Three Moons Over a Round Deer

(…And now the continuing saga of the psychotic woman from the desert, and the lazy bastard from the woods…)

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Puppet Masters Make Really Dummy Relatives



I can’t believe how cute she looked; her shoulder length blonde hair flowing over her cheeks, the light gray blanket covering her naked body just over her chest making her look like a goddess, and that beautiful face softly burying itself into my chest. Out of all the times I’m with this troublesome woman, the moment I love the most is when she’s sleeping, she looks like a warm and glowing angel in my arms that was sent from the heavens just to be with me.

She started rubbing her head against my body, and opened her soft emerald eyes, looking up to see me while she smiled softly, “good morning Shika-kun,” was all her rather sweet voice could say, and I just smiled. She snuggled in my arms for a little while, as I kissed her forehead lightly, I hoped that she can stay with me like that more often.

I watched her sit up, covering her naked chest with the blanket; it was a pain that she wouldn’t let me see them, I was kind of in the mood. My hand moved towards her thighs, softly rubbing the inside of her legs and looking up at her with some pretty hungry eyes, “I think I wanna wake up right, wouldn’t you agree Temari-chan?” I asked, and she giggled and sighed a bit. “Well, I guess we can…” she hummed at me, as she slowly took her hand and wrapped it around my quickly erecting dick.
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I moaned as she pumped me, man I wished she was that gentle all the time. She smiled and moved down, moving her hair out of the way and licking the tip of my penis, as I moaned and put my hand on the back of her head, softly pushing her head down on my shaft a little. Her blowjobs are the best, even though I am the first man she’s ever been with, she knows exactly what she’s doing, she usually takes it all in, among other things.

Unfortunately, she never does it, so I never get to feel this damn good; she softly hummed as she took about half of the shaft into her mouth. She moved her hand down to my balls, juggling and fondling them as she took the rest of my cock into her mouth, Kami, if she only did this more often. She pulled up after a while, gasping for air as she went down again, meaning she was going to do something that made me wonder how she did it. She was at my hilt and (for some unknown reason,) her tongue slid out of her mouth and started licking the base of my cock. It took about 3 seconds of that and her sucking down my cock to blow a load, she almost choked, but pulled out and regained her composure.



She licked the rest of my semen off of the tip and smiled at me, “so, are you going to do something for me?” she purred, laying back and spreading her legs for me. I couldn’t help but move down since her tender pink flesh was calling me; she had a soft patch of blonde hair around the top of her pussy, making it look more beautiful as I moved down. My tongue rolled onto her sweet flesh, and she moaned loudly; lets face it, we both loved this. I loved the taste of her, then again she ate really well; she always picks where we go out for dinner, and she has yet to disappoint me on it.

She started arching her back as I moved to her swollen bud; she was getting off hard from my tongue. I figured I could do something for her that she’d just love, so I slowly pushed my right index and middle finger into her while making sure I kept licking her clit, and she moaned in ecstasy at my touch. I pulled my fingers out and moved them down to Temari’s anus, “oh, Shika-kun,” she hummed, awaiting my ‘gentle touch.’

I pushed the now lubricated fingers in, and she moaned out my name again, crying out in orgasmic pleasure. Her pussy started to twitch around my tongue while her sweet juices flowed down my mouth, and I just continued to lick her vagina and finger her asshole. I made her orgasm again when I used my other hand on her pussy, still licking her soft clitoris as her two holes began to shake tremendously. Her back arched almost to the point where she looked like she was going to snap in half, but then collapsed and sighed, “ok, that’s enough, I don’t think I can go on…” she panted, a few tears fell down her eyes from her incredible sexual high.

I smiled and pulled my fingers out of her, slowly so I wouldn’t hurt her, then I went to wash my hands, only thinking of how damn beautiful she looked. After I cleaned up, I walked back to the bed and laid down, cuddling with my beautiful blonde goddess and taking a nap.



When I woke up we talked a little, catching up on how things were, and I couldn’t help but look into her soft teal eyes. When she was calm and not hitting me, she looked so damn sweet, and even after she put my shirt on, her body was so amazing. I know this is corny, but I was in love with her ever since the first time I laid eyes on her, I was pretty pissed that I had to fight her during the Chunnin Exams, but I know she fell in love with me that day. The first time we went out was just after my first mission as a Chunnin…

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I wiped my tears away after what my dad said, seeing most of my friends almost die under my command wasn’t just a damn pain, it felt like I let everyone down. I started walking away, thinking about how badly I screwed up, when I heard loud, angry footsteps following behind me; I turned around to see her of all people.

“What, are you going to tell me how much more I suck?” I asked her, and the blonde girl from Sunagakure just brushed a hand through one of her pigtails. “Fine, let’s hear it. I just love to hear that I fail every frigging time I screw up,” and all she did after I said that was sigh.

“You know, we all mess up from time to time, hell, my first real mission was a failure, if you remember. But you beat five of the strongest ninja that Orochimaru had, granted you had the help of four ninja on your squad, a recovering Taijutsu specialist, and my brothers and I, but you still kicked their asses…” She looked at me and grumbled, “And if that bitch Tayuya finished you off…” what the hell, was she mad at that foul-mouthed Kunoichi because she tried to kill me? “Anyways, let’s go get some food,” she said, grabbing me by my ponytail and pulling me out of the hospital, what a drag.



“Tsk, Not many food options around here…” Temari hummed, who was still dragging me around; damn this woman is troublesome. She finally stopped at this really nice looking place, looked like one of those formal fancy looking restaurants. We went in and the receptionist was going to show us the door again when she happily said, “get out of our way or I’m going to drive your body into the ground with my fan.” She used her free hand and pulled the large weapon off of her back and glared, the man simply stood aside.

We grabbed a couple of menus and looked through them; she threatened to hit me in the face with her fan if I didn’t pay for the meal, such a pain, even more so when I saw how much everything cost. The waiter came over, and wouldn’t you know it, she ordered by far the most expensive things on the menu, I wasn’t very hungry, so I got some soup, luckily I think I had just enough to pay for it, even if she got dessert.

We ate our food without saying a word to each other, but she was looking at me strangely as she did, it was like she wanted to say something to be, but the food in her mouth was holding it back. She got an inexpensive Ice Cream cone for dessert, and when she got it, she started licking it. Man, she looked really cute doing it, at least it was a lot better then her yelling, screaming, and threatening to kill people. She finished her ice cream and looked at me as I paid the bill, it was sort of nerve wracking since I loved her… even thought I’m probably never going to admit it.

We walked down the road, and she pulled me into an alleyway, “what the hell-?” my question was interrupted when soft lips met my own. My eyes widened when I saw her kissing me, her hands wrapped around me and started to dig into my shoulders a little, it hurt a little but I didn’t really care at the moment. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer, closing my eyes and taking it all in, Kami, is it just me or is she purring?



As soon as the kiss broke, she pushed me back and turned away, Damnit, what the hell is wrong with women? I took a step towards her, and she backed away, blushing crimson and looking at my feet, “Nara, I do want to get to know you, but I want to take my time, ok?” Ugh, this woman doesn’t know what she wants, one minute she kisses me, then she pushes me away, then she says she wants to go…out… I can’t help but think about that for a little bit, she said she wants to get to know me, and with that kiss, she obviously wants a relationship.

I squat to the ground and clasp my hands together, sitting in my normal thinking position, trying to take in everything that is happening. She doesn’t give me a long time, as she jumped into my lap, throwing me to the ground and ramming her tongue down my throat. This time, I pushed her off, although I was happy that she wanted to jump me like that, I couldn’t breathe. So, while I was gasping for air, she kissed me again, I tried to push her off but who was I kidding, I wrapped my arms around her again and moved my tongue to her lips, which was pleasantly invited.

Kami, Temari’s mouth felt so good on the inside, I felt her tongue dance around mine, she was digging into my back again, man, what the hell is it with her and pain? She broke the kiss again, but moved her head towards my neck, I gasped as she kissed it tenderly, slightly biting it in a fit of lust, “What the hell are you doing Temari?” was all either of us could hear as we jumped up.



Her brother was right in my face, looking eye to eye with me, “um Kankuro, you seriously need a mint,” was all I could say, which got a laugh out of Temari. He really didn’t look to happy, and replied with, “oh, so the smartass deer whisperer thinks he’s funny too?” “Well, I’d rather whisper to deer then play alone with puppets,” my witty little comment made Temari burst out laughing. He looked even more pissed, but didn’t say anything, so I continued, “awww, what’s wrong Kankuro? Do your little wooden friends want to play?” I started to hump the air and Temari fell to the ground, nearly in tears because of it.

He only responded with, “I’m surprised she hasn’t beaten your sorry ass yet. I mean, who the hell would want to be with a worthless loser like you?” I knew where this was going, so I held back as he continued, “I mean, she have to be fat, ugly, and probably be as smart as a bucket of water. Hell, I think the perfect fit for you would be a blob of-”

I smiled contently as the iron fan hit him square in the forehead, he dropped right to the ground and looked like he was twitching, even though I felt a little bad for him since he probably almost died from that, he totally fucking deserved it for saying that in front of his sister. She was starting to feel slightly bad, not like she’s going to apologize kind of bad, more like dragging him to the hospital by his leg and putting a note on his forehead that clearly read, “DON’T YOU EVER FUCKING SAY THAT AGAIN!- Temari.” After that, we went to tell Gaara what happened, and her decision to be with me, which he gladly accepted.

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“Hello, earth to my wonderful ‘round deer,’ are you there?” she poked me hard in the forehead, causing me to blink, “I’m sorry Temari-chan, what were we talking about?” She gave me a strange look and grabbed my pants, “is there something on your mind Shikamaru?” she asked, tossing them right to me. as I slipped into them, I told her that I was thinking about our first kiss, and how it was still one of the best decisions I ever made, she responded by nibbling at my earlobe as I buttoned and zipped my pants up.

It was getting pretty cold out, since we had slept for the rest of that day and it was turning into night, which sucked, I really like seeing her naked. We heard a knock at the door, so I grabbed my shirt that Temari was wearing as she quickly put her kimono on, and I ran to open the door to see, “Oh for the love of Kami!”



Kankuro smiled at Shikamaru and said, “Well, well, well, what have we here? Could it be the legend of the lazy bastard deer fucker?” Temari heard that and came racing out, Fan in hand, but I held up my arm and said, “what do you want Kankuro? Did you get another splinter on your dick?” Temari went from pissed to giggling, man I love picking on this asshole, it’s so rewarding.

He grumbled, but started smiling, “oh you know, just keeping you from having sex with my sister, ‘cause I figured she’d have better things to do…” Oh I’d just love to hear this; he’s actually going to say something about her getting a better boyfriend. “…Like getting a guy who wasn’t a worthless pile of shit,” we both took it with a grain of salt and I just said, “look Kankuro, why don’t you go play tea party with your dolls and let your sister and I go to bed like a couple. You know, a couple, when TWO LIVING THINGS are IN LOVE with EACHOTHER.”

I could not resist talking using a condescending tone with him, but seriously, you’d think he would have learned over the past four years, I mean, it was getting on my nerves, MY NERVES, since when do I let anything REALLY bug me? Did he stop, no, in fact he said something that actually sent me over the edge, and I quote: “Fine I’ll leave, maybe I should give up, if she’s going to be a stupid bitch and go out with a lazy prick like you, I want nothing to do with the cesspool of a baby you two are going to have…”
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Kankuro woke up from the hospital bed several hours later, and I punched him in the face again, as if the other sixteen punches didn’t get it in his fucking head. Temari pulled me off of him again for a second time, and I just glared at him, I was far from happy, hell, if she didn’t have such a tight hold on my arms, I would have ‘Shadow Possessed” him out of the three story building we were in.

He looked back at me with fear in his eyes, and I actually yelled, “Now that I have your FUCKING ATTENTION, I want you to fucking apologize to your sister for what you said. I don’t care if you don’t like me, Kami, you’re lucky I’m only hurting you physically, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to treat my woman like that. Now get out of that damn bed, get on your hands and knees, and apologize to her, or I swear your face is going to hurt a lot less then the rest of your body.” Temari rubbed my shoulders, trying to calm me down, it was helping but not by much, I wanted to kill him for saying all that shit to her, I mean, who the fuck says that to their own sister, honestly?

He didn’t move for a while, how much more troublesome is this asshole going to be, seriously, he could at least say something. I didn’t really care that I was acting so differently, and when she finally let go of me after a minute, I did use ‘shadow possess” on him, forcing him out of bed and onto his hands and knees in front of her.

He still wasn’t saying anything, so I started to use the ‘shadow choking technique’ on his arms and legs, he was going to apologize to her, even if I had to fucking break him in half. “I’m sorry!” he screamed, his face paint was starting to smear from all of the tears that were now streaming down his face. Temari looked at me in a way that told me to let go, which I did, and he sat up, looking deep into his elder sister’s eyes.

She was not as nice as I was about it, as Kankuro was thrown into the wall by a well place fan hitting him in the chest, and as he coughed up some blood, she simply said, “you damn well better be sorry, because I’m going to tell out brother about this little incident, and I grantee he’s going to make your life a living hell for the next few weeks.” We both left the now sobbing Kankuro in his room, I suddenly felt really bad about what happened now, he deserved to be hurt because of it, but Gaara’s not exactly the type to be kind like Temari just was.
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As we left the hospital, I told her that we should just let it go, seriously the guy suffered enough, and there was no need to bring Gaara into this. She turned around and glared at me, but she slowly calmed down after she saw the concern in my eyes, walking over and giving me the biggest hug I think she’s ever given me. I started to get scared when she started crying; she was really bothered by what Kankuro said, such a drag.

I’ve only seen her cry a few times since we’ve been dating, and it only meant that she was really hurt about something, really hurt. I kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly while whispering “it’s ok honey, he was just being a dick.” She was still crying, so I smiled and said, “Hey, want a piggy back ride back to the apartment?” she was still sobbing, but nodded and walked around me.

I knelt down, letting her hop on and wrap her legs around my waist, I didn’t mind this time since she was so damn upset and I was still pretty angry, so her and her fan didn’t feel as heavy. We went home and went to have a nice long snuggle and nap, my favorite pastime again, this was starting to become less of a pain.

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We snuggled under the warm blanket, and she sighed when I kissed her cheek, then she asked, “Shikamaru, do you think I’m pretty?” I looked at her strangely and asked, “Are you still upset about what your brother said?” and she nodded, I sighed myself and kissed her on the lips.

“You’re the most beautiful thing next to sleep and trust me, the only reason our children would be ugly is if they got my ‘good looks,’ ok?” she was pretty content and kissed me on the cheek, “thank you Shika-kun.” I smiled and rubbed her belly, “you know,” I said with a grin, “we could always piss puppet boy off more and have a baby.” She smiled and pulled at the sash that held her kimono together, and we proceeded to have one hell of a wild night, and I couldn’t be happier.

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(I’m going to make the next chapter for this later; I just wanted you to see how I think they started to go out, not to mention showing how Kankuro really felt about the relationship. This fight wasn’t inspired by anyone else’s fanfics, but a edited comic where Kankuro goes insane and says something about fucking Shikamaru’s Deer and lands in an art therapy group. If anyone else as seen it, great, and until next time, EAT MY PAIN BITCHES!)(edited for good reason)