Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

Note from Xasus: Well guys, it’s been so fun sharing this with you and it was such an emotional story to write but I loved it nonetheless! I’m SO happy with how well it was received and I’m so sad to see it end as I’m sure ll o you are as well but don’t worry! Grandlinegirl and I are in the process of writing another story to share with all of you so look for that soon!

 

So yes, sadly this is the last chapter and I’d love to have your feedback of how you liked the story overall as a whole, I’m interested to see how it holds up when it’s not broken down into chapters XD

 

Now, onto the story!!!

 

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The following morning Naruto woke up with one hell of an emotional hangover – splitting headache, dry, red puffy eyes – and the most gut-wrenching shame he’d ever felt before.



The last thing he’d wanted to do was break down like that and he’d tried so hard not to. He’d failed – and he was ashamed that Sasuke had had to see him like that.



The morning passed by without him even moving from bed. He barely said a word to Sasuke. As far as he was concerned, he could lie there and just rot away.



Sasuke made his way into the bedroom after he had made some coffee and some breakfast for the two of them. He knew the blond was extremely ashamed about his breakdown the night before but Sasuke knew it had been coming and almost expected it.



Sitting on the edge of the bed, the raven ran his fingers through Naruto’s hair, leaning down to kiss the soft cheek. “Come on... you know there’s nothing to be ashamed of baby... it’s only natural for someone to let out their anguish... I know it was something you had to do and I don’t think any less of you for it.”



“But, he’s won,” Naruto whispered, his eyes absolutely miserable. “I broke down, so he won. And I… I didn’t want you to see it.”



He was so ashamed… He didn’t want to admit it, but he totally felt like he’d lost. He’d given in, broken down… It was pathetic.



“Listen to me...” Sasuke pulled back a bit to look into his boyfriend’s bright blue eyes. “What you’re experiencing is completely normal. It doesn’t mean he won, just means you’re human and you can feel.”



Sasuke knew exactly what was going on in Naruto’s mind. He could tell how badly the grief was effecting Naruto and everyone went through the process differently.



Naruto opened his mouth to respond, but he didn’t have anything. He laid his head back down, staring blankly at the wall directly across from where he lay.  



Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew Sasuke was right. Logically, it made sense. He’d needed to break down – but that still didn’t make him feel any better. He still felt just as weak.



“Don’t you have to work?” he finally asked.



Sasuke sighed and nodded slightly. He’d have given anything to skip that day and stay home with Naruto but that just wasn’t an option. The trial was fast approaching and he needed to finish up the tapes.



“Is there somewhere you want me to drop you off? A gym or something? You might work off stress that way.” He wasn’t even sure if Naruto liked working out to relieve stress, it was just the way he did it...



“Um, well… Do you think…” Naruto worried his bottom lip as he sat up, pulling his legs up to his chest. “Would you mind calling that therapist guy? I… I just really want to get in as soon as I can, and I think if you called I might get in sooner, because you know him…”



Thinking about it for a moment, Sasuke nodded, sitting up as he grabbed the phone. He was sure he could get Naruto in that day.



A short conversation later, Sasuke hung up and turned to the blond. “He can see you today, but you’ll have to get up now and get ready, he could only schedule you in at 9.30.”



“Thank you,” Naruto whispered, offering Sasuke a tiny smile as he slid from the bed. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and disappeared into the bathroom to change into them. He emerged a few minutes later fully dressed. “Is it very far? ‘Cus I’ll have to walk back home.”



“Don’t worry about that, just call me, and I’ll pick you up-”



“You really don’t mind?” Naruto frowned. “But, you’ll have to leave work and get me, then drive me here, then drive back to work…” He shook his head. “You don’t have to do all…”



Sasuke pulled a brand new cell phone out of his dresser and handed it to the blond. “I was going to give this to you later today but... I figured now would probably be better. You’re service is being paid for by me for now and don’t worry about it. You can start paying for it if you want once you start making some money.” he smiled as he handed the device to the blond.



The blonde’s voice trailed off as he looked at the phone. “You… bought me a phone?” He took it in hand and stared down at it. “I…. I don’t deserve anything like this. I-”



Naruto looked up at met Sasuke’s gaze. His chest constricted and he held the phone against it. “Thank you, S’uke…”



“I thought you should have at least something to communicate with me when you aren’t here... Plus, I worry about you. Don’t worry though, I’m not keeping tabs on you or anything.” He smirked and pulled Naruto against him, kissing the top of the blond head.



Naruto let out a heavy sigh and leaned against Sasuke, wrapping his arms around his waist and hanging on tightly. He pressed his face against his boyfriend’s chest and just stood there, clinging.



He felt so much worse knowing he’d made the raven worry about him. Not only had he failed and broken down, but he’d worried the Uchiha enough to buy him a phone. “I’m sorry. I came into your life and complicated everything… You were probably better off without me…”



Sasuke stiffened at those words. They hurt, they really did. To know Naruto thought that... “I’m not sorry... I can’t think of how I could go back to how I was. You’re a big part of my life Naruto and I don’t think I could stand not having you in it.”



As Sasuke talked, the blond felt tears welling in his eyes. He couldn’t stop them, which just made him feel even more horrible. As they fell, he whimpered and lost his hold on Sasuke, crumpling to the ground.



“I don’t deserve you…” he wept, burying his face in his hands. “I- I don’t… You’re too good for me…”



Kneeling down, Sasuke took Naruto into his arms again, the blond ending up in his lap. “Come on baby... you know that isn’t true. You deserve everything you have now... you’ve been through so much shit your entire life... you deserve to have something good happen to you. I know it doesn’t feel like it but I know you do. If you didn’t deserve me I wouldn’t be here with you, you wouldn’t be living with me and you wouldn’t have everything you have now.” Sasuke’s lips connected with Naruto’s quickly, wiping the tears away with his fingers. “If you didn’t deserve me, we would have never met...”



Naruto curled up in Sasuke’s lap, sniffling miserably as he listened to him talk. He found the words hard to believe. He didn’t see how he deserved it. How could someone as worthless as him deserve Sasuke?



“How… How can it not bother you? I’m so… so…” Broken. Shaking his head, he snuggled against Sasuke. He didn’t want to talk; he just wanted to feel him.



“Just relax....” Sasuke’s fingers were constantly running through the soft blond strands. “I can only tell you how I feel Naruto... and I know that I want to be with you, no matter what’s happened in your past. That’s what it is... the past. I know you can’t just forget it but it doesn’t define you now... You’re your own person... just say that to yourself... just tell yourself that you’re not a part of that past anymore. I know you want to let it go and I know it’s hard but that’s what this therapy is for...”



Naruto closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of Sasuke’s fingers running through his hair. It helped calm him, along with the strong arms holding him. He wiped at his eyes, and nodded sullenly but didn’t say anything for a long time.



“I’m glad you’re so patient, S’uke… You’re so strong…” Sighing, he nuzzled against the ravens neck. “I love you so much… I feel so lucky to have you.”



“I love you too... God you have no idea...” Sasuke laughed a bit mirthlessly, kissing Naruto’s cheek. “I never thought I could feel this way about anyone. I guess I never really wanted to... maybe I was just scared...”



Sighing, he pulled back a bit, kissing his boyfriend’s lips. “We should go, you don’t want to be late.”



Naruto nodded but paused to give his boyfriend one final kiss before climbing from his lap. He tucked his new cell phone into his pocket and padded into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face before searching for his shoes.



“Okay, I’m ready,” he called, waiting by the door. His stomach tugged with nerves; he had no idea what to expect, but he knew he really needed to get started on it.



XX



Sasuke sat with Naruto in the reception area of the small therapist’s office. He didn’t want to just drop the blond off and wish him the best before driving off without another word. No, he’d wait with his boyfriend until his name was called and then he’d head to his office.



Glancing over, he noticed Naruto was fidgeting a bit with his sweatshirt and gently took the tan hand in his. “It’ll be alright, Kakashi’s really good at what he does. I think you’ll really like him.”



“Oh, sorry,” Naruto muttered, tugging the sweatshirt back into place. The front bore a big Uchiha symbol over the chest and it smelled like Sasuke – his boyfriend had given it to him to replace the one that had been destroyed.



“I’m just a little nervous…” He laced his fingers together with Sasuke’s and leaned his head against his shoulder. A few seconds later, his name was called. “I guess I’ll see you after…”



Sasuke nodded and gave the blond a small kiss on the cheek, watching the boy head through the door.



XX



A silver haired man sat behind a desk, his laptop open and his fingers flying over the keys. He was quite interested in Naruto, Sasuke had told him briefly what was going on and it was apparent that the main thing he had to focus on first was to make the boy feel comfortable. Hearing his door open, he stood and rounded his desk, holding a hand out to the blond that entered.  “You must be Naruto, it’s nice to meet you. My name’s Dr. Kakashi Hatake.”



Naruto smiled nervously and took the man’s hand, shaking it quickly. “Um, yeah… I’m Naruto…”  he answered, taking a seat in the chair that sat in front of  the desk. “I, um… I don’t really know what this is all about, but I kind of, need help….”



Kakashi nodded, sitting down at his desk, closing his laptop. “Well right now I just want to make sure you’re comfortable in here. It won’t help you at all if you can’t even talk to me.” he smiled in encouragement and leaned back in his seat. “So if there’s anything you need during these sessions just let me know. Also, feel free to sit wherever you like, those chairs can get a bit uncomfortable after a while.”



Naruto’s smile was a little more genuine as he relaxed in the chair, slumping down so he was more comfortable. “I just… want to get better, you know? I don’t know how much Sasuke told you, but I’m just never happy anymore and I want to be happy with him… I mean, I am happy with him, but I…”



The blond shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not very good at talking.”



“It’s perfectly fine... just tell me what you feel like telling me. I’m not going to really be asking you anything.” The silver haired man sat forward a bit, prepared to listen. “As for what Sasuke told me, it’s enough to know what you’re talking about. But before you start, I want you to be aware that whatever you tell me will stay here. You can tell whoever you want of course but I promise you , no one else will be hearing about anything that’s being said here from me... alright?”



“Okay… Okay, good.” Naruto breathed a sigh of relief. “That makes me feel better. Um, ‘cus… well, my dad’s the Mayor. Or, he was… You’ve probably seen all that stuff in the news. Everybody’s talking about it now. I can’t turn the TV on or step outside the house without hearing about it…” The blond frowned. It would be so much easier if Kakashi asked him questions, because he had no idea what he was really supposed to talk about.



Sensing the hesitation, Kakashi decided to start Naruto off with a couple questions, just to get things going. “I have heard about it. I’m sure it must be stressful on you and Sasuke... What do you think you’d like to work on most? I know you said you’ve been having trouble lately... what do you think would help to make you happier?”



“I just want to be happy again,” Naruto whispered. “I’m sad all the time… When I’m with Sasuke I’m okay, but when I’m alone it’s all I can think about. All the memories come flooding back; every time he touched me, or made me touch him…”



The blond took a deep breath and let it out shakily. “Sasuke and I were trying to be intimate last night and I just… couldn’t. Right at the last second, all I could think about was my dad and the last time… He- He made me get off, and… I just couldn’t handle it. We had to stop, and I totally broke down…”



“You know it usually takes a bit for something traumatic like that to sink in... The brain  doesn’t know how to process something like that and all your emotions get mixed up. Sometimes your brain just can’t handle it and the person breaks down. Trust me Naruto, it’s not going to be like this forever... it’ll get easier to live your life but you have to let your mind grieve. I know it doesn’t seem right but you have to let it happen. And I’m sure Sasuke knows that you have to go through this too.”



“That’s what Sasuke said too, but… I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to let what he did to me control my life. I want to make one with Sasuke. I want to be able to move on, and I want to be as normal as I possibly can be. Do you…” Naruto fidgeted with his hands in his lap. “Do you think that’s possible? Or do you think I’ll always be like this?”



Taking a breath, Kakashi studied the boy for a moment before speaking. “It depends on how willing you are to take charge of your life. You’ll always have some kind of doubt... that just goes without saying, but it’s up to you to make your life how you want it. I know Sasuke would be willing to help you as well. I’ve known him for a while and he’s very compassionate despite his outward appearance. But I’m sure you know that. It is difficult but you can overcome it and be happy again only if you want it. I’m not saying you don’t want it now, it’s still raw and you have every right to feel the way you do but just know that it will get easier.”



“I sure hope so,” Naruto sighed, “because this is hard.” But even just hearing that helped. Knowing that he could change his life just because he really wanted to, because he had the will-power to take charge and not let his father ruin it, was inspiring.



If he chose so, he could have a relatively normal life with Sasuke by his side. It was all he wanted.



“I will… I will overcome it. I know it’ll be hard, but I have to do this. I refuse to let him win. It’s the best revenge I could ever get on my father – being happy and moving on. It might take a long, long time, but I will do it.”



XX



Sasuke sat in his car, Naruto next to him in the passenger’s seat. They were outside of the courthouse, the day had finally come. Looking over, the raven placed a hand on Naruto’s slightly trembling hand, giving it a squeeze. “Don’t worry, he won’t know you’re there... Your uncle is going to be up there with me on your behalf, the judge knows not to mention that you’re going to be there either.”



The past couple of days had been the worst for both males. Sasuke was a mess trying to get his case together and also trying to be there for Naruto as well, it was wearing on him emotionally but he knew what he had gotten into when he agreed to take the case and he was happy to do it... very happy.



Naruto nodded, squeezing Sasuke’s hand in return.  “I know, but what if… what if he doesn’t get put away? I’m not doubting you, S’uke, but he’s a powerful man, and I- No. I can’t think like that.”



The blond was wearing his special sweatshirt again. His finger traced over the Uchiha symbol on the front, and it calmed him a little. “I’ve decided I’m not going to go in while they’re showing the tapes. I’m going to wait until that’s done. I’ve been doing better and I know that’ll just set me back again.”



Sasuke nodded. Naruto had been doing better ever since he started seeing Kakashi. The sessions were every other day, mostly because the blond had really felt like he needed them that often. They seemed to be helping though, the blonde’s demeanor slowly becoming what it used to be.



“We’ll get him in jail Naruto... it doesn’t matter how much money he has, no one is going to be sympathetic once they see the evidence.” Sasuke sighed and unbuckled his seat belt. “He may be mentally unstable now but he most likely wasn’t when you were six... at least that’s what I’m banking on the jury agreeing with.”



“I guess the tapes are going to come in handy after all,” Naruto muttered, smiling weakly as he, too, unbuckled. He climbed out of the car and took a deep breath. There wasn’t long before the trial began; he knew Sasuke needed to get inside.



“I trust you.” Naruto threw his arms around Sasuke’s neck and hugged him fiercely. “I know it’ll be okay.”



Sasuke wrapped his arms around the blond, running his fingers through soft locks before letting go placing a hand on his boyfriend’s back, offering emotional support as they headed inside.



xx



Naruto paced back and forth in the corridor, almost burning a trail on the hardwood floors. His hands were stuck in the front pocket of his sweatshirt as he walked, his brows set in a frown and his stomach in knots. Inside, he could hear shocked cries every once in a while and even the sound of crying; he knew they were still showing the tapes and it wasn’t safe to go back in yet.



Eventually, the sounds died down and the blond peeked his head in to see the court taking a break for deliberation. He stayed right where he was for another hour, until he heard everyone being called back in. He then climbed the stairs to his right, which led into a small room that overlooked the courtroom. He’d been given permission to use it so that he wouldn’t be seen by the media, or more importantly, his father.



And now, all he had to do was wait for the jury’s verdict. He felt like he was going to be sick.



Approaching the big tinted glass window, he looked down into the big room. His eyes immediately narrowed in on a blond head of hair so similar to his own.  When he looked at Minato now, all he felt was… emptiness. He couldn’t even muster hate anymore – but he still wanted the man put away.



Sasuke sat stiffly in his seat. He knew he would have to see the tapes again but the reactions to them were just as painful to watch. The jury was completely floored and he knew they had it. It hadn’t been a very long trial, the evidence was clear as day but the opposition still tried to play the mentally insane card.



He watched as he jury filed in after their deliberation. He knew Naruto was probably up in the windowed room now but wouldn’t look up there. He wasn’t supposed to draw attention to it, the media were all over the room and outside.



“Has the jury come to a unanimous decision?” the judge asked, giving her full attention to the people off to her right.



The spokesperson stood with a piece of paper. “We have your honor.” He handed it to the bailiff who handed it to the judge.



The woman looked at the paper and nodded but her expression did not give away what it said. “The jury has made their decision and I stand by it 100%. The entire jury and myself find the defendant, Minato Namikaze, guilty of all charges and will be sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole. Court adjourned.”



Sasuke let out a breath as he heard cheers throughout the courtroom and watched with complete satisfaction as Naruto’s tormentor was taken away for good this time.



As the judge readied to read the verdict, Naruto couldn’t breathe. He pressed his trembling hands to the window, holding his breath as he waited, and waited, and…



“Oh, thank god!” he breathed, falling to his knees as he watched the courtroom erupt. Tears of relief gathered in his eyes as he watched them place handcuffs on his father and take him into custody.



A weight lifted off his chest knowing he would never, ever see his father again. He would never be touched by him; he would never be forced to touch him; he would never suffer that fate ever again. He was free – free to live his life how he saw fit, and that was with the man he’d come to love. The man who had changed him for the better and given him a chance at life.



The road ahead would be long and hard, but Naruto was determined to change and give himself a chance. Even if he had to let himself break down once in a while, he had Sasuke by his side now and knew, without a doubt, that he would someday be able to achieve his dream of becoming the person he’d always envisioned for himself – strong, cheerful and normal. He’d been given the greatest chance of all and Naruto would be damned if he wasn’t going to take it and run with it.

 

~END~