Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

Reviews from AFF.net

 

Tamara: Thank you so much!!

 

Golden Kitsune: I love writing sweet Sasuke, it’s just so adorable and if you think about it, it could totally fit in an AU situation since you really don’t know what he could have been like if everything in the series never happened to him XD Also, I don’t believe Si will be in the fic anymore, sorry L

 

Smint45: Naru will always be able to make Sasuke feel better XD

 

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Five hours later found Sasuke in his office, hands clenched and tears running down his face, the computer screen now black. He wasn’t prepared... nothing could have prepared him for that, no matter how much he thought he was ready. Seeing Naruto so young... the things his father did to him that first time were just too much to handle. Sasuke had to stop the tape halfway through, not being able to watch it all in one sitting. He had wanted desperately to just call up his boyfriend and tell him how much he loved him but... that would have been counterproductive in Naruto’s recovery, especially since Naruto hadn’t even begun to come to grips about what had just recently happened to him.



The child on that tape was so happy at first, Sasuke could see it clearly and it was apparent that the boy truly loved his father. It was so painful to watch the confusion and hurt on Naruto’s tiny face as his father beat him; the tears that fell as that bastard penetrated that small body for the first time... Sasuke felt nauseous again, it wasn’t the first time that day, and had to drag the trashcan over just in case. All he wanted to do now was go home and hold his blond and cry with him. He had no doubt there would be lots of crying that night whether either wanted to or not.



Taking a few deep breaths, Sasuke grabbed a few tissues to clean himself up and quickly left his office, dreading the fact that he had ten years worth of tapes to watch and he wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to do it...



xx



Naruto spent the entire day with Itachi, and it had been wonderful. The eldest Uchiha brother was very good with keeping him entertained even while he was stuck on the couch, and barely let the blond have a moment to himself to worry about his boyfriend.



Except he did… He thought about Sasuke a lot. How could he not? He knew what the raven was seeing, knew it by heart, because he had nightmares of each and every one of those moments caught on tape.



“Do you think we’ll make it through this, ‘Tachi?” Naruto asked quietly, turning his head towards the other man. “We haven’t been together very long and a lot has happened… I- I really don’t want to lose him, but I’ve already put him through so much…”



The older man sighed a bit as he settled on the couch next to the blond, handing Naruto a soda. “It’ll work out. I know how much Sasuke cares about you, I can see it. And I know you care about him. People that are that much in love with each other will be able to get through something like this. Not to mention you two have a lot of help from people who just want it to work out as much as you and Sasuke.”



“Do you think I’m… I don’t know, tainting him?” Naruto frowned. “I think about that sometimes… Before me, he was normal. Well, as normal as an Uchiha can be.” He smirked weakly as he took a sip of his drink. “But then I came along, and now he’s had so much drama in his life… I’ve practically turned it upside down… “ His eyes widened slightly and he waved his hand, as though trying to clear the air. “Sorry… I shouldn’t be talking to you about stuff like that.”



Itachi didn’t have a chance to answer, the sound of the door opening catching both male’s attention.



Sasuke stepped through the door and slipped off his shoes. It had taken him five minutes to get the courage to enter his own home and face Naruto... Making his way into the living room, he spotted his boyfriend and brother on the couch and he offered a small smile but he knew it wasn’t believable.



“Hey...” he said quietly, his voice a bit worn out from his crying. “Did you have a good time with Itachi?” His hand touched the soft blond hair, letting it flow through his fingertips. He could feel the urge to cry grip him suddenly but he tried to hold back.



The oldest in the room stood ruffling Naruto’s hair as well before placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I should go... I think you two need to be with each other. I’ll see both of you tomorrow.” With one last smile thrown Naruto’s way, Itachi headed toward the door and left quietly. It wasn’t his business so he felt no need to intrude.



Naruto’s heart spasmed as soon as he saw Sasuke. His chest tightened horribly and he ached deep in his gut, knowing what the raven had had to endure. He barely noticed Itachi leave, though he did manage to at least say goodbye. His attention was focused on one thing.



“Sit,” he whispered, patting the space beside him. “Come sit with me…”



Sasuke didn’t hesitate as he sat next to the blond, carefully pulling the other against him, needing to hold his boyfriend. “I love you so much...” he whispered, his voice already sounding choked up.



Naruto leaned his head against Sasuke’s, sliding his arm up the raven’s back until he could run his fingers through that soft hair, over and over again. “I love you, too, S’uke... I’m so sorry you had to go through that, but remember, I’m okay now… I’m with you and I’m okay…”



“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it... I mean... I could barely stand to...” He stopped, not wanting to choke on his own words. He let his head drop to Naruto’s and rested there against the other for a moment just trying to breathe. He had no idea what to say to Naruto. He wanted to say so many things but wasn’t even sure how.



“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it, as long as it’s with you… and I guess I kind of have to get used to it since I’m going to be seeing a shrink soon…” Naruto sighed, still stroking his fingers through Sasuke’s hair, trying to soothe him. It took everything he had not to let himself get upset, too. He didn’t want to break down.



Swallowing thickly, he took a deep breath. “I’ve had a fucked up life, Sasuke. You saw…  That’s been going on for like 10 years. But, this time I’ve spent with you… since I met you… It’s made my life worth living. I can live with the demons in my past and I think I can move on from all that, as long as I have you…”



Sasuke nodded, agreeing completely. He knew Naruto was right. Despite all that’s happened, they were each other’s support system.



“It’s going to be so easy for me to put that bastard in jail... you won’t even have to go to the trial if you don’t want to.” It was something he had discussed with the judge. The woman had agreed wholeheartedly. The blond didn’t need to go through something that stressful.



“I haven’t decided if I want to go yet,” Naruto answered. “I mean… I really, really don’t want to see him again but on the other hand… seeing him put away might give me some kind of closure, you know? I’d know for sure then that he could never get to me again… I know I’d be safe…”



“We can arrange it so he doesn’t even know you’re there. But it’s up you Naruto... I don’t want to push you into anything.” It was going to be hard enough on the blond if he had to witness those tapes. Sasuke really couldn’t see any way out of not showing them in court.



“That… Yeah. If I can watch without him knowing I’m there, that would be better… But I really do want to see him get put away.” Naruto pulled Sasuke’s hand to him and absently toyed with his fingers, turning it palm up so he could trace the little lines. “Do you know when it is yet?”



“Next Thursday... In a way I do want you there... I just want you to be able to witness your tormentor being put away for good, somehow I think that’ll give you a bit of closure.” Sasuke kissed the blonde’s temple, loving the intimate closeness the two of them were sharing despite the situation.



“That’s kind of fast, isn’t it?” Naruto frowned. “Well, I guess it makes sense, since he’s – or was – the Mayor. They probably want to get it all over with quickly because of the media… They’ve been trying to talk to me, but I just keep saying my lawyer told me not to talk to anyone.” He smirked as he laced their fingers together and nuzzled against the raven.



“Good, you don’t need that extra stress. I’ve been trying to keep them away as well but there’re just some things I have to answer. They were asking about our situation... the fact that you’re living with me...” Seeing the look on Naruto’s face, Sasuke quickly continued. “I didn’t say anything... just confirmed that I’ve been looking after you since your uncle travels a lot...”



“Sasuke, I don’t care if they know we’re together,” Naruto sighed. “I’m not ashamed to be with you or anything. I’d be happy, even, if they knew. I’d just have to watch my back so all your little fan girls and boys don’t murder me.”



Sasuke’s eyes shifted toward the blond quickly. “Trust me... I’m not ashamed either, I just don’t feel like it’s anyone’s business. I mean, it’s not like they were specifically asking if we were together.”



“Yeah… I know what you mean,” Naruto smiled. “Let your crazy fans think they have a chance. If they only knew you came home to me every day.” He snickered and tilted his head up to catch Sasuke’s lips in a chaste kiss. Only he didn’t stop. His palm cupped the raven’s cheek to keep him in place; his tongue peeked out and teased along the seam of Sasuke’s lips, asking but not demanding entrance.



The raven was a bit surprised at first to feel Naruto’s eager kiss but who was he to stop it if it’s what Naruto wanted. Of course he wouldn’t let it escalate too far, seeing as how the blond was still injured and recovering, he couldn’t help but crave the kiss that his boyfriend was offering.



He let his tongue slide against Naruto’s, opening his mouth to let the blond in, deepening the kiss even further, his fingertips playing with the blond hairs at the nape of Naruto’s neck.



Naruto moaned softly as he let his tongue tangle with Sasuke’s.  It felt so… good. He wanted it, and he’d even initiated it. He still felt a little nervous and unsettled, but this was his boyfriend. He knew he was safe. Teasing the raven’s tongue with the tip of his, he coaxed it into his mouth and suckled at it. “I- It’s not fair, S’uke. I want you…”



“I know baby... but I don’t think it’s the right time for something like that... I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. I can feel the uneasiness coming from you... I know it’s not your fault but I don’t want to make you feel like that.” Sasuke’s fingers ghosted over the blonde’s tan cheek, his eyes soft and caring.



Naruto met Sasuke’s gaze, his own filled with so much sadness. It ate him up inside, knowing he felt so uneasy just thinking of being intimate with his boyfriend. Hate burned deep in his gut, hate for the man who had made him that way.



“But, how am I supposed to get comfortable with it if we don’t work at it? Can’t we… I don’t know… Just do some every day, go until I’m uncomfortable, and then work on it? I mean, I can’t do much til I’m healed, but… I want to be okay with you touching me. We just need to try…”



Sasuke nodded in agreement. There was no point in waiting until Naruto felt comfortable. The teen wouldn’t feel comfortable again until he was used to it and he couldn’t get used to it without doing it. “I think that’s a good idea. Just... I want you be absolutely sure you’re feeling ok pain wise with your injuries. I don’t want to do anything that will make them worse.”



“I know,” Naruto smiled, grateful the raven wanted to try with him. “I’m not saying we have to do anything big until I’m healed, but… I just want you to touch me some more. I really don’t know how I’m going to feel about it. I’m sure I’ll be okay touching you, because I’m the one initiating it and kind of in control, you know? But when you’re touching me, that’s different…”



Sasuke nodded and kissed Naruto once more. “I understand. I won’t take it personally if that’s what you’re worried about. And I’ll stop whenever you tell me too.” The raven’s fingers trailed gently down Naruto’s arm, feeling the exposed skin and loving how soft it felt.



“And I’ll tell you as soon as I can’t handle it… So we’re good,” Naruto smiled, closing his eyes and sighing softly as those fingers brushed over his arm, eliciting soft tingles over his skin. It felt good. It felt… caring and safe.



XX



A couple days passed with much the same thing going on day by day. Sasuke would go to work, leaving Naruto at the condo with Itachi and would have to endure those god awful tapes that just kept getting worse as the years went on.



It was the third day of Naruto’s recovery and the blond had been taken off of morphine the night before, the bag having run out. Sasuke had gone the same night to fill the pain killer prescription that Tsunade had written out for when the morphine wore off.



Sasuke drove home yet again a mess as he tried to keep himself together. The day had been particularly hard, the scenes he had to watch were among the most brutal he had seen so far.



Once he was inside his home, he went in search of the blond who was able to move about the house on his own a bit easier now. Itachi had most likely left shortly before he arrived, his plane leaving that day.



He finally spotted him in the bedroom, sitting on their bed with his art book in hand and colored pencils strewn all around him. Knocking on the door frame gently, Sasuke stepped in and sat next to his boyfriend, kissing the pursed lips.



“You look a lot better today.” He commented, seeing how much Naruto color was coming back.



“I feel better today,” Naruto smiled, setting down his book and running his fingers through his hair. “I mean, I’m still really, really sore… but the pills help. At least I can walk around a bit.” Slowly leaning back against the pillows, he let his gaze rake over Sasuke.



“Another hard day?” he asked quietly, even though he already knew the answer. “It got worse, as I got older. I guess he thought I could handle more or something… Have you, um… got to the one with my arm? Where he snapped it?”



Sasuke inwardly cringed at the memory of seeing it on screen, the scream that came from Naruto was haunting.



“Yeah... that was today actually.” He sat on the bed next to the blond and gently pulled the boy against him, his boyfriend’s head immediately resting on his chest.



“I was twelve,” Naruto murmured, leaning against his boyfriend and closing his eyes. “I remember because it was my birthday. Not that I would have forgotten that anyway… My only friend at school wanted to throw a little birthday party and he got mad because I asked to go. I’d never had anyone offer to throw me a party before and I was excited, but he said I was horrible because I wanted to leave him on my special day. I guess that was his gift to me…”



The blond let out a shaky breath and worried his bottom lip between his teeth, trying to work up the courage to ask Sasuke something. It had been on his mind the past few days and though they’d talked about it before, he felt nervous. Why, he didn’t know.



“You’ve never told me when your birthday is...” Sasuke didn’t mean to change the subject so abruptly but it was something he had realized he didn’t know about his boyfriend, which saddened him a bit. Seeing the slight shift in Naruto’s eyes, Sasuke rolled onto his side so he was now holding the teen gently against him. “What’s on your mind...? I can see you want to talk about something.”



“Oh… My bad. My birthday’s October 10th,” Naruto answered with a smile. “And yours is July 23rd, right?” He turned slightly towards Sasuke, as much as he could without hurting himself. Soon, he would have to take more medication. It had pretty much already worn off.



“I was just wondering if you knew anyone I could see… I mean, a therapist. I want to start going to one. When I’m with you I’m okay, but when I’m by myself… I’m just so… I don’t know, depressed I guess. It’s all I can think about… All the memories come back, and it’s pretty horrible… I just want to get going with that…”



Sasuke had been thinking about it as well, knowing that Naruto wasn’t in the best state of health mentally and it was hard to see the blond so depressed and sad all the time. Even when they were together, the raven could tell.



“I have a couple doctors you can research but I personally recommend Kakashi Hatake, he’s really understanding without being too consoling... and he doesn’t baby anyone.” Sitting up, he dug through his briefcase and pulled out a business card. “Give him a call if you want, just ask him about what he offers.”



Naruto studied the card for a moment before setting it on the bedside table. “I’ll call him tomorrow, then… Thanks, S’uke. I really hope this helps. I think it will…”



Sasuke brushed the hair from Naruto’s face, looking into the beautiful eyes. “I don’t really feel like cooking tonight... how about we order something?” he asked, kissing the blond lightly on the lips.



“Pizza?” Naruto asked hopefully, slowly scooting to the edge of the bed so he could slip off, needing to get a drink so he could take more of his pills. “I haven’t had pizza in forever!”



Sasuke nodded and grabbed the cordless phone from the charger and headed toward the kitchen with Naruto, staying with the blond to make sure he got there alright. Heading to the drawer with the take out menus, he pulled out a menu for a nice Italian restaurant and unfolded the paper. “What kind... They have everything you can imagine a pizza to have on it, trust me, you can get anything.”



“I dunno,” Naruto grinned as he walked slowly towards the fridge. “I’m good with anything. Surprise me.” He grabbed a can of cola from the fridge and popped the top, taking a big gulp before heading back to the bedroom, where he’d left his pill bottle. He popped two and then settled himself on the couch.



Sasuke ordered quickly and headed into the living room to cuddle with his boyfriend. “It think you’ll like what I got; chicken, spinach, and tomato with a pesto sauce.” His arms wrapped around Naruto, pulling the boy close and resting his head on the teen’s shoulder.



“Mmm, that does sound good,” Naruto purred, nuzzling against Sasuke’s neck. He nipped gently at the pulse before attaching his lips to it and sucking harshly and then, alternating until there was a red mark. “You lost my mark,” he snickered as he reached for the remote. His hand came to rest on Sasuke’s thigh and he squeezed lightly.



“Well then you better make sure you keep it there... I don’t give a shit who sees it.” The Uchiha smirked, placing his hand on Naruto’s thigh as well, running his fingers along the smooth skin, the blond having worn shorts that day. “Have I ever told you how sexy you look in shorts? Especially these... they’re particularly fitted in all the right places.”



“Nope, I don’t think you have,” Naruto grinned, shuddering pleasantly as those long, nimble fingers brushed over his skin. He tilted his head down to watch them move over him. “I guess it’s a good thing I got a few pairs, huh?”



“Damn it baby... you have no idea how attractive you are and I’m not just saying that so don’t even think about it...” Sasuke gave the teen a stern look before kissing him softly. “I love touching you... and I love it when you touch me.”



A soft flush spread over Naruto’s cheeks, but he didn’t refute. He simply returned the kiss and reached down to place his hand over Sasuke’s, pressing it more firmly against his thigh in a silent plea for more. He wanted to try…



“S’uke…” he murmured, catching the raven’s lips again. It was slow and thorough, but he soon deepened it, letting his tongue slide inside the Uchiha’s mouth.



The raven let out a soft moan, feeling Naruto’s tongue against his lips and he let that tongue in, tangling it with his own and pushing against the blonde’s slick muscle. His hand drifted up the smooth leg and gently ghosted over the boy’s crotch, testing the water’s to see how Naruto reacted.



Naruto breath hitched as he felt the barely-there touch, but whereas he thought he’d be panicking, he felt… fine. His hips pressed up gently, telling his boyfriend that it was okay to proceed. His hand slid up and tangled in that gorgeous, dark hair and he tightened his grip a little as the kiss became a little more urgent.



“Keep going,” he husked, trying to keep his breathing even so as not to bother his chest. “I’m okay…”



Sasuke hand pressed a bit harder against the now increasing bulge in the blonde’s shorts, letting his hand mold around the covered erection. “You like it baby? Does it feel good?” He was glad to see that Naruto wasn’t nervous or freaked out but that could change at any moment.



Naruto whimpered as soon as the raven’s hand covered him, providing more friction against his firming flesh. His hips hitched again and it took  a conscious effort to keep them still, knowing he could hurt himself if he got too carried away.



“Yeah,” he breathed, meeting Sasuke’s gaze with his own lust-tinged one. “It feels really good… It feels like I haven’t been touched by you in forever. I want it so badly…”



Sasuke’s hand continued to stroke over the bulge wanting desperately to feel the flesh against his hand. “Can you lift your hips a little? I want to touch you properly.”



Naruto nodded avidly and reached down to undo the fastenings on his shorts. Lifting his hips up a little, he tried to wriggle his pants down, but he wasn’t strong enough to hold himself up and tug them down at the same time.



“Here…” he murmured, holding himself up as best he could.



Sasuke pulled the shorts down just far enough to free the smooth erection, the flesh lying flat against Naruto’s stomach. His fingers immediately began to tease the hard flesh, stroking the large vain on the underside, and swiped his thumb over the head, spreading the precum that had gathered. “You want to touch me like this too?” he asked, desperately wanting the blonde’s hands on him.



Naruto groaned and his cock jerked as Sasuke touched him. His head fell back against the couch and he closed his eyes, enjoying the attention completely. There wasn’t even a negative thought in his head right then, not with the pleasured fog beginning to take hold.



“I want to touch you, S’uke.” He cracked an eye open and reached for Sasuke’s pants. Their position made it a little awkward but he still got them undone. His hand delved inside and he wrapped his fingers around the swollen flesh he found, giving his boyfriend a firm stroke.



“Oh god... you know just where I like it...” Sasuke leaned forward so he was a bit closer to Naruto, making it easier for the blond to stroke him. His lips connected with his boyfriend’s panting mouth and his hand encircled the teen’s cock, stroking the flesh evenly with Naruto’s strokes of his own flesh.



Naruto moaned into his boyfriend’s mouth, nipping roughly at his bottom lip. His eyes narrowed to slits, and the blue orbs shone with lust as he very gently twisted, and only slightly, twisted Sasuke’s shaft – just enough for it to feel good. The tip of his thumb teased at the slit and his other hand snuck down to tug at the heavy sac.



“You feel so good in my hand, S’uke,” he whispered, his timbre low. “I missed touching you…”



“I love hearing your voice when we’re like this. It gets so deep and sexy... it makes me want to cum that much harder for you...” Sasuke’s mouth drifted down to Naruto’s neck, placing his lips along a thick vein and sucking on the flesh gently at first but then picked up the suction a little, licking at the wet skin once  he pulled away.



Naruto’s cheeks colored again; he wasn’t used to receiving such compliments. But he smirked all the same, stroking harder.



“That’s what I want…” he murmured. “But I wish you were in my mouth right now… I want to taste you, and I want to drink up that cum...”



Sasuke was practically incoherent with pleasure as his moans increased in volume, his hips moving with Naruto’s hand, his own hand stroking faster. “Come for me baby... I want to feel it sliding down my hand.”



Naruto groaned loudly, feeling his orgasm quickly approaching. His groin tightened, ready to go off at any moment. But right before he was about to heed to Sasuke’s command, an image flashed through his mind.



‘Look at how hard you are now for me. You’re a little liar aren’t you? You want to come don’t you? Your dick is so full....’



He remembered how it felt to have his father’s hand on him, jerking him hard and forcing him towards an unwanted orgasm. His body had betrayed him.



‘You know how much I love it when you get aroused for me... It shows how much of a whore you really are that you would get hard from your own father’s cock shoved up your ass...’



Panic clawed at Naruto’s heart. He forgot how to breathe, his chest tightening to the point that it was very painful. He gasped for breath and his cock went completely limp as his eyes filled with tears.



“Stop! Sasuke, stop!”



The hand was gone immediately from Naruto’s now flaccid penis. Sasuke gathering Naruto in his arms, trying not to smother the boy too much.



“It’s ok baby... it’s just me... I’m here.” He kissed the tear streaked cheek, trying to calm the boy down. He almost knew something like this would happen. The incident was just too fresh still.



For the first time since he’d been rescued, Naruto wasn’t able to fend off the overwhelming feelings. He’d held strong so far, but right then… with those images flashing through his mind, he couldn’t anymore. He could practically hear his father’s voice, feel him all over and inside his body…



“I’m…sorry…” he whispered brokenly. He curled himself against Sasuke, clutching at his shirt as the tears continued to come. “I’m horrible…”



The blond couldn’t even come for his boyfriend. That was pathetic, and it only made him feel ten times worse.  He choked on a sob, his body beginning to tremble as he clutched to Sasuke desperately.



“Go on baby... it’s ok, I’m right here, let it go.” Sasuke knew it was time for Naruto to release all of his emotions and pent up depression, anger, and fear. “Cry, get angry, do whatever you want, please Naruto... you need to do this.”



“I- I don’t want to,” Naruto whimpered, burying his face against Sasuke’s chest. His tears wet his boyfriend’s shirt and stuck to his cheeks, but he barely noticed. “Then he wins… I- don’t want him to win…”



But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop. It just wasn’t possible. Not only did he feel completely crushed, but he was angry. “I just… I hate him! I hate him so much! Why did he have to do this to me, to turn me into this?! I-It’s not fair! I didn’t do anything! I didn’t kill my mom!”



Sasuke rocked the blond in his arms, stroking the soft hair. “I know baby... I know you loved your mom very much. You have every right to be angry and hate your father... what he did was unforgivable.”



Naruto’s words and what he honestly felt didn’t mesh. Deep down he knew he’d done something to warrant his father’s behavior. Maybe he hadn’t killed his mother, but he’d never been good enough for Minato. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, it was never enough.



Either way, he wasn’t able to hold back anymore. The blond sat there curled up against his boyfriend for two hours, not even moving when the pizza came. It took another half hour for his tears to dry up, and the only reason they did was from sheer exhaustion.



Sasuke held the blond in his arms for those two hours, only getting up once to quickly pay for the food and put it in the fridge. He had a feeling they wouldn’t be eating for a while, if at all that night. He felt Naruto’s sobs quiet down and felt the teen grow heavy against him, his breaths coming out evenly... he had fallen asleep. Gently, Sasuke disentangled himself from Naruto and stood, picking up the blond and carrying him into the bedroom where he pulled on a pair of sweats over the teen’s hips and tucked him under the covers before getting in himself and holding his boyfriend close, his own tears still falling.