Between Friends

Between Friends

Chapter Note: Part I is mild profanity, angst, Shonen-Ai; Part II has some mention of masturbation, exhibitionism, submission/slave fantasies, masochism, violence, plus language.

Chapter 2: The Secrets


Izumo lay on his back with his head turned, staring over his right shoulder at his friend Kotetsu lying with his eyes closed not but a few feet away. Izumo was thinking he had seriously underestimated the ability of a high-ranking mission to distract him from thinking about Kotetsu. It had been so long since he and Kotetsu had bedded down with others that he’d forgotten that Kotetsu would pretty much stay in his silent work mode. So he shouldn’t be in Izumo’s mind. But usually if Izumo was trying to sleep and Kotetsu was sleeping nearby, they’d be talking or at least Kotetsu would be, or he’d be chewing something, or picking his nails with a kunai in that way that made a soft snapping noise, or rustling around, just sort of radiating simple noises. So why was he so perfectly, totally quiet tonight? Not one mutter, one rustle, one odd thump coming from where he lay. It was driving him crazy—Kotetsu was a not silent sleeper like this. After about forty minutes of total silence, Izumo had shifted his head to stare at Kotetsu, trying to figure out why he was so quiet when mission silence was not a priority tonight. `Is he mad at something? Is it because Shikamaru’s sleeping on his left side and keeping him awake? Is he worried about the mission?’ Izumo pondered. ‘Darn is that a replacement, and he’s off somewhere? Is he using a new silence or sleeping jutsu? Is he sick?’ Izumo kept thinking, trying to remember a night, any night he’d sleep within six feet of Kotetsu and didn’t hear him make a single noise for nearly a full hour. He couldn’t. Finally, Izumo reached out as quietly as he could to poke Kotetsu’s arm with a finger.

Immediately he felt relief as his friend’s right hand captured his finger in a tight grip at the moment he felt the warmth of Kotetsu’s left bicep beneath his fingertip. Relief turned to annoyance when the grip wouldn’t release and instead became a painful tug, pulling his finger and his arm in a way that wasn’t comfortable and was going to force Izumo to make some noise or move or both.

“He doesn’t want to kiss you goodnight,” said Shikamaru softly into the silence, causing Kotetsu to finally let out a sharp “hmmpt,” and reach up with his left arm to abruptly shift Izumo off his blankets and across his chest. Izumo let out an embarrassingly girly “ohhh” as his friend jerked him from his bedding. Immediately, both Shikamaru and Kotetsu snickered.

“He’s sure acting like he wants a goodnight kiss; I’m going to have give him one anyway since we’re living together now,” said Kotetsu in a teasing tone. But Izumo just froze with the sudden shock of realizing he was desperately, hopelessly in love with Kotetsu.

After a moment he could tell that Shikamaru had said something, but about what he been saying, Izumo hadn’t any clue. ‘Darn, darn, darn, I didn’t even hear that--I’m breathing too loud and my heart’s beating too fast. Oh god, I’m so much in love with Kotetsu, I’m getting hard because of a joke. I want to just die, oh lord, oh my, please god, just kill me now.’

A sharp pain on the right ear knocked Izumo’s head back to the left and spilling his hair over his entire face not just the right eye and cheek that usually hid behind his chin-length hair. Kotetsu’s index finger flicked his ear again, “Yup, he’s gone deaf, completely lost his hearing due to the stress of moving in with me and taking on his first big mission,” Kotetsu was saying to Shikamaru.

“I heard that,” snapped Izumo in a voice that still sounded too breathy to be normal.

“Good,” replied Kotetsu flopping him back on his blanket and back and letting go of him, “Now stop fretting and fall asleep.”

“I’m not fretting,” whined Izumo before he could really stop himself as he quickly started pulling and adjusting his blanket to try to disguise the state of his cock, stiff as could be, straining against his pants. Abruptly he rolled over on his stomach and growled out, “I’m going to sleep now.”

“Play a game of Shogi with me, Kotetsu,” said Shikamaru. “I’ll bet you it won’t take long.”

“Hell, no, like I’d play you,” responded Kotetsu, “I’d rather smoke Asuma’s last cigarette with no more in sight. No, I’d rather spy on Tsunade in the baths than play you in Shogi.” The snickering started again.

Izumo couldn’t focus on what Shikamaru and Kotetsu were softly talking about. He was trying too hard not to cry. Even as he felt a tear start to slide down one cheek, Izumo couldn’t help but smile against the ground. `Kotetsu is ok. Shikamaru is ok,’ he told himself, trying not to feel jealous as Kotetsu and Shikamaru quietly talked, just like Kotetsu and himself had talked together last night as they had fallen asleep in their living room. Only a day ago, and Izumo felt like it was something he would never do again. How can I ever just fall asleep talking to him again? In our living room, oh god, our room, our apartment, our home, we’re living together, and I’m a gay man in love with my straight roommate, with my best friend. My best friend who only sleeps with women.’

Izumo knew he was sliding perilously close to having a full-blown panic attack. How could he have ever thought he wasn’t sick in love with Kotetsu? Hadn’t he just been telling himself this morning he was still looking for someone to love? That he hadn’t decided if he wanted to love men or women?

`Izumo, you are so fucking stupid, so fucking, fucking stupid, so fucking, fucking fucked.’ In his shock, all Izumo’s usual feelings about profanity had just disappeared. ‘And you are going to get a grip and forget this feeling. You’re going to focus on your mission. You’re going to fucking sleep and not think for the next minute, and then the next minute, and then another minute, and another. You’re going start with one breath. Ok, breathe. Now take another breath. You are going to do this until you fall asleep. And when you fall asleep, you’re not going to dream. And when you get up for your watch, you’re not going to think about anything but keeping the best darn watch you’ve ever kept. And then, you’re . . .”

Izumo focused on the chant in his head, forgetting to care about his breathing or making noises or the feel of his erection trapped between his body and the ground. And it was only when Asuma touched his shoulder to wake him for his watch that he realized he had been dreaming that chant in his mind, dreaming he was awake and pretending to sleep, not still lying awake just pretending to be dreaming.

****
Kotetsu settled down on his blankets feeling full, full of food, full of memories, full of ideas, full of impressions, full of emotions, just full. Another night sleeping by Izumo, but with Shikamaru on his right. Dammit, he had been feeling so blissed out he’d let Izumo put himself on his left, behind his hair. Kotetsu opened his mouth and then abruptly realized, there was no way to get Izumo to move to his right, so he could watch the curve of his mouth and the flicker of his left eyelashes over that one brave eye that he would let others look on. Nope, there was no way he could think of to get Izumo to move to where he could watch his face all night without revealing he was in love with best friend.

`But Shikamaru’s a genius, he probably already knows,’ Kotetsu reasoned to himself, falling still and silent on his blankets as he though deeply and seriously about his dysfunctional friendship and fucking obsessive love for Kamizuki Izumo. Did Izumo know? How could he know and act how he acts? It suddenly dawned on Kotetsu that if he died on this mission all his secrets could be figured out by Izumo. Hell, he had to know deep inside. How could he not? But how could he know what kind of sicko Kotetsu was?

Kotetsu could feel the blood beginning to stiffen in his cock. He forced himself to be very, very still and quiet. He would not get hard, he would think about how seriously fucked up his life was, and start planning how he was going to fix it. When you cloned yourself and then used your skills at disguise to turn yourself into best friend and then fucked yourself silly until you couldn’t hold either jutsu for a moment longer, you were messed up. When you cloned yourself and then used Naruto’s perverted Sexy no Jutsu to turn yourself into a woman and then fucked yourself in front of your best friend, you were beyond messed up, you were clinically certifiable. When you even forced yourself to date women you had no interest in, but your best friend claimed to fantasize about, you were—fuck, you were Kotetsu. And then if you were Kotetsu, of course, you would use a date with a woman to learn enough about her to be able to clone her well enough to fool the man who fantasized about her into kisses. Usually chaste little kisses, virgin kisses, but not always.

Kotetsu wouldn’t let himself remember that kiss, and there was only one kiss in his life that was “that kiss.” He couldn’t remember that kiss now, not if he wanted to stay calm, still, and avoid poking up a tent pole as the saying went. “That kiss” had eventually led to his best friend knocking out three of his teeth and breaking his wrist and had almost ended their friendship. Remembering how it had felt for that day when he thought he had lost Izumo for good, made Kotetsu’s chest hurt. He couldn’t fuck up with Izumo any more, he just couldn’t fuck up—oh, hell, everything between them was so fucked up that he didn’t know what to do any more. His chest seemed to tighten even more, and Kotetsu felt his cock flood with blood and harden. Oh, god, Izumo and Shikamaru if they looked would have to see it.

And the thought of them watching his boner, made his cock jump, oh god, he was losing it. There was nothing that turned Kotetsu more than the feeling of being watched by Izumo, of Izumo seeing how helplessly, how shamelessly he wanted him, how he couldn’t keep himself from hardening when he thought about Izumo’s eyes on his body, on his cock, his focus on him and only him. `He watching me, I know it, I can feel it,’ thought Kotetsu. `I can’t move, I can’t let him know. I’m his slave and if I move, I’ll be beaten, oh god, yes, he’ll punish me.’

This was one of Kotetsu’s favorite mind games, especially when he thought about Izumo learning all of his secrets. He liked it when Izumo roughed him up, hurt him, even cut him. He was beyond all help. He hated himself when he admitted that he wanted to be enslaved by Izumo, degraded by Izumo, hurt by Izumo. He always had to force himself to fight back in their fights, to pretend to resist, so it wouldn’t be so pathetically obvious that Izumo beating him turned him on. But when he lay alone at night feeling the pain Izumo had inflicted on his body, he could pretend it was done in love. He could feel Izumo’s hands still on his body everywhere he would ache. He’d jerk himself off and then feeling the pain would get him hard again. When Izumo had broken his rib, he’d jerked off four times in one night, which was fucking ridiculous, fucking pathetic, fucking amazing.

The second time Izumo had broken another of his ribs, he’d been even more brilliant, convincing the Fifth and Shizune that letting himself heal naturally was the only way to make sure that he wouldn’t zone out in training and let Izumo’s “blood lust” blindside him. It never would have worked if Shizune hadn’t wanted to test that new bone-knitting drug she had in a controlled situation not the field. And Kotetsu had milked that broken rib and Tsunade and Shizune’s “insistance” he heal naturally, for all it was worth. He had Izumo fucking jumping through hoops, fetching him water, washing his hair—

The sudden gentle touch of Izumo’s finger on his upper arm was just too much, and Kotetsu had his friend’s finger squeezed in his fist before he could even think. Someday he would squeeze Izumo’s cock like this. But for now, he’d settle for pulling on that finger, tugging Izumo over. He would make Izumo see his erection, feel his erection . . .

“He doesn’t want to kiss you goodnight,” said Shikamaru softly into the silence, and Kotetsu started to reject that claim before he could shut himself up. He managed to stop his mouth in midsound before he let a full word form of his furious, immediate rejection of Shikamaru’s assessment. It was humiliating that the god-damn genius ninja really did know his secrets. `Fuck it,’ thought Kotetsu, reaching up with his left arm to abruptly grasp Izumo’s arm and tug his friend’s body off his blankets and across his chest with the thought that it would be harder for Shikamaru to see his erection if Izumo was lying beside it or better yet on top of it. But as Izumo’s head fell back against his chest, he let out a sexy little half-moan, half-gasp, “ohh.” Kotetsu couldn’t help but let out a soft smirk of satisfaction at the emotion in Izumo’s voice and the tremble in his body. Shikamaru was snickering at him, but he didn’t care. Izumo wanted him.

“He’s sure acting like he wants a goodnight kiss; I’m going to have give him one anyway since we’re living together now,” said Kotetsu, just abandoning himself to the thrill of coming close to confessing his love aloud and honestly.

“Hey, I’m not sure this mission is the best time to start a wild love affair, guys, and seriously you don’t want to be reminding Asuma of what he’s not getting from Kurenai right now,” Shikamaru observed in that lazy, slow voice of his, sighing to indicate that he found the whole thing troublesome.

“Hmmpt, I don’t know Izumo, what do you think of Shikamaru’s advice?” asked Kotetsu lightly, trying to hide how much the answer mattered to him. Izumo wasn’t responding. Kotetsu frowned and added, “Heyyy, Izumo, you gone deaf?”

Izumo still hadn’t moved or said anything, and Kotetsu’s flare of euphoria was turning into irritation and embarrassment. “Yo,” he said letting his grip on Izumo’s finger go and abruptly flicking Izumo sharply in the ear. When the tiniest of whimpers came out of Izumo’s mouth and his friend just let his head flop over, Kotetsu felt hope returning. That sound had to be one of desire, not disgust, but it also was clearly a sound of embarrassment and protest. Kotetsu knew Izumo was letting him know that he’d blown the moment and his friend wanted things back to normal.

Kotetsu let his index finger flick Izumo’s cute little ear again and solemnly stated in a voice of mock sorrow, “Yup, he’s gone deaf, completely lost his hearing due to the stress of moving in with me and taking on his first big mission.”

“I heard that,” snapped Izumo in a sexy, low lover’s voice that made Kotetsu decide he’d better put Izumo back on his own bedding before things got more erotic.

“Good,” said Kotetsu a bit shakily as he hastily pushed Izumo back and added more firmly, “Now, stop fretting and fall asleep.”

“I’m not fretting,” said Izumo in a sulky voice as he started fussing with his blankets, showing he was fretting over something.

`He’s totally pissed at me for saying anything in front of Shikamaru,’ though Kotetsu feeling sure he was right when Izumo abruptly turned on his stomach away from both of them.

“I’m going to sleep now,” Izumo informed them in a voice that Kotetsu associated with Izumo being angry and hurt.

`Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit,” thought Kotetsu starting to get angry at himself and at the fact that the whole situation still had him feeling aroused.

“Play a game of Shogi with me, Kotetsu,” said Shikamaru. “I’ll bet you it won’t take long.”

Kotetsu snorted and had to laugh, “Hell, no, like I’d play you.” He stopped himself from adding “right now” to that statement and tried to think of something that might make Izumo smile. “I’d rather smoke Asuma’s last cigarette with no more in sight,” he added, then grinned and topped that with, “No, I’d rather spy on Tsunade-sama in the baths than play Shogi with you.”

Shikamaru’s chuckle made Kotetsu laugh at himself and the whole embarrassing moment. In a weird way, it felt good to know that someone understood how fucked up his relationship with Izumo was. Maybe this mission and the moving into the apartment was exactly what they needed.

“Yeah, you really do prefer dangerous things,” added Shikamaru in soft, slow voice. “You know that whole thing with Ino makes sense now--”

“No, no, no talking about Ino,” cut in Kotetsu as he mentally started cursing Shikamaru along with himself, “don’t bring up such a painful thing. You know that was a really hard time for me.”

“Yeah, well, you’ve made it pretty easy for us all to see how hard your situation is,” Shikamaru slyly pointed out. Kotetsu bit his lip to keep from responding, and that slow, lazy voice continued, “You know with all the changes in your life, you’re going to need to work on your basic concealment skills a little more.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll just bone up on those tomorrow, ok? Or you want to give me a tip now, some kind of point I can sink my teeth into?” added Kotetsu in soft, too sweet voice.

“Nah, too troublesome,” came the reply. In the silence that fell then, Kotetsu could hear that that Izumo was now sleeping, taking deep heavy breaths, with just a few little snores every so many inhalations. Kotetsu smiled and shifted around to get more comfortable. Listening to the sound of Izumo’s breathing somehow seemed much more important than mentally cursing at Shikamaru or himself. It was so much nicer to just listen to Izumo rather than think. Thinking about anything was troublesome. As the two drifted off to sleep, the last thing Shikamaru heard was Kotetsu mumbling, “Yea, it’s too troublesome, just too troublesome.”