mine forever?” The silver-haired man smiled happily at his lover “I know that I want to be yours!”

“Kakashi, I love you so much… yes, I would love to spend the rest of my life with you,” the brunette wrapped his arms around his lover and rubbed his chest against his lover’s; smearing the mashed strawberries and chocolate all over them both.

“Well look at the mess I made,” the brunette grinned, “I guess I have to lick you clean, don’t you agree?” Both chuckled and just held on to each other for a few seconds. The feeling of the wet substance between them was a bit odd, but none of them really felt like letting go.

“Wanna make love all covered in this fruity mix?” The silver-haired purred into brown locks.

“Mmm, yes please.” Iruka wrapped his legs around his lover’s back and arched his body as he felt his lover enter his body slowly.

Their bodies moved slowly, enjoying every little friction between them. Their eyes met as Kakashi softly caressed his lover’s cheek before they kissed.

“I love you, I love every part of you… you complete me, Iruka.”

“I love you too, Kakashi… you might… be a pervert… but you… are my… pervert.” Both chuckled which send delightful vibrations through their connected bodies that caused them both to moan.

“Mmmmm hot,” Kakashi hummed as he nibbled at the sweet tasting skin on his lover’s chest.

Kakashi suddenly flipped them over, so that Iruka was now straddling Kakashi´s hips.
“I thought you might wanna taste the strawberries on my skin, dolphin.”

“Ahh…” Iruka leaned down and licked some of the fruit of his lover’s chest. He then leaned back and moved his body up and down in a steady pace; his hands resting on Kakashi´s chest.

Kakashi guided his movement with his hands on his hips; up and down, up and down.

“Ah… so close… faster… harder.” Iruka moaned as he increased the pace.

Their breaths became ragged, their movement less steady as they reached their peak together.