Pulse

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything affiliated. If two men together upsets you, do not read on.







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Morning jolts me into wakefulness, and I wonder fleetingly why I always forget to close my curtains. My body aches from last night, it is a strange pain, so empty, and yet so full of meaning. Slowly I force myself to get out of my bed. I groan at the thought of having to work today, it seems I will be taking pain killers. I am seriously thinking about going back to sleep, the softness of my bed is becoming altogether too tempting. As though in answer, the clock on my bedside table begins sounding its alarm. I scratch that thought, no sense in becoming like Kakashi and being hours late.



Last night…I close my eyes and run a hand through my hair. Damn but last night was good. It had been perfect, he had been perfect, whoever the hell he was. I am still shocked at what I did, never in my life have I had a one night stand, much less one where I had no idea who I was sleeping with. It had felt so good to just surrender to lust. It had been easy to go with him, incredibly easy to fall into that bed and do with him what I had never done with anyone. It had been intense, not only the pleasure, but strangely enough I had felt a deep connection with him.



I have always been a master at hiding my emotions, and resisting temptations. Lately though, my body and my mind have been craving more than what merely being a Jounin can offer. There is a void in my life that I have never really paid any mind to before. I have been alone for so long, it strikes me as strange that I now so desperately want to change that. I know I should feel at least slightly guilty about last night, but I can’t bring myself to do it. The only thing that could have possibly made it better would transform my starkly masked partner into Naruto.



As soon as I think his name, my hands still in trying to make my hair look presentable. Naruto….brilliant blue eyes, blonde hair, and a body my dreams are made of. His resemblance to the Yondaime Hokage has not escaped my notice. With each passing year it becomes more apparent, and it seems I am the only one that has noticed. I smile slightly at the thought, when I was younger, I had a secret crush on the late blonde haired Hokage. What can I say, I like blondes….a lot…male blondes…with blue eyes. Suddenly I realize just how long I have been sitting here staring into space. Thanking the gods that I took a shower last night, I slip into my clothes, and am out the door in seconds.



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When I get to our meeting spot, my three students are there looking a bit surly. I laugh quietly at their expressions, it reminds me of younger days.



“Sasuke sensei, you’re late!” Chides Yukari. I smile vaguely, in the way that I know annoys the three of them the most. I find myself wanting to train beside Naruto again, to fight with him about petty stupidities. Just to see him every day and stand at his side again, watching him tear apart the misconceptions people have about him. He has been on missions so often now, that I rarely even get to see him around town. I snap back to consciousness when I realize that I am being yelled at by three angry Genin.



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I am watching him again, his students are looking indignant, and he is looking apathetic. Sasuke’s apathy used to drive me insane, it still does, but in a different way. He is teaching them now, ignoring their anger with practiced ease, his movements graceful. He has such enviable grace, and a deadly beauty that radiates from him like so much sweet poison. I do not envy him though, I want him, in every sense of the word, I have for a while now. I smile as he takes out some bells, Kakashi taught us well, the old pervert.



The thought of Kakashi makes me grin wider, he and Iruka have been shacked up with each other for years now. When the people of the village found out, they were scandalized. I for one was surprised no one found out sooner. I’ll have to pay him a visit soon. If anyone can advise me about an unhealthy obsession, he can.



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I am being watched again, I don’t know by whom, but I have sensed them before. They are very good at masking their chakra, but I can feel their eyes on me. I would think it was one of my rabid fangirls…or boys, but they are usually obscenely obvious, and would not have the sense or ability to mask chakra. Whoever it is does not want me to know they are watching me. I am about to turn around and wave in what I am certain is their direction when one of my students comes charging at me.



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I watch him dodge and weave, easily avoiding the Genin’s attempts to get a bell from him. Although I know he is feeling smug, his face, as always, betrays nothing. I am happy to say that I can read Sasuke far better than I used to, which is to say that I don’t have a clue what he is thinking half of the time. Something else catches my attention. I have spent enough time with him to know that his movements are slightly slower than usual. Sasuke is in pain? My eyes widen at the thought of someone hurting Sasuke. Who would do that, no better yet, who would be strong enough? I look at him closer, and see nothing physically wrong with him, that I can see. I am comforted by the thought that whoever caused him pain is probably in far worse shape than he is. I also recognize something else alarming. There is no mistaking it, he was about to turn in my direction, he knows he is being watched. I make sure he is distracted by his student, and then I take off towards town.



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I disappear from Shin’s view without a trace, and reappear a distance from him, and where I know my other students are hiding. The person that was watching me is gone, they must have recognized my slight movement in their direction. This makes me wonder about them more, they are obviously a skilled ninja, a Chuunin at least.



My body is still aching dully, I really don’t want to be here today. I yawn and sit under the shade of a tree, my hands moving in seals that will ease the ache. I close my eyes and let my mind wander, this turns out to be a bad idea. Immediately my mind is filled with images of last night, and Naruto. I snap my eyes back open, and quickly stand, getting aroused while teaching is not a good idea. I am sure Kakashi would be proud, I know he never stops thinking perversions. I heave a long sigh when I sense another of my students closing in. Today is going to be a very long day.



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Kakashi opens the door before I even knock, his one visible eye crinkled in a smile. “Hello Naruto, what brings you here?” his voice is full of insinuation, and I get the sinking but, irrational feeling he knows why I am here. I grin and put a hand to the back of my head laughing nervously “I’ll tell you when I get inside, I really need to talk to you about something.”



Kakashi’s eye opens and he regards me seriously for a moment. Damn, I hate it when he does that, it is like he is looking right thorough me.



“Come inside.” it is as much an order as it is a suggestion, and I have no choice but to do as he has asked. The door clicks shut quietly behind me, but it could have very well been the slamming shut of a coffin lid. There is no escape from his piercing gaze now. I mentally slap myself, what the hell have I gotten myself into. I know that I will not be able to get away with just hedging around my reason for being here. Kakashi wants to know, and when Kakashi wants to know something, he can be more stubborn than anyone I have ever met, except maybe for Sasuke.



Mmmmm Sasuke, my mind blanks, and I know I must look like an absolute idiot just standing there. He looked particularly attractive today, like he had been thoroughly enjoyed the night before.



Something suddenly clicks in my head. Wait a minute….my eyebrow twitches in suppressed fury, and I let out a growl. “That bastard” I hiss quietly, referring to the fucker that got to romp around with the object of my deepest obsession. Ooooh, when I find out who he is, I will kill him, and kill him painfully.





Kakashi is blinking at me with an odd look on his face “Who is a bastard?” he looks intrigued, and now I feel well and truly trapped. Me and my big mouth, why can’t I shut up, I always make things worse for myself.



I stare at Kakashi balefully “No one” it’s completely unconvincing, we both know it, I’m screwed.



He forces me to sit at the table and pushes some tea into my hands. “Naruto, we both know you are lying, so you may as well tell me. You are obviously here to talk. Don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind.” His voice has taken on that tone I can’t disobey. It’s so unfair, after all these years his interrogation skills have only sharpened. I sigh and play with my tea, trying to avoid the subject.



“If you don’t just let it out, I am going to tie you to that chair and force you to watch me eat ramen.” He sounds dead serious, and I know for a fact he would do it, it wouldn’t be the first time.



I sigh deeply as I give in to his request. “Kakashi, I am here because….because I’mobsessesedwithSasukeandIreallywanthimandIthoughtyoucouldhelpmeout…since you were in the same boat with Iruka sensei, so to speak.”



Kakashi whistles through his teeth as he takes this all in, then flashes me one of his quicksilver smiles. “Well, that was illuminating, tell me, when did you come to this conclusion?”



“When I realized that every time I looked at him, my concentration would slip. At first I thought it was because he pissed me off, but then I began to understand it was something more. Then, when we turned fifteen I don’t know, he got….” I trail off and Kakashi picks up for me “He got hot” Kakashi is grinning like the sadist he is, his one visible eye is glinting at me with an obscene kind of joy.



I’m turning red, I know I am, because Kakashi is chuckling knowingly as I squirm in my seat. “Yeah, He did, amazingly so…every time I see him I want to jump him…is that you know, normal?”



Kakashi nods and takes a sip of his tea, I still am surprised that he is letting me see his face. “Yes, it is normal, it’s called hormones, and you are twenty, so they should be raging.”



I know what he is saying, but there is more “It’s more than that, it’s an obsession, a constant fixation that I can’t shake. I don’t just want to sleep with him, I want him, and everything that entails. He is one of the few people who has ever looked at me, I mean really looked. I see him too, not the person he projects…I don’t know, does that sound strange or stupid?” I’m rambling, but it feels good to finally say it out loud, to someone who will not laugh.



“No, it does not. Naruto, you have to tell him, or it will eat you up inside. If I would have kept silent about my feelings for Iruka, it would have driven me insane.” Kakashi’s voice is serious, and I know I need to take his advice, but that is easier said than done.



“How do I approach the subject, how do I tell him without having him think I’m fit for the nut house? What’s more, what if he’s not interested? What if he finds out that I’ve been stalking him, I’m sure Sasuke would not take that too well….” Kakashi holds up a hand, abruptly putting an end to my insecure ranting.



“You’re stalking him, Naruto….you’re becoming your old sensei Kakashi.” He is joking, but I am feeling thoroughly hopeless, and I let my head fall on the table. I hear him sigh, and the clink of his teacup as he sets it on the table. “Naruto, I know this is rough, but if you keep filling your own head with doubts you will never get anywhere. Think about it this way, you have to go after him with the same confidence and vigor that you did with becoming a ninja.”



“Confidence is helpful, but it can’t make someone who isn’t interested suddenly take notice.” I know I am being pessimistic, but I can’t help it.



Kakashi’s eyebrow raises as he takes a long sip of his tea. “How do you know he is not interested?”



I find myself gaping at him. “How do I know!? Kakashi, he’s never even given the slightest hint that he is anything more than friendly with me.”



“Yes, but does he look at you, does he notice you, do his eyes ever linger on you?” This does make me pause, but the moment of wishful thinking is gone as quickly as it came. “He does look at me, but not like that, and if his eyes linger on me it’s usually because there’s something in my teeth.”



Kakashi’s eye rolls and he raps on my head with his knuckles. “Think Naruto, does Sasuke LOOK at anyone, who does he notice but you? Have you ever considered his personality? What would seem like ordinary glances in regular people, in Sasuke is something completely different.”



He is getting a very smug look on his face and I am not surprised when he says in an imperious voice “A true ninja must look underneath the underneath. Remember, love is a battlefield, and you must use your knowledge of Sasuke to take him down, or rather to make him yours”



For the first time since I arrived here, I feel myself considerably cheered. Kakashi’s absurd speech has actually done a lot to lift my mood. “Kakashi….why are you quoting lines from 80’s ballads?”



“They knew what they were talking about, musicians know the soul Naruto, remember that.” I silence him before he can go off on a long tangent “Would you shut up Kakashi, this has nothing to do with musicians. What do I say to him?” This is what I have come here for, and I’m not quite certain he will tell me outright.



He looks pensive and then shakes his head “That is for you to find out, it is not my place to interfere. Besides I do not know him as well as you do. I seriously doubt he will appreciate it if you just walk up to him and say ‘Why hello there Sasuke you are looking mighty fine today, would you like to join me for a vigorous tumble?’ I mean that worked with Iruka but….”



Okay, it is official, both of my former sensei’s are out of their fucking minds. “Kakashi, did you really say that to Iruka sensei?! Please, tell me you didn’t.” He could have said it, after all, Kakashi is a genius, but he is also a moron…sometimes.



Kakashi grins and says pleasantly “And what if I had? What would you have to say then about your old sensei,?” He waggles his eyebrows at me as if to emphasize his awesome sexual prowess.



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He slaps a hand to his quickly reddening forehead, and I continue to grin at him as if I don’t notice how flustered he is getting.



“I would say that I always knew you both had a few bats in the belfry, but now I can see you’ve got a whole colony in there. Then again that probably means you two are made for each other.” He has a point, my relationship with Iruka is unusual…to say the least. We became a couple under some odd circumstances, not that I am going to let sweet, impressionable little Naruto know just what depravities Iruka and myself get up to. Like that thing in the restaurant last week, or in the dressing rooms when he tried on those pants that made his ass look like dessert. Iruka….I’m about to go off into another fantasy when I am brought back to reality by Naruto’s rather morose voice.



“It will probably never happen, I mean Sasuke is the number one bachelor in this damn village, what chance have I got?” Poor Naruto, he needs a morale booster, or a shock to his system. I prefer shocking people, so I take a deep breath and let loose.



“Naruto, stop this at once, the Naruto I know would not give in so easily! Pick your head up! Sasuke doesn’t want some groveling little moron licking his boots, he could have that any day. He wants someone strong, someone who will give him the passion and heat that his life is missing!”



I can see this is getting through to him, he is looking more determined, but not enough. “You are the fire he is missing, he burns only for you! There is no one else that can piss him off like you. No one else who can get under his skin! Take that anger and make it something more. Think of what you will miss if you do not tell him. What then will all your longings get you, but fantasies of a life you could have had, if only you had been brave enough!”



I see his jaw set and he nods, but I’m not done yet. I’m waxing poetic, but I do so enjoy riling him up “Don’t you just long to see that beautiful body beneath you, writhing in ecstasy?!….” I fling an arm out and stand on the table, thoroughly enjoying the pleasant shade of eggplant purple Naruto is turning. “…To hear him gasp your name in the dark hours of the night? To hear him moan, scream, and beg, only for you?! Don’t you yearn to make every hour with him like your own secret world where only you can see past his mask!?” I see him stiffen at this, and I stop my speech abruptly, dropping into my chair as though I have not said a word.



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“Masks…” Something clicks in my mind and I let out a gasp, covering my face with my hands. “Oh shit, last night….”



“Naruto?” Kakashi’s hands are prying my fingers away from my face. “What about last night, what happened?”



Now that it has been triggered, the memory bleeds into me. Masks, a room full of them, glimmering like fireflies in a darkened room. Music pulsing through me like blood. My vision swims and my mouth goes dry. White skin, black pants, dancing under strobing lights, intense heat, pleasure, and then he and I in an intimate embrace of the flesh. I had slept with a stranger.



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Naruto has gone a sort of cake icing white that you only see in the dead…or maybe Sasuke on one of his ‘tan’ days. “Snap out of it, what the hell happened last night!?”



He looks up at me and there is shame in his eyes, but he still tells me. “I…h had sex with someone, and I don’t know who he is.”



This revelation takes me by surprise, Naruto never struck me as the one night stand type. “You have no idea who…”



He shakes his head “No, we were both wearing masks, and probably concealing everything else too.” Well, that little closet pervert, masks, I had to try that with Iruka. “Kakashi!!” Oops, I guess he knows that look, (note to self: find new facial expression for pondering sexual escapades) I quickly school my expression back into my usual one. “Sorry, I had indigestion….how did you end up with him?” It is a moronic excuse, but hey, I’m a shocked man, appalled by the immorality of his former student.



Naruto glares at me momentarily, but I guess he too is under the strain of his new found promiscuity, because he relents. “You know that medication I was given to help keep Kyuubi under control?”



“Yes, I do, do you think it has something to do with last night?“ I knew all too well what he was talking about. Godaime had told me all about it. After Naruto had a particularly violent outburst one summer, he was prescribed the medicine, both for his and our safety. Unfortunately, it seems as though it may be having some adverse effects on him. The medications aided in building a shield between Naruto and the nine tails, but they also had some side effects. Because the pills are primarily taken after the sun sets, that is when Naruto is the most vulnerable to the Kyuubi’s impulses. The medication has also been known to cause memory loss, and acts in some people to remove many of their inhibitions. In most cases it is prescribed to help those with borderline personality disorder. In Naruto’s case, the dosage has been upped, because he was fighting a real demon.



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“I have no doubt that the medication is responsible for last night, but part of me was too.” No matter what, I am determined to stay on those pills. Despite the occasional side effect, they had been instrumental in people seeing me for who I was. They had given me a freedom I had never experienced, and all but silenced the voice that sat waiting just under the surface.



Kakashi nods and sighs “Do you want to stop taking them for a while?” I understand why he is asking but there is no way I’m stopping.



“No, I am not going back to the way it was before, I’ve gotten used to the silence in my head.” A silence I will do anything to keep.



Kakashi nods “I understand, tell me more about what happened.”



So I tell him everything, how I had gone to the club, about the music, and most of all about him. Afterwards, I feel much better, more rational. “So what do you think I should do?”



“Your chances of finding this man are slim, you were both disguised, and I am sure took measures to keep your identities a secret. This is my advice to you, in a few days go to the club again, maybe you will get lucky and see him. If not, take it as fate, and try to move on, it does not do well to dwell on things.” Kakashi gives good advice, even if he is a little off.



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He stands up, and I know our little chat is over. He gives me one of his characteristic fox grins as I lead to him to the door. “Hey Kakashi, How did you and Iruka get together, and speaking of which, where is he?”



I grin right back at him and shove him out the door, chuckling at his shriek of indignation. “That’s classified” I say with an air of authority and slam the door.



Now, to get back to what I was doing. I walk into my bedroom and clasp my hands together like a little boy getting just what he wants for his birthday. There, looking angry and ruffled is my beloved Iruka, trussed up like a sinful treat, all for me.



“Who the fuck was at the door?!” He’s an angry naked man right now, but do I know how to cheer him up? I crawl Up his legs and kiss his inner thigh, listening to him vacillate between being angry and wanting me to touch him some more. Oh yes I do know how, because I’m just that good.