Hold On Tightly, Let Go Lightly

Okay guys. We both realized that a lot of you thought the ending was too abrupt and, we agreed. So, we decided to give you an epilogue to smooth things out a bit for you.

 

To my AFF.net readers: Thank you so much for all of your wonderful reviews throughout the story. They were all so wonderful and supportive and some asked some great thought provoking questions. I thoroughly enjoyed rping with grandlinegirl for our/and your amusement. Look for our next rp, it should be coming soon!!!

 

EPILOGUE

 

Five years later...

 

Sasuke turned up the heat in his car for the third time in less than an hour. It was freezing at 2am and the raven stuffed his hands in his pockets as he watched the front door of the hospital.



He had agreed to pick up Naruto from his long shift; 48 hours of non-stop work. Sasuke wondered how the blond could handle it. And he wasn’t even finished with the program yet.



It had been five years now since the two had met, the incident with Naruto’s father was not gone from their minds but it was easier to get through each day. Naruto was still attending therapy with Kakashi, the blond having grown attached to the therapist, always looking forward to going. Sasuke couldn’t blame him; the sessions really were doing wonders for his boyfriend’s outlook on life. Although school may have aided in that as well.



Seeing the door open, Sasuke looked up and smiled when he saw his lover. Naruto looked exhausted and the raven couldn’t blame him. But either way, Sasuke was very proud of his boyfriend for achieving his goals, and so quickly. He was already in his first year of residency and on his way to being a pediatrician.



He opened the passenger door as Naruto made his way to the car and waited patiently for the other to get in.



“Food or sleep first?” It was a question he asked every time he picked up the blond from a double shift and each time the answer was different.



“Neither,” Naruto muttered, draping himself across the center console. He grabbed Sasuke’s face between his hands and kissed him hard. He didn’t pull away until his body was starved for air. Panting, he grinned tiredly at his boyfriend.



“I’ve wanted to do that for two days.” Rearranging himself to sit in his seat properly, the blond tugged his orange scrubs back into place and buckled himself in.



He didn’t think he would ever get used to the exhaustion. First it had been while Sasuke helped him through his GED courses, and then, once he’d hit post-secondary schooling, it had been all on him. He’d struggled, but he’d made it through and had graduated. And now the few years of residency at the hospital until he became a doctor with the long, endless hours…



It never seemed to end but that was how Naruto liked it. He liked having a busy life and he wouldn’t change anything about it. Well, maybe one thing…



“Okay, now that that’s out of the way, I need to eat something. I don’t care what… I’ve barely had any time to eat.”



Sasuke’s mind was still a bit hazy as Naruto spoke. He would never get tired of Naruto’s kisses; they were just so full of passion and love. Most of the time, Naruto’s kisses led to other things but he knew how tired the blond was and could understand the other’s lack of continued enthusiasm.



It had been a while before Naruto felt comfortable with intimacy. Almost a year with no sexual activity, save for the rare times when the blond could handle it. It did put a strain on their relationship; the fact that Naruto felt so uncomfortable for so long really put doubt into the blonde’s head. Sasuke reassured him as much as he could, they didn’t need sex all the time to be happy together. But in the end, Naruto had still been a teenage boy, and any teenage boy felt inferior when he couldn’t preform up to his ‘standards’.



It did take a while, but they slowly worked at it and it became easier for Naruto as time went on. The blond still had times where he doubted himself but for the most part, they were no strangers to sex as of late.



Getting back to the present, Sasuke started the car and left the hospital behind, his destination being any place that was still open. He knew of a few places that were open 24 hours but they were usually fast food which he really didn’t like Naruto eating but, who was he to tell the blond what to do?



“Would you mind waiting if I made you something at home?” The raven glanced over at his lover, noticing how tired the man looked. He really disliked how often Naruto had to work but it was all for Naruto to achieve his dreams... And Sasuke would never think to stand in the way of them.



“Mmmm, I guess not,” Naruto sighed, scooting closer to Sasuke and resting his head against his shoulder. His eyes burned with the need for sleep. He let them close, but knew he wouldn’t drift off yet. He was way too hungry.



“I know you don’t like me eating fast food and yours tastes better anyway.” He smiled and wrapped his arm around the raven’s, snuggling into him as much as he could with his seatbelt and without hindering Sasuke’s driving. “I’m so ready to go home. You have no idea. I love what I do, don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t change it for anything. But it’s tiring… I’m glad I have the next two days off to catch up. As long as I don’t get called in…”



It didn’t take them long to drive home, the hospital that Naruto currently worked at being relatively close to their condo. They still lived in the same place, the thought to move never crossing either of their minds.



After making their way into their home, Sasuke watched as Naruto plopped himself on the couch and just lay there.



Making his way into the kitchen, he looked through the fridge for something quick to make for the blond. Finding some leftover pasta, he grabbed a bowl and dumped the remaining food into it and heated it up in the microwave. When Naruto was hungry, there wasn’t much he wouldn’t eat.



Once it was finished, he took it and a cola to the blond on the couch. “So... I’m guessing sleep is your first priority tomorrow.”



“Oh, I don’t know about that.” Naruto sat up and slid onto the floor, setting the bowl and drink on the coffee table. He immediately stabbed his fork into a piece of pasta and stuffed it into his mouth.



“You might be my first priority tomorrow.” He smirked and pulled Sasuke onto the couch, leaning back against him as he ate. “Well… after sleep.” He sighed, feeling bad for having to put Sasuke second. That’s exactly what he was doing with his job. When he got off shifts like that, all he wanted to do was eat and then sleep. And keep sleeping until he didn’t feel like he was dead anymore. “S’uke… I really appreciate you dealing with this. I’m so busy all the time and I feel bad. I miss being with you all the time.”



Sasuke frowned slightly, playing with Naruto’s hair. “Don’t feel bad baby... I knew what was going to be involved when you told me you wanted to be a doctor. I just appreciate the time I get to spend with you that much more. Plus, sex is even more amazing with you when we haven’t done it in a while.” He smirked and leaned down to kiss his boyfriend’s cheek.



With Naruto’s unpredictable schedule, it was hard for the two to go out or plan romantic evenings together. It was hard on both of them but it made their time together that much more precious; even if Sasuke wished he could see Naruto more.



“You’re so amazing, S’uke,” Naruto smiled as he continued to munch at his food. “But you know what? I don’t think anything could ever be better than a good fuck before passing out cold. That sounds amazing right about now. If I can even make it through it… I can get you off at least…” Shrugging, the blond sipped at his cola. He finished his food in record time and groaned, rubbing at his full stomach. His eyes could barely stay open anymore.



“As much as you love sex with me... I think you should sleep first. We can fuck all you want in the morning, I promise.” Sasuke smiled as he stood and took Naruto’s bowl and empty can into the kitchen. “Either way, I don’t work tomorrow so I’m all yours.”



“Are you?” Naruto grinned. “I might have to take advantage of that.” Standing, he padded over to Sasuke and pushed him up against the wall, boxing him in and nipping his bottom lip.



He’d grown in the past 5 years. Twenty one now, he had the body of an adult but it still didn’t quite match Sasuke’s. He wasn’t as tall – he was shorter by a few inches and still really slender. He had muscles, but they were sleek and not as noticeable.



“No… I will take advantage of that. So we’d better get lots of sleep…” Tugging the lip between his teeth, Naruto pressed their bodies together teasingly before smirking and padding into their bedroom, where he slipped into the bathroom to take a very quick shower before bed.



Sasuke followed the blond after a moment of catching his breath. Naruto never ceased to turn him on at any given moment, he was just that sexy. There were times when the raven caught himself staring for an indescribable amount of time until he was called out by the other. He couldn’t help it; his boyfriend was just so attractive.



The raven slipped into a pair of sweats and a plain tee shirt before turning down the covers for them both. He had to admit, he was pretty exhausted as well. His line of work was just as busy as it ever was with Naruto’s father’s trial boosting his popularity. It seemed everyone in need of a lawyer wanted him even more than they had before. Not that he could complain, he still loved his line of work.



Seeing Naruto emerge from the bathroom, Sasuke smirked at the blonde’s nude state. “I meant to tell you, Itachi called today. He wants to take you out to lunch whenever you’re free. He wanted to talk to you about something; an art program he thought you might be interested in.”



“Oh yeah?” Naruto padded over to the closet – sometime during the past five years he’d moved out of the guest room and completely into Sasuke’s – and scrubbed his hair dry with a towel and pulled on a pair of his boyfriend’s boxers.



“I haven’t seen ‘Tachi in a while. I miss him and now you’ve got me all interested in this art program. I’ll call him tomorrow.” Turning the light off and slipping into bed, Naruto immediately shifting over and curling himself up against Sasuke. He sighed loudly and nuzzled against him. “It feels so good to just be in bed with you, S’uke,” he mumbled, closing his eyes.



“It feels so good to hold you...” Sasuke returned, equally as quiet. “You have no idea how sexy that is when you wear my boxers. I hope you realize how much you turn me on...” His nose nuzzled against Naruto’s neck, his lips lightly pressing against the tan skin.



“Well, it makes me feel pretty sexy when I wear them,” Naruto admitted, flushing in the darkness. Turning his head, he pressed his lips against Sasuke’s. “If I had my way, I would always be wearing your clothes.”



They made him feel safe and comfortable – that had never changed. He still had a special sweater of Sasuke’s that he wore every chance he got. And over the years he’d started wearing more, especially his t-shirts and boxers.



Sighing happily, he pressed his face into Sasuke’s neck and breathed in his wonderful scent as he began to drift off. “Love you, S’uke…”



“I love you too baby... so much.” Sasuke could feel his own eyes drifting shut. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep, his love in his arms safe and sound next to him. It felt so good to have Naruto with him, even after all the hardships; it was worth enduring to have such a strong bond with another person.



Xx



The next afternoon found Naruto still in bed. He didn’t plan on moving anytime soon. He was tempted by the whole sex thing, but he honestly felt like he hadn’t slept at all and it was hard working up the enthusiasm. Plus, he had something on his mind. Something that had been eating away at him for a few months now.



Grunting, he rolled out of bed and headed into the bathroom. After relieving himself, brushing his teeth and splashing water on his face, he padded right back to bed and climbed into it, wondering how he should broach the subject.



Sasuke entered the bedroom a few minutes later, a tray of food in his hands. “I see you’re finally awake... I brought lunch for us. I figured you wouldn’t be leaving the comfort of the bed for a while.....” He smirked as he set the tray on the edge of the bed before climbing onto it and pulling the blond against him, kissing those tempting lips with enough passion for the both of them.



It had gotten a lot easier over the last five years to initiate the intimacy between them. The raven prided himself on knowing a lot more than he did when he was 26 and used the skills he now possessed to his full advantage.



Naruto keened and wrapped an arm around Sasuke to keep him right there. His tongue traced the seam of the raven’s lips and then slid his tongue inside the familiar heat of his boyfriend’s mouth, exploring leisurely. But the smell of food quickly got to him.



“What’d you bring me?” he snickered, pulling away to look at the tray of food. It was a cup of ramen. “Ohhh, perfect!”



Grabbing it, along with his chopsticks, he pulled the lid off and stirred it before lifting some noodles to his mouth. “I kind of want to talk to you about something, but it should probably wait ‘til after we eat. I’m not even sure where to start with it, really…”



Sasuke sat cross legged on the bed and picked up his own cup and began to eat as well. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can work it out. You know you can tell me anything Naruto.”



Naruto didn’t say anything. He stared down at his food and ate it automatically, but his heart wasn’t in it anymore. His nerves had taken over completely. He was so afraid of what Sasuke would say that he could barely eat at all – but it was ramen and there was no way he was wasting that.



When finished, he set his cup back on the tray and leaned back against the pillows. “I was just wondering where you stand on, um… Well, when I first met you I mentioned what I wanted in my future, and…”



Running his fingers through his hair, the blond let out a shaky breath and decided to just get it over with. “I was just wondering what you thought of having a family someday. I mean, us having a family, adopting a kid…”



Sasuke stilled at those words. He placed his chopsticks down and set his half eaten ramen on the tray before he turned to look at Naruto. His stance on the issue hadn’t changed. It was unfortunate but with Naruto’s past, Sasuke really did feel it wouldn’t be fair to expose a child to possible addictive behaviors and/or abuse. He knew Naruto would never in his life hit a child but... just having that in his past could and already has had negative psychological effects on the blond. As far as Naruto had come over the past five years, Sasuke wasn’t sure if Naruto could or will ever be ready for something like that.



“Naruto... I know how badly you want a family and you know I do as well but... baby-” He paused and brought Naruto against him. “It still may be too soon, you’re still recovering from everything that’s happened and I just don’t think...” He paused again, seeing the hurt cross Naruto’s face. “You know the risks involved. You’ve been through medical school... do you really think you can beat those statistics?”



Naruto stiffened in Sasuke’s hold and turned his head away to hide the utter hurt gleaming in his eyes. His throat felt all constricted and his heart ached horribly. “I never said I wanted to do it now, Sasuke. I meant in the future. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle it now, not until I’ve finished my residency.”



Shaking his head, he moved out of his boyfriend’s embrace and threw his legs over the side of the bed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I can beat the statistics. You know better than anyone that I would do anything to achieve my dreams. I would stay in therapy the rest of my life if it meant I could have a family and raise a kid in a proper home, give them everything I never had.”



He glanced at Sasuke for a fleeting second. “At least, I thought you knew that. You really make me feel confident, Sasuke. Seriously. I love how much you believe in me. All you care about are your stupid statistics. Honestly, they aren’t everything. Those fuckers who made them up don’t know me and they don’t know how hard I’ve worked. They don’t know how determined I am to beat the odds and that I refuse to go back to the fucked up life I led before. Maybe you don’t either.”



The raven felt guilt instantly eat away at him. He was being honest with the blond and while he did feel horrible for not supporting his boyfriend, he also felt as though he was being shot down for telling Naruto how he felt.



“So you want me to lie to you and say everything will work out and we’ll all be happy? Naruto, you’ve been through so much in your life. I know how much you want a family with me and I would do anything to give it to you. But I’m just telling you how I feel. I feel like shit for saying these things but it’s what I think and don’t ever for one moment think I would never support you.” Sasuke stood up and walked around the bed to face his lover. “Please, understand how much it hurts me to tell you this. But I don’t want you regretting anything.”



Naruto sighed heavily and slid onto the floor, leaning against Sasuke. “Do you know what I used to dream about when my dad was beating on me when I was young? I used to think ‘why is my dad doing this? If I had a kid, I would never treat it like this. Nobody should be treated like this.’ And I decided right then that I would adopt some day – rescue some kid and keep them from going through what I did. Even if I could just save one kid, it was enough.”



Sliding his arms around Sasuke, he sniffled as his eyes misted. “I don’t know how to prove it to you. I’m becoming a pediatrician, S’uke. If I couldn’t handle being around and dealing with kids, I never would have decided on this career. I know I can do it, I just don’t know how to make you believe me. How I can make you trust me...“



Sasuke shook his head. “It’s not a question of trust baby. I trust you. I know how much you love kids and I know how much you want to be a father. I’m worried about your mental state.” Sasuke’s arms went around the blonde’s waist. “You never know what can happen... I know you would never consciously hurt anyone.”



“I guess I just don’t get it,” Naruto confessed. “I mean, you trust me to handle kids on a daily basis… Hell, you trust me to medically treat children, but you don’t think I can raise one…” He sighed and pulled away.



“Forget I brought it up, I guess. It won’t ever happen. I’ll just have to… give up on my dream.” It hurt, almost physically, to say that. He’d never considered giving up on dreams, especially one so important. But if it was the link between having a smooth relationship with Sasuke and not…



“Just forget it,” Naruto muttered, sitting back on the bed. “I said nothing.”



The emotions were overwhelming as the two sat there in silence for a few minutes. Sasuke trying to figure out something to say. In the end, he knew Naruto was right. Sasuke was trying to shove his opinions on the other and he wasn’t taking the time to actually listen to his boyfriend, really listen to him.



“Naruto... I’m sorry. I know you would never be like your father...” Sasuke sighed and scooted closer to the blond. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous about it.... I guess it’s just the fact that I’ve seen it happen so much. Parents with a history of abuse, who swore they would never treat their children as they were, their children ending up in the ER on more than one occasion... Children getting addicted to illegal substances because there was a history of substance abuse... I’ve seen so much of it Naruto and, it really does scare me.”



The raven wasn’t sure how else to put it to make Naruto understand where he was coming from. “It’ll be hard for the both of us. It’ll be hard for you... but I know it’s what you want and I know you... you would make a great parent.”



“I do understand where you’re coming from, S’uke,” Naruto murmured. “I know why you’re nervous and I can even understand your concerns… but, I don’t know. Haven’t you ever wanted something so bad that you know you can do, that you know you want more than anything? And to have someone tell you that you can’t have it because they’re not sure you can escape your past and not be an abusive asshole…”



Shaking his head, Naruto hugged Sasuke tightly. “I’ll put it to rest for a while. Maybe in five, ten more years you’ll feel better about it.”



“I feel horrible for doubting you...” Sasuke’s arms were around Naruto in a heartbeat. “I want more than anything to give you everything you want. I’m not going to say no completely. Waiting sounds like a good idea though. I know you didn’t want a child now but, you just caught me a bit off guard.”



His lips met the blonde’s in a comforting kiss. “I love you so much, don’t forget that, even when I’m being a dick...”



“You’re not being a dick, Sas,” Naruto smiled. “I’m glad you can voice your concerns with me and be honest. All I’m asking is for you to be open to it in the future. I’m not saying we have to, I’m just saying… when I get older, it might become more important to me. I’m only 21 now, but in say, 10 years…”



The blond shrugged and buried his face against Sasuke’s neck. “I mean, we’re going to be together a long time, S’uke. Can you honestly see living out your life without at least one kid? You’d be an awesome dad… Fuck, never mind. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m sorry I just kind of dumped this on you.”



Sasuke smirked and rested his head against Naruto’s shoulder. “You know, in ten years I’ll be 41... God I don’t even want to think about that. Are you sure you want to raise a kid with an old man like me?” His smirk never left his face as he kissed Naruto’s cheek.



“Mmm… I can’t wait to see you when you’re 41,” Naruto snickered, turning his head at the last second to catch Sasuke’s lips in a kiss. “Seriously, though. You know I love the fact that you’re older. I find it really sexy. If anything, I wish you were older…”



Laughing, he kissed Sasuke again. A smirk lit his face as he reached up and carded his fingers through the raven’s hair. “There’s nobody I’d rather raise a kid with, Sas. But we’ll work on that. We have time.”



The raven chuckled lightly as he got a bit more comfortable on the bed. “I think ten years is a big enough gap. Although, I can’t wait until you’re my age, I think you’ll be a very good looking middle aged man.”  Sasuke sighed and looked into the blue eyes of the person he loved most. “Everything will work out for us baby... no matter what happens.”



“Man, I can’t even picture me being 30. It just seems so… wrong,” Naruto laughed. “Seriously, me, a real adult? It’s weird even thinking about the fact that I’ll be a doctor soon. A doctor.”



Shaking his head, he shifted to lie back down on the bed, suddenly feeling tired again. He yawned widely and pulled Sasuke down so he could snuggle up to him. “I know it will... We’re meant to have a certain life and if it includes kids, it’ll happen… I don’t want to worry or obsess over it. I just kinda wanted to… I don’t know, put it out there I guess.”



“I want you to know that you can come to me with anything. I love you and I want what’s best for you, just like I know you want the best for me.” Reaching over, Sasuke put the tray down on the floor and pulled the blankets over the two of them. “I know I’m kind of opinionated but don’t be scared to come to me okay?”



“Love you, too, Sas,” Naruto smiled, snuggling up right next to his boyfriend. “And I’m not afraid to come to you. If anything, I feel most comfortable coming to you. You’ve seen me at my lowest and I trust you more than anyone else in the world. You practically saved my life and I know that no matter what, we’ll be okay no matter what life throws our way.”



Sasuke nodded and pulled the blond closer. “I love the idea of spending the rest of my life with you... I feel so lucky to have you Naruto. Especially after all that you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy in life. I really think we were meant to find each other.”



It was always the quiet moments when the two could just open up to each other and Sasuke loved those moments more than anything. They continued to learn about each other every day and probably will not stop learning more for many years to come. Sasuke knew deep down that he too wanted a family and having one with Naruto was the best thing he could think of.



Five years ago, he wasn’t even sure what he wanted in life. He had a good job and a nice place to live but what did that all mean? He had no drive; until he met Naruto, who had changed everything. Now he had a plan for himself and he was extremely happy with his life. It was all thanks to the blond that he now called his boyfriend. Without him, who knew where he would have ended up?



“Of course we were,” Naruto grinned, leaning in to kiss Sasuke slowly, but thoroughly. His smile didn’t lessen any as he pushed the raven to lie down and crawled on top of him. “Let’s forget all about this serious stuff. I believe you owe me some lovin’…”



The next few hours were spent right there in their bed, reacquainting themselves with each other. As they lay there afterwards, all snuggled up together, Naruto couldn’t help but keep smiling. Despite all his hardships, his life had turned out exactly as he’d always dreamed – minus the kids – but there was time for that. He and Sasuke were going to be together a long, long time and if there was one thing he knew about the Uchiha, it was that he always kept an open mind regarding their relationship.



And even if their future didn’t have children in it, Naruto knew he could live with that. His life was complete with Sasuke. He was everything the blond had always wanted, and more. He was happy with their life together and knew, without a doubt, that they would be happy always.



A long time ago, Naruto’s mother had told him, ‘Your soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.’ He’d never known exactly what that meant, until he’d met Sasuke, his soul mate. Their lives were joined together and they were one, and they would live out the rest of their lives like that – kid or no kid.



Turning over onto his side, Naruto curled himself around Sasuke, reveling in the way they seemed to fit perfectly together in every way. He nuzzled against his boyfriend and smiled when the arms tightened around him. Yes – no matter what happened, he knew for certain that he would be okay, right there with his love.

 

~End????