Questionable Loyalty

A/N: Well, here it is - the chapter where Itachi finally tells Kakashi the truth.

Also, I apologise for whatever typoes there were in the previous chapter - I was literally half-asleep while writing it and too damn stubborn and impatient to wait till I was more awake to proofread it.



CHAPTER 16





The lock on the door of Kakashi’s room clicked, it opened and the Jounin looked up as he was lying on the bed to see who was coming in, his entire body tensing, preparing to fight if he had to. The tension didn’t leave him when he saw his uninvited guest – it was the elder Uchiha, dressed in simple dark shirt and pants, sans the trademark Akatsuki cloak.



The young man paused by the door and they looked at each other for a moment until Kakashi raised himself to a sitting position and gestured:



“Please, come in.” he said, sarcasm lacing his tone “There was no need to knock.”



Itachi calmly strode into the room, not rising to the bait. Only now did Kakashi notice that the young man was carrying a paper folder in his left hand. The Uchiha sat down on the chair by the desk and looked at Kakashi again. The Jounin stared right back, waiting for him to speak.

“I came here against my will, Kakashi-san.” Itachi said quietly. “Pein-sama thought it prudent that I speak with you, even if I disapproved of that decision. I cannot ignore a direct order though.”



Kakashi frowned at him and pursed his lips.



“What could you possibly say that would make your… Leader’s plan any more palatable?” he asked, his tone carefully controlled in order to remain neutral. “Knowing you, I am sure that you have no problem with it – after all, if you are capable of committing patricide and matricide, among other things, you probably see the rest of us as little more than insects, unworthy of even a fleeting concern while being exterminated.”



At those words Itachi flinched as if he had been physically struck, a reaction that surprised the Jounin. The Missing nin was usually so very calm and collected, his expression always stoic and emotionless. Kakashi’s single eye slid down to his hands and realized that they were trembling as he clutched the folder. Most unusual, indeed.



Itachi swallowed several times, as if fighting rising bile and then spoke again, voice gone hoarse, but still keeping the calm tone:



“You have no idea, Kakashi-san, how very wrong you are.”



“Am I?” Kakashi asked. “Do tell me, which part of what I said isn’t true?”



“I do value life. I value all life.”



Kakashi snorted with indignation at the outrageous claim, but Itachi pressed on:



“If I didn’t value life, I would’ve killed you years ago, when we met in Konoha… remember?”



Oh, Kakashi did remember. The torture the Uchiha had put him through had left a permanent scar on his mind, even if it hadn’t touched his physical body.



“You call what you did to me mercy?”



“It was for your own protection.” Itachi said softly.



The Jounin rubbed his temples.



“You are speaking in riddles, Itachi. And so far, I haven’t heard an answer to my question.”



Itachi remained quiet for so long that Kakashi wondered if he had fallen asleep. Finally, he looked up and the Jounin felt the hairs at the back of his neck rise, his skin prickling. The Uchiha’s eyes were pools of pure black, not a hint of colour or emotion in them; flat, reflective surface that showed no hint of what should’ve lurked within.



“You are a deluded fool, Kakashi-san.” He told him, voice as flat as his eyes. “What Pein-sama proposes is no different than what Hidden Villages perform within their own borders, only this time it’d serve a higher purpose.”

“Konoha has never performed genocide in its own borders, Itachi.” Kakashi informed him coldly. Itachi’s lips suddenly stretched into a cold, mirthless smile, like a skull grinning at him from a freshly dug grave.



“Oh, but it did” his voice was hollow and brittle “How else would you characterize what I did?”



“What you did was your crime, Itachi, not Konoha’s. I am surprised you’d have the audacity to blame it on the village.”



“I blame no one, Kakashi-san. I am simply stating a fact. It was your precious Hokage Sarutobi, and his advisors along with Danzo, who gave the extermination order. And like the brainwashed fool that I was, I followed it.”



Kakashi stared at him in shock then said sharply:



“You’re lying!”



“I am not.” Itachi answered and lifted the folder that he had. “And this is my proof. The signed order, along with the accusations against my family. I’ll give it to you to read after we’re done talking.”



Kakashi didn’t know what to say. The only thing that he wanted to believe in the moment was that the younger man was lying, taking part in some sort of twisted plot thought up by the red-head upstairs to make him more susceptible to their plans.



“And you’re trying to tell me that you actually accepted an order to kill your own parents? Along with your entire extended family?! And you carried it through!?”



A muscle under Itachi’s left eye began to twitch at those words and he took a deep breath, released it and spoke:



“At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing. There was proof… proof that I had seen with my own eyes that my Clan was preparing a coup against the government… a coup that would’ve led to civil war and worse, that would’ve left us all exposed to attack from all the other Hidden Villagers, who like vultures awaited for just a hint of weakness, of vulnerability to strike against us.”



He got up and began to pace, growing more and more agitated:



“I was terrified… so terrified that it would be like when I was little… destruction, blood, bodies everywhere… I remembered what war looks like, Kakashi-san. I still do. And what’s more, I knew that they were already doomed… I knew what Konoha’s interrogators would do to them. I couldn’t bear it. So I did what our instructors taught me when I entered ANBU – I repressed my own personality, all that was Uchiha Itachi and I became a hunter, a tool, a machine. I killed them.”



Kakashi’s jaw worked for a moment before he could voice any word.



“And when you were done? Did it look any different than your childhood’s memory?”



“No.” Itachi exhaled and made a shaky step back towards the chair, sat down and wrapped his arms around his middle. “It looked exactly the same. I stood there, looked at the bodies of my parents on the floor, their blood slowly spreading around them… and I realized what I had done. I realized my own monstrosity.”



“And Sasuke?” Kakashi asked softly.



“He came home shortly after that. I saw him… I waited for him. I told him not to come in, I didn’t want him to face that, but he has always been so stubborn… He entered. He saw our parents. He saw me.”



“Why didn’t you kill him too?”



“I couldn’t. Even when I took the order, I told them that Sasuke would be spared or I won’t do it. He was so precious, so little, he had nothing to do with plots and treason. He was pure and innocent, nothing of the corruption of our clan or our Village had ever managed to touch him.”



Kakashi sat there, trying to digest all this information, trying to make sense of it. Itachi had to be lying, the Jounin wanted all of this to be a lie. And still, a terrible little voice inside told him that Itachi might just be telling the truth. It terrified him.



“Why did you hurt him?” he asked. “Why did you torture him with your Sharingan? I know that you did. Sasuke’s never told me what you showed him, but I was the one who found him, I was the one who took him to the hospital. I could recognize the symptoms.”



The look on Itachi’s pale face was pained and bitter.



“Because I was selfish. Because I wanted Sasuke to hate me as much as I hated myself. It was… is his right to seek justice, or revenge, at least. And I hurt him… I hurt him because I knew that I had to make him strong… strong enough to withstand anything that Konoha could possibly throw against him. And whatever didn’t kill him, it would make him strong. It was my one way to ensure his survival, should this” he lifted the folder “fail.”



“And drive him in Orochimaru’s clutches, it appears.” Kakashi said, just as bitterly.



“I will take care of that problem when the time comes.” Itachi told him flatly.



He stood up and walked up to Kakashi, handing him the folder.



“Here. It is all in there. Read it. These are the originals… I am putting great trust in you by giving these documents to you, Kakashi. Don’t disappoint me.”



Kakashi took the folder and asked:



“How did they end up in your possession?”



“I stole them, of course. Before I left Konoha. A little insurance that Danzo, or anyone else for that matter, wouldn’t lift a finger against Sasuke. If they harmed him, I would’ve released those publicly.”



Kakashi nodded.



“That would caused the very war you strove to avoid, Itachi.”



“Oh, Kakashi-san. Sasuke is much more precious to me than the whole Konoha put together. I realized that years ago. Only he matters to me now… he and Pein-sama’s plan.” He leaned forward and looked at the older man in the eye “I know that what I have done is a great, terrible crime. I live with the memory of it every day and night of my life. A crime so horrible that I could never find penance or redemption for it. Or forgiveness, for that matter. So I am not even looking for those. I do not matter, Kakashi-san. The only thing that matters is that no one else should ever be put in my position, or Sasuke’s position. No one should have to choose between peace and their family. Pein-sama, for all his flaws, strives to achieve just that. Read those files and tell me, can you think of a different way to face such hatred, such a mentality other than through its own means?”



With those words, the Uchiha turned and left, closing the door behind him and locking it.



Kakashi stared at the closed folder on his lap for a very long time until he finally gathered the courage to open it and begin reading it. Page after page, it was all there – confirmation of all that the Uchiha had just said, written in plain, dark letters against the white sheets of paper. And at the very end was the order of execution, signed by Sarutobi himself, followed neatly by the signatures of the Council members and Danzou himself, along with their personal seals. Kakashi lifted his eye-patch and looked at the seals, examining the chakra signature, running his fingers over the ink. It was real. All of the documents were real. A wave of nausea twisted his gut and he dropped the folder, running to the bathroom, falling on his knees before the toilet and vomiting what little he had eaten during the day, dry-heaving afterwards for what seemed to be a whole eternity.



Afterwards, he somehow dragged himself up to his feet and went to the sink to wash his mouth and face, trying to put his erratic thoughts back in order. When he looked up he saw his reflection in the mirror – a man in his thirties, pale-skinned and tired-looking, little crow’s feet already creeping at the corners of his eyes and at the ends of his mouth. There was nothing all that remarkable about him, other than an eye that never belonged to him to begin with, to say in any way that had been an accomplice, even if an unwitting one, to such a great crime. That he had been part of the charade, of the hypocrisy that permeated every structure of his home village. The unassuming innocence of his own image in the mirror enraged him and his trembling hand curled into a fist and he swung against it, punching it, breaking the glass into hundreds of razor-sharp, glittering pieces that rained down in the sink and the floor around his feet. Blood gushed out of his cut fingers and knuckles, splattering against the shiny little pieces, dimming and hiding his own fractured reflection.



During the whole trip back to his quarters, Itachi walked upright, shoulders squared, chin held high. When the door closed behind him, he leaned against it and slowly slid down, his knees giving out. He sat there, looking at nothing in particular, replaying the conversation in his head over and over. The Uchiha was still there when Kisame entered the room, having just taken a shower, dressed only in a towel wrapped around his hips. When he saw Itachi, he immediately walked up to him, crouched down and asked:



“Itachi… Itachi-san. What happened?”



Itachi’s dark eyes focused on his partner and he wet his lips slowly before he answered.



“I talked to him. Told him everything. Gave him the files.”



Kisame looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. Suddenly Itachi started to laugh, reaching to clutch at Kisame’s large hands.



“I never knew it could possibly feel so good to tell someone, someone who thought he knew the truth!” His laughter reached a hysterical pitch and he began to shake. “If could’ve only seen his face when I told him, it was priceless!”



“Itachi-san…”



The hysterical laughter turned into dry sobs and the young man kept shaking. Kisame reached and took him in his arms, wrapping him in his embrace, trying to shield him from his own agony.



“He looked like he was about to throw up…” he said in between gasps, voice muffled against Kisame’s chest.



“Shhh, it’s okay.” The Mist nin said softly in Itachi’s ear. “I’m here now. It’s okay.”



Itachi pulled back and looked at him.



“It will never be okay, Kisame.”