Damaged

A/n: There's more to this chapter and the plot (there's a plot? O_o) thickens a bit more. You can expect this to get darker before anything 'good' happens, a bit of NaruSasu lovings in this one (more WAFF? or lemony *not sure*) Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

The door clicked softly shut behind him just in time to block out the large burst of laughter from the occupants within. Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes in an attempt to gain control of his body. This was so stupid. He had no place to- No right to- A deep growl rolled up his tightened throat but he swallowed around it. Naruto was his own person, his own being to be free and do as he wished, to be happy, to do whatever it was that made him happy, just like everyone else on this fucking planet. It wasn't his place to keep holding the bright blonde back from those things... even if it hurt him to watch him smile and enjoy the company of other people. He wished it was like it had been before, he hated that they made him happy while all he had done was cause the beautiful blue eyed moron headaches and heartache (not to mention worry the hell out of him) which forced that light that always seemed to surround, inhabit Naruto to dim ever so slightly.

Short nails dug into the rubber grips under his hands as Sasuke pushed at the anger that was growing, he turned it and forced it back upon himself. He was being the idiot now, he was being selfish and only thinking of himself. Naruto did miss him when he wasn't there, he loved him (even if it wasn't in the way that Sasuke wanted anymore... that time had passed) and he had continued to tell Sasuke so when he was down, but the comfort those words brought never seemed to stick in his mind for long. Sometimes Sasuke wondered if it was just an act. If Naruto only said those things because it was what he needed to hear.

That thought sent a searing pain though his whole body and caused the distinctive sting behind his eyes of tears wanting to slip out from under dark lashes.

No, Naruto still loved him on some level, he knew that. He knew he was missed when not around; but then that son of a bitch who had gotten to be with the dobe the night before (and not necessarily in that way) just had to come up to him and brag about all the fun they had had. Usually that person was on the receiving end of a glare that promised nothing less than a swift and sure death or had their head bitten off by one very pissed of Uchiha.

Of course it's not like he didn't want to stay and be there with Naruto, to share in that joy the blonde brought to anyone around him, but he was forced to leave. He had responsibilities to tend to, he had to take care of things because no one else would do it for him. One slip up and Sasuke would have nothing. His 'uncle' had been crystal clear with that point and he knew he would never make it on his own, not after everything that had happened in his short lifetime It was Naruto that was keeping him from slipping off the edge, keeping Sasuke from ending his pain and his misery, even if Naruto was the cause of some of that pain (of course he would never tell him that).

Naruto's face pressed into his mind as he imagined what the owner of those blue eyes, those eyes that could melt the ice he had let his hear become, was doing right now. Sparkling with happiness and joy as he sat with the others, laughing and talking loudly as they shown brightly with the joy their owner was currently having. They were probably playing some game or drawing dirty pictures with the pictionary pads and pens. The deep breath he pulled in shook his chest as he fought to contain a sob. He wanted those eyes on him, he wanted to see that look in those cerulean orbs, the one that had only been reserved for him. That look of lust, of want. The look that always made him weak in the knees knowing that he was loved, that he was precious to someone whom he would give anything for. That he was Naruto's one and only and that they shared something no one else could have.

Fuck.

He missed Naruto. Sometimes more than he thought any human being should be allowed to miss anything.

He pulled in a deep breath, slowly tying to quench the tears that were forming. It seemed that the world hated him; making sure that he came in second, that no matter what he did, it was never good enough or just shoving what he wanted but couldn't have in his face, letting it shake it's toned, perfect ass in front of his nose until Sasuke hated whatever it was with a passion or until he snapped and isolated himself from everything. God he sounded like a fucking spoiled little brat.

Dark orbs appeared again, slightly glassed over from unshed tears but they were set with a spark of determination, determination to get far away from the one place he wanted to be, from the one person he wanted to be with... so badly that he felt like he was going to explode.

The hall suddenly seemed to be longer as he managed to take a few assisted steps forward. The crutches dug painfully into his under arm making Sasuke seethe softy when he put pressure on his injured toes. Fuck. His pain meds had worn off while he had wasted time standing in the middle of the hall lusting after the idiot blonde of his dreams. The moron that he was no longer allowed to touch or taste, no longer allowed to hold or kiss, or-

Fuck!

He seethed again with his next step forward. The pain, no matter how bad, was welcome, it coursed though his body quickly overriding the manifested pain from his thoughts. The elevator wasn't far now, the anticipation of being free suddenly washed over him, causing Sasuke to quicken his pace. He could go down to the lobby and wait for them to leave, catching a ride home with someone since he couldn't drive (that was another thing he hated, he was dependent on someone else to cart him around like a child because he couldn't fair on his own). It wasn't dark down there, but he was sure he could find something to do, something to take his mind off everything blonde while he waited.

He lifted the right crutch, using it to press the button that called the elevator up. He let his eyes drift down to the cast on his right leg while waiting for his ride down. His dark eyes instantly picked out the 'Get Well Soon, Sasuke-Bastard' scrawled in sharpie down the length of the cast in the front followed by a crudely drawn picture of the moronic owner of said handwriting groping the injured Uchiha's ass on his foot. A half-hearted chuckle passed over his lips when he remembered the circumstances in which the drawing had been made, but then the idea sunk into his brain and the small resemblance of a smile that had formed on his plump lips faded, leaving Sasuke's features in a frown again.

The soft click of a door closing jerked him from his thoughts. His heart sped up. He didn't want to turn around, he didn't want to see those bright sunny locks heading toward him, he didn't want to see that happy grin on those beautiful features. No. He didn't want to to feel the ache that accompanied the sight of the one he loved so much, the person who made him feel complete, the person he could no longer have or hold.

"Where are you going?"

The oxygen that had been directed into his lungs suddenly stopped short, lodging in his throat which tightened around the invisible air bubble that had formed. Naruto's smooth, deep voice seemed to sting his ears, it burned behind the images of their past illuminating the memories that he was desperately trying to force out of his mind. He fists tightened around the crutch's padded handles and he quickly blinked away the tears, leaving his expression placid and indifferent. He was still working on swallowing the lump in his throat so Sasuke was afraid to speak, afraid that if he did, his voice would betray him.

"Hey Bastard, I know you heard me. Where are you going?" Naruto's hand slid over his shoulder just as he came into Sasuke's peripheral vision. Warmth immediately radiated from the spot that quickly washed over him attempting to melt the ice barrier that he had put in place to defend himself, to defend his heart from being broken again.

"To get a drink." He said the first thing that popped into his head to avoid talking about what he had been thinking about all this time. Sasuke looked up at the numbers above the elevator doors, watching as it stopped three floors below this one. Why was it taking so fucking long? Didn't he push the button five minutes ago?

"There are drinks in the mini-fridge."

Damnit.

Naruto was right. There were cans of soda in the small refrigerator in the room. He tensed up when the elevator stopped again. He didn't want to talk, he didn't want to cause the other pain. Sasuke knew if he looked at Naruto that the blonde would quickly worry, that he'd instantly be able to see what he was trying to hide away and keep to himself. His dark eyes always betrayed him when he looked into those beautiful pools of endless blue. Always.

"Sasuke..." Naruto pressed back on his shoulder, slipping in front of him and blocking the view of his blurry reflection in the metal doors. He closed his eyes, wishing that he had not wasted so much time earlier with thinking, wished that maybe he had not agreed to come here to begin with because he knew he would feel left out even if he had been the one surrounded. He was alone in a crowd and there wasn't anything that could make him feel any different. He could feel those knowing eyes on him, watching the muscles and joints in his jaw tighten and flex as Sasuke fought with his thoughts, with the pain that was readily rising and pulling at his heart.

Naruto was still holding onto his shoulder tightly. "Look at me."

No.

After pulling in a deep breath Sasuke lifted his head, his eyes following a few heartbeats after. He refused to avoid the attentive orbs watching him, waiting to see why his best friend had fled the room. Sasuke kept his teeth clenched and his jaw set, elegant brows furrowed just enough to create a small crease between them. He wasn't going to crack, he wasn't going to give in this time.

"Hey..." Naruto's tone had quickly changed to express his worry and the partial knowledge of what Sasuke had been struggling with. "Come back in there, alright? You can sit by me." A bright smile quickly illuminated the whiskered face. "I promise not to bite... hard."

"I need to get home." He fought to keep his own voice cool, calculated, but it wavered ever so slightly and the grip on his shoulder tightened, the one hand now had its partner resting his other shoulder. Pale brows arched up in concern as Naruto scanned his face, quickly analyzing every thing he saw while trying to figure out what was bothering the now obviously upset Uchiha.

Sasuke growled inwardly. Goddamnit! He could see the worry written plainly on the other's face, the concern and the torment because Naruto didn't know what he was thinking. No. He had to keep his mouth shut, he had to keep this to himself. He couldn't let Naruto know he was envious, jealous... still madly in love with him. The moron didn't know what he did to him, didn't know that every smile directed at him caused the strings around his heart to clench, that when those expressive eyes were laid upon someone else it made his blood boil, that when he was away all he wanted to be was next to him and so much so that it hurt physically.

God he was such a moron. He never should have let Naruto go.

"Sasuke." Naruto's voice seemed more confidant now. "Come back with me." It was more of a request than a demand. Fuck, that's what he wanted. It's all he wanted, but he couldn't give in, he couldn't stand to sit there and feel like an outsider while he watched everyone else enjoying themselves completely unaware of his misery or his undying craving for the person now standing in front of him.

"I can't."

"Sasuke, please."

Naruto's voice wavered this time. Sasuke knew that the blonde was only trying to do what was best for him, trying to include him so he didn't feel left out, but still, he did because he didn't belong, and no amount of wishing would change that. He didn't belong anywhere anymore. He had no reasons left to-

Soft, warm lips pressed against his own forcefully. His eyes shut welcoming the touch that instantly derailed that train of thought while sending a painful wave of pleasure though his system. Sasuke felt his heart quicken in its once steady rhythm as his stomach fluttered happily. Those feelings didn't last long though. Tears quickly formed under pale lids and slid down over the high cheeks as he swallowed the sobs that his body was trying to retch up. Oh god it hurt to much, he wanted this so much. His chin quivered, lips faltering and alerting the other to what was happening.

Naruto pulled away, tears brimming his own eyes as he stared back into those dark, wet pools. Sasuke could feel his heart breaking all over again. He wanted Naruto so much that he was now shaking, fingers numb with the pain vibrating in his chest, unable to control the emotions that were quickly flooding his system. Wet trails were left as the tears continued down his neck, absorbed into the dark cotton of his shirt. He swallowed, parting his lips to speak thus allowing a few sobs to escape unhindered.

"I'm sorry." Sasuke spoke softy as the elevator dinged behind them, the doors opening with a flood of fluorescent light. "I have to go." He quickly bowed his head, closing his eyes to those beautiful eyes, wishing that he had never come, that he wasn't so weak that he couldn't handle his own decisions, that he wasn't so afraid of losing everything so that he could stand up and-

"Sasuke." Naruto tugged gently on his arm as he passed, stepping into the vacant cart. "Don't... please." He pleaded, concern and worry easily readable in those eyes honest eyes, confronting him when the raven had finally turned around. Naruto stepped forward enough to almost keep the doors from shutting. They both knew what Sasuke was capable of, of what he wasn't afraid to do.

"I can't promise you anything, Naruto." Sasuke let the last of his tears fall, quickly cooling his heated cheeks. "You know how I feel, you know what I want... but we both know-"

"I still love you." Naruto interrupted him, a few tears finally spilled and rolled down those perfect cheeks.

He knew.

His heart skipped a beat. No. No... no, nonono, no! His chest heaved up, sobs quickly spilling over his lips as fresh tears poured down over his cheeks. The strings enveloping his heart tightened to the point that he couldn't stand it anymore. He had to get this pain to stop, he needed to rip these feelings in his chest or he was going to die. He could feel his resolve crumbling under those eyes, under the warmth that still radiated from his lips where they had touched. It had only taken one kiss for the blonde to figure out what he had been thinking, one touch, one taste. Sasuke had never lied to Naruto and he wasn't about to start now. The doors clicked, slowly moving along the track heading towards each other. He lifted his eyes from where they had fallen a few seconds prior to stare at the other's chest, the sadness those eyes now held as the doors closed, threatening to separate them forever, was overwhelming.

"I'll always love you." Sasuke stated honestly just before the doors shut, closing him off in the cart away from those eyes, that smiling face. He couldn't take this anymore. It needed to stop and stop now. He didn't care what it took, he was going to do it. He didn't deserve Naruto's love after everything he had put the blonde through and hearing, seeing, tasting those feelings again had send him over the edge. his heart sank before he felt like his body was trying to regurgitate it, force him to see what he was feeling with his own eyes, to for himself to face what he was running away from. He couldn't do it, he couldn't stand to know that he loved to never have and to know that Naruto was in the same pain as him, the same pain that he was the cause of, killed him. Naruto didn't deserve this, he deserved to be happy, not to have someone standing in his way, not have someone continuously pining after him. He knew how annoying that was first hand with Sakura and he wasn't about to be a hindrance on all the fun Naruto could have without him there.

The elevator dinged and rocked as it stopped on the ground floor, the heavy doors opened to reveal the dim, empty lobby. He needed to get home now before anyone could stop him, Before they could break though the barrier he was quickly erecting as he made his way to the exit. No. This time he was going to end this pain.


a/n: Reviews are more than welcome!