Illustrations of you

Dont forget to R&R cause i need to be paid somehow for all my hard work now don't I?
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Illustrations of you
Chapter 2
Obsessions


There were few things in life Kakashi really looked forward to, presents had lost their allure early on and surprises were just not good for a ninja. That left him Icha Icha, and Jiraiya had become more cunning in stringing along his readers. He had started to hide chapters of his infamous stories in the most obscure of places. Kakashi had to remain on constant guard against his favorite writer's tricky ways.

Kakashi woke that morning at Six A.M. with eyes wide open. He didn’t even have to wait for the alarm clock to go off before he was in and out of the shower and throwing on his clothes for the day. He whistled as he locked the door ten minutes later and practically skipped down the steps and into the road waving and greeting every person he passed with unseemly enthusiasm for such an early hour. He patted his pockets checking for all the necessities he would need to get through the day- Icha Icha in the back pouch and an emergency copy inside his vest pocket, headphones tucked behind his ears just in case Naruto got to loud, weapons, exploding tags, keys, and of course, wallet with the appropriate amount of money. No skimping for him today! He would actually buy it this time!


He walked up to the local magazine stand and pushed his way through the crowd standing around. Just as he reached the outer ring of the crowd the gate was thrown up and the wild pushing began to start. Rather then become road kill, Kakashi decided to sit back and wait for the surging crowd to pass. Standing back and closing his eyes, he waited for his turn. When it seemed the last guy had been turned away he walked up to the counter and stared up into the slightly wild eyes of the disheveled clerk.

“The new Issue of Shinobi Illustrated please,” he tapped the counter and reached for his wallet stopping when he noticed the clerk wasn’t moving.

“Eh sorry Kakashi…I just sold the last one.” Kakashi thought he might have something crazy in his ear and he reached up to make sure he hadn't put in his headphones.

“I’m sorry?” He pulled his finger out of his ear and leaned forward to make sure that he heard the correct answer this time.

“We…are all sold out Kakashi…sorry.”

Kakashi stood back and stared at the poor clerk for a while before he turned away without a word. He pushed his hands into his pockets and headed in the direction of the local bookstore. He was greeted with the same answer at the door. Kakashi started to get that itchy feeling on the back of his neck and he considered the possibility that there might not BE one left for him.

By the time he reached the third news stand that was sold out, he was in a real panic and facing the prospect of the next two weeks Icha Icha-less while he waited for a back issue to come in. Just then his ears pricked and he stopped mid step when he over heard a whispered conversation.

“Yea…heard they have just two copies left over at Genard’s book stand a couple blocks over.”

The two whisperers looked around and spotted Kakashi staring right at them. Each took stock of the other and looked in the direction of the book stand. Tension rose as they continued to stare each other down. Suddenly with a flash they were off racing across the rooftops. Kakashi didn’t even have time to transport he just ran as fast as he possibly could. When luck put him on the same rooftop as one of the conspirators, he pushed the poor bastard off and laughed while he raced ahead.

Kakashi leapt and bounded around obstacles in his mad dash and was just in sight of the book stand when he felt the world slip from under his feet. Pulling him up by the ankles and leaving him hanging from a sign. The trap didn’t stop him for long though as he used his momentum to swing loose and fall on top of his pursuer, knocking him flat.

He raced up to the news stand and breathlessly hit the counter, staring up pleadingly into the eyes of the old man sitting behind the counter reading his own issue of Shinobi Illustrated. Kakashi stared longingly at the back cover and felt the other guy come up beside him.

“Do you have the new Shinobi Illustrated?!” they both shouted at the same time. Kakashi turned and glared at the other guy, reaching for his kunai, just in case.

“Nope sold the last one just a minute ago,” the old man carefully turned the page and gazed longingly at Miss Suna as she lay out in the desert sun wearing nothing but a skimpy bikini and fishnets.


Kakashi felt like beating the man over the head with a shovel. He glared up at the man and contemplated for a moment just taking his edition. That’s when he noticed the three shuriken griped in the other hand of the old man and the cudgel under the table. It was already too late for the younger Shinobi beside him who had not paid attention to the warning signs and had lunged across the table in a desperate attempt to reach the beautiful glossy pages.

Kakashi walked away defeated as he listened to the scuffle in the background, followed by cries of help from the younger man. He felt a surge of helplessness pass over his body as he stared up at the unforgiving sun,

Was there something else he was supposed to do today? It didn’t matter… only Icha Icha mattered.

Suddenly determined, he clenched his fist not caring that he was blocking traffic, he swore then and there that he would not go without reading his precious Icha Icha today. No he would not give up! There was nothing and no one who could separate him from Icha Icha! Kakashi hopped on a rooftop and slipped away.

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“So how long do we actually wait until he gets here?” Sasuke asked Naruto as he, Naruto, and Sai lay around a tree reading the latest news stand trash. Sai kept licking the pages of his magazine for some reason but he was weird enough that Sasuke decided not to take any more notice as he lay out the newest weapons order catalog. Ooo if you buy the 75 piece kunai set you got the box of shuriken for free.

“Eh, we’ll leave as soon as I’m done reading…man, I was up at four A.M. to get this issue of Shinobi Illustrated for Kakashi sensei…hmm, but it looks like he already got a copy.” He laughed as he turned to Sai. “I wouldn’t expect to see him for the rest of the day. Right Sai?”

“Mmmmmm...MMM...yea, mmm...sure.” Sai commented as he continued to lick the pages, “Hey Naruto, did you know you can see the edge of her nipple? Tasty.”

“Man people are going to think those pages are wet for totally the wrong reason.” Naruto laughed hysterically and rolled over onto his back, waiting for a Team Leader who would never show.

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Sakura peeked carefully around the corner, her breath coming in sharp heaves. She took off her forehead protector and used the reflecting metal to view around the corner but quickly ducked back when she saw her foe waiting for her. She had snuck out the back window this morning but that had turned out to be a disaster. Now her windows were watched and going through him was the only way she could get back into her apartment. Sakura stood up and restlessly straightened her work-out clothes as she inched around the corner and into the open arms of her enemy.

“Cherie! You are finally here!” He said with a heavy french accent, his chocolate eyes batting at her with heavy liner and shadow glaring at her in the face. “It ez your debut yes? Yet here you look so frumpy! Zis we never do!”
He grabbed her by the shoulders bustling her into her apartment, not accepting any of Sakura's protests as he slammed her down into a kitchen chair, grabbed her chin, and snapped his fingers at his assistant.

“Harro Pierre,” she mumbled around smooshed lips as he pinched her face into a pout.

“Ahhh! You remember Pierre! Zis is wonderful, you know…so many…so many of zes women never remembers me…. ze…ze are heartless no? But not my Sakura!”

The man had gone from happy to depressed to nearly crying to ecstatic in minutes…she ought to introduce him to Gai…they might blow each other up.


She was ordered into the shower and not even allowed to close the door as hands came in to help her wash her hair. Sakura turned and started smacking them until they went away. She squeaked and turned her face into the spray reaching for a towel as her eyes filled with soap, burning painfully. She was then yanked out of the shower and dried off by the assistant as Pierre attacked her hair with the blow-dryer. Taking out his comb, he starting the whole teasing process that had taken her two days to comb out the last time.

Every time she started to protest Pierre’s eyes would tear up and he would thank her for being so much nicer then those other cows. Sakura would give in, hoping to just have enough time to take most of it off before her shift started. It was bad enough that from the moment she left home she had been followed. She never saw her pursuers but she had known they were there. When she had gone jogging there had been a huge crowd of joggers that seemed to follow her every place she went. Sakura had even run up and down the stairs to the monument and they had decided to as well. It had been funny, obviously this had been the first time some of them had run in a while.

She grimaced as her eyelid was pulled tight and poked and prodded with the eye liner pencil. She sighed as she imagined what it was going to look like when she tried to wipe it off.

“Zis makeup is waterproof yes, so tonight I will drop off the remover for you.”

She stared at him in shock as she realized the sneaky bastard had known what she was thinking and had totally blocked her. She glared at him as a light stripe of blush was blasted onto her face by his portable air brush, a nice shade of peach that she admired for a moment before glaring at him again.

“Sneaky bastard” she whispered at him sinisterly. He just smiled at her lovingly as he gently touched the shadow brush to her eyelid.


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Sakura huffed as she tried to pull her top over her suddenly bouncy and wavy hair. She had finally allowed it to grow to shoulder length but she had never counted on anyone teasing and curling it so it bounced and waved, tangling in her face. Especially in her now much longer eyelashes…you have never really had fun until you try to untangle your hair from your eyelashes. Fun times…oh yes fun times.

She locked her door and trudged to work making sure not to ignore that niggling feeling of being watched from afar. As Sakura reached the bottom steps of the hospital, she looked up to find the edifice covered in what appeared to be every man in Konoha, all of them staring at her with shock and a little awe. She stuttered to a stop and stared back. In a rush they came running down the steps and she backed up in fear, gaping as she heard her name roared from hundreds of voices.

“Sakura chan!”

She put her hands over her ears as they came closer and closer, yelling at them to stop. Before she knew it she was in the middle of the crowd, having papers and pens and magazines shoved into her face.

“Sakura san! Sign my copy!”

“Please Sakura chan, I have loved you for so long! Please go out with me!”

“Autograph please!”

“Wow! Did you know we could see your nipple?”

Sakura was pushed this way and that by the crowd as she ducked and dodged papers shoved into her face. At the last moment, she grabbed one of the infamous issues and stared at the picture. It was…. Oh gods, it was awful.

She lay in the sand tangled up in cut-off jeans half unbuttoned and barely covering anything, her hands covering her breasts…barely. Not very well it would seem 'cause you really could see her right nipple.

A look of utter seduction on her face as she stared into the camera, enticing every man to try his luck. She had seen that look before, she knew it too well. It was the same look given by courtesans and especially good whores. She groaned as she realized that with Konoha having been picked for the cover she would have at least three pictures inside. She resolutely turned to the next page, cringing.

Oh yea…it was as bad as she thought it would be. No, it was worse than she could have possibly imagined. Oh yes, they had gone there.

Sakura had thought that they would take one look at the pictures and throw them away as useless but they had done just the opposite, the crazy bastards. Standing there in the middle of the page, one arm covering her breasts while gripping a kunai, and the other holding her hip and two shuriken, her lips in a sexy yet haughty pout, was Sakura…in green spandex. Well it wasn’t that bad, most of the green spandex had been cut off and hung from her in strategically sexy strips. It left very little to the imagination with her headband acting as the only cover over her sex, leaving just enough green to lift and separate her breasts and cover the very tops of her thighs. Bare legs lead all the way down to Gawd Awful orange leg warmers and very sexy heels. She had liked the heels, it was a nice touch, but the rest!

She groaned and turned the next page but it was just as bad…. the little shorts were back. Sakura was holding her bikini top in place and staring over her shoulder with a come hither smile. She snapped the magazine shut and glared at all the men standing around staring at her, their arms poised above the heads of others as they waited for her to fulfill their every desire like the pictures in the magazine had promised. Starting to panic, she did the only thing she could, she threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared into the crowd, making a run for it.

She could hear the pounding of feet in hot pursuit as she rounded a corner and ran smack dab into Kakashi sensei as he rounded the corner at the same time. They both jumped back, narrowly avoiding slamming into each other. They panted for a second then ran full tilt in opposite directions.

Sakura ran down the road and grabbed a street sign, flipping onto a roof top but she was cut off. They had thought ahead and were waiting for her on the rooftops, coming up fast.

“Please go out with me! I will take you anywhere you want!” One screamed as his neighbor tripped him, forcing him to fall flat on his face.

“I will take you where you never thought you wanted to go…and you can order the lobster!” His companion yelled as he jumped over his buddy and chased her down.

She screamed and hit the dirt running. Jumping from rooftop to rooftop, nearly tripping and falling into their clutching arms. It was the ultimate test of her skills; being chased down by a screaming horde of Shinobi as they used every trick they had to take her to ground. She dodged traps, ropes, and genjutsu in her mad flight. Sakura tried to find somewhere, anywhere, that she could stop and think or find a place to go instead of running around aimlessly.

In an alley ahead of her, she saw the familiar faces of Izumo and Kotetsu as they wildly gestured her into their hidey-hole and she smiled, thankfully. They yanked her in by her arms, ducked into an alcove hiding her with their bodies, and pulled up a sheet illusion as the horde ran past.

When she felt that they were finally safe she let out a sigh of relief and slumped, pressing her head onto their backs.

“Thanks guys I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Ahhh, Kotetsu and Izumo. They were such nice guys, always there to help her with heavy books or distract Tsunade when she wanted to get off early.

She looked up as she felt them shift and she stared right into that wretched front cover of Shinobi Illustrated with a partial shot of her on the front looking sexy and gorgeous and SO not like her! She wasn’t sexy and gorgeous! These guys knew that! But the high blush staining their cheeks and the heavy breathing clued her into the fact that they had cleverly trapped her into an alcove with no exits and the fevered burning eyes of two fan boys.

“Uh Sakura chan…I- I mean, we would really like it if you would sign our copies…Please…OH gods! Don’t hit us!” They ducked and nearly screamed like girls when she made a fist.

“Fine give me the damn things! Ah, do either of you have a pen?” She asked when she realized that she couldn’t just spit on the damn magazines.

They looked at each other in horror and started patting all their pockets, franticly looking for that elusive pen. Nearly crying when they realized there was none to be had. Just as they started to look all over the ground for anything to write with, Sakura heard the first sounds of the returning horde as they called out to each other searching every nook and cranny for her. She only had a couple minutes if she wanted to get away, she shoved the magazines back into their arms. Breaking their hold, she burst out of hiding and ran back the way she came.

“Sakura! I know this isn’t the best time, but will you go out on a date with me?” Izumo shouted after her fleeing form but all he got was the finger and Kotetsu smacking him on the top of the head.

“I thought we agreed that we would ask together! Idiot!” Their shoulders slumped and together, they shuffled past the mob with a mission to buy as many pens as they could find.


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Kakashi was having a bad day. Not only had he not yet gotten a copy Of Icha Icha, but he had been smacked, tripped, and elbowed in the face. He adjusted the tissue hanging from his nose making sure that it was staunching all the bleeding as he sat dejectedly on the park bench watching every man who passed him toting his precious issue of S.I. One guy had even been licking his and THAT had confused Kakashi to no end…

maybe it had a flavor strip…something like scratch and sniff but unlike grape and strawberry it would be Beer and nachos….mmm beer flavored nipple. That’s the kind of genius that made Jiraiya sama stand out above the rest and what made being his number one fan a plus.

He sat up slamming his clenched fist into his hand, he HAD to find out what the nipples tasted like! If it was a flavored Icha Icha then he should not be the only guy to miss out on it. Which is why he had to find a new copy…no sense in getting one another guy had used that was just…wrong.

Kakashi stood up with his vigor renewed and headed off to the drug store to buy a map of the town. Moments later he found a park bench, laid out the map, and with a pen he studiously marked every bookstore, drugstore, supermarket, and news stand where his precious issue might be found. He covered every alley and side street using his remarkable mind to bring up images of each street and their corresponding shops and vendors marking a line through every place he had already visited today. He ignored the shouting and riot sounds coming up behind him until he looked up to see Sakura fleeing from what seemed to be every Shinobi in town; young and old, running quickly behind her.

He waved as she raced past a wild look in her eyes but Kakashi didn’t have time to wonder what was going on, he had a mission! ‘First stop to go back to my regular seller and try to get any scrap of info out of him that I can find. Then step two, visit and interrogate every media outlet I can find until I track down my own copy! No one will stand in my way!’


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Sakura collapsed across from the Hokage’s desk in exhaustion. She didn’t know why she hadn’t thought of it before…no man would dare follow her into here for fear of Tsunade sama's eternal wrath.

Sakura held up her hand when she saw Tsunade's mouth open and she continued to gasp and sputter on the floor in front of her while Shizune covered her mouth with her hand obviously trying not to smile and ruin Sakura’s day even more.

“Well I suppose now you see why I never posed for that trash rag?” This said with a raised eyebrow and an evil glint to her eye as she knowingly smirked at the human puddle on the floor.

“Some girl tried to pull my hair out when I wasn’t being chased. People were trying to remove parts of my clothes when I wasn’t being asked for an autograph, or asked on a date.” She rubbed her head where some guy's girlfriend had jumped on her back and tried to pull her hair out by the roots.

It wasn't like she really wanted to know that the girlfriend had walked in on him jacking off to her picture while rubbing the exposed part of her nipple...gross. That had been Raido’s girlfriend, she was sure of it and that was way more than anything she wanted to think about right now. Eeeew! Guys her sensei’s age were wacking off to her picture. She rolled over and buried her head in her arms as her face lit on fire.

They just laughed at her in amusement as Shizune came around the table and dumped a stack of papers in front of her, smiling all the while. “Well since your going to be here all afternoon…”

She just grinned when Sakura scowled at her then grabbed up the stack and went to the fold up desk in the corner, filing the mission reports from the last month. Tsunade gracefully went over to the door and threw it open spilling several young men and some older men, who should know better, onto the carpet at her feet.

“What the hell is wrong with you guys!? You people don’t seem to have enough work to do, do you?” She glared evilly as she started reaching for the packet of missions. Men started clearing out of the way faster then cockroaches when the lights go on. “Any man caught lingering outside this door will be put to work!” With that last evil proclamation she slammed the door shut paying to attention to the yelping as several body parts were caught in the way.

“Well that lets you off the hook as long as you stay in here. Of course, going outside, well, that’s a different story.” She chuckled to herself as Sakura grumbled under her breath slamming around files and cussing when several dropped off the rickety table.


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Kakashi walked with his head down, the tattered remains of a map clutched in his fingers as he talked under his breath to himself, causing the people he passed to give him strange looks that he only ignored.

“All sold out…how can they all be sold out? Not a damn one to be found…not one….oh gods there aren’t any!” he lifted his hand up to his face and started to sob but quickly wiped his eyes when the vendors began muttering behind their hands. His ears remained perked for any sort of information that might slip his way and he stopped he heard just the thing he had been looking for.

“Thank you! I am so glad you had a copy, I actually had to look at three places! Can you believe that? If you ask me this is the company's fault for not anticipating supply and demand and shipping out more copies (Kakashi couldn’t agree more). My grandson asked me to get this, he is going to be so happy when he gets back from his mission.” The little old lady handed the clerk her payment in coins before tucking her large purse under her shoulder, settling the precious magazine just so.

The little old lady walked away, turning down L street and Kakashi turned a Gimlit eye towards her and followed. He watched as she entered the grocery store and waited patiently outside as she did her nightly shopping. When she came out carrying two bags Kakashi knew he had his chance.

“Excuse me mam, but can I help you carry that home? Those bags look awfully heavy.” He smiled at her and tried not to let his horrible intentions shine through.

“Ah no, I’ll be fine. Thank you for offering though.” she sniffed and turned away.

Kakashi gripped his fist and watched as she walked down the street. He jumped onto a rooftop and got ahead of her. When she came along side the building he sprang forward and grabbed her purse.


“Help! Help! Thief! Thief! Rape!” the little old lady started screaming at the top of her lungs, beating him over the head.

Her bags spilled eggs and vegetables all over the road as he desperately tried to grab the magazine without having to take the whole purse. He tore her purse strap and took the magazine still wrapped in the plastic sheet as she picked up a piece of celary and started using it to whack him in the face . He quickly ran away before he could be pursued, leaving the little old lady standing there cussing at him and screaming that some pervert had just tried to rape her to everyone who stopped to help. He turned just as she started to beat some young man on the top of the head as he tried to help her gather her groceries.

“Like I would have raped her…” Just as he said that Kakashi realized that he was a bad bad man. He had just mugged a helpless little old lady for a magazine.

OH Gods, he was obsessed. But……it’s a special edition!


Kakashi quickly made his way home and slammed the door shut behind him. Allowing himself a happy grin, he tore through the magazine to the exact spot…he had memorized the page number. As his eyes hungrily ate up the words and pictures, he fell back on his bed in relief.

His day was finally over.

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Sakura looked around corners while creeping from corridor to corridor, trying to break free of Hokage tower and avoid the men still lingering hoping to catch a glimpse of her…they were probably lying in wait in front of the hospital and her apartment too…

‘Oh Gods what if one of them has broken in to my place?’ she imagined hordes of men searching through her things, fingering her bras and sniffing her panties…’EEK!’

She broke off that terrifying thought and just concentrated on getting out of the building, racing from one shadow to the next. She felt a strong presence behind her before she heard him. It was the only warning she had before she felt his hot breath on the back of her neck. She jumped away and turned around coming face to face with her pursuer who was none other than…

“Genma senpai, how are you? Is there something I can help you with?”

He just smirked at her and moved that annoying senbon from one side of his mouth to the other. He was wearing his jounin vest but for some reason, he had no shirt on underneath, leaving most of his chest bare. Which seemed kinda dumb to her but ok, it was no worse than what some kunoichi wore.

“I'm glad you asked! You see, I have this outfit that I had bought for a woman that I really admire but it seems she has moved out of town. But as it turns out, it's JUST your size. So I thought you might like to have it.”

He pulled out a little outfit he had been hiding behind his back. It was...oh gods, it was covered in ruffles. Sakura realized it would barely cover the tops of her thighs before belling out to show whatever she was wearing underneath. Then she saw the hanger underneath where the garters and the matching pink panties hung and even on the underwear there were…so…so many ruffles! ‘Who knew you could put so many ruffles on a thong?’

She stared in horror at the monstrosity being shoved into her face and reached around ruffles to hit him; taking out all of her frustrations from the whole day.

“Baka! Like I would wear something like that!” She stomped off in a huff ignoring Genma’s groans of pain as he rubbed his forehead, which had hit the ground when she smacked the back of his head.

She girded her loins, crouching down in a runners stance and then making a break for the front door, hearing the shouts that followed behind her…..it was going to be a long night.

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Kakashi dropped the tissues into the trash can and set the lotion back into the side drawer as he flopped back onto the bed. He tried not to think about mugging little old ladies and instead thought back on the wonderful masterpiece that had been worth the whole day's adventure.

He got up and reached for the plastic sleeves he had just for this occasion and taking his kunai, he carefully cut out the manga pages, making sure to include the short article in the back. There had unfortunately been no tasting strips but it was defiantly something he, as the captain (NOT president CAPTAIN thats right you heard me)of Jiraiya’s fan club, felt obligated to mention. Anyone could see the appeal of it. Slipping the loose pages into the sleeves, he placed them lovingly in the binder he had started five years ago when Jiraiya started posting in Shinobi Illustrated. Placing the binder back in its place of honor on his shelf, he picked up the magazine and threw the rest of it in the trash before flicking off the light and rolling over into the peaceful sleep of the damned and loving it.