The Replacement
The Replacement 2
The Replacement
Chapter Two: The Verdict: Guilty
~It wasn't something that I set out to do. It just happened and I'm sorry for that~
"Naruto," Tsunade growls at me, "what the hell did you do?"
I narrow my eyes at her, vein pulsating in my forehead. What the hell gives her the idea that this is my fault? Even if it is. "How should I know, obaa-chan," I finally reply, choosing not to elaborate as guilt secretly eats me apart on the inside. "I already told you everything. We fucked. We argued. He left."
Tsunade-baa-chan narrows her tawny colored eyes as well, her glare upping a notch at my refusal to divulge any more information. She's pissed, if the darkening red color of her ears and cheeks are anything to go by. But it doesn't matter how pissed she is; there's no way I'm telling her about what happened.
She'll flay me alive if she knows, and honestly I'm just too damned ashamed of myself to bring it up. I prefer suffering at the hands of my fellow Anbu member and friend, Haruno Sakura. I prefer facing a hundred Sakuras, to tell the truth. Anything but feel this gnawing guilt clawing its way through the pit of my stomach. I fucked up real bad this time.
I'll be lucky if Sai bothers to even look at me again.
From what I can remember of our last night together, that's highly unlikely.
Tsunade's brow twitches comically, and if the atmosphere in her office wasn't so tense I may have even laughed at the sight. On an average day, pulling stupid shit just to see the old hag go off on one of her tirades would probably be the highlight of my day.
She finally breaks eye contact and sighs as I release the breath I have no memory of holding. "Naruto," she continues, her voice softening, "whatever's going on between you and Sai, you need to fix it."
"Obaa-chan, with all due respect and everything," I counter, crossing my arms over my chest, "I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon. As far as I can tell Sai doesn't seem to want anything more to do with me."
"And why would that be?" she wheedles once more.
My fault.
I shrug ignorantly. "I'm a shitty fuck?" I reply, taking a stab at humor.
Unfortunately, I soon realize that was a poor decision as I just about literally hear Granny Tsunade snap.
With a roar of rage, the busty blonde lunges over her desk, arms outstretched and ready to strangle me. I balk before reacting swiftly enough to avoid the enraged woman's wrath.
"Damn it, Naruto!" she shrieks for all of Konohagakure to hear. "Don't you dare fuck with me! This is serious. One of my top Anbu members has flipped and decided to just quit being a ninja, and I want to know why! Right now, brat!" Her eyes are burning bright with anger, relaying her frustration more than the clenched fists at her sides. But underlying the anger is genuine concern and worry. Her body shakes slightly and I relent.
But only a little.
"I can't tell you,"
Her brow quirks. I never noticed how active they are. "You know," she comments without surprise. It's a statement, not a question.
Guilt rears its ugly head again, nearly suffocating me.
"…Yes," I whisper.
"But you won't tell me?" she continues in slight disbelief. Up until this point I've never held anything back from her. I know on some level she must be feeling betrayed but I just know that I can't tell her about Sai and I.
"No." And I shake my head to reinforce the statement.
It's too shameful.
Tsunade stares me down for a moment as if testing my resolve. Finding it unyielding, obaa-chan backs down. Reseating herself at her desk, she sighs before reaching down for one of her hidden stashes of alcohol. She removes a tall bottle of sake and two shot glances. She slides one towards me.
Seeing the invitation to join her for a drink, I eagerly take a seat in one of the wooden chairs in front of her desk supplied for guests. Obaa-chan pours generous amounts of the liquid in each of our respective glasses before holding her own up in a mock toast. She tosses the sake back like a pro. Following her lead I raise the shot to my lips and pour the burning alcohol down my throat, reveling in the sensation.
It's times like these when I'm feeling lower than dirt that I can understand why the old hag drinks so much.
From then on we sit quietly and drink, oblivious to the other and lost in our own thoughts.
All I can think of is, well quite obviously, Sai.
I haven't seen my ex in over three weeks. He hasn't shown up for training with me or any of the other Anbu Black Ops, as far as I know. No calls, no letters. Fucking nothing. Not even a damn postcard.
Fuck.
It's probably for the best. I don't know how we'll react if we see each other. And though I have no illusions of just how unfair and cruel I have been to Sai, his sudden dumping me had hurt. And three weeks later the wounds are still fresh. Seeing Sai now would be like a knife shoved in the wound, twisted to apply the maximum amount of agony.
But I deserve it, don't I?
Yeah.
I hurt Sai badly. Maybe not on purpose but I did it all the same. It's only fair then that he get me back after all. Even if he's totally unaware of the fact that he's making me feel like shit.
Gods, I miss him.
Sai has been, for a long time, a difficult subject for me to discuss. Almost as difficult as Sas –
I break the though off before it can finish.
Don't think about him.
The reason I'm in this bullshit situation…
Aw, who the fuck am I kidding? It's not like that bastard made me into an obsessive moron.
I release a pent up sigh.
Obaa-chan burps.
"Pleasant," I mutter under my breath.
She grunts.
We slip back into silence, each taking another shot, and my thoughts wander aimlessly for a time before they are inevitably drawn back to my wayward ex.
"You don't love me. I'm just a replacement to you."
I cringe at the memory of his voice. There had been such pain and sadness as he uttered those words though his dark coal eyes held their stoic blankness. I remember feeling caught off guard, the rage I had felt moments before at his breaking up with me after we had just fucked immediately freezing over.
Heart stopped, lodged in my throat, and nearly suffocated me to death. I don't think I've ever been so fucking scared in my life as that split second after Sai dropped the We're-Fucking-Over bomb. And then suddenly it was like the sun came out and melted the ice holding my lips shut, and forced my heart back down into my chest for it to start beating again.
At that point I started speaking. Fast, incoherent, and loud as I spewed from my mouth what I hoped to be comforting reassurances of our relationship. Said anything I could think of to sway him. I had stuffed my pride down into a dark hole and just about nearly begged Sai to change his mind. Begged him to stay with me.
The whole while, Sai sat patiently, eyes fathomless and dry but a definite aura of sorrow and heartbreak radiating from his being.
It was then that I knew he knew. About him. How I felt about him. That I wanted him. Craved him. And what's worse, that the feelings I have for Sai aren't as strong as the one's I have for him.
For fucking Sasuke.
But even so, even as I felt the dread and finality of our relationship's end dawning upon us, I was so desperate to not lose what I had with Sai. 'Cause I really, really, really did liked Sai. I still do. Honest shit. Sai is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Ever since we had started dating a year back, I had come to really care for the ex-Root member. Sai means a lot to me.
He's one of the most phenomenal people I've ever met. How could someone so corrupted as a young child and deprived of human comfort and emotions be so pure? Despite all he had gone through, Sai turned out thoughtful, and kind, and so amazingly gorgeous. His pale lithe body is a sight to behold in the heat of passion as he orgasms. The look of pure rapture on his face as those usually void eyes shine with love is breathtaking.
And he gives mind-blowing head to boot. Seriously, he's a god when he's down on his knees.
But most importantly, Sai loved me, all of me – motherless, fatherless, demon carrying, idiot, stupid, Uzumaki Naruto. He had given me everything I could have ever hoped for. Someone to love, to hold, to give all of myself to him, just as he gave all of himself to me. He had given me a family. A best friend. A lover.
And I had given him nothing but heartache in return. All 'cause I was hung up on some bastard from my childhood. The same bastard who, last time I saw him, was trying to murder me as well as my team members.
So knowing all that, knowing what I stood to lose without Sai, I told him that I loved him. That he was wrong for thinking I didn't. That I hadn't 'replaced' him. But I was lying. We both knew.
He so didn't take it well.
Suddenly there had been a flurry of activity as Sai hastily dressed himself, movements jerky and the most uncoordinated I'd ever seen them. His sweet pale face taut with what could be only described as anger.
After that, Sai had walked out. Just like that. Without a backwards glance. And I couldn't bring myself to chase after him anymore.
I was left to myself in that dark room, my bed suddenly feeling two sizes too big. I laid there for hours with no intention of even getting out of bed anymore. One thought going through my damn brain.
'Well, I just royally fucked that up.'
And so now I find myself in Tsunade-baa-chan's office drinking myself silly alongside the old hag herself. Gods, we make a pitiful pair. Old lady's lost two of the most important loves in her life and I drove off my boyfriend 'cause I'm fucking crazy about my ex-best friend/rival who subsequently hates my guts.
My life sucks some serious butt sometimes.
Believe it.
~You deserve the world~
And yes, Naruto is OOC and curses in this. Don't like? Hit the back button. xD
Btw, in case you can't tell, he and the other rookie 9 are either Anbu or Jounin by now.
Does anyone see Sai as being pure? Or is just me?
For any who are confused about Naruto's feelings: Naruto really likes Sai a lot but he's so obsessive about Sasuke that Sasuke's all he can think of when he's with Sai. Naruto never set out with the intention of using Sai, it just kinda happened. But yes, he does have feelings for Sai but they aren't, as of right now, anywhere near as strong as those for Sasuke.
***Because I haven't read anything going on in Naruto in FOREVERR, this fic is going by the old (and incorrect) theory of Itachi just being a crazy mofo who decided to kill his family. And Danzo has no other role in this other than the head of Root and a Konoha council elder dude.
Jiraiya and Gai are both alive. Asuma's dead. And Orochi too just cuz I said so. So, basically, I'm keeping almost everything the same up to the end of the Save-Gaara-From-the-Nasty-Akatsuki arc. After that I'm just winging it. Naru hasn't seen Sasuke in years cuz he's off with Team Hebi doing Sasuke-ish things.
Um, yeah. That's it for the important stuff I think. Review Replies for Ch 1 cynaga: Thank you! I'm trying not to rush this story and take my time with it. volaju66 and moodysavage sent you both e-mails. Sorry, I only just realized they were there. *sweatdrop*