Like It Or Not

Warning: no sex (sorry- even I'm surprised), but lots of ANGST. Also, I had some formatting issues. I think I've corrected them all-but if something looks weird, that's why.

___________________________________________

The anxiety that had been plaguing him over the past few days of their journey to Konoha had heightened and was now bordering on panic. Gaara had bound his wrists more traditionally with rope and though the bindings cut into his skin, he was glad of them- they kept his hands from shaking.

He feared seeing the looks on their faces more than anything else in his entire life, excepting his brother alone. He came to an involuntary halt when the roofs Konoha came into sight, just peaking over the tops of the trees.

Gaara looked over his shoulder sensing Sasuke was no longer following him. He turned and set his hands on his hips. Sasuke stared past him, held entranced by the sight of a home he hadn’t seen in ten years. No, not home. This wasn’t his home. He didn’t have a home.

“No,” Sasuke said, more to himself than to Gaara.

"What is it?" Gaara's annoyance bordered on something much more dangerous.

“I can’t.”

“Oh you can, I assure you.”

The faces of his former friends flashed before his eyes. With each memory breathing became harder and harder until he was panting, in short desperate breaths. “I can’t go back. Kill me, Gaara." His vision was going blurry as hyperventilation denied his brain oxygen, further adding to his panicked state.

He didn’t even realize he'd tried to run, until he was face down in the dirt, Gaara's weight holding him there. Gulping air, he slowly calmed to something approaching normal.

"Are you done?" Gaara's breath was hot on the back of his neck. Sasuke gave a slight nod. Gaara lifted his weight enough for Sasuke to turn over, but then settled back down, pinning him again. Sasuke's hands were held uncomfortably between them, pressing against Gaara's groin. Trying to pull them away only would have exacerbated the problem, so he held still. Pushing himself up enough to look Sasuke in the eye, Gaara said. "Oh Sasuke-chan, are you really such a coward?"

Sasuke closed his eyes, feeling hot tears well up behind his lids, adding to his shame. "Yes," he whispered hoarsely. "Kill me." Tears slowly tracked down his face.

When Gaara kissed him, Sasuke braced, readying himself for the accompanying pain. It didn’t come. Sasuke waited, unwilling to believe Gaara could be anything but sadistic. Gaara licked away the salty tears, pressing his lips softly to Sasuke=s eyes. Gaara returned to his lips and Sasuke allowed Gaara to plunder his mouth, tongue caressing his. Any moment now the pain would come and he would feel the fool. He always did...

Gaara broke the kiss, rising fluidly. "Come on, Sasuke." He grabbed one of Sasuke's bound wrists, helping him get to his feet. Gaara looked him up and down as if checking for injuries. Apparently finding Sasuke in satisfactory condition, Gaara turned and set the pace, apparently with complete faith that Sasuke would follow. And Sasuke did.

It couldn’t have been more than thirty minutes of brisk walking when Gaara stopped, and it was Sasuke's turn to inquire. Gaara ignored him, concentrated and ran through a series of hand-seals. Suddenly, a hole appeared where unbroken earth had been a moment before. Without a word Gaara disappeared into the blackness.

Sasuke wavered, unwilling to jump into the unknown, especially without the aid of his hands
"Are you coming?" The sharp voice echoed a little but didn’t sound that far away. Slightly reassured, Sasuke slid in, nearly falling upon landing. Gaara caught his elbow, steadying him.

"Where are we?" he asked, curiosity overcoming fear.

"In a tunnel that leads to the hokage’s compound. This is one of many."

"I didn’t know this was here," Sasuke said, surprised that there was any inch of these woods that he did know.

"That’s the idea, baka. No one knows it's here."

Sasuke grew hot; the redhead=s scorn never lost its edge. Suddenly a soft light illuminated the tunnel, revealing a long twisting passage-way. The ceiling was low overhead and the narrow walls were stifling. The effect was not unlike being entombed. Sasuke repressed a shudder.

Judging the passage of time without the sun was tricky but Sasuke thought it couldn’t have been more than a couple of hours before the tunnel became a stairway and they emerged into a suite of sparsely appointed rooms. Pale stone walls with high narrow windows- ones that allowed the entrance of light but nothing else. Sasuke caught his breath.

He almost expected to see Naruto looking the same as when he'd left: a short, goofy kid in an orange jumpsuit. And some things did remain- the eyes were as blue as ever, the blond hair as unruly, but the man that regarded him now was not the boy he remembered. This man was taller, though still shorter than Sasuke. His face seemed leaner, hardened by responsibility. A solemnity seemed to hang around him that the Naruto Sasuke remembered never had. This hard look belonged to someone Sasuke didn’t know.

Naruto rose as Sasuke entered, traditional robes rustling softly. Sasuke's wrists were still bound and Gaara stood just behind him, in case he got any ideas.

"Did anyone see you bring him in?" Naruto was addressing Gaara.

"They know I brought in a prisoner. They don't know who. And they know better than to ask." Sasuke could hear the malice in Gaara's voice and knew exactly what smile he was wearing though he could not see him. Sasuke had gotten to know Gaara=s expressions all too well in the preceding days.

"Thank you, Gaara. That was no mean feat." And it hadn’t been either. Though why Naruto wouldn’t want to parade him in the streets, Sasuke didn’t know. Most missing-nins were never captured alive. To capture one, especially one as notorious as Sasuke, alive and without bloodshed would be a cause for celebration. Hail the conquering hero comes....

"Shoulda just let me kill him." Sasuke heard Gaara mutter over his shoulder. But he wasn’t paying attention, too focused on the young hokage to notice anything else. Blue eyes bore into him and he felt more exposed than when he’d stripped before Gaara.
The thought made him flush, breaking his otherwise flawless facade.

Gaara walked over to fling himself disgustedly on a low bench against the wall, setting the gourd down with an audible thump. Naruto looked over at the noise, sparing Sasuke from his gaze. Laughing softly, he walked over to the Gaara, whose arms were crossed sullenly over his chest.

"Thanks," Naruto said, reaching out to ruffle the other's red hair. Sasuke gaped to see anyone touch Gaara so informally. Surely it meant certain death. But though the sand-nin pushed him away, scowl deepening, he caught Naruto's hand for a moment and squeezed. The wave of jealousy that washed over him caught Sasuke by surprise. He knew the two men were lovers- Gaara had reminded him of it repeatedly. Why should it bother him if Gaara fucked Naruto? It would be a relief for Gaara's imperious attention to be focused on someone else.

"Gaara, do you think you could check on Lee-san's progress with his Gennin?"

"I'm sure he has them well in hand," Gaara said shortly. Naruto looked at him. "Fine.” He retrieved the gourd and left, closing the door after him with more force than necessary.

Blue eyes held black for a long minute, it was Sasuke who looked away. Naruto approached him, coming to stand a few feet away.

“So…how have you been?” The words were forced, almost comically so.

“Is this your interrogation technique?”

Naruto shrugged. “I can get out the bamboo and tongs if you want.”

Awkward pause. Sasuke struggled to look anywhere but at Naruto. “How are things here?”

“A lot has changed,” Naruto conceded.

“You’re hokage.”

Naruto smiled a little, “Don’t act so surprised- didn’t I tell you I would be?”

“How is Sakura? And Kakashi?”

Naruto’s face fell. “You haven’t heard? Kakashi died. Three years ago actually. Ambush.”

Sasuke tried to tell himself it wasn’t really a loss, Kakashi had been dead to him years ago. But that didn’t stop his stomach from twisting painfully.

“Sakura’s doing well, though. She married once she got over you. Has a kid even.”

Got over you- the words resounded in Sasuke’s head. “Yeah? That’s…good. Who’s the husband?”

“Rock Lee. You should see their kid. Don’t tell anyone I said this, but he’s the ugliest kid I’ve even seen. He has his father’s eyebrows- but they’re bright pink. That poor bastard.” Naruto made a face reminiscent of the kid he’d once been.

Naruto took another step toward him. Sasuke was torn between going to him and backing away, so he did nothing. Naruto slowly closed the distance between them, until their faces were inches apart. Sasuke held still, not even breathing, as warm lips pressed against his softly. Naruto's kiss held none of the cruel demands that Gaara's possessed. After a moment, Naruto broke it off and instead rested his forehead against Sasuke's shoulder.

"He fucked me." Sasuke said it coldly devoid of emotion, merely stating fact. Naruto pulled away, and looked at him, but Sasuke resolutely avoided his gaze, studying the far wall instead. "Made me touch him, suck his cock."

"Eh, well- you're not the only one." Naruto grinned ruefully, seeming his old self.

"He raped me, Naruto." His voice caught on the name but his face remained impassive.

"Sorry, Sasuke." Naruto rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "But you had it coming." It was not the reaction Sasuke was expecting and it stung, despite everything. Naruto caught the flicker of hurt in Sasuke's expression, before he recovered his stoic mask.

“It doesn’t bother you that your lover is a rapist?”

“Shut up, Sasuke, you don’t know him.” Naruto’s voice was angry.

“What? Are you going to defend him? Try and tell me he’s not a monster?”

“No. He is a monster,” Naruto’s voice was quieter. “But he’s my monster.” Suddenly he shoved Sasuke, hard enough to make him stagger back a pace or two. "Fuck, Sasuke, what did you expect? You really made my life hell, you know that?" Naruto was growing louder, as he worked himself up. "You son of a bitch. You miserable goddamn son of a bitch." He was pacing now, trying to release the nervous energy.

Sasuke flinched under the onslaught, resolve slipping away. Suddenly Naruto deflated, rage draining from him and leaving nothing but defeat.

"Why, Sasuke?" Naruto's voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper.

"I...." Sasuke wasn't even sure what Naruto wanted to know.

"You shouldn't've left."

"Hn." Sasuke had to agree. And he was no stranger to regret.

Naruto sank down next to him and Sasuke watched, frozen, as a tanned hand reached out to touch his. The caress startled Sasuke into meeting Naruto's eyes. The blonde had tears in his eyes.

“I missed you. Everyday for thirteen years, I have missed you.”